Benjamin's birthday fell on the last week school was open. His birthday party was the Saturday after school was closed, and we handed out the invitations before we knew parties were a no-no. Luckily the majority of Benjamin's friends came! Like last year, Benjamin picked a dinosaur theme. He and his friends had a blast playing together, doing dinosaur games, and getting candy from the pinata.Benjamin loves Lily with all of his heart; it has been that way since the day she was born and he walked into the hospital room to meet her. He and Luna fight like normal siblings, but they still love each other and play all sorts of creative games.
He still loves trains and dinosaurs, and I have to confess that I hope he never grows out of either of those things. He knows so much about both. He chooses educational books on trains and dinosaurs at the library and when he does Epic Reading for school. He can tell me the names of the different train cars and track pieces. He can pronounce the names of the dinosaurs - even names that didn't make it into the Jurassic Park movies. He currently is going back and forth between wanting to be a train engineer and a paleontologist when he grows up.
I am so proud of Benjamin's progress in school. When he entered kindergarten he could identify the alphabet, numbers, colors, and shapes; but he couldn't read or write. I feared the he was behind already because I had been able to read and write when I entered kindergarten, but I learned that he was just fine and he flourished in his kindergarten class. He entered first grade right where he needed to be. Spanish was added to his first grade curriculum, and he did not like his Spanish teacher at first; not because she wasn't a good or nice teacher, but because Spanish was hard. Now he loves her and he is flourishing in both languages, but don't ask him to speak Spanish to you because he won't speak for an audience, only when he feels no pressure and wants to.
When Benjamin was around three or four years old, I noticed that there was something - for lack of a better word - different about him. He was very sensitive to loud and unexpected noises, which most kids are at that age, but his was extreme. I remember one time we were in Jamba Juice, and he sat down under the counter and plugged his ears because he didn't like the sound of all of the blenders. He also hated self flushing toilets and the hand dryers in public bathrooms. He would cry and plug his ears when they turned on unexpectedly, and it got to the point where we would have to warn him before entering a public bathroom, and he would plug his ears and keep them plugged until we left the bathroom. Those are just two examples of many issues.
My mom thought he might have a sensory issue related to hearing. A neighbor thought he might have autism. I didn't believe it was autism, but I thought my mom might be on the right path with the sensory issue theory. Gerson and I decided not to bring it up with his doctor or consider getting him tested unless it affected his ability to progress in school, and since he wasn't in school yet, we were going to wait.
It took a long time, but Benjamin eventually grew out of his toilet flushing and hand drying fear. When it comes to loud noises, he simply has to get used to them. A couple of years ago I participated in an alumni routine for my high school dance team, and the music at the concert was too loud for him; so we took him out in the hall after my routine.
As he entered Primary at Church, and then Kindergarten; we noticed that he became very comfortable and dependent on his schedule and routine and the adults that were apart of that. He struggled more than most kids with change. Each January he would fight going to go to his new Primary class because he didn't want a new teacher. He would also fight going to primary if he had a substitute, or a new teacher got called partway through the year. In kindergarten he would cry if there was a substitute unexpectedly, but he would do alright if his teacher was able to tell the class ahead of time. He also wouldn't participate fully in testing because the teacher that administered the test to him wasn't his regular teacher, so his scores didn't truly show what his abilities were.
Also during this time Benjamin started exaggerating how bad something was. For example, when told it's time to clean up he would start crying, "I'm never going to play again!" or "I have to throw my toys in the garbage!" Out of all of Benjamin's triggers, these exaggerations are the hardest for Gerson and I to stay calm during. His other issues come from a place of fear and uncertainty that we are able to teach him to prepare for and cope with. But so far these exaggerations are above our abilities and we have been unable to figure out how to combat this other than to tell Benjamin that what he said is not true. Gerson and I did not say what he accused us of saying. What he said is a lie and it is not okay to lie. It just makes Benjamin cry more because he knows we aren't happy, but I'm currently stuck on this one.
Last year, in Kindergarten, we finally found the word for Benjamin's struggles: anxiety. I read article after article about anxiety in children, found a checklist that I took to his doctor, and she confirmed that what I have described matches anxiety. His doctor gave us contact information for children's counselors in our area. We decided to, for the time being, work on at-home coping skills because we don't feel like he is to the point where he needs therapy.
The three examples I have given: loud noises, change in routine, and exaggerating negative things, are only three of several triggers that Benjamin struggles with. Most of his triggers do fit his age group; but what makes it different for him is his reactions to those triggers are more extreme than the average kid his age and/or it takes him longer to cope with or overcome.
He has almost completely overcome his issue with loud noises, which gives us hope that our choice to work with him at home is the right path for him. Something that we have learned over the past year is that when he grasps the coping skills for one trigger it is replaced with a new trigger, or it sometimes "mutates." This is not something that he will grow out of or can be cured from. He will have anxiety the rest of his life, and he will always have to work on new skills and practice old skills to help himself survive emotionally.
Gerson and I love him with all our hearts, and wouldn't want him any other way.
