Sacrament Meeting Talk: How The Book of Mormon Has Blessed Me and My Family

Today I  gave a short talk in my ward's sacrament meeting. The topic I was given is: how The Book of Mormon has blessed me and my family during these trying times.

To be honest, when the first presidency announced the cancellation of Sunday worship services back in March, I cried. Sunday is one of the few times a week that I get face-to-face adult interaction. Before all of this, I used to read my scriptures while I ate my breakfast. After taking Benjamin to school, I would get the girls focused on their toys or a movie, and I would enjoy breakfast by myself with my scriptures. My copy of Come, Follow Me is full of notes until April. With everyone home, I'm lucky to zoom through a chapter, but there is not much time for self-reflection. 

Despite my struggles with personal study, our family study has increased and prospered. On Sundays, we have a family Church service in our home. We sing the hymns that Sister Struthers shares on the ward page, Gerson blesses the Sacrament and passes it, and I teach a full length primary lesson to our three children. I would like to highlight two sections of the Book of Mormon that talk about a parent's responsibility to their children.

Jacob 1:18-19 says,

"For I, Jacob, and my brother Joseph had been consecrated priests and teachers of this people, by the hand of Nephi.

And we did magnify our office unto the Lord, taking upon us the responsibility, answering the sins of the people upon our own heads if we did not teach them the word of God with all diligence; wherefore, by laboring with our might their blood might not come upon our garments; otherwise their blood would come upon our garments, and we would not be found spotless at the last day."

I am responsible for my children's actions if I don't teach them right from wrong. 

In the Come, Follow Me for Individuals and Families, Enos 1:1-3 is highlighted with the question about what those verses mean for parents and children. Enos said that he remembered the things that his dad taught him. In my copy, I wrote: "Teach truth, children will remember what we teach them."

Topics that our at-home Primary has covered so far:

• Jesus Christ
• Prophets are seers, they teach about Jesus, we should listen to and follow them
• Put trust in God
• Mosiah 7:33 "But if ye will turn to the Lord with full purpose of heart, and put your trust in him, and serve him with all diligence of mind, if ye do this, he will, according to his own will and pleasure, deliver you out of bondage." 
• The 10 Commandments
• Repentance and Forgiveness
• Missionary work
• Practiced saying, "The Book of Mormon teaches about Jesus Christ."
• Service
• Prayer
• Testimony
• Resurrection

To teach these topics to my children I have used the Book of Mormon Stories illustrated book, and I highlight 1-3 verses from The Book of Mormon. 

Focusing on Primary during our at-home worship services has helped me be directly involved in my children's religious education. Not that I wasn't before. We have always done FHE and family scripture study, but at the same time I have always relied on nursery and primary teachers to help with that. Now I'm doing it all. This has also helped all of us to share more personal stories to serve as examples for the topics we are teaching and discussing. And my children have been very comfortable sharing their thoughts and asking questions. I taught them how to share a testimony, and both Benjamin and Luna have shared their testimonies on Fast Sunday. My mom and my dad also join us. My dad is inactive, so this has been really special for us to have him there. 

I would like to end by sharing my favorite Book of Mormon verses about Jesus Christ.

Alma 7:11-12

"And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities."

Jesus Christ knows how to comfort us, because he knows how we feel. I have loved these two verses long before the current crisis hit our family, but I find that this time of emotional and financial struggle makes these verses even more relevant as Gerson and I have had to lean on each other and Jesus Christ. I'm grateful for the experience to study The Book of Mormon so closely as a family. I have really enjoyed teaching my children and watching them think it over and figure out the messages as we talk about it on their level. Focusing on them and teaching them has been the biggest blessing that has come out of all of this. 

Utah's History of Interracial Marriage

This year I learned that June 12th is Loving Day. Loving Day is the anniversary of the Supreme Court's decision in the Loving v. Virginia case to overturn marriage laws that prohibit interracial marriage. As someone who is in an interracial marriage, I felt intrigued to research Utah's marriage laws concerning race. 

Because Utah's early white history is intertwined with Church history, I had to grapple with some tough information about the opinions of early Church members, including prophets and apostles. My testimony of the gospel and belief in Jesus Christ has not been shaken, but I do acknowledge that what was said in the past was wrong. I also understand that those past opinions have influenced the culture of Utah and members of the Church in Utah today. Even though laws and policies have changed, some individual opinions and attitudes haven't, which has caused hurt and pain to many of Heavenly Father's children. To those who I have been hurt by past teachings and current attitudes, I am so sorry. 

The majority of this information I found by reading "The Prohibition of Interracial Marriage in Utah, 1888-1963" by Patrick Q. Mason (link at the bottom).

Pre-Utah Church teachings and events

According to journal entries, Joseph Smith taught that Blacks had souls and were "subjects of salvation." He talked about "equalization," but to him, it must have been a separate-but-equal idea because he also said that they should be confined to their own species. While mayor of Nauvoo, he fined two Black men who had attempted to marry White women. He fined one $25 and the other $5.

 In 1847, William McCary was a black man who was excommunicated for marrying a White woman, Lucy Stanton. The official report was that his excommunication was for polygamous marriages that were not approved by Church leaders. If these allegations of polygamy are true, it is also noted that all of his supposed wives were White, so it's not a hard stretch to consider the racial differences to be the main factor.

1852-1888 An Act in Relation to Service

Brigham Young continued the teachings against interracial marriages between Blacks and Whites. His words were quite bold in the fact that he declared those who did enter such unions deserved death, would loose access to the priesthood, and their children should not breed. Fair Mormon does point out, however, that Brigham Young never ordered the execution of any interracial couple, claiming that Brigham "had more bark than he did bite."

In 1852 the Utah Territory government passed the Act in Relation to Service, which prohibited sexual relations between Whites and Blacks. Such laws were largely accepted across the United States because several Supreme Court cases during that had clarified that both federal and local governments could constitutionally write and enforce laws concerning marriage. These laws were called anti-miscegenation laws, and were coupled with Jim Crow laws in the south and national anti-Chinese immigration laws.

Utah's law is viewed as peculiar to historians because most anti-miscegenation laws were in places where the Black population was at least 5%. Utah's Black population at the time was .3%. Historians believe that Utah participated in these laws because Utah newspapers shared stories of "scandalous" interracial marriages from other states. These stories, along with the attempts of racial equality during the Reconstruction era, led to the fear of "race mixing."

In 1884 a White soldier married a Black woman. The couple received public shaming via the newspapers and on the street.

In 1886 Thomas Colbourn, a Black man, was murdered, and a note was pinned on his body warning Black men to stay away from White women.

In 1887 A Black man and White woman were married in Salt Lake City. The ceremony was performed by a non-Mormon priest. The Salt Lake Tribune - anti-Mormon even then - blamed the Church for the marriage because the territory didn't have an anti-miscegenation law yet (the Act in Relation to Service was only about sex, not marriage).

1888-1963 An Act Regulating Marriage

Due to the above events and opinions, the territorial government passed An Act Regulating Marriage, which was signed into law March 8, 1888. This Act prohibited marriage between Blacks and Whites, Mongolians and Whites, polygamous marriages, incest, marriage "to an idiot", and underage marriages. During this time the federal government was breathing down Utah's neck about polygamy, and as an attempt to deflect, members of the Church tried to turn the spotlight on interracial marriage. However, at this point the federal government had already brought in non-members to Utah government seats, and polygamy was included in the Regulating Marriage Act. 

An important note to make here is that marriage to Native Americans was not included, though other states and territories surrounding Utah did include Native Americans in their prohibition laws. Historians believe this is because the culture of the Church believes that Native Americans are descendants of the Lamanites from the Book of Mormon. This belief created an encouragement to marry "Lamanites" in order to save them. By 1870 about three dozen white men had taken Native American Wives. However, white women were discouraged from marrying Native American men. Another possible reason that Historians have mentioned is that by the 1880s Native Americans had already been segregated from White Utah residents, so the risk of "race mixing" was low. 

In 1889 a family living in Logan was turned into the authorities for being mixed. The husband was Chinese and the wife was White. They had been married in Idaho before Utah's law was put into affect, but the authorities still took their children away.

In 1895 a White woman was denied a temple sealing to her White husband, because she had previously been married to a Black man and had two children from her previous marriage. 

On November 16, 1897 George Q. Cannon wrote in his journal  that he had learned from John Taylor, who had learned from Joseph Smith, that a White man who marries a Black woman would lose the priesthood, and they should die.

In 1898 an Ogden couple was caught in bed after midnight and arrested. William Howard was Black and Ella Howarth was White. Ella tried to claim that she had a Black ancestor, so their relationship was valid. After being put under pressure, Ella admitted that she was full White. She was sent home, and William was sentenced to 20 years in prison.

Also in 1898 Dora Harris and Quang Wah applied for a marriage license in Salt Lake City. They were denied because Quang was Chinese. Dora argued that she was part Black on her mother's side. The county clerk denied that claim, saying that her skin was so light that her White lineage dominated and he declared her White.

In 1907 B.H. Roberts wrote in defense of segregation because it would prevent the mixing of Whites and Blacks by marriage. During the priesthood ban, at least two White men were denied the priesthood because they married Black women - not to mention all Black men were denied the priesthood. The Young Women's journal advised young women of the Church to avoid marrying outside of their race or they will be committing "race disintegration" and "race suicide."

1939 Additions to the Marriage Regulation Act

In 1939 there was an attempt to segregate Black neighborhoods in Salt Lake City. The attempt failed because a group of Black women went to every meeting and made their voices heard.

Also in 1939, further prohibitions were made to the Marriage Regulation Act:

• Those with syphilis, gonorrhea, and epilepsy 
• Malay with White
• half black, one-quarter black, and one-eighth black with White 

The decision to include those of Malaysia and Indonesia heritage came from a case in California where a Filipino-White couple argued for their right to marry because Filipinos are not of Mongolian descent. 

In 1946 J. Reuben Clark counseled the young women to marry within their race, because the opposite, according to him, is both biologically and spiritually wrong. Most Church leaders during this time preached against interracial marriage - with the focus being against marriages to Black people.

1963 Repealing the Marriage Regulation Act

Starting in 1948, individual states started to repeal their anti-miscegenation laws. Idaho did so in 1959, which inspired James Thomas (Black) and Kathleen McMurtrey (White) to travel to Idaho to get married. They had already been living together, and had a baby. Though due to extreme pressure from Kathleen's family, they had given the baby up to a children's agency. After their marriage they returned to Utah and asked for their baby back. Their marriage was denied, as was the request to return their baby. The official reason was that Thomas' divorce from his first wife had not been finalized, it was not finalized until 1960. However, it is without a doubt that Thomas' skin color played a bigger role in the denial. 

As Utah watched the rest of the country, they figured that it was only a matter of time before the Supreme Court made a national decision, and decided to repeal the Marriage Regulation Act on their own in 1963. One Republican representative vocally opposed; stating that the children and grandchildren of such unions will be denied eternity because they would inherit the "curse" from their black ancestors. 

The exact wording of the law:

Utah Code Title 30 Husband and Wife, Chapter 1 Marriage, Section 2.2 Validation of Interracial Marriage

"All interracial marriages, otherwise valid and legal, contracted prior to July 1, 1965, to which one of the parties of marriage was subject to disability  to marry on account of Subsection 30-1-2(5) or (6), as those subsections existed prior to May 14, 1963, are hereby valid and made lawful in all respects as though such marriages had been duly and legally contracted in the first instance."

Afterwards

Although the law had changed, racism among Church members did not. In 1966 a White woman was denied future access to the temple after she married a Black man, and was told that her endowments were now invalid. She appealed to higher leadership, and her living endowments were validated, but the ban from the temple remained. 

When the priesthood ban for Black men was lifted, the Church spokesman at the time clarified that interracial marriage was still discouraged. President Spencer W. Kimball also further explained that while interracial marriage was not a sin, it was still discouraged and considered selfish because of the hardships that both the couple and their future children would endure due to cultural differences.  

In 1995, a talk given by Russell M. Nelson had a footnote that stated that marriages will be most successful when both spouses are of the same religion, language, culture, and ethnic background.

In both 2003 and 2008, the Church was put in a position to clarify that it no longer has any restrictions on interracial marriage. And in 2013 the teacher's manual for the youth was updated, and the Spencer W. Kimball quote about marrying within one's race was removed. In fact, I searched the Church's website for Spencer W. Kimball's teachings on marriage, and I cannot find this quote. 

In both 2007 and 2017 the Deseret News published articles talking about the rise of interracial marriage across the nation (links at the bottom). These articles stated the following statistics:

• 2000 poll shows that 62% of Whites support interracial marriage.
• 2005 4% of the nations couples are interracial.
• 2017 1 in 6 newlyweds are interracial, with support among Whites increasing.

Both articles also shared several individual stories about interracial couples in Utah.

Personal Thoughts

The above research shows that Utah's laws against interracial marriage was directed towards Blacks and Asians. Hispanics were never mentioned. Though one of the Deseret News articles stated that Hispanic-White marriages have only just begun to be recorded as interracial marriages in recent years, so that might be one reason why. A theory of mine is that in Church culture, Hispanics fall under the "Lamanite" umbrella like Native Americans; so members want to "bring them into the fold." It is also noteworthy that the census records for 1920 show 1.2% Hispanic for the entire U.S., no data for Hispanics for 1930, and 1.5% for 1940; so it is also likely that the number of Hispanics living in Utah at the time was not concerning when the Regulation Act was amended in 1939. However, regardless of the law, the culture of racism most definitely has seeped into how some White people in Utah view and treat Hispanics. 

I would also like to mention that this research showed me that the records focused on White marriages to persons of color. As a few of the stories mentioned, one person of color from one race marrying another person of color from a different race was acceptable. I do think it's important to point out that those marriages are still interracial marriages. Just because they both have darker skin, doesn't mean there aren't cultural, and sometimes linguistic differences. A White person does not have to be involved to make a marriage interracial. 

I do believe that Utah's history with racism has influenced the experiences I have had while dating men of color. I have not dated any Black men, and I know the current conversation is about racism against Blacks specifically; but I would like to share my experiences in order to compare with the experiences shared by White-Black couples in Utah. My point will be made clear soon. I promise I am not trying to change the spotlight.

One of my boyfriends from my teenage years was Polynesian. Some members of his family did not like him dating a White girl, and that led to a fast breakup. His family did not openly tell me that, he never told me that, one of his friends told me privately. Another boy, whom I did not date exclusively, we tried to start a relationship and it didn't work out, was Hispanic. One of his siblings told me that their dad did not know I was White. In both of those instances I felt very hurt and offended. I never met either of those parents, so no face-to-face interactions took place. Because of that, I'm not going to be so audacious as to claim any form of racism or prejudice on their part. I just would like to point out that that is only two instances for me of feeling that way. People of color get that multiplied by at least a thousand. They experience stuff like that all the time.

During this time I had a conversation with a co-worker, who was Native American, about interracial relationships. She expressed disapproval and said, "I'm sorry, but you white women steal our men!" This comment has stuck with me since, and I always feel validated when I see a woman of color with a white man because then things are balanced, and marrying Gerson was okay.

My next boyfriend was also Hispanic, and his stepdad and step-sisters were White. I had a really good relationship with his family, and spending time at his house was fun and comfortable. After him, I dated my one and only White boyfriend. When our relationship "became public," one person who was voicing their approval said, "And Chelsey, he's White!" I'm embarrassed to say that I laughed in response. At the time I thought that they were just teasing me because I did have a habit for dating "brown boys." However, when that same person voiced bold disapproval for me dating Gerson, that comment came back to haunt me.

During Christmas of that year, Gerson went home to spend the holiday with his family. He told his mom that he wanted to marry me and that he was going to propose in the near future. His mom told him, "I'm sad that I won't get to talk to my future daughter-in-law." Gerson responded, "I'm not going to marry a Latina just so that you can talk to her." I wasn't offended by that statement. Being able to converse with your family is a valid desire. So, I took that as my cue to learn Spanish, and I registered for a Spanish class the following semester. Gerson's mom has also practiced English, and we currently communicate in broken Spanish and broken English, and really love each other. 

When Gerson and I got engaged, several people thought I was pregnant. The questions and comments depleted my self-esteem because I thought that I was fat and that's where the comments were coming from. It was Gerson who set me straight, "You're not fat. No one can understand why a 19 year old White girl is marrying a 25 year old Hispanic man. Pregnancy is the only thing that makes sense to them."

Throughout our ten year marriage we have had mostly positive experiences. When we encounter something negative though, we have to go through the whole alphabet of "what ifs" and "maybes" before we admit and accept if something was racist. Gerson experiences more racism when he is out and about by himself than when he is with me. A small list off the top of my head:

• While walking to our car at BYU, a White girl, who was walking ahead of Gerson kept looking back at him with a fearful expression, and eventually broke into a run. (I wasn't there.)
• Car dealerships always try to overcharge him.
• Employees at Panda Express and Cafe Rio almost always assume we are separate and look surprised when we are paying together.
• One time at Dillard's in the shoe department, the Sales Associate, who was Hispanic, would sigh and roll her eyes every time I asked to try on a shoe (Gerson was with me); but had no problem being friendly and helpful to the other couple in the department who were both Hispanic. 
• A police officer pulled Gerson over and accused him of having "stolen plates" on his car. Gerson told the officer that this was the only car he had ever owned and the plates were not stolen. The cop took Gerson's info and went back to his car, when he came back he claimed there must have been a glitch because now the info showed Gerson's plates matched his registration.
• A sales associate at Verizon assumed that neither Gerson nor I could do math, and was very condescending the entire time we were renewing our contract. 
• A stranger called the police on Gerson, claiming that Gerson was driving drunk. While waiting for the police to show up, the stranger tailed Gerson in their own vehicle, scaring Gerson. The police officer who responded was very nice and figured out immediately what was going on, and apologized to Gerson.
• While parked on the side of a residential road, an old White man banged on Gerson's car window and yelled, "What are you doing in this neighborhood."
• When playing Pokemon Go at the park, it is not uncommon for White moms to pull their children closer as Gerson walks by.

Why did I include negative experiences with other persons of color? One, because I would be sharing an incomplete story if I didn't. Two, the opposition to interracial relationships can be found on all sides. I would like to make it clear that I do not consider Gerson's conversation with his mom as part of this. I shared that to show the the cultural differences that people who oppose interracial marriages are so concerned about are not something to shy away from. We meet them head on and work together in patience, love, and acceptance.

When it comes to identifying my children, I am very adamant that they are White-Hispanics or White-Latinos. I want them to be proud of and be accepted by both races. We are able to claim this because their skin is a light tan. Biracial people who have darker skin tend to have a harder time claiming their White race. The comedian Trevor Noah said that the only people who are allowed to be White are the people who look White. Mixed people with darker skin have to label themselves as the colored part of their heritage. Trevor grew up in South Africa where there is White, Black, and Colored. In South Africa Trevor is Colored, here he is Black. Either way, he is not allowed to own his White heritage, which is really sad. We need to allow biracial people to label and identify themselves the way they choose to that isn't dependent on the hue of their skin. 

Over the past few weeks I have read several personal experiences from Black people, some who live in Utah. Compared to what they have experienced, Gerson's run-ins with racism are tame. But neither are okay. I encourage everyone to read up on the experiences of Black people, and ask yourself if you have done anything similar to the examples in their stories. Before I married Gerson, I made a lot of mistakes, and I still do. He has been patient with me, and I have learned a lot from him. Listen. Learn. Change. 

Sources:

https://www.jstor.org/stable/45063125?seq=24#metadata_info_tab_contents

https://www.deseret.com/2007/4/13/20012735/mixed-marriages-on-rise#susan-and-mitsuyuki-sakurai-an-immigrant-from-japan-have-been-married-30-years-it-has-been-40-years-since-the-u-s-supreme-court-struck-down-laws-against-interracial-marriages-utah-repealed-its-law-against-such-marriages-in-1963

https://www.deseret.com/2017/5/18/20612565/50-years-after-supreme-court-ruling-interracial-marriage-has-increased-but-varies-by-location#file-richard-p-loving-and-his-wife-mildred-pose-in-this-jan-26-1965-file-photograph-residents-of-caroline-county-virginia-the-lovings-married-in-washington-d-c-in-1958-upon-their-return-to-virginia-the-interracial-couple-was-convicted-under-the-states-law-that-banned-mixed-marriages-they-eventually-won-a-u-s-supreme-court-decision-in-june-1967-that-overturned-laws-prohibiting-interracial-unions-ap-photo

https://le.utah.gov/xcode/Title30/Chapter1/30-1-S2.2.html?v=C30-1-S2.2_1800010118000101

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interracial_marriage_and_The_Church_of_Jesus_Christ_of_Latter-day_Saints#19th_century_teachings_on_black-white_marriages

(I know that wikipedia is not the most credible source. However, the reason I linked it is so that the teachings from past Church leaders are in one comprehensive list. I double checked that each one I mentioned links to a more official and credible source.)

My Anxious Boy

Benjamin turned 7 years old a few weeks ago, and just like any of my children's birthdays, I am in disbelief at how quickly he is growing. I am so lucky to be his mom. He is such a sweet boy.

Benjamin's birthday fell on the last week school was open. His birthday party was the Saturday after school was closed, and we handed out the invitations before we knew parties were a no-no. Luckily the majority of Benjamin's friends came! Like last year, Benjamin picked a dinosaur theme. He and his friends had a blast playing together, doing dinosaur games, and getting candy from the pinata.

Benjamin loves Lily with all of his heart; it has been that way since the day she was born and he walked into the hospital room to meet her. He and Luna fight like normal siblings, but they still love each other and play all sorts of creative games.

He still loves trains and dinosaurs, and I have to confess that I hope he never grows out of either of those things. He knows so much about both. He chooses educational books on trains and dinosaurs at the library and when he does Epic Reading for school. He can tell me the names of the different train cars and track pieces. He can pronounce the names of the dinosaurs - even names that didn't make it into the Jurassic Park movies. He currently is going back and forth between wanting to be a train engineer and a paleontologist when he grows up.

I am so proud of Benjamin's progress in school. When he entered kindergarten he could identify the alphabet, numbers, colors, and shapes; but he couldn't read or write. I feared the he was behind already because I had been able to read and write when I entered kindergarten, but  I learned that he was just fine and he flourished in his kindergarten class. He entered first grade right where he needed to be. Spanish was added to his first grade curriculum, and he did not like his Spanish teacher at first; not because she wasn't a good or nice teacher, but because Spanish was hard. Now he loves her and he is flourishing in both languages, but don't ask him to speak Spanish to you because he won't speak for an audience, only when he feels no pressure and wants to.

When Benjamin was around three or four years old, I noticed that there was something - for lack of a better word - different about him. He was very sensitive to loud and unexpected noises, which most kids are at that age, but his was extreme. I remember one time we were in Jamba Juice, and he sat down under the counter and plugged his ears because he didn't like the sound of all of the blenders. He also hated self flushing toilets and the hand dryers in public bathrooms. He would cry and plug his ears when they turned on unexpectedly, and it got to the point where we would have to warn him before entering a public bathroom, and he would plug his ears and keep them plugged until we left the bathroom. Those are just two examples of many issues.

My mom thought he might have a sensory issue related to hearing. A neighbor thought he might have autism. I didn't believe it was autism, but I thought my mom might be on the right path with the sensory issue theory. Gerson and I decided not to bring it up with his doctor or consider getting him tested unless it affected his ability to progress in school, and since he wasn't in school yet, we were going to wait.

It took a long time, but Benjamin eventually grew out of his toilet flushing and hand drying fear. When it comes to loud noises, he simply has to get used to them. A couple of years ago I participated in an alumni routine for my high school dance team, and the music at the concert was too loud for him; so we took him out in the hall after my routine.

As he entered Primary at Church, and then Kindergarten; we noticed that he became very comfortable and dependent on his schedule and routine and the adults that were apart of that. He struggled more than most kids with change. Each January he would fight going to go to his new Primary class because he didn't want a new teacher. He would also fight going to primary if he had a substitute, or a new teacher got called partway through the year.  In kindergarten he would cry if there was a substitute unexpectedly, but he would do alright if his teacher was able to tell the class ahead of time. He also wouldn't participate fully in testing because the teacher that administered the test to him wasn't his regular teacher, so his scores didn't truly show what his abilities were.

Also during this time Benjamin started exaggerating how bad something was. For example, when told it's time to clean up he would start crying, "I'm never going to play again!" or "I have to throw my toys in the garbage!" Out of all of Benjamin's triggers, these exaggerations are the hardest for Gerson and I to stay calm during. His other issues come from a place of fear and uncertainty that we are able to teach him to prepare for and cope with. But so far these exaggerations are above our abilities and we have been unable to figure out how to combat this other than to tell Benjamin that what he said is not true. Gerson and I did not say what he accused us of saying. What he said is a lie and it is not okay to lie. It just makes Benjamin cry more because he knows we aren't happy, but I'm currently stuck on this one.

Last year, in Kindergarten, we finally found the word for Benjamin's struggles: anxiety. I read article after article about anxiety in children, found a checklist that I took to his doctor, and she confirmed that what I have described matches anxiety. His doctor gave us contact information for children's counselors in our area. We decided to, for the time being, work on at-home coping skills because we don't feel like he is to the point where he needs therapy.

The three examples I have given: loud noises, change in routine, and exaggerating negative things, are only three of several triggers that Benjamin struggles with. Most of his triggers do fit his age group; but what makes it different for him is his reactions to those triggers are more extreme than the average kid his age and/or it takes him longer to cope with or overcome.

He has almost completely overcome his issue with loud noises, which gives us hope that our choice to work with him at home is the right path for him. Something that we have learned over the past year is that when he grasps the coping skills for one trigger it is replaced with a new trigger, or it sometimes "mutates." This is not something that he will grow out of or can be cured from. He will have anxiety the rest of his life, and he will always have to work on new skills and practice old skills to help himself survive emotionally.

Gerson and I love him with all our hearts, and wouldn't want him any other way.

Relief Society Lesson: Women's Roles in the Restoration

This month's Relief Society post is about Sister Joy D. Jones' most recent general conference talk "An Especially Noble Calling."

In her opening statement Sister Jones lists several roles women can have throughout their lives: wife, mother, grandmother, sister, aunt, teacher, leader, exemplar, and devout defender of the faith. She quotes President Nelson, "Take your rightful and needful place in your home, in your community, and in the kingdom of God." Did you catch that? Women have a rightful and needful place not just at home, but in the community, and most importantly in God's kingdom.

What roles do you fulfill in your home? What roles do you fulfill in your community?

What is a woman's role in the kingdom of God? According to Sister Jones, receiving our own revelation. She said, "I believe He (Heavenly Father) expects us to receive revelation from Him." How do we open up our hearts to receiving revelation?

• "We labor under difficulties.
• We turn to the scriptures to receive wisdom to act.
• We demonstrate our faith and trust in God.
• We exert our power to plead with God to help us thwart the adversary's influence.
• We offer up the desires of our hearts to God.
• We focus on His light guiding our life choices and resting upon us when we turn to Him.
• We realize He knows each of us by name and has individual roles for us to fulfill." 

In an interview with Sister Jones and some primary children, President Nelson said that "the Lord loves effort, because effort brings rewards." Fulfilling our roles, including receiving revelation, requires hard work and study. This allows us to progress, and we will never stop progressing; and because we are always progressing, Heavenly Father does not expect perfection. Sister Jones said that it is important to know that our pursuits are approved of God. How do you know that revelation you have received came from God?

Latter-day women are not the first to receive revelation from our Heavenly Father. He has been talking to His daughters since the beginning of time. Some are directly recorded in the scriptures, a few examples are: Eve, Mary, the mother of Jesus, Mary Magdalene, King Lamoni's wife, and Emma Smith. Others are implied: Jochebed (Moses' mother), Ruth, Esther, and Sariah (from the Book of Mormon). I have been reading Saints Volume I, and there are so many women in the early history of the restored Church who received personal revelation.

Sister Jones brought up something that I think many of us can connect with: "general conference overwhelm." She said that we "leave so determined to do it all now. Women wear many hats, but it is impossible, and unnecessary, to wear them all at once. The Spirit helps us determine which work to focus on today.  The Lord's loving influence through the Holy Ghost helps us know His priority for our progression. Heeding personal revelation leads to personal progression... Our continuing role is to receive continuing revelation."

This part of her talk resonated so much with me because I definitely get overwhelmed with every aspect of my life trying to accomplish it all. I go to bed every night with several things undone, and sometimes it really brings me down. On days that I am able to keep the Spirit with me for most of the day, I focus on the necessities and go to bed feeling good.

Have you experienced this before? How did you prioritize? 

Doctrine and Covenants 42:61 says, "If thou shalt ask, thou shalt receive revelation upon revelation, knowledge upon knowledge, that thou mayest know the mysteries and peaceable things - that which bringeth joy, that which bringeth life eternal."

And D&C 18:18 "Ask the Father in my name in faith, believing that you shall receive, and you shall have the Holy Ghost, which manifesteth all things which are expedient unto the children of men."

Along with revelation, women also have access to the priesthood. Sister Jones said, "We access the power of the priesthood through covenants, made first in the waters of baptism and then within the walls of the holy temples. President Nelson taught us, "Every woman and every man who makes covenants with God and keeps those covenants, and who participates worthily in priesthood ordinances, has direct access to the power of God." 

This is also explained in Doctrine and Covenants 84:20-21 "Therefore in the ordinances thereof, and the power of the godliness is manifest. And without the ordinances thereof, and the authority of the priesthood, the power of godliness is not manifest unto men in the flesh."

Sister Jones concluded, "In the final analysis of women's continuing roles in the Restoration, and for us all, what role is preeminent? I testify that it is to hear Him, to follow Him, to trust Him, and to become an extension of His love."

Hearing Him is revelation. Following Him, trusting Him, and becoming an extension of His love are acting on revelation.

I believe Sister Jones' declaration that receiving personal revelation is a role that women can and should fulfill. I have experienced personal revelation for myself and revelation for my immediate family. God speaks to me, and he can speak to you as well.

For Personal Reflection: Am I actively seeking revelation? Do I know when thoughts and ideas come from God? How do I respond to revelation?

Relief Society Lesson: "There and Back Again" A Disciple's Adventure

If we weren't currently practicing social distancing, I would be teaching Relief Society this Sunday, March 22. The talk I would have taught from is "Your Great Adventure" by Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf, and I decided to write a regular blog post on his talk. I invite anyone who wants to - brother or sister, ward member or not - to answer any of the questions or share any related thoughts in the comments, so that we can still participate in spiritual discussion even though we cannot meet together in person.

Elder Uchtdorf begins his talk by using the story of The Hobbit as a parallel for a our decision to leave Heaven and come to earth. He said:

"Long, ago, even before we were born, in an age dimmed by time and clouded from memory, we too were invited to embark on an adventure. It was proposed by God, our Heavenly Father. Accepting this adventure would mean leaving the comfort and security of His immediate presence. It would mean coming to earth for a journey filled with unknown danger and trial."

 Elder Uchtdorf then reminded us of what we knew before we agreed to Heavenly Father's plan:

• It would not be easy.
• We would gain a physical body.
• We would feel joy and sorrow.
• We would learn truth.
• We would make mistakes.
• The sacrifice of Jesus Christ - which would us to be cleansed from our transgressions and one day be resurrected - was already planned and promised to us.
• God loves us.

Elder Uchtdorf said that there must have been some things we knew that scared us since many of our spirit brothers and sisters chose not to come to earth and receive a body. Those of us who are here obviously chose to come, we accepted this adventure. Based on the above bullet points, what do you think made this adventure appealing to our spirits? What makes it appealing to you right now?

Sometimes we get distracted and prefer a comfortable natural-man type of life over the growth and progress that living the gospel brings us. I would like to take a small tangent to remind us of the 3 Ds of the adversary from a previous lesson: deception, distraction, discouragement. The four ways to over come those are: love God, pray, read the book of Mormon, take the Sacrament. When the adversary tries to pull us from the path, we can use the truths of the restored gospel to get us back on. Elder Uchtdorf said:

"The restored gospel is, in a sense, a renewal of the call to adventure we accepted so long ago. The Savior invites us, each day, to set aside our comforts and securities and join Him on the journey of discipleship."

We can succeed in this adventure by doing three things:

1. Incline your heart to God
2. Reach out in love to others
3. Share your story 

Incline Your Heart to God

"You need to choose to incline your heart to God. Strive each day to find Him. Learn to love Him. And then let that love inspire you to learn, understand, and follow His teachings and learn to keep God's commandments."

"If you hesitate in this adventure because you doubt your ability, remember that discipleship is not about doing things perfectly; its about doing things intentionally. It is your choices that show what you truly are, far more than your abilities."

"All God asks is that you consciously keep striving."

What have your experiences been with trying for intentional discipleship? How has intentional discipleship helped you grow closer to God?



Reach Out in Love to Others

"The only way for you to progress in your gospel adventure is to help others progress as well. To help others is the path of discipleship."

"But this love cannot come with expectations of repayment. It cannot be the kind of service that expects recognition, adulation, or favor."

I personally see a connection between needing to help and serve others in order for progression and living as families; along with the teachings found in both the scriptures and preached over the pulpit to be one and be united. Also, the mindset that we don't expect anything in return for service is important so that we are serving for the right reasons. How can this mindset help us in how we serve and how we view service?


Share Your Story

"Take upon ourselves the name of Jesus Christ and not be ashamed of being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ. We do not hide our faith. We do not bury it...we talk about our journey with others in normal and natural ways...You tell your stories and experiences as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints."

Elder Uchtdorf references Matthew 28:16-20, in which Jesus is speaking with his disciples for the last time, and this is what he tells them:

"Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. 

Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen." (Matthew 28:19-20)

 We are to testify of Christ, and share our experiences. What experiences have you had inviting someone to an activity or sharing your testimony? Or, have you been the one invited? What happened?

Elder Uchtdorf encouraged us not to wait for the "perfect moment," but to start being a disciple right away. His invitation is for everyone:

"To those of us already walking that path, take courage, exercise compassion, have confidence, and continue! 

To those who have left the path, please come back, join again with us, make us stronger.

And to those who have not yet begun, why delay?...Speak with the missionaries. Speak with your Latter-day Saint friends."

Elder Uchrdof ends with four promises of what we will discover if we accept the adventure of discipleship:

1. You will discover yourself.
2. You will discover meaning.
3. You will discover God.
4. You will discover the most adventurous and glorious journey of your life.

For personal reflection: When it comes to discipleship, what am I doing well? Where can I improve?

Once again, I invite you to answer the questions and/or share your thoughts in the comments. 

Relief Society Lesson: The Second Great Commandment Leads to Service

This month my Relief Society lesson was on "The Second Great Commandment" by President Russell M. Nelson. 

This talk is less of a traditional talk, and more of a summary and statistics report of the service the Church has provided worldwide - which is great information; but I struggled turning it into a lesson. I felt inspired to separate all of the examples into broader categories and ask my fellow sisters to share ideas and examples of service in those categories at a local level.

We started off by identifying the first and second great commandments: 1. Love God with all your heart. 2. Love your neighbor as yourself.

Of these two commandments, President Nelson said, "When we love God with all our hearts, He turns our hearts to the well-being of others in a beautiful virtuous cycle."

Service can sometimes be stressful for me, because I want to do it perfectly or make a big impact. And the examples given in this talk, while amazing acts of service, did just that. So, with the goal of putting everyone in the right frame of mind, I brought in Sister Bonnie L. Oscarson's talk "The Needs Before Us." She said:

"I think that sometimes it's easy to miss some of the greatest opportunities to serve others because we are distracted or because we are looking for ambitious ways to change the world and we don't see that some of the most significant needs we can meet are within our own families, among our friends, in our wards, and in our communities. We are touched when we see the suffering and great needs of those halfway around the world, but we may fail to see there is a person who needs our friendship sitting right next to us in class... 

...What good does it do to save the world if we neglect the needs of those closest to us and those whom we love the most? How much value is there in fixing the world if the people around us are falling apart and we don't notice? Heavenly Father may have placed those who need us closest to us, knowing that we are best suited to meet their needs."

At this point, one sister expressed that for moms of young kids, taking care of our families and raising our children is service. She also said that giving someone a genuine smile or sitting with them and talking with them at church is service.

I introduced the service categories we would be discussing: 1. Financial assistance, 2. Food, water, etc., 3. Spiritual/Emotional. In reference to all types of service, President Nelson said, "This assistance is offered to recipients regardless of their church affiliation, nationality, race, sexual orientation, gender, or political persuasion."

Financial Assistance

Deuteronomy 15:11 "For the poor shall never cease out of the land: therefore I command thee, saying, Thou shalt open thine hand wide unto they brother, to they poor, and to thy needy, in thy land."

Notice that the verb used is command. It is a commandment to care for the poor. President Nelson shared two examples in his talk: 1. The Church donated labor and modest financial assistance to the mosque in Christchurch, New Zealand that had been devastated by a shooting. 2. Back in the '80's fast offerings in Ethiopia totaled above what was needed, and the surplus sent elsewhere, leading to the creation of Latter-day Saint Charities.

When discussing financial assistance at a local level, I gave the example of a sister in the ward and I who babysit each other's kids for free. We don't keep a tally to make sure it's even, we just do it to help each other out. Another sister emphasized that we do help locally and globally with our fast offerings. That money starts local is then sent to the next need. We don't know exactly where our fast offerings go, but we know they are helping someone.

Food, Water, etc.

Matthew 25:35-36, 40

"For I was an hungered, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:

Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.

...Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."

When we serve others, we are serving Christ. One sister shared that a couple of years ago when there were fires in Spanish Fork Canyon, the houses closest to the mountain had to be evacuated. The Red Cross set up tents for people to stay in, but no one came because everyone was invited to stay in the house of someone else nearby. Another sister shared the idea of providing a spiritual or emotional shelter, where when people visit our homes they can feel the Spirit, and receive peace and comfort from the rest of the world.

The Church has donated wheelchairs, water, and emergency supplies. There are 124 Bishop Storehouses worldwide. Vision care and newborn care is available to those in need; and the helping hands program provides first responders to disaster relief. At a local level we talked about compassionate service, which covers so much.

Spiritual/Emotional

Mosiah 18:8-9

"...as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another's burdens, that they may be light.

Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life."

We spent this section going into depth on what it means to mourn and comfort. A couple of sisters shared  how it comforts them when people are able to know and understand how they are feeling. That led to a follow up question: How do we mourn with or comfort someone who is going through something we haven't? We talked about providing a listening ear free of judgment and advice. We talked about using the Spirit to guide us on how to serve someone.

At the end of his talk, President Nelson said:

"Giving help to others - making a conscientious effort to care about others as much as or more than we care about ourselves - is our joy. Especially, I might add, when it is not convenient and when it takes us out of our comfort zone. Living that second great commandment is the key to becoming a true disciple of Jesus Christ."  

This statement summarizes what I was trying to emphasize during this lesson: Our love of God and each other leads to service. We should allow ourselves to serve when it might appear inconvenient or be uncomfortable, because we will grow in that experience; and serving with the right heart will bring us joy.

My Forever Home is not Brand New

Last July we bought our first - and we are fairly certain our last - house. It has been an exciting, scary, emotional, and educational journey; that actually started two and a half years ago.

*Disclaimer: I am not an expert on finances, the housing market, or mortgages. This post is me sharing my journey, I am not giving advice.

Right before I got pregnant with Lily, we thought we would start figuring out if we could afford to buy a house at that time. My mom got me in touch with a realtor in her ward, and he set me up to receive notifications when a house that met our criteria came on the market. We quickly realized that what we wanted in a house was not in our current price range. We also got pregnant with Lily, and our rent increased by quite a large amount. So we decided to take a step back from looking at houses. (In hind sight, if a rent increase was that difficult for us, then we definitely could not have afforded a mortgage payment. But we were at the beginning of our housing education, so I'm not judging myself.)

Long before we started seriously looking at houses, my parents gave us advice that my grandparents gave them: when you buy a house, make sure that you can see yourself living in it for the rest of your life. Even if you think you are going to move, there is no guarantee that you will.

I know lots of people whose first houses were starter homes, and they have successfully sold them and purchased or built a bigger and better house. But I had this feeling that was not the right path for us. I felt very strongly that the advice my parents gave us was for us. Two years ago we could have purchased  a starter home, but we didn't feel like it was the right thing to do. We were inspired to be patient and keep working to be able to purchase the right house.

Back then, I thought the right house was going to be building a brand new house. My parents' first and only house - the house I grew up in - was built brand new. Gerson's parents' first and only house they built also. It was what we knew, and I could not imagine living in a house that someone else had lived in before me, the way we had been living in apartments.

Adding Lily to our family filled our apartment to bursting capacity. 5 people in a 2 bedroom 1 bathroom apartment was incredibly cramped. We desperately needed another bathroom, and Benjamin was getting too old to share a room with his sisters. We started looking at starter homes, which got us in touch with a different agent. During this time (2018) I also started working for VIPKID, and I took the Personal Finance class provided  by the Church. *Testimony tangent - we could not have prepared for and bought this house without learning and applying the information from that class. I went to the class, Gerson stayed home with the kids, and when I came home I taught him what I learned and we counseled together on how to apply it.*

We started to consider letting go of our desire to build a house and settle in a starter home because we were literally out of room and it was affecting my mental health. Also, two other issues with building we were realizing were that 1) We were dead set against HOA neighborhoods, and all of the new neighborhoods in Utah County are HOA, and 2) We didn't like the size or styles of the current new houses. They are too big and fancy - which is exactly why we can't afford them. We accepted that we would one day buy a lived-in house, but we still wanted it to be a decent house. In fact, when I brought this up in my personal finance class, the facilitator told me about a teaching from Gordon B. Hinkcley:

"When I was a young man, my father counseled me to build a modest home, sufficient for the needs of my family, and make it beautiful and attractive and pleasant and secure." 

I felt like what would really help us would be to actually start walking through houses that were in our price range that we liked, because pictures don't give you a true idea. Gerson didn't want to because he wasn't ready to buy, but I promised him that is was just research, I wasn't looking to buy. So, in March 2019 we started going to open houses. Through that, we learned what we liked and didn't like. We also realized that our eyes were still too big for our budget. Gerson thought that meant we needed to wait and save some more. I agreed for the time being, but hidden gems existed in our price range - I had come across them. So I was determined that our house would be one of those hidden gems.

During this time I started talking on the phone with a realtor that I had been emailing for almost a year. She recommended that we get pre-approved if we were ready to start walking through houses, and she set us up with the lender she worked with. Gerson was unsure about having a realtor, my parents had purchased their house from the builder, and I think Gerson's parents had as well; and he definitely was not ready to get pre-approved. So, we searched on YouTube "How to buy a house" and watched about ten videos and took notes. After watching those videos Gerson realized we needed a realtor to help us (us specifically, not everyone), and he agreed to get pre-approved. In addition to the financial advise, two other important takeaways we liked from the videos:

1. Ask yourself: If the price of this house goes down $25,000+ next year, will I regret buying it now? If the answer is yes, this isn't your house. If the answer is no, this is your house.
2. Ask yourself: If my offer is not accepted, will I regret not offering more? If the answer is no, this is not your house. If the answer is yes, offer more if you can. If you can't, then take a step back and save more before continuing house hunting. 

The reason why those two questions resonated with us, is because our house is not an investment in the form of making money because we are not going to turn around and sell it in a few years. This is the house that our children will grow up in and our grandchildren will visit us in.

In May, we agreed to meet our realtor in person and walk through some houses. We walked through five houses that day. Both Gerson and I fell in love with one of them, and we agreed to make an offer. We spent several hours on the phone with the lender that night, and it took us 2 hours to read the offer and sign it. We didn't really like the loan the lender was able to give us, but my dad said that we could spend the time waiting for the offer to be accepted and the first little bit after finding a better loan. The seller rejected our offer pretty quickly, which in hindsight was a huge blessing.We had spent ample time working on our budget and researching the housing market, but we had failed to research loans! So we spent June researching different banks and lending companies. We felt confident again after our loan research to jump back into looking at houses again in July.

On July 3, 2019 our landlord sent out a notice that rent was going up - not a big deal - and that one year contracts were now required. We had until July 15 to sign a contract or give a notice of "intent to vacate." When we first moved into that apartment six years previous, a one time one year contract was required, but after the first year, your contract transferred to month to month, and we simply needed to give a 30 day notice before moving. I called and let him know that we were looking for a house, and would move as soon as we purchased one, but I couldn't guarantee we would find a house by the 15th and asked if he could give us an extension on signing the year contract. He wouldn't, and said that if we did not plan on living there for another year we needed to move out by the end of July.

We already had three showings scheduled with our agent that same day, but going in with the stress that our landlord just put on us did not have us in the right frame of mind. This whole time we only wanted to consider houses in Orem or Provo - mainly because Benjamin had been accepted into the Spanish Immersion program at his school, and the possibility of transferring Spanish programs is very slim. However, our agent kept sneaking in one showing in Springville everytime we saw her. That day, two of the three showings were in Springville. Gerson liked both of those houses, and he wanted to put an offer on both of them. I agreed to one offer because it was a backup offer and so we didn't have a high chance of getting the house.

The whole drive home I just cried and cried, "I can't live in Springville!" That night I called my parents on the phone and asked, "Will the family dynamic change if we move to Springville?" My dad chuckled, and I started crying again. At that point, the tears were due to stress of being unable to sign a year contract and also having no idea where we were going to live after July. My parents and brother came over at 11:00 at night with cheesecake and we talked about Springville. My parents told us that when they were looking for houses my mom wanted only Orem or Pleasant Grove, and when my dad suggested Provo my mom exclaimed, "I am not living in Provo!" Guess where their house is?

We showed them the houses we walked through and my dad put the addresses in with theirs and showed me that the drive was only five more minutes than our current drive from our apartment to their house. My parents also said we could live with them until we found a house; they had even already mapped out where everything of ours would go in their house.

When they left at midnight, I got on our realtor's website and looked at the houses in Springville. I saw one that had just been put back on the market due to the first accepted offer falling through. Just looking the picture of the outside of the house, I knew. It was the exact same floor plan as the first house we had put an offer on with a better asking price, and a better location and a better neighborhood! I prayed before going to bed, and the next morning I still knew. We contacted our agent on the 4th of July and said that we needed to see that house ASAP. She set up a showing for the next day.

That night I felt inspiration on exactly how much to offer for the house. During our showing, another agent with their client also came through at the same time - this is actually not supposed to happen.  I knew this was our house so I loudly talked about who I was going to put in which room and how I was going to set up the kitchen, etc. They zoomed through the house and were gone in less than five minutes. Mission accomplished. We signed and sent the offer two hours after our showing, and the sellers accepted our offer SIX hours later! In fact, they even cancelled their open house that was scheduled for the next day.

We still had to choose a lender, and we narrowed it down to the lender our agent had put us in contact with and the bank we bank with. After telling the lender the loan our bank was able to give us, she changed the loan she could offer, and it ended up being the best loan, so we took it. I'm so glad that we did our research and talked to as many lenders and banks as possible. If we hadn't done our research and just accepted the first loan we were quoted, we would not be in a house right now.

Our house is not brand new. It was built in 1998, one year after both mine and Gerson's parents built their houses. The floor plan is perfect, the style is perfect, it is our house. There are some minor improvements that we made immediately: we changed out the carpet upstairs, we built new shelves for the bedroom closets, we replaced half of the sprinklers, and we replaced all of the drain stoppers in the sinks and bathtubs. We have a few more projects planned for this year, and with each completed project, the house becomes more and more ours.

As to the location, Springville is wonderful! With each month that passes, little blessings present themselves that show that Heavenly Father led us here. I am so grateful for this enormous blessing.

Relief Society Lesson: Overcoming the 3 Ds of the Adversary

On Sunday January 26th, 2020 my Relief Society discussed the general conference talk "Power to Overcome the Adversary" by Elder Peter M. Johnson of the Quorum of the Seventy.

Elder Johnson opened up his talk with sharing quotes that remind us of our identity as sons and daughters of God, and that endows us with divine power.

"All human beings - male and female - are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each as divine nature and destiny." - The Family: A Proclamation to the World

"We are "choice spirits who were reserved to come forth in the fulness of times to take part in laying the foundations of the great latter-day work." - D&C 138:53

"You were taught in the spirit world to prepare you for anything and everything you would encounter during this latter part of these latter days. That teaching endures with you!" - President Russell M. Nelson

Elder Johnson said that this knowledge of who we are would be tested by the adversary in three main ways:

Deception
Distraction
Discouragement

Because I knew that we would not have time to cover the whole talk, I skipped going into detail about the three Ds and went to the end of his talk when Elder Johnson identified the tools we already have to overcome the three Ds. I also felt like talking about these tools first was more important because they are tools we should already be working on, and not wait until Satan is tempting us.

The first tool is the first great commandment: to love God. We read two scripture verses:

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." - John 3:16

"And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings, y are only in the service of your God." - Mosiah 2:17

The sisters in my ward focused the discussion on viewing and loving others the way that God sees them. This will help us be more patient and understanding towards those who are different, and will ultimately lead us to actually loving them.

The second tool is to pray: "every day, every day, every day." 

One sister shared an experience where she woke up suddenly at five in the morning and felt very strongly to get on her knees and pray for her son. Later that day, she was talking to him on the phone and he said that at that same time he had been driving and felt himself falling asleep at the wheel, and then he felt awake.

Two other sisters shared how impressed they are with the kind of prayers their young children give. One said that her daughter without prompting will ask Heavenly Father to help her make good choices. Another shared that her daughter prays for her mom's health every time she prays, no matter what kind of prayer it is: bedtime, dinner, primary, etc.

I shared something a visiting teaching companion taught me several years ago: when you pray, pause throughout your prayer and listen to the Spirit, he might inspire you to say something more.

The third tool is to read The Book of Mormon: "every day, every day, every day."

Elder Johnson shared that when he reads The Book of Mormon, he has a question in his mind. I then asked the sisters in my ward to share their Book of Mormon study tips and habits.

A couple of sisters shared how they were already reading The Book of Mormon at the start of the new year, but they were inspired to start over and follow the Come, Follow Me schedule, because they believe it is important and helpful that the entire Church is essentially studying The Book of Mormon together.

Another sister - who is learning English - said that she gets double the study time because she reads one verse in Spanish and then the same verse in English; and it has really helped her study the gospel in her native language and in English as well. Things are worded differently in each language, and it has been a huge blessing for her to study both.

Another sister shared that she reads all of the additional scripture verses and talks that are suggested in the Come, Follow Me chapters for each section.

The fourth tool is to partake of the Sacrament: "every week, every week, every week."

I asked the sisters if they would be willing to share experiences where they can feel the affects and blessings of the Sacrament after they leave the church building and go about their week. Collectively we discussed that we really feel the difference when we don't partake of the Sacrament. Our week feels dark, we have less patience, inspiration and revelation is harder to come by. Many sisters testified of how important the Sacrament is. 

We ended with self-reflection questions on the 3Ds:

Deception

"We are created in God's own image, and He has a work for us to do. The adversary attempts to deceive by having us forget who we are, then it is difficult to recognize who we can become."

What identity deceptions has Satan thrown at you?

How can/have you overcome those deceptions?

Distraction

"The adversary also attempts to distract us away from Christ and His covenant path...In our day, there are many distractions, including Twitter, Facebook, virtual reality games, and much more. These technological advances are amazing, but if we are not careful, they can distract us from fulfilling our divine potential. Using them appropriately can bring forth the power of heaven and allow us to witness miracles as we seek to gather scattered Israel on both sides of the veil."

Choose a distraction:

How can the above distraction be used appropriately and with divine purpose?

Discouragement

"Lastly, the adversary desires for us to become discouraged. We may get discouraged when we compare ourselves to others or feel we are not living up to expectations, including our own...please do not let anyone steal your happiness. Do not compare yourself to others. Please remember the loving words of the Savior: 'Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.'"

Think of a time you were discouraged. How did you overcome it? If you are currently discouraged, is there anything from today that can help you?

Lilykins is 2!

Lily turned two years old a week ago. I can't believe it. She is no longer a baby (to which Gerson responds, "Yes she is!  She is THE baby."). From 1 to 2 Lily can walk steadily, she can run. She can climb up on the bed, couch, chairs, and into the car independently. She can say three and four word sentences. Some of her favorites are: "Goodnight Mommy, night Mommy!" "Daddy's/Papa's/Michael's here!" "Momm/Daddy/Papa, watch this!"

Lily loves to sing. She sings "Let it go" from Frozen, and "How far I'll go" from Moana. She loves Anna from Frozen, and whenever the kids are watching Frozen and something happens to Anna, Lily points to the TV and says, "Oh no! Anna! Oh no! Anna!" Lily can also sing "Happy Birthday." She will attempt to sing the words to any song, even if she's just making noises, but the melody is clear to those listening that she is singing.

She wants to do everything Benjamin and Luna are doing. In fact, during family pictures this year, she refused to sit on the rock where we were taking pictures. Once she saw Luna sitting there and posing, she rant to the rock and got on, and then tried to push Luna off! Those two have quite the aggressive relationship. They love each other, and fight a lot as well. Lily pulls Luna's hair when she is mad at her, so we are working on that. But Lily just adores Benjamin. She always wants to cuddle with him, and play wrestle. And Benjamin loves her back just as much.

After six months, Lily still isn't on board with going to nursery at Church. She gives goodbye hugs and kisses, but as soon as I put her down she starts crying and tries to run back to me. So then I have to push her back in the door and zoom away. She's always happy when I pick her up, so hopefully she doesn't cry too long after drop off. She is a huge mama's girl, and could happily spend the whole day cuddling with me if she could.

Since Lily is our last, evey developmental milestone she hits is so special. So far, everything has been exciting, not sad. I cannot imagine a better completion to our family.