"Who am I to Judge Another When I Walk Imperfectly?"

A short while ago I was at the grocery store with my son.  It had been a big shopping trip, the cart was pretty full, and I had two items left on my list.  About halfway through the trip Benjamin started getting fussy, but I was able to calm him with his pacifier and toys.  Two items left to go, and his pacifier and toys were no longer keeping him happy.  I picked him up out of the cart and as I did so I said, “Good gracious, child.”  It turns out Benjamin and I were not alone in the aisle.  A complete stranger gave me a look and said, “He just wants to be held.”  I was really tempted to respond with, “Do you want to push my cart and I’ll hold my baby while I tell you what to put in the cart?”  Instead I said, “Apparently,” and hurried out of the aisle.

I was super embarrassed.  Of course I could have handled Benjamin’s crying better.  Parenting in public is hard because it feels like you are constantly being scrutinized by everyone else. As I drove away from the store, a lot of angry thoughts entered my mind.  Some included: “She is obviously not a mother or she would not have said those things to me!” and “When she has kids she is going to have a rude awakening, pushing a FULL cart with one hand while holding a baby in another is not easy!”

Later when I had calmed down, I realized that I had been doing exactly what I was upset with her for doing: judging.  Not only that, but I was her not long ago.  When I would see a mom struggling with her child(ren) in public I would say to whoever was with me: “When I’m a mom I’m going to do that differently,” or “I will never ignore my kids like that in public,” or “I will never yell at my kids like that in public.”  Well, now I’m that mom.  Granted Benjamin is only nine months old, so I’m not doing any hard core disciplining.  But I am doing things I never imagined I would do.  Like letting him cry himself to sleep.  I’m starting to learn not to judge other moms, because their kids are different from Benjamin, and what works for him might not work for them.  And in learning this, I have also learned about judging in general.

Hmmm… I don’t want to say learned.  Because it’s not like being non-judgmental is new to me at 23 years old.  Let me change that to re-learned or was reminded about being judgmental.

Leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have said some pretty great things about what can cause judgment to occur:

"We may often find ourselves making quick judgments about people, which can change or redefine our relationships with them. Often incorrect judgments are made because of limited information or because we do not see beyond that which is immediately in front of us." – Gregory A. Schwitzer in Developing Good Judgment and Not Judging Others.

"When a starter in a race says “get set,” the runners are in a state of readiness for the “go.” They expect to start running. Similarly, we sometimes have a set or expectancy about what a person is going to be like. Our set influences how we perceive him." – Kenneth L. Higbee in Judge Not.

Then there are also some great statements on why it is important to not judge:

“This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon. When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following: Stop it!

We must recognize that we are all imperfect—that we are beggars before God. Haven’t we all, at one time or another, meekly approached the mercy seat and pleaded for grace? Haven’t we wished with all the energy of our souls for mercy—to be forgiven for the mistakes we have made and the sins we have committed? Because we all depend on the mercy of God, how can we deny to others any measure of the grace we so desperately desire for ourselves? My beloved brothers and sisters, should we not forgive as we wish to be forgiven?” – President Dieter F. Uchtdorf in The Merciful Obtain Mercy.

"Even if our perceptions were accurate and we could perceive intent as well as behavior, we would still not be qualified to judge. The Lord indicated the reason for this in his Sermon on the Mount when he told us to not be too concerned about the mote in our brother’s eye until we get the beam out of our own eye. (Matt. 7:3–5.)… The judgment of the Lord is fair and just, because he can accurately perceive intents ( 1 Kgs. 8:39; 1 Sam. 16:7 ), and he takes these into account in judging us.” – Kenneth L. Higbee in Judge Not.

Even though we are discouraged from negative judgment, we are encouraged to exercise righteous judgment to help us make good decisions.  John 7:24 says, “Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.”  So how do we exercise righteous judgement?  Gregory A. Schwitzer, in the April 2010 General Conference, gave four pointers on how to do so:

1. "First, put your own personal standards in alignment with the gospel of Jesus Christ.”

2.  "Second, listen to the messages of the living prophet."

3.  "Third, cultivate with the Holy Spirit a relationship of listening."

4.  "Fourth, keep the commandments."

So we have been given some causes of judgment, why we shouldn’t judge, and how to exercise righteous judgment.  But what happens when a judgmental thought enters our minds?  Does that make us bad people?  I do not think so.  I believe that it is what we do with that thought that matters.  If we dwell on that though and tell others about it, then I believe that is judgmental.  But if we find ways to get rid of that thought, then we are heading in the right direction.  For me one way of doing this is to remind myself that I don’t know all of the details about why someone does a certain thing, says a certain thing or looks a certain way.  Therefore judging them is inappropriate.

I want you to know that I am in no way perfect at this.  I still have moments where I get a little far down the judgment road before I stop myself.  But acknowledging that I need to change is already a step in the right direction.  It is one way to follow Christ.  I believe that when we do not judge others we are happier people and allow the Holy Spirit to be with us.

Do you have an experience where you learned about judging others?  Write about it in your journal, and write down what you learned.  I invite you to write down ways to help you to not judge negatively, but to only judge righteously.  Righteous judgment is one of my New Year’s Resolutions.  I invite you to make it one of yours as well.

Christmas Traditions

Family Search's question for December 2nd was: What were some of your favorite holiday traditions in childhood?

I wrote this post back in 2013, but it answers the above question so perfectly, that I decided to add this introduction rather than write a new post. In the four years since I wrote this some of my wants for my own family have changed, but I'm keeping the original post the way it is as those were my thoughts in 2013.

In light of the upcoming holidays, I thought I would share my favorite family Christmas traditions. 

First Christmas Teddy Bear – I was only 2 months old at my first Christmas, but that didn’t stop my parents from giving me a gift.  They gave me a teddy bear that had a scarf and winter hat on.  The hat had “1990” sewn on it: the year I was born and my first Christmas.  My brother got one his first Christmas in 1993.  We obviously don’t remember opening our teddy bears, but we still have them!  This year will be Benjamin’s first Christmas; and I bought him a Teddy Bear wearing a red puffy vest with “2013” sewn on one of the paws. 

Christmas Pajamas – When my brother and I were younger we got to open one present on Christmas Eve; and that present was always pajamas.  We then would wear those pajamas to bed, and all day Christmas day.  This tradition only lasted a few years, but I really enjoyed it while it lasted.  It’s something I want to do with my kids. 

Count Down Calendar – This is also known as an Advent Calendar (I think).  Before I was born my mom sewed a giant candle onto a long piece of fabric, on the candle there are 24 plastic rings next to the numbers 1-24.  Before December 1^st my mom wraps candy in wrapping paper.  She wraps 24 sets of enough candy for each family member and ties them to the plastic rings.  We follow the days of December and unwrap one present a day, counting down until Christmas.  Because there is only one present a day, my brother and I took turns.  Every year we switched who unwrapped the odd days and who unwrapped the even days (because who ever got the even days got to unwrap on Christmas Eve).  Now my mom has added a piece of candy for Gerson (this year Benjamin is too young to eat candy), and my mom and I plan on making one for my home; until then Gerson and I get our candy in a bag.

Christmas Tree – Every year my family decorates our Christmas tree together.  The decorations on our tree are a mix of homemade ornaments and gifts from other people.  I used to think our tree looked cluttered because it had so many ornaments and they didn’t even match (I had always wanted to have a tree that had the same color ornaments or a theme like Disney).  But this year, while decorating the tree with my mom, I found myself enjoying the memories that the mismatching ornaments gave me.  I started calling it a “Memory Tree.”  I’m looking forward to when Benjamin and his future siblings are old enough to make Christmas ornaments and decorate the tree with me. 

Santa – My brother and I grew up believing in Santa.  Well, my brother grew up believing in Santa; I grew up creating stories about Santa.  When I was 5 years old I asked my mom if Santa was real and she told me something to the effect of: “Yes, but he is no longer alive.  His name was St. Nicholas.  He was very kind and gave people gifts at Christmas time.  Parents continue his tradition to honor his kindness.”  I know that there are more details, but I was 5 so my mom had to explain it in a way I could understand.  I’m sure that she also included that giving gifts also represent the Wise Men giving the baby Jesus gifts.  I’m glad that she told me the truth, because Christmas became fun for me in a different way.  My brother still believed, and I got to help him believe.  So every year I told him these elaborate stories about catching a glimpse of Santa, hearing his sled and reindeer on the roof, and showing him that the cookies were all gone.  It was really fun for both of us.  My brother was about 8 or 9 when he wrote Santa a letter asking if he was real and to circle “yes” or “no.”  Santa wrote, “talk to your dad.”  My dad told him the truth, and he took it really well.  We still do Santa gifts even though everyone in our family knows the truth.  It’s fun for us to say, “Thanks Santa!” and hug our parents.  And now that Benjamin is born we will all be “believing” in Santa again.  However, when any of my kids ask, my husband and I will tell them the truth just like my mom told me.  But we will still make it fun! 

Another thing my family does for Santa gifts is that the gifts from Santa are never the big expensive what-we-really-wanted gift.  Those were always from my parents.  Every year Santa gives us: a stocking full of peanuts, pistachio nuts, candy, fruit, and a toothbrush.  We also unwrap a Calendar for the next year, and something small (a toy when we were young, and a book when we got older).  Every once in a wile Santa would give us something expensive, but that was always a family gift.  Like one year Santa gave our family a DVD player (that was the year my brother found out about who Santa really was).  It was actually really fun to know what Santa was going to get us each year because then we would imagine what kind of Calendar we would be getting, what color of toothbrush, and what would be that small gift.

Sleeping by the Christmas tree – Once school got out for the Christmas holiday, my brother and I were allowed to sleep out by the Christmas tree.  The only night that we weren’t allowed to was on Christmas Eve.  We would spend the nights not sleeping.  Instead, we would play pretend with the ornaments, and make up stories about the ornaments, sing songs and tell Christmas stories!  We would laugh and be loud, and our parents would have to constantly remind us to fall asleep.  Eventually we would fall asleep.  It was so much fun!  If my kids ask me to do the same, I am totally letting them. 

Presents – Presents are obviously not unique to my family; but I included them because my view on presents has changed.  As a child I naturally was excited to open my own presents.  As I grew older I was excited to watch my family members open the presents that I had given them.  I have found that I have so much fun planning, shopping for and wrapping presents for my family members.  And I love watching their faces when they open it up.  This year will be Benjamin’s first Christmas and Gerson and I had so much fun picking out his gifts.  We can’t wait to help him open them! 

The Nativity – I saved the best for last.  My mom has three Nativity sets that are set up around the house at Christmas time.  When I was living at home I always called dibs on being the one to set up all three Nativity sets.  They have always been my favorite Christmas decorations.  This is what Christmas is all about: celebrating the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ, and not only celebrating his birth but following his example of charity.  Every year at my extended family’s Christmas party the cousins perform the Nativity.  The roles of Mary, Joseph, the three Wise Men, 2-3 shepherds are filled and then the rest are sheep and angels.  (And yes, my family is big enough to fill all of the those roles and then some.)  I have played Mary once, a sheep once, and an angel the rest of time.  In our little apartment I have two Nativity decorations.  I plan on getting more over the years because I want my Christmas decorations to be Nativity themed. 

Have a Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and Happy Holidays!

I'll Be Happy When... I'll Be Happy NOW

I love to dream and have goals.  I like to follow my dreams and find ways to accomplish my goals.  But I have recently learned that I should not wait until I accomplish my goals to be happy.  Of course there is nothing wrong with being happy when I do accomplish my goals, but I do need to allow other things to make me happy in between my goals.  Because if I don’t I will never be happy.  Because what happens when I meet a goal?  I set another goal, and another, and another.  And I’m focusing so much on what that future goal will bring to my life that I forget to look at what my life has right now.

At the moment I am currently working on two big goals: losing weight and graduating from college (of course I have other goals as well, but these two are the ones that work for my message).

The first week after I had Benjamin I lost 20 pounds, and the second week another 10.  After that, I was lucky if I lost one pound a week.  Once I had healed and gotten used to this new mommy-son schedule I started fitting exercising in as often as possible.  Like most exercise experiences I started losing weight right away, and then I hit a major plateau.  I went almost six weeks without losing a single pound.  I didn’t give up on exercising, but it was extremely frustrating. 

I eventually started losing weight again, but not as fast as I wanted.  Then I read an article online about how celebrities who lose baby-weight fast put pressure on the rest of us.  A weight loss specialist interviewed for the article made a statement that helped change my outlook: they said that “it takes nine months to change your body” (meaning pregnancy) “and it should take at least nine months to change it back.”  The article also reminded readers that celebrities have more money (and in some instances) more time to put into a fast weight loss program.  (I tried to find the article again so that I could post a link, but I couldn’t.)  It was August or September when I read this article, and Benjamin will not be 9 months old until December.  I started feeling a little bit better.  Then, in October I tried on my pants from before I got pregnant, and I was able to comfortably wear one of them!  A week later I was able to put away all of my maternity tops and bring back many of my tops from before my pregnancy.  I was making progress!  But I still have ten pounds before I’m at my pre-pregnancy weight.  And I really want to lose it before Christmas.

Another goal I am working on is graduating from college.  I took a break the semester that my due date fell into.  A lot of friends from high school graduated that semester and many more are about to graduate.  Me, I will not be graduating until April 2015.  I could graduate earlier if I was attending school full time, but I’m not.  It has been a little disheartening watching people graduate who are my age or younger while I still have a year and a half left of school.  But I have a graduation plan set in motion with my academic advisor, so I should be happy.

About a week ago I was cleaning up from dinner and listening to my husband play with my son, and I started thinking about my current situation.  I realized that I am generally in a happy place in my life.  I started smiling and couldn’t stop.  I decided that I am going to be happy.  Why shouldn’t I be?  I’m happily married, I have a beautiful son, I’m going to school – and doing well in school – I feel fit and healthy, and I love my family.  While I still want to accomplish my goals, I am not going to wait until I reach those goals to be happy.  I will be happy along the way as well.

As I went through this experience I remembered President Dieter F. Uchtdorf’s October 2012 General Conference talk titled Of Regrets and Resolutions.  One section of his talk is titled “I Wish I had Let Myself be Happier.”  There are of course several great quotes that you can take out of this talk, but here are two of my favorite (I also invite you to read the entire talk):

“So often we get caught up in the illusion that there is something just beyond our reach that would bring us happiness: a better family situation, a better financial situation, or the end of a challenging trial.  The older we get, the more we look back and realize that external circumstances don’t really matter or determine our happiness.  We do matter. We determine our happiness.  You and I are ultimately in charge of our own happiness.”

And:

“Sometimes in life we become so focused on the finish line that we fail to find joy in the journey. I don’t go cycling with my wife because I’m excited about finishing. I go because the experience of being with her is sweet and enjoyable.  Doesn’t it seem foolish to spoil sweet and joyful experiences because we are constantly anticipating the moment when they will end?”

I now invite you to think about what in your current stage in life makes you happy.  Write it down and save it somewhere.  I previously listed some things in my life that make me happy, but those don’t have to be the same things that make you happy in your life.  Write down everything that makes you happy, and when you need to, read it over, and find new tings to add to it.  And remember the words of President Uchtdorf: “We do matter.”

It's a Love Story... and I Said Yes!

This is the story of how I met my husband, Gerson and goes up to our engagement.  Now this blog is supposed to be dedicated to creating happy and positive messages, so why am I telling my love story on this blog?  I mean, this sounds like it’s going to be more of a journal entry.  Well, I think it’s important for people to remember how they met and developed relationships with their friends and family members.  It reminds us of who we are and who they are, and helps us love and appreciate them all over again. (Plus writing down this entire story would have given me a hand cramp, so I’m typing it. ;p)  Some of this story will be from Gerson’s perspective because I am going to tell the story in order of what happened, not in order of when I found out what happened.

In April of 2009 I applied for and got hired at JC Penney (JCP) in the Provo Towne Centre.  I was put in the Fragrances department (before Sephora came to the Provo JCP), which was downstairs, and the break room was upstairs next to the Young Men’s department.  So anyone who clocked in, went on break, or clocked out had to walk through the Young Men’s department.  In May Gerson started noticing me walking through the Young Men’s department (where he worked) and either heading into the break room or heading downstairs.

In June Gerson started saying “Hi” to me when I would walk by and I would smile and say “Hi” back.  JCP had a morning meeting before opening each day.  One day after a morning meeting that both of us were at because we had the opening shift Gerson said, “Hey, come here” as I was walking by.  I stopped walking, he looked at my name tag and said, “How do you say your name?”  I giggled and said, “Chelsey.”  Then I looked at his name tag and said, “How do you say YOUR name?”  He said, “Guess.”  I thought for a short while.  I knew that he was Hispanic, and I had taken a Spanish class in High School, but I could not think of how his name could possible be pronounced.  Finally I said, “Gare-sun?”  He smiled and said, “Close, it rhymes with person.”  “Oh!  Gerson!”  I would later learn that “Grr-sun” is how he tells white people to say his name, it is really pronounced “Hare-sone” and make sure you roll your R’s! J

Now at this point I though Gerson was cute and enjoyed talking to him, but that’s as far as I was willing to go.  The reason why was because (get ready for it) I judged him.  I judged his outer appearance and thought that he was not LDS.  I’m definitely not proud of this moment, but I was 18 and immature at the time.  One day Gerson overheard me telling another employee that I was starting BYU in the fall, and he asked me (in a surprised tone), “YOU go to BYU?”  I retorted, “Yeah, do you have a problem with that?”  He laughed and said, “No!  I go there too!”  When we were done talking I went downstairs to my department and asked a coworker if Gerson was LDS, he told me that Gerson was LDS and had already served a mission.  I remember thinking, “He’s a RM?!  Oh no, he’s OLD!”

In July my family went on vacation and when Gerson did not see me at work for a week he thought I had quit and was sad.  But then I came back and he was happy again!  One day when he wanted an excuse to talk to me he came down to the Fragrances and asked for my help picking out some cologne for him.  I would also volunteer to take broken merchandise upstairs because it allowed me to walk by the department Gerson was working in.  Sometimes Gerson would go on break when he would see me walk into the break room.  During one such time we were talking about the up coming semester at BYU and Gerson figured out that I was about to enter my freshman year, so he asked me how old I was.  I told him I was 18 and looked at the ground, when I peeked at him he was looking at the ground too.  When we were done being shy I asked him how long he had been home from his mission, he said two years.  “So you’re like 23ish?”  I asked.  “More like 24,” he said.  He was six years older than me.  I decided I didn’t care about his age, but I was worried he cared how young I was.  It turns out he didn’t care that I was so young, but he was worried that I would care how old he was!

In August I was heading to Las Vegas for a weekend for a ballroom dance competition that I was competing in.  He used this as an excuse to ask for my phone number.  He said, “Hey, give me your number so I can ask you how you are doing at your competition?”  I thought it was cute and of course gave him my number.  He went on break right after that and it turns out that I had forgotten to turn the volume down on my phone.  So he sent me a text and heard my phone go off.  So he sent me about nine more texts because he wanted to hear my phone go off!  We spent the weekend I was in Vegas texting each other.

During this time my friend Tiave new that I was crushing on Gerson.  He decided to come to JCP while both Gerson and I were working and spy on Gerson!  (Tiave claims that he was “observing” Gerson not “spying.”)  When I got off work Tiave helped prep me to ask Gerson out after work.  (Tiave was literally my own personal Hitch)  Tiave wanted me to take Gerson’s phone, go to my phone number, show it to him and say, “Here are 10 numbers that will lead you to the best weekend of your life.”  Well I am not even close to being that smooth, so instead this is how the conversation went:

Me: “What are you doing tonight?”

Gerson: “I don’t know… probably nothing.”

Me: “Playing video games?”

Gerson: “Maybe… is there something wrong with that?”

Me: “No, but if you want to take a break from video games, do you want to have ice cream with me and my friend tonight?”

Gerson: “Yeah.  But I don’t have a car.”

Me: “That’s ok, I do.  I’ll pick you up.”

So I had my friend Lindsey come with me because I am very traditional and I didn’t want our first official date to be me asking him out.  It technically wasn’t a date if my friend came!  Gerson really wanted to ask me out, but he was embarrassed because he didn’t have a car and would have to ask me to drive.  The next week school started, and the first day Gerson found me in the bookstore just to say hi!  He also asked me out to lunch later in the week.  When we were walking back to campus after lunch we went into the same building and Gerson asked me where I was going, “To class,” I responded.  Turns out our classes were right next door to each other and at the same time!

Every Tuesday at 11:00am BYU has a Devotional, there are no classes scheduled at that time.  I asked Gerson if he wanted to come with me to the next one, and he said yes.  On the day of I got a text from him saying that he had too much homework and couldn’t go.  I was really upset.  I do not like it at all when people cancel on me.  While Gerson was in the lab doing HW, he asked another student who was there what he should do.  That guy told Gerson to forget his homework and go after me before he lost me.  Gerson promptly followed his advice and called me.  He held my hand when we were walking back to class from the Devotional!  From then on we started spending a lot of time together.

One day in September Gerson’s bike had a flat tire, so I drove him home from school.  While we were hugging in the parking lot I told him that I had told my grandpa that Gerson had recently kissed me on the cheek to which my grandpa said, “I don’t know if I like that.”  Gerson said, “Well now you can tell him that I have kissed you on the lips.”  AND THEN HE KISSED ME!!!!  After he kissed me he hugged me again and then zoomed away without looking at me.  He said later that he did that because he was scared to see my reaction if it was bad.  He later texted me and apologized if he freaked me out.  I told him that he hadn’t and that I was beaming.  A week later he asked me to be his girlfriend. J

After that we became inseparable.  We had the same break every day at 11:00, so we had lunch together everyday.  I made sandwiches, and packed chips, fruit and juice bottles for each of us.  Gerson also came over every Sunday after Church where he had dinner with my family and we worked on HW together.

In October I got the Swine Flu and missed 3 or 4 days of school.  Every single one of those days Gerson rode his bike after class to my parents’ house to visit me, and he would stay until he either had to go to work or home.  That weekend my mom and brother were out of town and my dad was DJing dances on both Friday and Saturday night; so Gerson kept me company!  (He didn’t stay the night though; we followed the Honor Code.)  We watched a movie and at the end of it I could tell that Gerson had some intense thoughts going on inside his head, I asked him what he was thinking and he said, “I’m just… really falling for you.”  Two days later he told me that he had fallen in love with me!  I told him that I loved him and that I was heading in the direction of falling in love with him.

We eventually started talking about getting married, but I wanted to date another year before he proposed.  He was a little sad about that, but he was willing to wait until I was ready because he knew that he wanted to be with me.  In December Gerson went home for Christmas for nine days.  Those nine days were absolutely AWEFUL for me.  I just moped around, and even got sick.  Gerson came back to Utah for New Years Eve and I told him that I realized I never wanted to be without him again and that I was ready to marry him.  I know that it is common to pray about your spouse before you marry them.  I didn’t feel like I needed to pray about Gerson, I knew that he was right for me.  But I did need to pray about WHEN to marry Gerson.  So the first Fast Sunday of 2010 I fasted and prayed to Heavenly Father to help me know when I should marry Gerson, if now was a good time or if I needed to wait.  All throughout Church that day the thought kept coming to my mind that I needed to talk to my mom.  So when I went home that day I asked my mom (while crying) if she would support Gerson and I if we got married that year.  She hugged me and said yes of course.  Later that day, when Gerson was over, my dad called us into the office and said very seriously, “Mom told me that you two want to get married.”  Gerson and I just looked at each other and didn’t say anything, we were not sure what my dad could possibly be thinking.  He smiled and said, “That’s ok!  I just want to tell you two that Jewelers are going to try to get you to buy right away, do your research before buying.”  My good old dad, always thinking about finances. J  Nevertheless, we breathed a sigh of relief and went ring shopping a few days later.  I picked out my favorite at each place and told Gerson to surprise me (he ended up buying my favorite out of the favorites)!

So next came the scariest part for Gerson: the traditional asking my dad for my hand in marriage.  About a week before Gerson proposed to me,  the opportunity came that my dad and Gerson were in the same room, alone.  This is how the conversation went:

Gerson: “So I don’t know if Debbie told you, but I bought the ring.”

My Dad: “Yeah she told me.”

Gerson: “So I guess I’m supposed to ask your permission…”

My Dad: “Yeah Debbie and I were talking about that, and we decided that we really like you.  I have always told Chelsey that I will never tell her who to marry, but I will always tell her who to NOT marry.  And I haven’t told her to not marry you.”

And with that they went back to watching sports.

On Sunday February 7, 2010 I picked Gerson up for our weekly Sunday dinner with my family.  I was crying because it had been a rough day and I was finally letting it all out.  So Gerson got in the drivers seat and drove me to the lake near my house.  He parked near the spot where he had asked me to be his girlfriend.  The Lake was completely frozen everywhere, so it was a beautiful white winter wonderland.  Gerson had us get out of the car and started hugging me – with only one arm, the other arm was in his jacket pocket.  He started asking a bunch of questions – to which I responded “yeah” or “yes” or “you have said that before” to – they were: You know I love you, right?  You know that you are the most beautiful girl in the world to me?  You know that you are amazing?  You know that I want to spend forever with you?  Then he got down on one knee, and I started crying.  He asked, “Will you marry me?”  Through my tears I said, “Yes!”  Then we hugged and kissed, and hugged and kissed some more.

The reason why I shared this long story is because I think it is important to remember these moments in our lives.  As I typed this up I found myself giggling, blushing and falling in love with Gerson all over again.  In fact, while I was typing about our first kiss I starting laughing out loud, and that made Gerson ask what I was laughing at.  When I told him, he starting laughing too. 

And so I invite you to write about some one special in your life: it can be a spouse, significant other, your best friend or a close family member.  How did you meet them?  What brought you close together?  As you recall those memories you will find yourself smiling and laughing and rejuvenating your love and appreciation for them.  And, if you feel comfortable, share it with the person you wrote about. 

Trick-or-Treating Lessons

This post is not spiritually uplifting like my other ones, but in the spirit of the holiday I had to post about Halloween.  Halloween is my favorite holiday.  Well, it ties with Christmas.  I feel bad having Halloween be my #1 holiday and Christmas my #2 since Christmas is a Christian holiday and Halloween is a Pagan holiday and I am Christian….  Oh well.  Halloween is my favorite holiday!  There.  I said it.  Anyway, I think part of why is because my birthday is in October, and until I was 12 all of my birthday parties were costume parties. J

So as I went Trick-or-Treating over the years I have learned some pretty funny and interesting lessons:

1. Do NOT go Trick-or-Treating in July.  When I was 4 or 5 years old I did not want to wait until October to go Trick-or-Treating.  So a few times during the same summer I put on one of my dress-ups, grabbed a bucket and went trick-or-treating without telling my parents.  We lived in an apartment complex in Orem at this point in my life, so there were several people living close together that I could visit!  I remember that some people were nice and gave me candy, others told me kindly to come back in October and they would have some candy for me, and one yelled at me to leave and not come back again.  When my parents found out they were not very happy with me.  They took me to every apartment that I went to and made me give their candy back and apologize for going trick-or-treating “when I wasn’t supposed to.”  I was crying the whole time.  I remember that all of them forgave me.

2. If there is a house that gives out King Size bars, go there first!  The years that we did not make it before that house ran out of candy were very devastating.  We always went there first and then did our traditional route.

3. Do NOT ditch your friends.  One year too many of us decided to go Trick-or-Treating in one group.  Because there were so many of us we wasted so much time running around skipping houses so that we could go to all of our parents’ and some grandparents’ houses.  So at one point, myself and three others, ran away from the rest of the group and finished our trick-or-treating without skipping any houses.  Later that night, when I was already home, the rest of the group showed up at my parents house to ask me why I ditched them.  I told them why and they left.  The next day at school was pretty awful.  I really should have stuck the night out, learned my lesson and go trick-or-treating in a smaller group the next year.

4.  Before calling the police about a prank, try to find out as much information as possible.  One year a guy in a mask jumped out from behind a fence with a fake chainsaw (we did not know that it was fake at the time), causing my brother to fall down and scrape his knee.  The guy jumped in a car that drove away.  He was still quite young and was too hurt and upset to finish trick-or-treating – we had barely just started!  So we took my brother home and told my mom what happened.  We were able to describe the car and she called the police.  My friends and I went back out to finish trick-or-treating and I promised my brother that he could have half my candy.  We ran into some other friends and told them what happened, and they told us who the masked guy was, and it just so happens that we knew him and his house happened to be on our route.  So when his mom answered the door we told her what happened.  The next part of the story is from my friend’s point of view who was in another group.  So my friend was trick-or-treating with this guy’s younger sisters.  All of a sudden their mom’s van came screeching next to them, the doors opened and she yelled at all of them to get in the van.  Once they were inside she started driving and told them what happened and that they had to find their brother and hide his car in their aunt’s garage.  The next Sunday at Church they guy apologized to my brother.  Now my friend – who was in the other group – and I talk about this story we just laugh and laugh and laugh.

 5. The rich neighborhoods do not give out better candy.  My last Halloween trick-or-treating I wasted time driving around with my friends going to the rich neighborhoods in Provo.  I got the same kind of candy as I would have in my own neighborhood.  In fact, I got less because: 1) we wasted time driving, and 2) those houses are BIGGER which means LESS of them on a street which means LESS candy!

So those are the five Trick-or-Treating lessons that I have learned over my life so far.  I hope all of you have a Happy Halloween tomorrow!  (Or today, if you are reading this on the 31^st.)  Be safe if you are leaving your house, and be nice if you are the one handing out candy. J

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

The Scriptures, the Ensign and my Anger

About two years ago I was visiting Gerson at work and struck up a conversation with one of his coworkers.  I didn’t know it at the time, but I ended up saying something that offended her.  A couple days later she told Gerson what I had said.  She admitted to Gerson that she realized right after she was done talking to me that my intensions were not to be mean, but she still wanted to inform him of what I had said.  When Gerson got home and told me about the conversation I felt really embarrassed, and I usually turn my embarrassment into anger.  I was angry with myself for hurting her feelings, and I was also angry with her for telling Gerson even though she admitted she knew that I wasn’t trying to be mean.  I felt like she was infringing on my marriage by trying to get Gerson to correct and fix me.

It took me a long time to get over it.  An unfortunate trait of mine is that when something upsets me I hang on to it for a long time.  I don’t dwell on it every day, but if I get reminded of it then I get upset all over again.  However, I was about to make a choice that would bring a positive change to how I handle my anger and my temper.

Soon after this incident it was Christmas time, and my grandma paid for the next year’s Ensign subscription for my and Gerson’s Christmas present.  I decided to actually start reading more than the Visiting Teaching Message.  I wanted to make sure that I finished one issue before the next month’s arrived.  I really enjoy all of the articles and stories!  A few months into consistently reading the Ensign I noticed that the little things that used to get to me didn’t.  For example when another driver cuts me off I used to honk and yell and be angry.  While it’s still annoying when something like that happens – and a little scary if you have to slam on your breaks – I have recently tried to stay calm, shrug it off and focus on driving safely instead of yelling.

Shortly after I found out that I was pregnant with Benjamin I started re-reading the Book of Mormon.  I tried to read one chapter a night before bed.  Of course there were nights where I missed reading, but I didn’t give up like I have in the past where weeks and months have passed before I read again.  When I finished the Book of Mormon I did something I haven’t done in the past either:  I started reading the Doctrine and Covenants for the first time.  Yeah I had read passages at church, but never on my own or all the way through.  It’s still difficult to understand certain passages, but I really enjoyed what I cold understand and definitely felt my faith increasing.  I recently finished the D&C and have started on the Pearl of Great Price for the first time.

Very recently in Relief Society lesson I likened something I read in the D&C to the topic for that Sunday.  Right after I finished speaking another sister corrected my interpretation of the verse.  I was taken aback at first, but I continued to focus on the lesson – and Benjamin who decided I could no longer sit in my chair to keep him happy.  When I went home from church that day I did not complain to Gerson and pout over the situation like I have done in the past.  I have come to the conclusion that when in these kind of situations both the listener and the speaker are in charge of interpretation.  It is very common to say that we need to think before we speak – and that is true, don’t get me wrong!  But as a listener I also need to step back and look at the situation before getting upset, it takes both sides to evade offense.  While looking at my recent experience I realized that I had taken something out of context in that verse and that sister helped me understand it better.  Also, she didn’t start her correction off with “I disagree” or “You’re wrong” or any other way to demean me.  In realizing that, I was able to move on from that small embarrassment.

I truly believe that the consistent scripture and Ensign reading I have implemented into my life has helped me develop more patience when it comes to my anger.  The funny thing is I didn’t have those intentions when I started reading, it is something that I just recently picked up on.  I know that in reading as often as I can – I still miss some nights (gasp!) – the Spirit is with me and helps me stay calm and forgiving in these situations.  I don’t want you to think that I am magically perfect at not getting offended or saying the right thing when speaking to others.  But I am working on it.  Sometimes it takes me a day or more to take a step back and look at the situation from a different angle.  I still get upset and lose my temper, but I’m doing better at the amount of time it takes to calm down.    I have also learned something else with this experience: forgiving someone who will never apologize because they don’t know that they hurt you (and in some cases don’t care) is really hard, but when you do – oh the positive feeling is so worth it!

Of course there are more ways than one to make positive changes in your life.  I now invite you to think about a new habit you have picked up or a change you have made either recently or years ago that added positive experiences to your life.  Write down what the change was and write down the experiences you had because of it.  And/or if you want to make a change now write down what you want to do and as you implement that in your life write down the positive experiences that you have because of it.  And remember, Heavenly Father loves you and if you ask Him, He will help you with anything you are going through.