Thursday, November 21, 2013

I'll Be Happy When... I'll Be Happy NOW


I love to dream and have goals.  I like to follow my dreams and find ways to accomplish my goals.  But I have recently learned that I should not wait until I accomplish my goals to be happy.  Of course there is nothing wrong with being happy when I do accomplish my goals, but I do need to allow other things to make me happy in between my goals.  Because if I don’t I will never be happy.  Because what happens when I meet a goal?  I set another goal, and another, and another.  And I’m focusing so much on what that future goal will bring to my life that I forget to look at what my life has right now.

At the moment I am currently working on two big goals: losing weight and graduating from college (of course I have other goals as well, but these two are the ones that work for my message).

The first week after I had Benjamin I lost 20 pounds, and the second week another 10.  After that, I was lucky if I lost one pound a week.  Once I had healed and gotten used to this new mommy-son schedule I started fitting exercising in as often as possible.  Like most exercise experiences I started losing weight right away, and then I hit a major plateau.  I went almost six weeks without losing a single pound.  I didn’t give up on exercising, but it was extremely frustrating. 

I eventually started losing weight again, but not as fast as I wanted.  Then I read an article online about how celebrities who lose baby-weight fast put pressure on the rest of us.  A weight loss specialist interviewed for the article made a statement that helped change my outlook: they said that “it takes nine months to change your body” (meaning pregnancy) “and it should take at least nine months to change it back.”  The article also reminded readers that celebrities have more money (and in some instances) more time to put into a fast weight loss program.  (I tried to find the article again so that I could post a link, but I couldn’t.)  It was August or September when I read this article, and Benjamin will not be 9 months old until December.  I started feeling a little bit better.  Then, in October I tried on my pants from before I got pregnant, and I was able to comfortably wear one of them!  A week later I was able to put away all of my maternity tops and bring back many of my tops from before my pregnancy.  I was making progress!  But I still have ten pounds before I’m at my pre-pregnancy weight.  And I really want to lose it before Christmas.

Another goal I am working on is graduating from college.  I took a break the semester that my due date fell into.  A lot of friends from high school graduated that semester and many more are about to graduate.  Me, I will not be graduating until April 2015.  I could graduate earlier if I was attending school full time, but I’m not.  It has been a little disheartening watching people graduate who are my age or younger while I still have a year and a half left of school.  But I have a graduation plan set in motion with my academic advisor, so I should be happy.

About a week ago I was cleaning up from dinner and listening to my husband play with my son, and I started thinking about my current situation.  I realized that I am generally in a happy place in my life.  I started smiling and couldn’t stop.  I decided that I am going to be happy.  Why shouldn’t I be?  I’m happily married, I have a beautiful son, I’m going to school – and doing well in school – I feel fit and healthy, and I love my family.  While I still want to accomplish my goals, I am not going to wait until I reach those goals to be happy.  I will be happy along the way as well.

As I went through this experience I remembered President Dieter F. Uchtdorf’s October 2012 General Conference talk titled Of Regrets and Resolutions.  One section of his talk is titled “I Wish I had Let Myself be Happier.”  There are of course several great quotes that you can take out of this talk, but here are two of my favorite (I also invite you to read the entire talk):

“So often we get caught up in the illusion that there is something just beyond our reach that would bring us happiness: a better family situation, a better financial situation, or the end of a challenging trial.  The older we get, the more we look back and realize that external circumstances don’t really matter or determine our happiness.  We do matter. We determine our happiness.  You and I are ultimately in charge of our own happiness.”
And:
“Sometimes in life we become so focused on the finish line that we fail to find joy in the journey. I don’t go cycling with my wife because I’m excited about finishing. I go because the experience of being with her is sweet and enjoyable.  Doesn’t it seem foolish to spoil sweet and joyful experiences because we are constantly anticipating the moment when they will end?”
I now invite you to think about what in your current stage in life makes you happy.  Write it down and save it somewhere.  I previously listed some things in my life that make me happy, but those don’t have to be the same things that make you happy in your life.  Write down everything that makes you happy, and when you need to, read it over, and find new tings to add to it.  And remember the words of President Uchtdorf: “We do matter.”

Friday, November 8, 2013

It's a Love Story... and I Said Yes!


This is the story of how I met my husband, Gerson and goes up to our engagement.  Now this blog is supposed to be dedicated to creating happy and positive messages, so why am I telling my love story on this blog?  I mean, this sounds like it’s going to be more of a journal entry.  Well, I think it’s important for people to remember how they met and developed relationships with their friends and family members.  It reminds us of who we are and who they are, and helps us love and appreciate them all over again. (Plus writing down this entire story would have given me a hand cramp, so I’m typing it. ;p)  Some of this story will be from Gerson’s perspective because I am going to tell the story in order of what happened, not in order of when I found out what happened.

In April of 2009 I applied for and got hired at JC Penney (JCP) in the Provo Towne Centre.  I was put in the Fragrances department (before Sephora came to the Provo JCP), which was downstairs, and the break room was upstairs next to the Young Men’s department.  So anyone who clocked in, went on break, or clocked out had to walk through the Young Men’s department.  In May Gerson started noticing me walking through the Young Men’s department (where he worked) and either heading into the break room or heading downstairs.

In June Gerson started saying “Hi” to me when I would walk by and I would smile and say “Hi” back.  JCP had a morning meeting before opening each day.  One day after a morning meeting that both of us were at because we had the opening shift Gerson said, “Hey, come here” as I was walking by.  I stopped walking, he looked at my name tag and said, “How do you say your name?”  I giggled and said, “Chelsey.”  Then I looked at his name tag and said, “How do you say YOUR name?”  He said, “Guess.”  I thought for a short while.  I knew that he was Hispanic, and I had taken a Spanish class in High School, but I could not think of how his name could possible be pronounced.  Finally I said, “Gare-sun?”  He smiled and said, “Close, it rhymes with person.”  “Oh!  Gerson!”  I would later learn that “Grr-sun” is how he tells white people to say his name, it is really pronounced “Hare-sone” and make sure you roll your R’s! J



Now at this point I though Gerson was cute and enjoyed talking to him, but that’s as far as I was willing to go.  The reason why was because (get ready for it) I judged him.  I judged his outer appearance and thought that he was not LDS.  I’m definitely not proud of this moment, but I was 18 and immature at the time.  One day Gerson overheard me telling another employee that I was starting BYU in the fall, and he asked me (in a surprised tone), “YOU go to BYU?”  I retorted, “Yeah, do you have a problem with that?”  He laughed and said, “No!  I go there too!”  When we were done talking I went downstairs to my department and asked a coworker if Gerson was LDS, he told me that Gerson was LDS and had already served a mission.  I remember thinking, “He’s a RM?!  Oh no, he’s OLD!”

In July my family went on vacation and when Gerson did not see me at work for a week he thought I had quit and was sad.  But then I came back and he was happy again!  One day when he wanted an excuse to talk to me he came down to the Fragrances and asked for my help picking out some cologne for him.  I would also volunteer to take broken merchandise upstairs because it allowed me to walk by the department Gerson was working in.  Sometimes Gerson would go on break when he would see me walk into the break room.  During one such time we were talking about the up coming semester at BYU and Gerson figured out that I was about to enter my freshman year, so he asked me how old I was.  I told him I was 18 and looked at the ground, when I peeked at him he was looking at the ground too.  When we were done being shy I asked him how long he had been home from his mission, he said two years.  “So you’re like 23ish?”  I asked.  “More like 24,” he said.  He was six years older than me.  I decided I didn’t care about his age, but I was worried he cared how young I was.  It turns out he didn’t care that I was so young, but he was worried that I would care how old he was!

In August I was heading to Las Vegas for a weekend for a ballroom dance competition that I was competing in.  He used this as an excuse to ask for my phone number.  He said, “Hey, give me your number so I can ask you how you are doing at your competition?”  I thought it was cute and of course gave him my number.  He went on break right after that and it turns out that I had forgotten to turn the volume down on my phone.  So he sent me a text and heard my phone go off.  So he sent me about nine more texts because he wanted to hear my phone go off!  We spent the weekend I was in Vegas texting each other.

During this time my friend Tiave new that I was crushing on Gerson.  He decided to come to JCP while both Gerson and I were working and spy on Gerson!  (Tiave claims that he was “observing” Gerson not “spying.”)  When I got off work Tiave helped prep me to ask Gerson out after work.  (Tiave was literally my own personal Hitch)  Tiave wanted me to take Gerson’s phone, go to my phone number, show it to him and say, “Here are 10 numbers that will lead you to the best weekend of your life.”  Well I am not even close to being that smooth, so instead this is how the conversation went:

Me: “What are you doing tonight?”
Gerson: “I don’t know… probably nothing.”
Me: “Playing video games?”
Gerson: “Maybe… is there something wrong with that?”
Me: “No, but if you want to take a break from video games, do you want to have ice cream with me and my friend tonight?”
Gerson: “Yeah.  But I don’t have a car.”
Me: “That’s ok, I do.  I’ll pick you up.”

So I had my friend Lindsey come with me because I am very traditional and I didn’t want our first official date to be me asking him out.  It technically wasn’t a date if my friend came!  Gerson really wanted to ask me out, but he was embarrassed because he didn’t have a car and would have to ask me to drive.  The next week school started, and the first day Gerson found me in the bookstore just to say hi!  He also asked me out to lunch later in the week.  When we were walking back to campus after lunch we went into the same building and Gerson asked me where I was going, “To class,” I responded.  Turns out our classes were right next door to each other and at the same time!


Every Tuesday at 11:00am BYU has a Devotional, there are no classes scheduled at that time.  I asked Gerson if he wanted to come with me to the next one, and he said yes.  On the day of I got a text from him saying that he had too much homework and couldn’t go.  I was really upset.  I do not like it at all when people cancel on me.  While Gerson was in the lab doing HW, he asked another student who was there what he should do.  That guy told Gerson to forget his homework and go after me before he lost me.  Gerson promptly followed his advice and called me.  He held my hand when we were walking back to class from the Devotional!  From then on we started spending a lot of time together.

One day in September Gerson’s bike had a flat tire, so I drove him home from school.  While we were hugging in the parking lot I told him that I had told my grandpa that Gerson had recently kissed me on the cheek to which my grandpa said, “I don’t know if I like that.”  Gerson said, “Well now you can tell him that I have kissed you on the lips.”  AND THEN HE KISSED ME!!!!  After he kissed me he hugged me again and then zoomed away without looking at me.  He said later that he did that because he was scared to see my reaction if it was bad.  He later texted me and apologized if he freaked me out.  I told him that he hadn’t and that I was beaming.  A week later he asked me to be his girlfriend. J

After that we became inseparable.  We had the same break every day at 11:00, so we had lunch together everyday.  I made sandwiches, and packed chips, fruit and juice bottles for each of us.  Gerson also came over every Sunday after Church where he had dinner with my family and we worked on HW together.

In October I got the Swine Flu and missed 3 or 4 days of school.  Every single one of those days Gerson rode his bike after class to my parents’ house to visit me, and he would stay until he either had to go to work or home.  That weekend my mom and brother were out of town and my dad was DJing dances on both Friday and Saturday night; so Gerson kept me company!  (He didn’t stay the night though; we followed the Honor Code.)  We watched a movie and at the end of it I could tell that Gerson had some intense thoughts going on inside his head, I asked him what he was thinking and he said, “I’m just… really falling for you.”  Two days later he told me that he had fallen in love with me!  I told him that I loved him and that I was heading in the direction of falling in love with him.

We eventually started talking about getting married, but I wanted to date another year before he proposed.  He was a little sad about that, but he was willing to wait until I was ready because he knew that he wanted to be with me.  In December Gerson went home for Christmas for nine days.  Those nine days were absolutely AWEFUL for me.  I just moped around, and even got sick.  Gerson came back to Utah for New Years Eve and I told him that I realized I never wanted to be without him again and that I was ready to marry him.  I know that it is common to pray about your spouse before you marry them.  I didn’t feel like I needed to pray about Gerson, I knew that he was right for me.  But I did need to pray about WHEN to marry Gerson.  So the first Fast Sunday of 2010 I fasted and prayed to Heavenly Father to help me know when I should marry Gerson, if now was a good time or if I needed to wait.  All throughout Church that day the thought kept coming to my mind that I needed to talk to my mom.  So when I went home that day I asked my mom (while crying) if she would support Gerson and I if we got married that year.  She hugged me and said yes of course.  Later that day, when Gerson was over, my dad called us into the office and said very seriously, “Mom told me that you two want to get married.”  Gerson and I just looked at each other and didn’t say anything, we were not sure what my dad could possibly be thinking.  He smiled and said, “That’s ok!  I just want to tell you two that Jewelers are going to try to get you to buy right away, do your research before buying.”  My good old dad, always thinking about finances. J  Nevertheless, we breathed a sigh of relief and went ring shopping a few days later.  I picked out my favorite at each place and told Gerson to surprise me (he ended up buying my favorite out of the favorites)!


So next came the scariest part for Gerson: the traditional asking my dad for my hand in marriage.  About a week before Gerson proposed to me,  the opportunity came that my dad and Gerson were in the same room, alone.  This is how the conversation went:

Gerson: “So I don’t know if Debbie told you, but I bought the ring.”
My Dad: “Yeah she told me.”
Gerson: “So I guess I’m supposed to ask your permission…”
My Dad: “Yeah Debbie and I were talking about that, and we decided that we really like you.  I have always told Chelsey that I will never tell her who to marry, but I will always tell her who to NOT marry.  And I haven’t told her to not marry you.”

And with that they went back to watching sports.

On Sunday February 7, 2010 I picked Gerson up for our weekly Sunday dinner with my family.  I was crying because it had been a rough day and I was finally letting it all out.  So Gerson got in the drivers seat and drove me to the lake near my house.  He parked near the spot where he had asked me to be his girlfriend.  The Lake was completely frozen everywhere, so it was a beautiful white winter wonderland.  Gerson had us get out of the car and started hugging me – with only one arm, the other arm was in his jacket pocket.  He started asking a bunch of questions – to which I responded “yeah” or “yes” or “you have said that before” to – they were: You know I love you, right?  You know that you are the most beautiful girl in the world to me?  You know that you are amazing?  You know that I want to spend forever with you?  Then he got down on one knee, and I started crying.  He asked, “Will you marry me?”  Through my tears I said, “Yes!”  Then we hugged and kissed, and hugged and kissed some more.


The reason why I shared this long story is because I think it is important to remember these moments in our lives.  As I typed this up I found myself giggling, blushing and falling in love with Gerson all over again.  In fact, while I was typing about our first kiss I starting laughing out loud, and that made Gerson ask what I was laughing at.  When I told him, he starting laughing too. 

And so I invite you to write about some one special in your life: it can be a spouse, significant other, your best friend or a close family member.  How did you meet them?  What brought you close together?  As you recall those memories you will find yourself smiling and laughing and rejuvenating your love and appreciation for them.  And, if you feel comfortable, share it with the person you wrote about.