Toddlers in Sacrament Meeting

I recently came across a blog post on lds.org letting all of the mothers know that they are not the only ones who have wild and loud children during Sacrament Meeting. As I smiled, laughed, and nodded in sympathy and understanding I realized that it had been about seven months since Benjamin had behaved in such a way during Sacrament Meeting. Either we had figured out how to control him, or he had simply passed that phase of his toddler years, or a little bit of both. Whatever it was, he now behaves during Sacrament Meeting – for the most part.

It took us about a year to figure out what worked for us and him. I think part of it might have been our fault. We are late to Church quite often and many times take the Sacrament out in the foyer, and sometimes we spend the entire meeting out there. So when Benjamin was first starting to crawl and eventually walk, we would hang out on the couches and let him move around.

When we actually made it into the chapel, we sat in the back rows of chairs, which were in the gym. Other parents allowed their children Benjamin’s age to crawl and walk around the back of the gym, so we started to let Benjamin do that too. Several months later Benjamin was walking and running, way too loudly. At this point I realized that we had made a mistake, and we needed to change. We needed to teach Benjamin to stay in the row we were sitting on. He could play on the floor by our feet or on a chair in between us, but he couldn’t run around the gym.

This, of course, did not sit well with Benjamin because he was used to running around the gym or the hallway. He screamed, cried, and hit; and it was super embarrassing. We tried taking him out into the hall, but not letting him get down and run around. He had to stay in our arms doing nothing. That made things worse. He got more aggressive with hitting and kicking; and his crying was so loud that you could hear him whether we were in the hall or in the chapel. After that proved fruitless, we tried taking him to an empty classroom that we could turn the speakers on and still listen to Sacrament Meeting. That didn’t work for us either. We also tried a quiet book, toys, story books, snacks, and a kids app on our phones to keep Benjamin entertained; they never lasted longer than five or ten minutes.

At this point I was pregnant with Luna, and was running out of physical stamina to deal with Benjamin’s Sunday tantrums. I was also tired of constantly leaving and reentering the chapel/gym. So I decided that Benjamin could play with our phones, his toys, books or eat snacks on the floor next to our feet, or on the chair in between us, but the minute he tried to runaway we stopped him and told him he had to stay by us. If he threw a tantrum then all books, toys, and snacks were put away and he had to sit on my lap with nothing to do. He screamed, and cried, arched his back, hit, and kicked. It took all of my strength to restrain him, but I was out of ideas. Sometimes he cried for only 30 seconds, and sometimes it was a few minutes.

I felt bad that I was causing and allowing such a commotion during Sacrament Meeting, but I only got the stink eye a couple times, and they were from childless newlyweds. Older couples always patted us on the back and gave us hugs and told us to hang on, that it would get better.

Three long months after this new technique, Benjamin was finally behaving in Sacrament Meeting. He stays entertained with his quiet book or our phones, and eats fruit snacks. We have taught him to stay on our laps until after the Sacrament is passed; no playing until after we have taken both the bread and water. Teaching him to wait for the Sacrament was surprisingly easier. We asked him if he wanted bread, and he would say “yeah” and he would watch the young men and wait eagerly for it to get to us. We do the same thing with the water.

He still gets restless, and still tries to runaway sometimes, but he rarely throws the kind of tantrums that he used to. What I took away from this experience is that every child is different, and so different things work for different families when it comes to Sacrament Meeting. Letting him walk around, going out in the hall, going to an empty room were things I had seen other parents do; and when they didn’t work for Benjamin I felt like such a failure. I know that letting him cry on my lap is not common, and is not liked or encouraged; but it’s what worked for my family. And those that might have been bothered by Benjamin’s tantrums, probably don’t even remember them now.

When other families in my ward are dealing with crying and tantrums, I don’t look; because I didn’t like it when people looked during Benjamin’s tantrums. I’m going to give them the time that they need to figure out what works best for their family dynamic. If they want to go out in the hall, great. If they want to stay in the chapel, great. They have the same right to be in Sacrament Meeting as I do. And when I feel so inspired, I’ll give them a hug and tell them that they are doing a good job. I’ll tell them to hang in there. And I’ll tell them I’m glad they are here.

And behold, ye shall meet together oft; and ye shall not forbid any man from coming unto you when ye shall meet together, but suffer them that they may come unto you and forbid them not;

But ye shall pray for them, and shall not cast them out; and if it so be that they come unto you oft ye shall pray for them unto the Father, in my name. (3 Nephi 18:22-23)

Remembering Grandpa John Larson

My paternal grandfather, John Larson, passed away a year ago on February 25, 2015. I didn’t say much at the time because it was a really stressful, busy, and emotional week for me. And so on the one year anniversary of my grandpa returning to Heavenly Father I would like to talk about him. As a little girl I loved him like one loves a grandfather, and as an adult I love and appreciate him in a different way.

John was first generation born in the United States of America. His parents converted to the LDS Church in Sweden and came to Salt Lake City, Utah to join the rest of the Saints, where they met each other and eventually were married. So the gospel played a huge part in John’s life (and thus mine as well) as it is why his parents came here.

John grew up during the Great Depression, so living a frugal lifestyle was very important to him. I remember one time he got a new walker that had a seat for him to sit on if he needed rest. My dad asked him how much it cost and my grandpa responded, “Too much!” My dad asked again how much and grandpa said $60; my dad laughed and said, “Dad, that’s a great deal!”

During World War II John joined the Navy; but instead of being sent overseas, the Navy sent him to the University of Michigan to major in Naval Architecture. Like the gospel of Jesus Christ, this also played a huge part in John’s life as he would not have gone to college if the Navy had not sent him there. While there John also ran for their Track and Field team and lettered for the year 1945-46, his name is up on their Wall of Fame.

John married his wife, Carol in the St. George, Utah temple. He was 29 years old and she was 18. (I love using them as an example that age is just a number when you are in love; and it made the fact that Gerson is 6 years older than me not so weird.) My grandma told me that if the car had not been moving when she learned that man she was on a date with was 29 years old, she would have gotten out and walked away. We are all so grateful that she stayed in the car!

John and Carol have 12 children: Susie, Carl, Nancy, Selma, Glenn (my dad), Anna, Cynthia, John, Doug, Julie, Vickie, and Mark. They currently have 39 grandchildren, 8 great-grandchildren, and one more great-grandchild on the way. My grandpa loved each and every child, grandchild, and in-law. He made it to practically every baptism, ordination, wedding, blessing, game, performance, and graduation. Grandma and Grandpa came to every end-of-the-year dance concert of mine and also made it to several competitions. My aunt Susie said that I-15 should be renamed the John and Carol Larson Memorial Highway. Even with grandpa gone, my grandma still makes the trip to wherever we are when something important is happening. Towards the end of Grandpa’s life I would get worried when they would travel to one of my events. For my baby shower, Benjamin’s blessing, and his first birthday party I told my dad to tell his parents that they are invited, but I don’t want them to feel obligated to come. I would have felt awful if something had happened while they were traveling to one of my events. My dad said, “Chelsey, my dad would rather die than miss coming to this.” At his funeral my aunt Susie said, “Dad wanted to live, he didn’t just want to be alive.”

Oh, how my grandma helped him live! She helped him with everything and drove him everywhere. The love and care between those two is something all couples should strive for. Grandpa was so cute towards Grandma. When he was looking for her he wouldn’t say, “Do you know where your grandma is?” He would say, “Has anyone seen my wife?” (And sometimes he would say, “wifey”.) The way he emphasized the word wife, you could tell he truly adored her. Just thinking about it makes my heart flutter.

The love he felt for his kids and grandkids was just as wonderful. He enjoyed any activity that involved either listening to his children talk or watching his grandchildren play. There is a small hill in the backyard of my grandparents’ house where we would put a slip-n-slide on during the summer. Grandpa would sit at the top of the hill and hold the hose over the slip-n-slide and watch us kids slide down over and over again.

He took pictures with an old camera and developed the film into slides – real slides on a reel, not a computer slideshow. That was one of the best activities at family reunions, slide night. He had pictures from the beginning of his marriage all the way to the present day. So one reel would be my dad and his siblings as little kids, and another would be the cousins and our family adventures; including all of our games, performances, graduations, etc.

Whenever it was the end of a visit and we were saying goodbye, Grandpa would pat me on the back while he was hugging me and say, “You’re a good girl.” One time when Grandma and Grandpa were visiting, Gerson came over and met everyone for the first time (we were just starting to see each other); that night Gerson kissed me goodbye on the cheek, I told Grandpa and he said, “Oh, I’m not sure that I like the sound of that.”

Benjamin was 6 weeks old the first time Grandma and Grandpa got to meet him. The moment Benjamin was placed in Grandpa’s arms, he smiled at him! Benjamin was just barely starting to smile and hadn’t smiled at a lot of people yet, so that was very special. Then when Benjamin was almost 3 months old we took a trip to California to visit Gerson’s family. (Whenever we go to California we always stop in St. George to visit Grandma and Grandpa and spend the night.) That morning during breakfast, Benjamin sat in Grandpa’s arms while we ate and visited, and he just smiled the whole time at his Great-Papa. As Benjamin got older, he wasn’t interested in hugging Grandpa or sitting on his lap; but he does know who he is. When we look at pictures Benjamin will point to him and say, “Papa.”

Grandma and Grandpa spent New Year’s Eve 2014 with us. New Year’s day 2015 I found out I was pregnant with Luna. Along with my parents, Grandma and Grandpa were the first people that we told. I’m glad that we decided to tell them right away, because that was the last time that I saw Grandpa before he passed away. It was the last conversation that I had with him while he was still coherent. At the time I didn’t think anything of it, but now it is a very special memory that I will hold onto forever. Grandpa loved his grandchildren so much. I know that was wonderful news for him to hear, and even though he didn’t get to meet Luna here on earth, I know that he loves her.

When it became evident that Grandpa was dying, my dad and all of his siblings were able to rush down to St. George to say goodbye to their father; and many of my cousins were able to go as well. I was unable to go because I was in my last semester of college, which was student teaching. I could have taken the time off, but the make-up work I would have had to do right before graduation would have been extremely stressful. So I stayed home, and the cried the whole week my parents were down there. While my parents were down there my dad called me and put me on speaker phone, and my mom called my brother Michael and put him on speaker phone and we all said goodbye to Grandpa together. I told Grandpa how much I loved him, how much I was going to miss him. I told him that I appreciated him coming to all of my events, and I reminded him that I was pregnant with his 8^th great-grandchild, that I had told him on New Year’s day, and how special that memory was now. My dad said that Grandpa wasn’t conscious at the time, but we still believe he heard our goodbyes in his own way.

My Grandpa, John Larson, was one of the greatest men I ever knew. He was an amazing example of a man of faith, a hard working man, and a family man. The memories I have shared barely skim the surface of who Grandpa was. As a granddaughter, I only witnessed the end of his life; but I know that he lived a good one. I love him, I miss him, and I look forward to one day seeing him again.

Home With My Kids is My Promised Land

Before either Gerson or I graduated from BYU, and before we had kids, we didn’t know what the future held when it came to me working or staying home. We thought it would be ideal if I could stay home during our children’s younger years, but I was fully ready to work the minute I graduated. During Gerson’s last semester at BYU he found a paid internship, and when he graduated they offered him a full time position! Shortly after that it became apparent that we did not need me to work, but for the time being I would because we didn’t have kids yet.

When I got pregnant with Benjamin I struggled to work because I was so sick, and when school started again it made everything more difficult. So I quit my job at Dressed In White in order to focus on school and my pregnancy. I left without hard feelings, and knew if I needed to I could return there. Luckily that was not needed, and I graduated with my teaching degree and ready to be a SAHM.

We didn’t announce our decision for me to stay home, but if peopled asked we told them. Living in a predominately LDS area, we received an overwhelming amount of praise and support. I only received two negative comments, and even though it was only two negative out of dozens of positive, for some reason they have stuck with me.

The first instance happened while I was still in school. A classmate and I were discussing the future and when I told her my plans to stay home after graduation she asked, “Then why are you even finishing school?” I told her that I would eventually work when my kids were older, and it made a good plan B if something happened. She still gave me a skeptical look and the conversation died.

I think it is incredibly important that I have a college degree. Should something happen where Gerson alone cannot financially provide for our family, I can work. True, the starting salary for a first year teacher is not high, but it provides better opportunities than working hourly in retail or fast food. Also, when I teach my children the importance of an education, they have both their father’s and mother’s example to look to. And when my children are older, I will work. It’s better that I have my education now. Also, we have been commanded to learn as much as possible.

I can’t imagine a better education for me than what I got at BYU. As an LDS school my professors applied their content to the gospel. I really hope my children value education. Gerson and I like to tell them things like, “Being a nerd is good.”

My second experience happened shortly after graduation. I ran into an old classmate and I was pregnant with Luna. My classmate had a job in her area of study and was enjoying it. When I told her that I would be staying home now and planned to work later she smirked and said, “Well, good luck with that.”

I know that my chances of landing a full time teaching job after years of not teaching are slim. That is okay. I am willing to start out as a substitute or a teacher’s aid before I get my own classroom. My mom did something very similar when she went back to work. She started as the recess lady and a reading tutor, now she runs the Low Reinforcement Room (fancy word for detention and In School Suspension).

Why did these two experiences affect me so much? I’m not friends with either of those people; in fact, I can’t even remember one of their names. As mothers, we strive to make the best choices for our families. We easily frustrate ourselves with trying to be perfect; and so we focus on the very few negative responses instead of remembering the unlimited positive ones. We subconsciously become our biggest bully.

So why do I stay home with my kids?

I stay home with my kids because it is what is best for my family. My kids need me during the day, and I need them. Gerson needs me functioning at night (when I did my student teaching I pretty much did nothing other than lesson prep). I also need “me time”. I can’t have “me time” if I’m working all day and then cooking, cleaning and doing lesson preps all night. Without any guilt I admit that I love having quiet time all to myself when my kids take naps during the day and after bedtime at night.

I stay home with my kids because I am their teacher. Benjamin says more words and fuller sentences each week. I’m there to teach him those new words. I love witnessing his development. I teach him how to interact with Luna, and get rewarded when I witness him apply it. For example, one time Benjamin was playing with his toy train and Luna reached for it. I silently watched to see how Benjamin would respond, he tried to hand it to her and said, “Here go baby.” He looked confused when she didn’t take it from him so I told him that she wasn’t strong enough to hold it, but if he played with it close by her she could touch it. So he pushed his train back and forth from him to Luna so that they could both touch it. A few days later he put a toy car next to Luna and said, “Look Mama, baby play with car!”

I stay home with my kids because it’s my way of bonding with them. Luna is exclusively breastfed, and she is a total mama’s girl. It has been a meaningful experience for Benjamin too as he has learned how babies eat. Benjamin also spends every waking moment talking to me. He asks me to read to him. We sing and dance. And sometimes both kids are sitting on my lap. It’s not always easy. I have to discipline him several times a day. But every once in a while he shows that he is progressing in learning how to be obedient, or remembering what is a “no-no”. Watching Benjamin progress gives me hope that I’m doing a good job.

I stay at home with my kids because it’s what I want. I chose this. I want to be home with my kids. I love being home with my kids. It’s not always perfect, and I’m not always happy; but the majority of the time things are good. Every time I stop and think about it, I’m glad I made this choice.

I know I’m preaching to the choir here. There are hundreds of other blogs about how awesome it is to be a SAHM. I’m not saying anything new. But I needed to write this for myself, to remind myself that it’s okay that I chose to stay home. Because every once in a while I get down on myself for not working yet. I mistakenly think that I’m wasting my degree and money spent getting that degree by not working right now. But that is not true. I can use what I learned in school with my kids and possible future callings in Church. One day, I will use my degree in my own classroom; but for now, I’m going to enjoy being home with my kids.

I want to end with a thought that can apply to any situation, but that I personally applied to motherhood as that was on my mind when I read it:

“We should remember that to explore does not mean to inhabit, embrace or adopt. It simply means, ‘to examine something carefully, investigate, to travel to an unknown region.’ ‘To explore’ may mean we need to discover some new things to give ourselves a different perspective or examine new horizons. And it may also mean that when we explore new territory, we too may have to go through our own wilderness before we get to our Promised Land.” – Professor Brent A. Barstow, PhD (Caleb’s Creed, pg. 28-29)

I have explored motherhood as a college student, a “working mom” during student teaching, and now as a SAHM. In staying home with my kids I have found my Promised Land.