Utah's History of Interracial Marriage

This year I learned that June 12th is Loving Day. Loving Day is the anniversary of the Supreme Court's decision in the Loving v. Virginia case to overturn marriage laws that prohibit interracial marriage. As someone who is in an interracial marriage, I felt intrigued to research Utah's marriage laws concerning race. 

Because Utah's early white history is intertwined with Church history, I had to grapple with some tough information about the opinions of early Church members, including prophets and apostles. My testimony of the gospel and belief in Jesus Christ has not been shaken, but I do acknowledge that what was said in the past was wrong. I also understand that those past opinions have influenced the culture of Utah and members of the Church in Utah today. Even though laws and policies have changed, some individual opinions and attitudes haven't, which has caused hurt and pain to many of Heavenly Father's children. To those who I have been hurt by past teachings and current attitudes, I am so sorry. 

The majority of this information I found by reading "The Prohibition of Interracial Marriage in Utah, 1888-1963" by Patrick Q. Mason (link at the bottom).

Pre-Utah Church teachings and events

According to journal entries, Joseph Smith taught that Blacks had souls and were "subjects of salvation." He talked about "equalization," but to him, it must have been a separate-but-equal idea because he also said that they should be confined to their own species. While mayor of Nauvoo, he fined two Black men who had attempted to marry White women. He fined one $25 and the other $5.

 In 1847, William McCary was a black man who was excommunicated for marrying a White woman, Lucy Stanton. The official report was that his excommunication was for polygamous marriages that were not approved by Church leaders. If these allegations of polygamy are true, it is also noted that all of his supposed wives were White, so it's not a hard stretch to consider the racial differences to be the main factor.

1852-1888 An Act in Relation to Service

Brigham Young continued the teachings against interracial marriages between Blacks and Whites. His words were quite bold in the fact that he declared those who did enter such unions deserved death, would loose access to the priesthood, and their children should not breed. Fair Mormon does point out, however, that Brigham Young never ordered the execution of any interracial couple, claiming that Brigham "had more bark than he did bite."

In 1852 the Utah Territory government passed the Act in Relation to Service, which prohibited sexual relations between Whites and Blacks. Such laws were largely accepted across the United States because several Supreme Court cases during that had clarified that both federal and local governments could constitutionally write and enforce laws concerning marriage. These laws were called anti-miscegenation laws, and were coupled with Jim Crow laws in the south and national anti-Chinese immigration laws.

Utah's law is viewed as peculiar to historians because most anti-miscegenation laws were in places where the Black population was at least 5%. Utah's Black population at the time was .3%. Historians believe that Utah participated in these laws because Utah newspapers shared stories of "scandalous" interracial marriages from other states. These stories, along with the attempts of racial equality during the Reconstruction era, led to the fear of "race mixing."

In 1884 a White soldier married a Black woman. The couple received public shaming via the newspapers and on the street.

In 1886 Thomas Colbourn, a Black man, was murdered, and a note was pinned on his body warning Black men to stay away from White women.

In 1887 A Black man and White woman were married in Salt Lake City. The ceremony was performed by a non-Mormon priest. The Salt Lake Tribune - anti-Mormon even then - blamed the Church for the marriage because the territory didn't have an anti-miscegenation law yet (the Act in Relation to Service was only about sex, not marriage).

1888-1963 An Act Regulating Marriage

Due to the above events and opinions, the territorial government passed An Act Regulating Marriage, which was signed into law March 8, 1888. This Act prohibited marriage between Blacks and Whites, Mongolians and Whites, polygamous marriages, incest, marriage "to an idiot", and underage marriages. During this time the federal government was breathing down Utah's neck about polygamy, and as an attempt to deflect, members of the Church tried to turn the spotlight on interracial marriage. However, at this point the federal government had already brought in non-members to Utah government seats, and polygamy was included in the Regulating Marriage Act. 

An important note to make here is that marriage to Native Americans was not included, though other states and territories surrounding Utah did include Native Americans in their prohibition laws. Historians believe this is because the culture of the Church believes that Native Americans are descendants of the Lamanites from the Book of Mormon. This belief created an encouragement to marry "Lamanites" in order to save them. By 1870 about three dozen white men had taken Native American Wives. However, white women were discouraged from marrying Native American men. Another possible reason that Historians have mentioned is that by the 1880s Native Americans had already been segregated from White Utah residents, so the risk of "race mixing" was low. 

In 1889 a family living in Logan was turned into the authorities for being mixed. The husband was Chinese and the wife was White. They had been married in Idaho before Utah's law was put into affect, but the authorities still took their children away.

In 1895 a White woman was denied a temple sealing to her White husband, because she had previously been married to a Black man and had two children from her previous marriage. 

On November 16, 1897 George Q. Cannon wrote in his journal  that he had learned from John Taylor, who had learned from Joseph Smith, that a White man who marries a Black woman would lose the priesthood, and they should die.

In 1898 an Ogden couple was caught in bed after midnight and arrested. William Howard was Black and Ella Howarth was White. Ella tried to claim that she had a Black ancestor, so their relationship was valid. After being put under pressure, Ella admitted that she was full White. She was sent home, and William was sentenced to 20 years in prison.

Also in 1898 Dora Harris and Quang Wah applied for a marriage license in Salt Lake City. They were denied because Quang was Chinese. Dora argued that she was part Black on her mother's side. The county clerk denied that claim, saying that her skin was so light that her White lineage dominated and he declared her White.

In 1907 B.H. Roberts wrote in defense of segregation because it would prevent the mixing of Whites and Blacks by marriage. During the priesthood ban, at least two White men were denied the priesthood because they married Black women - not to mention all Black men were denied the priesthood. The Young Women's journal advised young women of the Church to avoid marrying outside of their race or they will be committing "race disintegration" and "race suicide."

1939 Additions to the Marriage Regulation Act

In 1939 there was an attempt to segregate Black neighborhoods in Salt Lake City. The attempt failed because a group of Black women went to every meeting and made their voices heard.

Also in 1939, further prohibitions were made to the Marriage Regulation Act:

• Those with syphilis, gonorrhea, and epilepsy 
• Malay with White
• half black, one-quarter black, and one-eighth black with White 

The decision to include those of Malaysia and Indonesia heritage came from a case in California where a Filipino-White couple argued for their right to marry because Filipinos are not of Mongolian descent. 

In 1946 J. Reuben Clark counseled the young women to marry within their race, because the opposite, according to him, is both biologically and spiritually wrong. Most Church leaders during this time preached against interracial marriage - with the focus being against marriages to Black people.

1963 Repealing the Marriage Regulation Act

Starting in 1948, individual states started to repeal their anti-miscegenation laws. Idaho did so in 1959, which inspired James Thomas (Black) and Kathleen McMurtrey (White) to travel to Idaho to get married. They had already been living together, and had a baby. Though due to extreme pressure from Kathleen's family, they had given the baby up to a children's agency. After their marriage they returned to Utah and asked for their baby back. Their marriage was denied, as was the request to return their baby. The official reason was that Thomas' divorce from his first wife had not been finalized, it was not finalized until 1960. However, it is without a doubt that Thomas' skin color played a bigger role in the denial. 

As Utah watched the rest of the country, they figured that it was only a matter of time before the Supreme Court made a national decision, and decided to repeal the Marriage Regulation Act on their own in 1963. One Republican representative vocally opposed; stating that the children and grandchildren of such unions will be denied eternity because they would inherit the "curse" from their black ancestors. 

The exact wording of the law:

Utah Code Title 30 Husband and Wife, Chapter 1 Marriage, Section 2.2 Validation of Interracial Marriage

"All interracial marriages, otherwise valid and legal, contracted prior to July 1, 1965, to which one of the parties of marriage was subject to disability  to marry on account of Subsection 30-1-2(5) or (6), as those subsections existed prior to May 14, 1963, are hereby valid and made lawful in all respects as though such marriages had been duly and legally contracted in the first instance."

Afterwards

Although the law had changed, racism among Church members did not. In 1966 a White woman was denied future access to the temple after she married a Black man, and was told that her endowments were now invalid. She appealed to higher leadership, and her living endowments were validated, but the ban from the temple remained. 

When the priesthood ban for Black men was lifted, the Church spokesman at the time clarified that interracial marriage was still discouraged. President Spencer W. Kimball also further explained that while interracial marriage was not a sin, it was still discouraged and considered selfish because of the hardships that both the couple and their future children would endure due to cultural differences.  

In 1995, a talk given by Russell M. Nelson had a footnote that stated that marriages will be most successful when both spouses are of the same religion, language, culture, and ethnic background.

In both 2003 and 2008, the Church was put in a position to clarify that it no longer has any restrictions on interracial marriage. And in 2013 the teacher's manual for the youth was updated, and the Spencer W. Kimball quote about marrying within one's race was removed. In fact, I searched the Church's website for Spencer W. Kimball's teachings on marriage, and I cannot find this quote. 

In both 2007 and 2017 the Deseret News published articles talking about the rise of interracial marriage across the nation (links at the bottom). These articles stated the following statistics:

• 2000 poll shows that 62% of Whites support interracial marriage.
• 2005 4% of the nations couples are interracial.
• 2017 1 in 6 newlyweds are interracial, with support among Whites increasing.

Both articles also shared several individual stories about interracial couples in Utah.

Personal Thoughts

The above research shows that Utah's laws against interracial marriage was directed towards Blacks and Asians. Hispanics were never mentioned. Though one of the Deseret News articles stated that Hispanic-White marriages have only just begun to be recorded as interracial marriages in recent years, so that might be one reason why. A theory of mine is that in Church culture, Hispanics fall under the "Lamanite" umbrella like Native Americans; so members want to "bring them into the fold." It is also noteworthy that the census records for 1920 show 1.2% Hispanic for the entire U.S., no data for Hispanics for 1930, and 1.5% for 1940; so it is also likely that the number of Hispanics living in Utah at the time was not concerning when the Regulation Act was amended in 1939. However, regardless of the law, the culture of racism most definitely has seeped into how some White people in Utah view and treat Hispanics. 

I would also like to mention that this research showed me that the records focused on White marriages to persons of color. As a few of the stories mentioned, one person of color from one race marrying another person of color from a different race was acceptable. I do think it's important to point out that those marriages are still interracial marriages. Just because they both have darker skin, doesn't mean there aren't cultural, and sometimes linguistic differences. A White person does not have to be involved to make a marriage interracial. 

I do believe that Utah's history with racism has influenced the experiences I have had while dating men of color. I have not dated any Black men, and I know the current conversation is about racism against Blacks specifically; but I would like to share my experiences in order to compare with the experiences shared by White-Black couples in Utah. My point will be made clear soon. I promise I am not trying to change the spotlight.

One of my boyfriends from my teenage years was Polynesian. Some members of his family did not like him dating a White girl, and that led to a fast breakup. His family did not openly tell me that, he never told me that, one of his friends told me privately. Another boy, whom I did not date exclusively, we tried to start a relationship and it didn't work out, was Hispanic. One of his siblings told me that their dad did not know I was White. In both of those instances I felt very hurt and offended. I never met either of those parents, so no face-to-face interactions took place. Because of that, I'm not going to be so audacious as to claim any form of racism or prejudice on their part. I just would like to point out that that is only two instances for me of feeling that way. People of color get that multiplied by at least a thousand. They experience stuff like that all the time.

During this time I had a conversation with a co-worker, who was Native American, about interracial relationships. She expressed disapproval and said, "I'm sorry, but you white women steal our men!" This comment has stuck with me since, and I always feel validated when I see a woman of color with a white man because then things are balanced, and marrying Gerson was okay.

My next boyfriend was also Hispanic, and his stepdad and step-sisters were White. I had a really good relationship with his family, and spending time at his house was fun and comfortable. After him, I dated my one and only White boyfriend. When our relationship "became public," one person who was voicing their approval said, "And Chelsey, he's White!" I'm embarrassed to say that I laughed in response. At the time I thought that they were just teasing me because I did have a habit for dating "brown boys." However, when that same person voiced bold disapproval for me dating Gerson, that comment came back to haunt me.

During Christmas of that year, Gerson went home to spend the holiday with his family. He told his mom that he wanted to marry me and that he was going to propose in the near future. His mom told him, "I'm sad that I won't get to talk to my future daughter-in-law." Gerson responded, "I'm not going to marry a Latina just so that you can talk to her." I wasn't offended by that statement. Being able to converse with your family is a valid desire. So, I took that as my cue to learn Spanish, and I registered for a Spanish class the following semester. Gerson's mom has also practiced English, and we currently communicate in broken Spanish and broken English, and really love each other. 

When Gerson and I got engaged, several people thought I was pregnant. The questions and comments depleted my self-esteem because I thought that I was fat and that's where the comments were coming from. It was Gerson who set me straight, "You're not fat. No one can understand why a 19 year old White girl is marrying a 25 year old Hispanic man. Pregnancy is the only thing that makes sense to them."

Throughout our ten year marriage we have had mostly positive experiences. When we encounter something negative though, we have to go through the whole alphabet of "what ifs" and "maybes" before we admit and accept if something was racist. Gerson experiences more racism when he is out and about by himself than when he is with me. A small list off the top of my head:

• While walking to our car at BYU, a White girl, who was walking ahead of Gerson kept looking back at him with a fearful expression, and eventually broke into a run. (I wasn't there.)
• Car dealerships always try to overcharge him.
• Employees at Panda Express and Cafe Rio almost always assume we are separate and look surprised when we are paying together.
• One time at Dillard's in the shoe department, the Sales Associate, who was Hispanic, would sigh and roll her eyes every time I asked to try on a shoe (Gerson was with me); but had no problem being friendly and helpful to the other couple in the department who were both Hispanic. 
• A police officer pulled Gerson over and accused him of having "stolen plates" on his car. Gerson told the officer that this was the only car he had ever owned and the plates were not stolen. The cop took Gerson's info and went back to his car, when he came back he claimed there must have been a glitch because now the info showed Gerson's plates matched his registration.
• A sales associate at Verizon assumed that neither Gerson nor I could do math, and was very condescending the entire time we were renewing our contract. 
• A stranger called the police on Gerson, claiming that Gerson was driving drunk. While waiting for the police to show up, the stranger tailed Gerson in their own vehicle, scaring Gerson. The police officer who responded was very nice and figured out immediately what was going on, and apologized to Gerson.
• While parked on the side of a residential road, an old White man banged on Gerson's car window and yelled, "What are you doing in this neighborhood."
• When playing Pokemon Go at the park, it is not uncommon for White moms to pull their children closer as Gerson walks by.

Why did I include negative experiences with other persons of color? One, because I would be sharing an incomplete story if I didn't. Two, the opposition to interracial relationships can be found on all sides. I would like to make it clear that I do not consider Gerson's conversation with his mom as part of this. I shared that to show the the cultural differences that people who oppose interracial marriages are so concerned about are not something to shy away from. We meet them head on and work together in patience, love, and acceptance.

When it comes to identifying my children, I am very adamant that they are White-Hispanics or White-Latinos. I want them to be proud of and be accepted by both races. We are able to claim this because their skin is a light tan. Biracial people who have darker skin tend to have a harder time claiming their White race. The comedian Trevor Noah said that the only people who are allowed to be White are the people who look White. Mixed people with darker skin have to label themselves as the colored part of their heritage. Trevor grew up in South Africa where there is White, Black, and Colored. In South Africa Trevor is Colored, here he is Black. Either way, he is not allowed to own his White heritage, which is really sad. We need to allow biracial people to label and identify themselves the way they choose to that isn't dependent on the hue of their skin. 

Over the past few weeks I have read several personal experiences from Black people, some who live in Utah. Compared to what they have experienced, Gerson's run-ins with racism are tame. But neither are okay. I encourage everyone to read up on the experiences of Black people, and ask yourself if you have done anything similar to the examples in their stories. Before I married Gerson, I made a lot of mistakes, and I still do. He has been patient with me, and I have learned a lot from him. Listen. Learn. Change. 

Sources:

https://www.jstor.org/stable/45063125?seq=24#metadata_info_tab_contents

https://www.deseret.com/2007/4/13/20012735/mixed-marriages-on-rise#susan-and-mitsuyuki-sakurai-an-immigrant-from-japan-have-been-married-30-years-it-has-been-40-years-since-the-u-s-supreme-court-struck-down-laws-against-interracial-marriages-utah-repealed-its-law-against-such-marriages-in-1963

https://www.deseret.com/2017/5/18/20612565/50-years-after-supreme-court-ruling-interracial-marriage-has-increased-but-varies-by-location#file-richard-p-loving-and-his-wife-mildred-pose-in-this-jan-26-1965-file-photograph-residents-of-caroline-county-virginia-the-lovings-married-in-washington-d-c-in-1958-upon-their-return-to-virginia-the-interracial-couple-was-convicted-under-the-states-law-that-banned-mixed-marriages-they-eventually-won-a-u-s-supreme-court-decision-in-june-1967-that-overturned-laws-prohibiting-interracial-unions-ap-photo

https://le.utah.gov/xcode/Title30/Chapter1/30-1-S2.2.html?v=C30-1-S2.2_1800010118000101

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interracial_marriage_and_The_Church_of_Jesus_Christ_of_Latter-day_Saints#19th_century_teachings_on_black-white_marriages

(I know that wikipedia is not the most credible source. However, the reason I linked it is so that the teachings from past Church leaders are in one comprehensive list. I double checked that each one I mentioned links to a more official and credible source.)

My Anxious Boy

Benjamin turned 7 years old a few weeks ago, and just like any of my children's birthdays, I am in disbelief at how quickly he is growing. I am so lucky to be his mom. He is such a sweet boy.

Benjamin's birthday fell on the last week school was open. His birthday party was the Saturday after school was closed, and we handed out the invitations before we knew parties were a no-no. Luckily the majority of Benjamin's friends came! Like last year, Benjamin picked a dinosaur theme. He and his friends had a blast playing together, doing dinosaur games, and getting candy from the pinata.

Benjamin loves Lily with all of his heart; it has been that way since the day she was born and he walked into the hospital room to meet her. He and Luna fight like normal siblings, but they still love each other and play all sorts of creative games.

He still loves trains and dinosaurs, and I have to confess that I hope he never grows out of either of those things. He knows so much about both. He chooses educational books on trains and dinosaurs at the library and when he does Epic Reading for school. He can tell me the names of the different train cars and track pieces. He can pronounce the names of the dinosaurs - even names that didn't make it into the Jurassic Park movies. He currently is going back and forth between wanting to be a train engineer and a paleontologist when he grows up.

I am so proud of Benjamin's progress in school. When he entered kindergarten he could identify the alphabet, numbers, colors, and shapes; but he couldn't read or write. I feared the he was behind already because I had been able to read and write when I entered kindergarten, but  I learned that he was just fine and he flourished in his kindergarten class. He entered first grade right where he needed to be. Spanish was added to his first grade curriculum, and he did not like his Spanish teacher at first; not because she wasn't a good or nice teacher, but because Spanish was hard. Now he loves her and he is flourishing in both languages, but don't ask him to speak Spanish to you because he won't speak for an audience, only when he feels no pressure and wants to.

When Benjamin was around three or four years old, I noticed that there was something - for lack of a better word - different about him. He was very sensitive to loud and unexpected noises, which most kids are at that age, but his was extreme. I remember one time we were in Jamba Juice, and he sat down under the counter and plugged his ears because he didn't like the sound of all of the blenders. He also hated self flushing toilets and the hand dryers in public bathrooms. He would cry and plug his ears when they turned on unexpectedly, and it got to the point where we would have to warn him before entering a public bathroom, and he would plug his ears and keep them plugged until we left the bathroom. Those are just two examples of many issues.

My mom thought he might have a sensory issue related to hearing. A neighbor thought he might have autism. I didn't believe it was autism, but I thought my mom might be on the right path with the sensory issue theory. Gerson and I decided not to bring it up with his doctor or consider getting him tested unless it affected his ability to progress in school, and since he wasn't in school yet, we were going to wait.

It took a long time, but Benjamin eventually grew out of his toilet flushing and hand drying fear. When it comes to loud noises, he simply has to get used to them. A couple of years ago I participated in an alumni routine for my high school dance team, and the music at the concert was too loud for him; so we took him out in the hall after my routine.

As he entered Primary at Church, and then Kindergarten; we noticed that he became very comfortable and dependent on his schedule and routine and the adults that were apart of that. He struggled more than most kids with change. Each January he would fight going to go to his new Primary class because he didn't want a new teacher. He would also fight going to primary if he had a substitute, or a new teacher got called partway through the year.  In kindergarten he would cry if there was a substitute unexpectedly, but he would do alright if his teacher was able to tell the class ahead of time. He also wouldn't participate fully in testing because the teacher that administered the test to him wasn't his regular teacher, so his scores didn't truly show what his abilities were.

Also during this time Benjamin started exaggerating how bad something was. For example, when told it's time to clean up he would start crying, "I'm never going to play again!" or "I have to throw my toys in the garbage!" Out of all of Benjamin's triggers, these exaggerations are the hardest for Gerson and I to stay calm during. His other issues come from a place of fear and uncertainty that we are able to teach him to prepare for and cope with. But so far these exaggerations are above our abilities and we have been unable to figure out how to combat this other than to tell Benjamin that what he said is not true. Gerson and I did not say what he accused us of saying. What he said is a lie and it is not okay to lie. It just makes Benjamin cry more because he knows we aren't happy, but I'm currently stuck on this one.

Last year, in Kindergarten, we finally found the word for Benjamin's struggles: anxiety. I read article after article about anxiety in children, found a checklist that I took to his doctor, and she confirmed that what I have described matches anxiety. His doctor gave us contact information for children's counselors in our area. We decided to, for the time being, work on at-home coping skills because we don't feel like he is to the point where he needs therapy.

The three examples I have given: loud noises, change in routine, and exaggerating negative things, are only three of several triggers that Benjamin struggles with. Most of his triggers do fit his age group; but what makes it different for him is his reactions to those triggers are more extreme than the average kid his age and/or it takes him longer to cope with or overcome.

He has almost completely overcome his issue with loud noises, which gives us hope that our choice to work with him at home is the right path for him. Something that we have learned over the past year is that when he grasps the coping skills for one trigger it is replaced with a new trigger, or it sometimes "mutates." This is not something that he will grow out of or can be cured from. He will have anxiety the rest of his life, and he will always have to work on new skills and practice old skills to help himself survive emotionally.

Gerson and I love him with all our hearts, and wouldn't want him any other way.

My Forever Home is not Brand New

Last July we bought our first - and we are fairly certain our last - house. It has been an exciting, scary, emotional, and educational journey; that actually started two and a half years ago.

*Disclaimer: I am not an expert on finances, the housing market, or mortgages. This post is me sharing my journey, I am not giving advice.

Right before I got pregnant with Lily, we thought we would start figuring out if we could afford to buy a house at that time. My mom got me in touch with a realtor in her ward, and he set me up to receive notifications when a house that met our criteria came on the market. We quickly realized that what we wanted in a house was not in our current price range. We also got pregnant with Lily, and our rent increased by quite a large amount. So we decided to take a step back from looking at houses. (In hind sight, if a rent increase was that difficult for us, then we definitely could not have afforded a mortgage payment. But we were at the beginning of our housing education, so I'm not judging myself.)

Long before we started seriously looking at houses, my parents gave us advice that my grandparents gave them: when you buy a house, make sure that you can see yourself living in it for the rest of your life. Even if you think you are going to move, there is no guarantee that you will.

I know lots of people whose first houses were starter homes, and they have successfully sold them and purchased or built a bigger and better house. But I had this feeling that was not the right path for us. I felt very strongly that the advice my parents gave us was for us. Two years ago we could have purchased  a starter home, but we didn't feel like it was the right thing to do. We were inspired to be patient and keep working to be able to purchase the right house.

Back then, I thought the right house was going to be building a brand new house. My parents' first and only house - the house I grew up in - was built brand new. Gerson's parents' first and only house they built also. It was what we knew, and I could not imagine living in a house that someone else had lived in before me, the way we had been living in apartments.

Adding Lily to our family filled our apartment to bursting capacity. 5 people in a 2 bedroom 1 bathroom apartment was incredibly cramped. We desperately needed another bathroom, and Benjamin was getting too old to share a room with his sisters. We started looking at starter homes, which got us in touch with a different agent. During this time (2018) I also started working for VIPKID, and I took the Personal Finance class provided  by the Church. *Testimony tangent - we could not have prepared for and bought this house without learning and applying the information from that class. I went to the class, Gerson stayed home with the kids, and when I came home I taught him what I learned and we counseled together on how to apply it.*

We started to consider letting go of our desire to build a house and settle in a starter home because we were literally out of room and it was affecting my mental health. Also, two other issues with building we were realizing were that 1) We were dead set against HOA neighborhoods, and all of the new neighborhoods in Utah County are HOA, and 2) We didn't like the size or styles of the current new houses. They are too big and fancy - which is exactly why we can't afford them. We accepted that we would one day buy a lived-in house, but we still wanted it to be a decent house. In fact, when I brought this up in my personal finance class, the facilitator told me about a teaching from Gordon B. Hinkcley:

"When I was a young man, my father counseled me to build a modest home, sufficient for the needs of my family, and make it beautiful and attractive and pleasant and secure." 

I felt like what would really help us would be to actually start walking through houses that were in our price range that we liked, because pictures don't give you a true idea. Gerson didn't want to because he wasn't ready to buy, but I promised him that is was just research, I wasn't looking to buy. So, in March 2019 we started going to open houses. Through that, we learned what we liked and didn't like. We also realized that our eyes were still too big for our budget. Gerson thought that meant we needed to wait and save some more. I agreed for the time being, but hidden gems existed in our price range - I had come across them. So I was determined that our house would be one of those hidden gems.

During this time I started talking on the phone with a realtor that I had been emailing for almost a year. She recommended that we get pre-approved if we were ready to start walking through houses, and she set us up with the lender she worked with. Gerson was unsure about having a realtor, my parents had purchased their house from the builder, and I think Gerson's parents had as well; and he definitely was not ready to get pre-approved. So, we searched on YouTube "How to buy a house" and watched about ten videos and took notes. After watching those videos Gerson realized we needed a realtor to help us (us specifically, not everyone), and he agreed to get pre-approved. In addition to the financial advise, two other important takeaways we liked from the videos:

1. Ask yourself: If the price of this house goes down $25,000+ next year, will I regret buying it now? If the answer is yes, this isn't your house. If the answer is no, this is your house.
2. Ask yourself: If my offer is not accepted, will I regret not offering more? If the answer is no, this is not your house. If the answer is yes, offer more if you can. If you can't, then take a step back and save more before continuing house hunting. 

The reason why those two questions resonated with us, is because our house is not an investment in the form of making money because we are not going to turn around and sell it in a few years. This is the house that our children will grow up in and our grandchildren will visit us in.

In May, we agreed to meet our realtor in person and walk through some houses. We walked through five houses that day. Both Gerson and I fell in love with one of them, and we agreed to make an offer. We spent several hours on the phone with the lender that night, and it took us 2 hours to read the offer and sign it. We didn't really like the loan the lender was able to give us, but my dad said that we could spend the time waiting for the offer to be accepted and the first little bit after finding a better loan. The seller rejected our offer pretty quickly, which in hindsight was a huge blessing.We had spent ample time working on our budget and researching the housing market, but we had failed to research loans! So we spent June researching different banks and lending companies. We felt confident again after our loan research to jump back into looking at houses again in July.

On July 3, 2019 our landlord sent out a notice that rent was going up - not a big deal - and that one year contracts were now required. We had until July 15 to sign a contract or give a notice of "intent to vacate." When we first moved into that apartment six years previous, a one time one year contract was required, but after the first year, your contract transferred to month to month, and we simply needed to give a 30 day notice before moving. I called and let him know that we were looking for a house, and would move as soon as we purchased one, but I couldn't guarantee we would find a house by the 15th and asked if he could give us an extension on signing the year contract. He wouldn't, and said that if we did not plan on living there for another year we needed to move out by the end of July.

We already had three showings scheduled with our agent that same day, but going in with the stress that our landlord just put on us did not have us in the right frame of mind. This whole time we only wanted to consider houses in Orem or Provo - mainly because Benjamin had been accepted into the Spanish Immersion program at his school, and the possibility of transferring Spanish programs is very slim. However, our agent kept sneaking in one showing in Springville everytime we saw her. That day, two of the three showings were in Springville. Gerson liked both of those houses, and he wanted to put an offer on both of them. I agreed to one offer because it was a backup offer and so we didn't have a high chance of getting the house.

The whole drive home I just cried and cried, "I can't live in Springville!" That night I called my parents on the phone and asked, "Will the family dynamic change if we move to Springville?" My dad chuckled, and I started crying again. At that point, the tears were due to stress of being unable to sign a year contract and also having no idea where we were going to live after July. My parents and brother came over at 11:00 at night with cheesecake and we talked about Springville. My parents told us that when they were looking for houses my mom wanted only Orem or Pleasant Grove, and when my dad suggested Provo my mom exclaimed, "I am not living in Provo!" Guess where their house is?

We showed them the houses we walked through and my dad put the addresses in with theirs and showed me that the drive was only five more minutes than our current drive from our apartment to their house. My parents also said we could live with them until we found a house; they had even already mapped out where everything of ours would go in their house.

When they left at midnight, I got on our realtor's website and looked at the houses in Springville. I saw one that had just been put back on the market due to the first accepted offer falling through. Just looking the picture of the outside of the house, I knew. It was the exact same floor plan as the first house we had put an offer on with a better asking price, and a better location and a better neighborhood! I prayed before going to bed, and the next morning I still knew. We contacted our agent on the 4th of July and said that we needed to see that house ASAP. She set up a showing for the next day.

That night I felt inspiration on exactly how much to offer for the house. During our showing, another agent with their client also came through at the same time - this is actually not supposed to happen.  I knew this was our house so I loudly talked about who I was going to put in which room and how I was going to set up the kitchen, etc. They zoomed through the house and were gone in less than five minutes. Mission accomplished. We signed and sent the offer two hours after our showing, and the sellers accepted our offer SIX hours later! In fact, they even cancelled their open house that was scheduled for the next day.

We still had to choose a lender, and we narrowed it down to the lender our agent had put us in contact with and the bank we bank with. After telling the lender the loan our bank was able to give us, she changed the loan she could offer, and it ended up being the best loan, so we took it. I'm so glad that we did our research and talked to as many lenders and banks as possible. If we hadn't done our research and just accepted the first loan we were quoted, we would not be in a house right now.

Our house is not brand new. It was built in 1998, one year after both mine and Gerson's parents built their houses. The floor plan is perfect, the style is perfect, it is our house. There are some minor improvements that we made immediately: we changed out the carpet upstairs, we built new shelves for the bedroom closets, we replaced half of the sprinklers, and we replaced all of the drain stoppers in the sinks and bathtubs. We have a few more projects planned for this year, and with each completed project, the house becomes more and more ours.

As to the location, Springville is wonderful! With each month that passes, little blessings present themselves that show that Heavenly Father led us here. I am so grateful for this enormous blessing.

Lilykins is 2!

Lily turned two years old a week ago. I can't believe it. She is no longer a baby (to which Gerson responds, "Yes she is!  She is THE baby."). From 1 to 2 Lily can walk steadily, she can run. She can climb up on the bed, couch, chairs, and into the car independently. She can say three and four word sentences. Some of her favorites are: "Goodnight Mommy, night Mommy!" "Daddy's/Papa's/Michael's here!" "Momm/Daddy/Papa, watch this!"

Lily loves to sing. She sings "Let it go" from Frozen, and "How far I'll go" from Moana. She loves Anna from Frozen, and whenever the kids are watching Frozen and something happens to Anna, Lily points to the TV and says, "Oh no! Anna! Oh no! Anna!" Lily can also sing "Happy Birthday." She will attempt to sing the words to any song, even if she's just making noises, but the melody is clear to those listening that she is singing.

She wants to do everything Benjamin and Luna are doing. In fact, during family pictures this year, she refused to sit on the rock where we were taking pictures. Once she saw Luna sitting there and posing, she rant to the rock and got on, and then tried to push Luna off! Those two have quite the aggressive relationship. They love each other, and fight a lot as well. Lily pulls Luna's hair when she is mad at her, so we are working on that. But Lily just adores Benjamin. She always wants to cuddle with him, and play wrestle. And Benjamin loves her back just as much.

After six months, Lily still isn't on board with going to nursery at Church. She gives goodbye hugs and kisses, but as soon as I put her down she starts crying and tries to run back to me. So then I have to push her back in the door and zoom away. She's always happy when I pick her up, so hopefully she doesn't cry too long after drop off. She is a huge mama's girl, and could happily spend the whole day cuddling with me if she could.

Since Lily is our last, evey developmental milestone she hits is so special. So far, everything has been exciting, not sad. I cannot imagine a better completion to our family.

4 Going on 14

Luna recently turned 4 years old, and the lucky girl got a whole week of celebrating. On her actual birthday I took her to Daylight Donuts for breakfast as a surprise. She chose Golden Corral for dinner, and we were joined by my parents and brother. We ended the night at home with Luna opening her presents from us and her different sets of grandparents.

The Saturday of her birthday week we had a friend party for Luna. Our dear friends from our apartment came. It was really low key. The kids played, and the adults ate and visited. It was really fun. Then on Sunday, we had Luna's final birthday dinner at my parents' house (everyone in my family gets to choose Sunday dinner the Sunday after their birthday).

It does not feel like Luna is 4 years old. Not just because time flies and I emotionally can't handle her growing up, but because she is cognitively advanced. She was speaking in full sentences by the time she was 2. She could sing the alphabet by the time she was 3. Not only could she recognize letters, but write them as well, and she can write her name. She took a preschool admittance test back in June, and the teacher told me that she has never met a 3 year old who can confidently sing the alphabet by themselves on command to an adult. Luna knows her last name - another thing the teacher said was rare in 3 year old children. Luna knew all the shapes, colors, and numbers. Luna can count to 100 by herself. The teacher said at the end of the test, "She is definitely ready for school." But Luna was not accepted to the preschool because she scored too highly. They wanted to focus on preschool students who needed more help in order to prepare them for kindergarten. Luna doesn't need help preparing for kindergarten, she just needs to go to kindergarten.

Unfortunately, for Luna, regardless of how ready she is, she might not get to attend kindergarten for another two years because Luna will turn 5 years old 2 days after the deadline date for school. I had heard of parents getting their children into kindergarten via early admittance, so I emailed the principal of the school Benjamin was attending at the time, and asked if Luna could be admitted to their 4 year old preschool a year early since I planned on applying for early admittance to kindergarten. The principal said that Utah law did not allow early admittance, so there would be no early preschool nor early kindergarten for Luna. She said that I could apply for her to take a test the year she was scheduled to go to kindergarten to skip kindergarten and go to first grade. I didn't feel like that was the best option for Luna because she needs to be in a classroom now. So I went to the school district and asked if Luna could be given that test but for kindergarten. I told them all of Luna's cognitive abilities. They said the same thing as the principal, that Utah law won't allow it. They said that private schools are allowed to accept early admittance, and I could go that route and then transfer her back to public school for first grade - but she would still need to take a test to get into first grade a year early. I knew we couldn't afford private school, and I didn't feel like I could take Benjamin to one school and Luna to another. I then searched out this law that the principal and district administrator had mentioned. This is what I found:

Index	Utah Code
Title 53G	Public Education System -- Local Administration
Chapter 4	School Districts
Part 4	Local School Board Powers and Miscellaneous Duties
Section 402	Powers and duties generally. (Effective 1/24/2018)

“

“ (6) Except as provided in Section 53E-3-905, a board may enroll children in school who are at least five years of age before September 2 of the year in which admission is sought.”

I interpreted that wording to mean that the decision was actually in the hands of the district, unlike what the principal and district administrator had claimed. I decided to email my representative in the Utah State Legislature, Marsha Judkins. Not only is Marsha my representative, she also has over 20 years of experience in public education before she ran for the State House. She spoke with the State lawyers and told me that yes, my interpretation of the law was correct. She further explained that the reason why many districts choose not to is because they do not receive funding for a student until the correct year they should start school. So, most districts don't want to educate students that they aren't receiving funding for. I understand that, I don't like it, but I understand. Marsha said that she would look into the possibility of changing that policy. It's been several months and I haven't heard back from her. I was really excited at first, but now I'm not holding my breath anymore. I'm not mad at Marsha. She's a freshman representative, so she probably doesn't have a lot of power right now. Gerson said, "At least you can tell Luna that you went all the way to the government to get her in school early." And we joke that Luna will be valedictorian one day. (Coincidentally, that's exactly what Gerson did. His birthday was 3 days after the deadline, so he was the oldest in his class. And he was a good student and graduated valedictorian of his senior class in high school.)

We have since moved to a different school district. Now that I'm more knowledgeable than before - and due to a casual conversation with someone in this school district - I'm going to see what I can do here, and it might be possible now. I'm not getting my hopes up too high, but I have to at least try so that I know I did everything I could for Luna.

Luna has the cutest imagination. She loves playing dress-up; and rotates between playing doctor, school, and princesses. She wears either her princess dress-up or Doc McStuffins dress up all day long. Whenever we go out in public I make her change into regular clothing. She loves Elsa, Tiana, and Ariel. She also has 4 favorite hair styles: down, ponytail, an "Elsa braid", and an "Anna braid."

Luna is very artsy. She loves to color with crayons and markers; and her absolute favorite form of art is to paint. She tears out coloring book pages and paints the image. Then when it is dry, she cuts the image out and glues it to a blank piece of paper and hangs it on the fridge. She is so proud of the picture she colors in Primary every Sunday at church. She retains everything she learns at church, and tells me all about it on the way home.

I am so proud of her, and I am so grateful that Heavenly Father entrusted her to me. I love my little Luna girl.

Family History, A Conversation With Grandma

A few weeks ago, I visited my great-grandma Virginia Hegstrom - she is my children's great-great-grandma! A couple of years ago I shared her love story with my grandpa. Throughout the weekend I got  to ask her questions about her life. I got a small snippet of the wonderful life she lived when she was younger, and I hope to get more information on future visits. Our conversation wasn't a formal sit-down interview - my aunt tried that a while ago with an audio recorder, but it was too uncomfortable for my grandma. So throughout the weekend I would ask my grandma questions about her younger years that connected to whatever was going on around us.

Virginia was born in 1925 and has lived her whole life in the Nampa, Idaho area. In fact, the house that she was born in is still standing; but the house is no longer in the family, it was a rental. With the information that she was born in that house, I asked my grandma if she had her babies at home or in the hospital. Her response made me giggle, "Oh I'm not that ancient! I had them in the hospital."

The house that Virginia currently lives in was built on land that has been in her family for several generations. It is decorated so beautifully, and I told her that I have always loved her house. I learned than an interior decorator designed the inside for The Parade of Homes. Since Gerson and I just bought a house, and the purpose of our visit was to pick up some furniture that my grandma was giving us, we talked about my new house frequently. Gerson and I lived in three different apartments over nine years before we bought our house. I asked my grandma if she ever lived in any apartments in her early married years. She said no, that they lived in two houses in town before they built the house they have now - which used to be surrounded by farmland, but it is slowly being developed. There is now a neighborhood surrounding my grandma's land, and a hospital across the street.

When I was a kid, my grandparents adopted a stray cat that they named Jack. A few cats tend to find their way onto my grandma's farm, and she will feed them, and they call the farm home by returning. She has never let them into her house, but they can stay on the porch or in the shed. Jack was definitely the most friendly of the farm cats in my lifetime. He was always on the porch and let all of us pet and love him. The other cats trust Virginia only. I asked her if she has always had a pet. She told me no, that she's not a great animal lover, but they did have a family dog on their farm growing up. Even though she claims to not be an animal lover, I think my grandma at least enjoys the cats since she feeds them and allows them to be in the shed.

Virginia attended elementary school in a two-room school house. The first room was on the first floor, and the second room was on the second floor. Grades first through fourth were on the first floor/room and grades fifth through eighth were on the second floor/room. I asked my grandma if there were multiple teachers or just one per room. She said it was one teacher for each room/floor. I asked her if the teacher would apply the content to each level, and she said she couldn't remember those details. That was still definitely different from how school is now a days - even in rural areas.

Virginia went to Kuna High School for her secondary education years. She told me that she wanted to go to Nampa High School, but was in Kuna boundaries, and that made her angry. Kuna is where my Grandpa Elvin, her husband, grew up and lived at the time. When she told me that she had been upset to go to Kuna, I said, "Well, it looks like it all worked out since you met Grandpa, right?" She chuckled and said, "Yeah, it looks like it."

What got us talking about her high school was me asking my grandma if she drove, walked, or rode the bus to school. She said that she walked to elementary school, and took the bus to high school because it was so far away. Because women have been denied other rights and privileges in the past, I asked my grandma if there were any social problems with women driving cars when she was young, she said not at all. She learned to drive when she was very young so that she could help her dad on the farm. I asked her if teenagers had their own cars when she was in high school, like many do today. She laughed and said no, that there was only one family car in most families.

Virginia grew up in a very religious family. She told me that she was in a guitar club and part of the uniforms were slacks, which her dad would not allow her to wear. He did let her wear the slacks for performances, but that was it. Elvin grew up in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Virginia converted to the Church several years after she married Elvin. I ask my grandma if Idaho was like Utah with a lot of members of the Church. She said no, that she didn't know that much about the Church before she met my grandpa. It didn't bother her that he was a member, and based on her words, I don't think the difference of religion was a hindrance to their relationship and marriage. I asked my grandma if the missionaries came and visited her when she became interested in the Church. She said that my grandpa just taught her and would take her to Church. Their oldest living daughter (they had three babies that went to Heaven early), my grandma Linda, was around 7 or 8 years old when the family got sealed, and she remembers going into the temple.

Virginia has been known as an excellent cook by her children and grandchildren. I asked her how she learned to cook. She said that she just watched her mom cook and learned from that. I wanted to ask her for more detail, but we got interrupted, and didn't get back on that topic. My mom told me that Virginia's mom, grandma Vassar, made homemade egg noodles that were delicious. The next time that I get to talk to my grandma I definitely want to talk to her more about her cooking experiences.

I have always had a good relationship with my grandma. While we were visiting, she got to see that my children have a similar relationship with my mom. I asked her if she had a good relationship with her grandma. She said, "Oh yes, but she lived far away." It turned out that "far away" was only five miles. I thought that was such a great perspective to learn, because my parents live 9 miles away, and I consider that pretty close. Virginia spent every summer with her grandma, and my mom spent every summer with Virginia, and Benjamin, Luna, and Lily spend every weekend with my mom all year around!

In one of the bedrooms of Viginia's house are some really special 4 generation photographs. The first photo is of my great-great-great grandma Bertha Bodle, my great-great grandma Bessie Vassar, my great grandma Virginia Hegstrom, and my grandma Linda Peterson (who was a baby at the time). The next photo is of grandma Vasser, Grandma Hegstrom, Grandma Peterson, and my mom Debbie Larson (who was a baby at the time). The next photo is of grandma Hegstrom, grandma Peterson, my mom, and me (I'm a toddler). The final photo is the four of us twenty years later with Benjamin. I love this collection of photos. It's such a special tradition to do these four - and now five - generation photos. We also have some with Luna and Lily in them as well, they just aren't framed.

I'm so grateful that I was able to learn so much about my grandma and enjoy such a conversation with her.

I'm a Working-From-Home-Mom

Last year, I felt inspired to start looking for a part time job. Specifically a teaching job - or something similar connected to education, since that is what my degree is in. Part time teaching jobs exist, but they obviously aren't as common as full time. I also needed it to be at a time of day where I wouldn't need a babysitter. That gave me the option of teaching summer school or night classes, which greatly decreased my options further. I found a few, and I applied for them, but it didn't turn into anything for me. I paused my search as we prepared for Lily to join our family.

Shortly after Lily was born, a sister in my ward told me about her job: she taught from home, part time, and she set her own schedule! She taught English online to children in China. It took me a month to decide to apply. By then I thought I had missed my opportunity, but it turned out the company is always hiring. I reached out to the lady in my ward, and she sent me a link to apply.

The company is called VIPKID, and they hire English speakers to teach English online. We use a web cam, and a headset with a microphone. The company has their own video chat program. We can see and hear the student, they can see and hear us, and we both can see the lesson Power points that the teacher controls. One must have a Bachelor's degree, but it doesn't have to be a teaching degree. I filled out an application, had an interview, and what is called a Mock Class before I was officially set to start teaching (the mock class portion of the hiring process has changed slightly since I was hired back in March). Through the Mock Class, and a video recording of myself "teaching" I became certified for Pre-VIP Level 1 and Trials (Trials are potential students trying out the program before they buy classes.)

Because my students live in China, I teach during their awake times, which for living in MDT can range from 6:30pm- 7:00am. The lessons are 25 minutes long and begin on the hour and half hour. I chose to open up my schedule for 5:00-7:00 am (those two hours are the "hot" times because it is in the evening after school, after extra curricular activities, and after dinner). I don't get assigned students, the parents choose to schedule me. My first week teaching I got scheduled 3-4 of my 4 slots every day! I was so excited. They were all trials, and half of them ended up being "Student No Shows." After that, for the next several months, I only got 1-2 students a week, still all trials, half being No Shows. (Teachers still get paid for a No Show - half if it's a trial, full if it's a "Major Course" - since we are there in the classroom ready to go.)

I became very frustrated, and I felt like I was working for the teaching version of Jamberry or DoTerra, where it sounds great, but really only a few employees are successful. I felt like the person who referred me only did so for the monetary incentive on their end. In May and June, I got a couple of Major Course students who rescheduled me a few times, but I eventually never saw them again. I took every workshop that VIPKID offered. I changed my profile picture, changed my introductory video, changed the background of my classroom, and got certified to teach more levels; hoping that one or all of those changes would help get me more students. None of that seemed to make a difference.

VIPKID does 6 month contracts. My first 6 months were up at the end of September. At the beginning of August I was seriously considering not signing a second contract and looking into local after school tutoring jobs. Gerson suggested that I sign my second contract and we evaluate at the year mark. I'm so glad he had that impression and encouraged me, because towards the end of August I woke up to full bookings for the following week! And I haven't had a scarce schedule since.

During my "dark days" where I thought I had been duped, I heard other teachers claiming that after weeks of nothing, one day they woke up and had full bookings. I resentfully thought, "That's not possible for me. Are they hiding something they did to get bookings?" But it did happen to me, it just took  much longer than I thought it would take. I'm glad I hung on, and I'm glad Gerson encouraged me not to give up.

I love this job. I love my students. My sleeping schedule is taking a while to get used to because I have to go to bed early and wake up early. Gerson is home to take care of the kids if they wake up while I am teaching. I believe Heavenly Father was preparing me for this job a year before I learned about it when He inspired me to start looking. It was the perfect timing. It helps a little bit financially, and it helps me significantly emotionally and mentally.

 I call myself a "Working-From-Home-Mom" and I think that needs to be an initial: WFHM. 😉

All Aboard! Benjamn's 5th Birthday

This year Benjamin turned 5 years old. 5! I can't believe I have a 5 year old. I can't believe my son is going to Kindergarten in August. Where has the time gone?

Benjamin's birthday party was hastily put together because I was applying and training for a new job the two weeks leading up to his birthday (which I will write about in a later post!). Benjamin loves trains, I mean he LOVES trains. He has a train set that we have been adding on to that he plays with every day. He watches train videos on You Tube. He makes real life train noises perfectly. He knows the correct names for each car and pieces of the track. This kid loves trains. So of course that was the theme for his party, games, and cake!

I made train cars out of cardboard boxes, with paper plates for the wheels, and ribbon to hold on their shoulders. The boys got to color on their train cars with markers and crayons. Then we went outside and made a train. The kids took turns being the conductor, and then my mom was the conductor and took them around the front and back of the house.

We let them free play outside until Benjamin asked for his piñata. All the kids got to go twice, swinging three times. But then they got kind of bored because they were all so little they weren't making any progress. So the other moms and I took some swings at it and got some good cracks in it and let Benjamin take the final swing to break it open.

After that Benjamin opened his presents. Then we sang Happy Birthday to him and had cake and juice boxes. Benjamin was so excited for his cake, that when I was making it he wanted to help. So I let him watch me frost it, and then I let him choose which trains would go on the cake, and he got to place them on the cake in the order that he chose.

At the end of the day Benjamin told us that he loved his birthday and had so much fun. He wasted no time in getting creative with his new train tracks!

Using Our Food Storage

At the beginning of this year we ran into some temporary financial trouble. We could not spend our normal amount on anything, including groceries. Although we live in a small 2-bedroom apartment, I had created a small food storage, and I decided that we would live off of that for a month or two while we got back on our feet.

The reason why our financial trouble was only temporary was because Gerson still has his job, so we needed to hang onto his next few paychecks and spend as little as possible from them while we revamped and reorganized our checkbook and budget. Since we had a paycheck to look forward to, I saved money by only buying needed fresh food like bread and milk. I used any frozen meat, fruit and canned vegetables and fruit, and boxed food first before buying any fresh ingredients. That got us through the first two months of the year, and by March we were good to dive into our new budget and I could begin to rebuild our food storage.

I used to think that it wasn't possible to have a food storage in an apartment. You see, I had been raised by my mom, and her food storage is quite impressive. So I was going off of that when I got married and moved into apartments that had hardly any room to store a regular amount of food, let alone food storage. So for the first two years of my marriage we did not have a food storage at all. I just hoped that should anything happen we would be able to get ourselves to my parents' house and live with them. (Even today now that I have a food storage, getting to my family to my parents' house is still plan A so that we can be together as a family during emergencies/the last days.)

When I was pregnant with Benjamin I read a parenting book titled, Mom! I'm Home! It was written by my aunt's mother Rosanne Buhler Orgill. One section of the book talks about food storage and she advises to rotate your food storage by placing your oldest food items first in line and using those when you cook and replacing them with new items in the back of the line. I started doing that by slowly buying more than I needed of canned and boxed  ingredients. Now when I grocery shop, I buy the amount that I need for the meal that I am making, but I already have some in my pantry, it's just going to replace what I use.

So technically I am always using our food storage, so what I mean by us living off of our food storage for the past two months is that  I wasn't replacing the food that we ate. I couldn't so that we could save money. Now I am rebuilding my food storage again. Situations like this are why we have been taught to have a food storage, to be prepared for any storms  that come our way. I am grateful that I had a food storage prepared. If not, we wouldn't have starved, but we would have had some interesting meals and would have had to rely on neighbors and family. This experience strengthened my testimony that our leaders know what they are talking about when they teach us how to be prepared. And if the temporal preparedness is correct and important, than the spiritual preparedness is too.

Lily, the Best Gift of 2017

On December 27, 2017 we welcomed our third child. A girl, who we named Lily. This is her birth story.

Note: This post goes into some detail about labor and delivery. If that topic is not your cup of tea, stop reading. I won't be offended. :)

Two weeks before my due date I started having contractions daily for 2 hours then they would stop. That happened 4 days in a row. At my 39 week appointment, my doctor gave me the option of being induced on the 22nd. I declined because I would miss all of our Christmas plans. If she came on her own during that time, that was fine, but I didn't want to choose that. I requested to be induced on my due date, the 29th, if she didn't come on her own before then.

I had contractions all afternoon on Christmas day, but they also eventually stopped. On the 26th we did a bunch of cleaning, organizing, and shopping; which was a good thing because I went into labor in the middle of the night, and we went to the hospital with a clean apartment!

At 4:15 in the morning of the 27th I was woken up by a really painful contraction. Because of my previous false alarms, I didn't take it seriously and tried to go back to sleep. But more kept coming, stronger and closer together. I was struggling to watch the clock, so Gerson downloaded a contraction counting app and clocked them for me.

From 4:30-5:00 they were roughly four minutes apart, and by 5:30 they were two minutes apart. During this time they became so painful that breathing techniques weren't helping and I started to yell and scream. I was worried that I would wake up the kids or my neighbors, or both.

We called my parents to ask one of them to come over until Benjamin and Luna woke up, and then take them to their house. Surprisingly, my mom answered on the first ring and sounded awake! I later learned that she had been in a low (She has type 1 diabetes), and she had just barely got her blood sugar up when we called. She sent my dad so that she could rest from her low.

I had a hospital bag packed already, but nothing for the kids to stay with my parents. I had a packing list prepared and left it on the table for my dad. Gerson was helping me get dressed, when an other contraction happened and I felt my body do a small push. For a moment I feared I would deliver at home. I almost told Gerson to call 911, but before I could say anything, a stronger impression helped me say, "New plan. Take my pants and underwear off, and put me in a dress." Gerson ripped my bottom clothes off and stuffed them in my hospital bag, and I put on a floor length stretchy dress.

My dad hadn't shown up yet, but Gerson decided to put me in the car anyway. We opened our door right as my dad walked up. I tried not to scream while we were outside, but one came out anyway and my neighbor - and good friend who was also pregnant and near her due date - opened her door. My dad told her, "Sorry, she's in labor." My friend called for her husband to carry our bags and she helped walk me out to the car. At this point my vision was blurred, so I can't remember seeing anyone, I just heard all of their voices. I apologized if I woke them up. She told me they were already awake, that they were going to the hospital too. I asked her why she was helping me, she laughed and said, "No, I'm not in labor, I'm getting induced today."

While we were driving I went into a kind of daze. I still felt the contractions on the inside, but my body stopped responding to them on the outside. So I stopped tensing up and screaming, I was strangely relaxed and felt like I was falling asleep. I have read that some women do that right before delivery, and I was scared that I would deliver in the car. Gerson drove 20 over the speed limit the whole way, and the pain and feeling came back when we pulled into the parking lot.

I couldn't move on my own to get out of my seat. Gerson was trying to help me, when we heard a voice say, "Would you like a wheel chair?" A nurse who was about to leave had seen us pull up. Gerson said yes and thanked her. She went back inside and brought out another nurse pushing a wheel chair. They wheeled me into a room where more nurses met us.

They asked if I could get into a gown, I told them no, I didn't have underwear on underneath my dress, and I needed to get up onto the bed. Gerson lifted me onto the bed and the nurses started to prep me. They said I was at an 8 and asked if I wanted an epidural, I said, "Yes, if there is time." Gerson later told me that he knew there wasn't going to be time, and he was so scared that I would pass out from the pain.

Whenever I would scream the nurses would kindly say, "Try to turn your screams into deep breaths." They were so nice, positive, and encouraging the whole time. Before they even called the anesthesiologist, I yelled, "I'm pushing!" They checked me and said I was at a 9. They told me my doctor was on his way, and that I needed to not push. They advised me to take short and fast breaths during a contraction to keep myself from pushing. It worked enough to keep baby girl in until my doctor arrived, but it was close and I yelled, "I'm pushing!" two more times. The nurses would say, "You can't, you need to hold it." And I said, "I'm sorry, I'm trying, but I can't control it!" During that last exchange my doctor was in the room putting on his gown, gloves, and mask.

As soon as he was ready I tried my best to follow his instructions, but it was hard because my body was fighting against the pain. I have no idea how long I pushed before Lily was born, but it was quick. She came 30 minutes after we arrived at the hospital. Gerson cut the cord, and they put her on my belly for a quick moment to let me see her, but they had to check her because she had pooped during labor and they wanted to make sure she hadn't swallowed any. The nice thing about the hospital I deliver in is that they don't take baby out of the room for that kind of stuff. They have everything they need right there, and I was able to watch from my bed while Gerson stood right by Lily.

This was my first un-medicated delivery, and I would only do it again if it was as fast as this one was. There is no way I could do that for 8 or 12 hours. I definitely do not regret getting the epidural for Benjamin and Luna!

Once everything had calmed down, they placed her on my chest and we cuddled. I told the nurses I was sorry for all of the screaming. They told me not to worry, that I did great, and they had heard worse. They brought me breakfast, and Gerson fed me while I nursed Lily. On our way to my recovery room, a nurse came up to me and said she was tending to my friend, who was asking about me, but they couldn't tell her anything. Later, when I was rested, I texted her to let her know how I was doing and ask about her.

Because I was so exhausted from lack of sleep and feeling everything, I didn't feel like I really started to bond with Lily until later in the day. I had a similar experience with Benjamin, so I wasn't worried. We stayed in the hospital for two days. My parents brought Benjamin and Luna to visit three times. My friend came by with her baby, and we visited for at least and hour. Lily didn't grasp nursing as quickly as Luna did, but we didn't struggle as much as Benjamin and I did. A week later, she's nursing well!

We have all completely fallen in love with her. Luna wants to hug, kiss, and touch her all of the time. She watches every diaper change, and goes running to the bassinet every time she cries. Benjamin will talk to her when he wants to, but he won't touch her except a soft pat here and there.  He does like to say, "She is so cute." They both love her in their own way.

I'm so grateful that she is healthy, and made it here safely. She definitely belongs in our family!