Motherhood is not the Toughest Job in the World

When motherhood is defended, a common phrase I see is: “Motherhood is the toughest job in the world” and is usually followed by, “it is a thankless job.” While there are moments of raising children that are extremely tough, and there are moments where we as moms can feel unappreciated, I feel like choosing that to describe motherhood makes it sound like we are complaining. How can we properly defend motherhood if we complain about it?

Motherhood is not the toughest job in the world because it’s not a job; it’s a way of life. When a woman becomes a mother, she isn’t a mother for only 8 hours a day, five days a week. She is a mother 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Mothers do not get to retire after so many years; they are moms forever. Moms take care of their kids for at least twenty years; and when their kids move out there will still be plenty of times where those grown children will still need their mom. That is wonderful! We will forever be apart of our children’s lives!

Are there moments where motherhood is tough? Absolutely. My first night home with my son I ended up calling my mom at 5 in the morning for help, because neither my son nor I had slept and he was not nursing well. That was tough. A couple of days after that, the two of us (my son and I) had figured it out and it was no longer tough. I feel like the good moments of motherhood far outweigh the tough moments. And when talking about the tough moments it is important to add how we overcame those tough moments or lived through them.

My only sibling, a brother, is three years younger than me. Being practically a baby myself, I couldn’t help take care of or raise him. Because of that I didn’t feel comfortable in my capability in how to talk to kids, play with kids or take care of kids. When I was pregnant with my son this fear got worse. I had no idea how to take care of him once he was out of my body. My husband, on the other hand, was 10 years old when one of his sisters was born and 18 when another was born; being around kids was second nature to him. He reassured me that I would be fine, but I still worried.

When my son was born my worst fears were confirmed – or so it seemed. When we got home from the hospital I was too tired to do anything. My mom came home with us to help and she sent me to bed so that I could get some sleep. I burst into tears and said that if I went to sleep my son would think his grandma was his mom instead of me. (Of course now I realize that I was being silly, but I was sleep deprived and a first time mommy.) My mom reassured me that that would not happen, and I feel asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

Later that night, after my mom had left, we got ready for bed and I was expecting to sleep in three-hour intervals. My son had other plans. I was having a hard time nursing him, so I don’t think he was getting a full tummy every time he ate. He wanted to eat every hour instead of every three; and on top of that he wanted to sleep in my arms, not in his bed. Every time I laid him down in his bed asleep it would be maybe thirty minutes before he was crying again. I was still healing from giving birth, so pulling myself out of bed was exhausting, painful, and hard. At five in the morning I caught myself falling asleep in the rocking chair while holding him! My husband had been helping hold our son throughout the night, but only I could feed him; and we were both dangerously exhausted at this point. So I swallowed my new mommy pride and called my own mom for help. My mom came over, got our permission to give our son a bottle, and sent my husband and I to bed.

It was really hard and embarrassing to admit to my mom that I needed help and didn’t know what I was doing. It also seemed to confirm what I had thought all along: motherhood was hard, and I wasn’t good at it. For the next two weeks I slept when my son slept, and didn’t do much else but feed and take care of him. When my son was about three weeks old I started keeping up the rest of my home again: cleaning, cooking, etc. I felt each new week of motherhood get easier and more natural. Does that mean the tough moments disappeared? No. But it got easier to make it through them and figure out how to fix them.

That’s what makes the tough parts so valuable to get through: once we figure it out we feel like supermom and our kids love us! It feels so awesome to finally figure out what will make your baby stop crying, or how much food will keep them asleep in longer intervals. And that’s where this misconception of motherhood “being a thankless job” comes in. Yeah, most kids don’t say “thank you” and sometimes fathers and husbands don’t either. But I believe that they show their appreciation in other ways than saying those two words.

My son might not be able to say “thank you” when I come into his room to get him in the morning; but his big smile, giggle and reaching his arms out to me says it all. He might not be able to say “thank you” when I give him food, but when he says, “mmmmm!” with his toothy smile says it all. Bringing books to me to read to him says it all. Splashing in the bathtub and laughing says it all. And giving me goodnight kisses says it all. 

One time I was so sick that I could not get out of bed unless it was to go throw up. My husband stayed home from work that day so that he could take care of our son while I rested. He literally did everything I usually do that day. When I was feeling better the next day my husband said, “Wow. I can’t believe how much you do in one day to take care of our family.” My husband taking care of our son for an entire day by himself and then saying those words was better than a “thank you.” Of course saying “thank you” is still nice, but there are other ways of showing appreciation that should not be over looked. This is just one example, and my husband is constantly showing his appreciation for me and for what I do for our family.

Even though I don’t think that motherhood is “the toughest job in the world,” I still go to bed physically tired at night. I am constantly picking up toys, doing the laundry, cooking, and washing dishes. But it’s not too hard, its just part of my life and I’m willing to do it. I like having a clean home and a happy baby, so I do what I need to do to make that happen. The thing about motherhood is that it’s trial and error. We keep trying new things to see what works. When it doesn’t work we feel like things are going tough and it’s frustrating, but when we try something that does work then we sing “Hallelujah!” and things get better.

Motherhood may not be “the toughest job in the world,” but it is the most rewarding. Every triumph feels like I’ve conquered the world. Every new development makes me feel so proud. Every smile, giggle, hug and kiss makes me feel so loved. And to me, that makes all of the tough and thankless moments worth it.

So what about you? Mothers, fathers and other caregivers; what tough moments in child rearing have you gone through? How did you overcome them and make them a positive experience? What is rewarding about child rearing for you?

Modesty, a Way to Respect God

Growing up in an Latter-day Saint community, whenever modesty was taught and discussed it always felt that the focus was only on girls staying modest to help boys keep their thoughts clean. Don’t get me wrong; I believe that is extremely important, but if that is the only reason behind modesty, feelings can and have gotten hurt. I remember as a teenager getting upset that I had to be in charge of my male peers’ emotions by what I wore. I took it as a personal challenge to prove that I could wear what I wanted and still be seen as a good, moral person. I felt that it was the boys’ problem if they couldn’t control their thoughts.

For the most part I was modest. My High School had a dress code, and I followed the “Dress and Grooming Standards” in the Strength for Youth at Church and when I went to BYU. But I really fought it on weekends and during the summer. When my husband and I were preparing to get married, I had to get rid of a lot of clothes. I also had to buy a whole new set of summer attire, because I wanted to go through the temple and knew that my current wardrobe would not work with garments. I was spending money when I should have been saving it for my new life with my husband.

I didn’t really think about modesty too much after going through the temple, I just started wearing what would cover my garments. Then, about six months ago there was an explosion on my Facebook newsfeed of blog posts and articles about modesty. About half of them were emphasizing the traditional idea that girls need to be modest in order to keep boys’ thoughts pure, and the other half were angry responses about how boys need to learn to control their thoughts and that women should not be judged by what they wear. I do agree with points made on both sides, but I also think that modesty has more aspects to it than just keeping thoughts pure – more spiritual aspects. At the time I wanted to say that I believe that modesty also shows our respect towards God, who is the creator and giver of our bodies. And since our bodies are gifts from God, and we have been taught that our bodies are temples,  then we should treat our bodies as such. I realize that this post is about six months late, but as a college student and a mother, I didn’t have time to type this in one sitting. I also wanted to make sure that I worded everything in the way I wanted to, and I needed to spend time looking through lds.org to find the best quotes on modesty. So, here are my thoughts on modesty:

I want to start off by saying that I believe that the same modesty standards can and should apply to both genders. I believe that both men and women should not wear clothing that is too tight (one thing that helps me is if I feel like I have to suck in my stomach then my shirt is too tight, and if I cannot walk normally then my pants are too tight). I also believe that both men and women should wear clothing that will cover garments before and after going through the temple. It is very common to not think about what will or will not cover garments until you are about to go through the temple or after already going through the temple – I was one of those people. Looking back, I wish that I would have thought about that more during my teen years. I have recently realized that my mom was trying to get me to think about that when picking out clothing, but I was too busy fighting her to listen. Now, that I have started a family of my own, it’s my turn to do the teaching; and I hope that by putting my thoughts down together I will be better prepared to teach my children about modesty.

Now that I have gone over what modesty is to me, I’m going to discuss why modesty is important to me. I’ll start with clean and pure thoughts. I realize that this is the most popular argument behind modesty, and not what I want to focus on; but I do want to briefly mention it because it is still important. The most common statement behind this is that girls need to dress modestly so that boys can have clean thoughts. I agree with that, but I also believe that boys should also dress modestly to help girls with their thoughts. Teenage boys are not the only ones who are learning how to control and understand their hormones. Both genders should help each other.

Another important aspect is to make everyone comfortable: yourself and everyone around you. There may be times where immodesty does not lead to impure thoughts, but it still can lead to discomfort. Have you ever been in a situation where someone is wearing something that makes you uncomfortable? You find it hard to look at them, yet you need to give them attention because you are talking to them. You don’t know what to do with your eyes because you don’t want to appear judgmental, but you also don’t want to appear perverted. That is what I am talking about when it comes to discomfort. Another comfort to care about is our own. We should ask ourselves: Am I really comfortable in this outfit (physically and mentally)? Do I care what people think of me in this outfit? What does this outfit say about me? Would I meet with my bishop in this outfit? President Monson? Jesus Christ? Heavenly Father? I remember during the summers and on weekends, if I ran into someone from my ward or a teacher from my school I would feel embarrassed by what they saw me wearing.  I tried to brush it off, but those feelings stuck with me.

When we are modest, we show our commitment to live the gospel and share it. President Ezra Taft Benson counseled us to “dress and groom yourself in a way that reflects your lifelong commitment to share the gospel with others.” For me the words “lifelong commitment” jump out. Sharing the gospel and our testimony is not just 18 months to 2 years, it should last our entire lives; and along with that should we also dress modestly throughout our entire lives. The April 2014 Ensign issue has an entire article dedicated to modesty. Like President Benson, these authors also make the connection between a commitment to modesty and the gospel.  They say that “we show our commitment through consistency: abiding by the Lord’s commandments at all times rather than when it is convenient” (pg. 12). Essentially, it is important to be modest at all times, not just at Church and other similar events.

Our bodies are gifts from Heavenly Father and they should be treated as such. Dressing modestly is one way to show that we know this, believe it, and respect it. In the April 2014 Ensign article about modesty (link in previous paragraph), several young adults gave their opinions on modesty. One young adult, Luis Da Cruz Junior from Brazil said:

“We learn from the gospel that our body is a gift from God.  Our bodies help us progress and become as our Father is. For this reason it is important to dress modestly. By so doing, we show God and others that we have respect for this gift and for others.” (pg. 12)

The page about modesty on lds.org states that:

“Prophets have always counseled us to dress modestly. This counsel is founded on the truth that the human body is God's sacred creation. We must respect our bodies as a gift from God. Through our dress and appearance, we can show the Lord that we know how precious our bodies are.”

Our bodies are also temples. When we dress modestly we show that we know this. In “ToClothe a Temple” John S. Tanner said:

“Yet for teenagers as for children, modesty is finally much more than a matter of tight pants or spandex swimming suits, of hemlines or necklines. Rather, it’s a line drawn in the heart; it’s the result of truly believing that the body is the temple of the spirit.

The same holds true for adults, who may be the worst offenders against the principle of modesty. Certainly their guilt is greater to the degree that they are more knowledgeable. Further, adults who have received their endowments wear a reminder from the temple that the body is a temple, too, for both are sacred sanctuaries of the spirit. The Lord has provided the Saints a powerful shield and protection against immodest dress.”

I also like to think of it like this:

Imagine the outside of any LDS Temple that you have been to. What does it look like? What surrounds it? What colors are present? What messages does it send? How are the people dressed who are going in or out? Now imagine the outside of any Casino in Las Vegas and ask yourself the same questions. While both buildings have very inviting atmospheres, there are key differences. The temple invites eternal happiness, while Las Vegas Casinos invite the possibility of temporary happiness that requires a huge amount of risk. Which type of invitation do you want to present in your countenance? When we know and believe that our bodies our temples, it becomes easier to dress our bodies like temples.

And lastly, when we dress modestly we glorify God and respect Him. Our Heavenly Father is the one who has asked us to dress modestly: “let all thy garments be plain, and their beauty the beauty of the work of thine own hands;” (D&C 42:40) that is just one of MANY references. Since He is the creator of our bodies, and they are gifts from him, isn’t it respectful to treat and care for our bodies the way that He has asked us to?

The April 2014 Ensign article on modesty quotes 1 Corinthians 6:20 by saying that when we dress modestly we “seek to glorify God in your body and in your spirit.” (pg. 10) The authors also said: “In the way we clothe and present ourselves, we communicate our respect for God, for ourselves, and for others.” (pg. 12)

I believe that all of the reasons listed before this one add up to respecting and glorifying God. When we dress modestly we help keep thoughts clean and pure, we help ourselves and others stay comfortable, we outwardly show our commitment to not only live the gospel, but to share it. When we dress modestly we show our knowledge that our bodies are gifts from God, that are bodies are temples and should be treated as such. When our modesty shows these things, we glorify God, who is our Father. As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, we represent Christ at all times. Dressing ourselves in a way that represents and glorifies Him is the best way to represent Him correctly.

So, what do you think? What is modesty to you? Why is modestly important to you? What messages do you think modesty sends? Post your answers in the comments if you wish! At least write it down for your own private use. And when you are done writing it down, live it and teach it.

Making Visiting Teaching More Personal

I am 23 years old as I type this, so I have had visiting teachers and have been a visiting teacher for only five years – and it still feels pretty new to me.  But I believe that I have learned a lot over the past five years, and I feel like I am a better visiting teacher than I was when I was at 18.  I want to share my experiences of being a visiting teacher and being visit taught, because I now have a testimony of visiting teaching, and hopefully something I say can help someone who is struggling with visiting teaching – not just struggling to go, but maybe needs some ideas on how to reach out to the sisters your visit or your companion.

When I was 18, my first companion was my mom’s age and made the appointments and gave the messages.  I was extremely grateful for this at the time because I had no idea what I was doing, and I didn’t even go with her half the time.  I was uncomfortable and didn’t like going.  Looking back my companion was so sweet to put up with me!  When I graduated from high school I switched over to a single’s ward I went visiting teaching twice during the year that I was there.

With getting married I went back into a family ward (not the same one), and something just clicked: I was determined to be a consistent visiting teacher.  I think what caused it was in my single’s ward my home teachers visited me every month, and that eventually encouraged me to be better.  So as soon as I knew my assignment I called my companion and set up a system to get us to visit teach every month.  Our visits were usually quick; we chatted for a bit and then shared a brief message.  It was very robotic and all about getting 100% each month.  I know that is what visiting teaching is NOT, but I think that is how it starts; because before you can gain a testimony of visiting teaching and become more personable, you need to just simply go and include the basics: set up appointments, go, give a message.  Then as time passes you will get to know your sisters and hopefully grow to love them, and THEN your messages and types of visits can and will turn more personal.

For me it took two years to learn that.  Shortly after my husband and I moved into our first family ward, we got called into the Nursery.  Because of that, my only connection to Relief Society was through my visiting teachers and my companion (the sisters I visit taught also had primary callings).  I grew to love and appreciate my visiting teachers coming over to visit me, and I loved going visiting teaching!  I loved talking to the sisters assigned to me, and I feel like I learned more from them than they did from me.

Of course, not everything was perfect, but we are meant to learn from these experiences.  One month I made the appointments and let my companion know when they were.  One of them was scheduled on a Thursday night, my companion asked me to pick her up from the Church for that appointment.  When I picked her up I realized that I had picked her up from our ward’s Relief Society activity – and it was still going on!  I felt really bad.  Being in the Nursery had kept me out of the loop when it came to the Relief Society calendar, and neither of my visiting teachers nor my companion had filled me in on the goings on of Relief Society.  Even though at the time I wasn’t interested in going to the activities, I would never intentionally take others away from them.

When my husband and I moved into our second ward, the Relief Society president invited me over to her house so that she could get to know me.  When the conversation turned to visiting teaching she told me that she wanted the women in this ward to visit their sisters the way they wanted to be visited.  She gave the example of a lady in the ward who liked her visiting teachers to visit her while they went on a walk instead of sitting on the couches in her living room.  Hearing that reminded me of the kind of visiting teacher my mom is.  She has visited a sister for years who is not active, and does not want my mom to come in and give her a message.  Instead my mom brings by treats with a card.  It has gotten to the point where if this lady is home she will talk to my mom out on her porch.  Since this conversation that I had with my past Relief Society President I have tried to be that kind of visiting teacher; where I focus on what my sisters want and need.  Sometimes they don’t ask you directly to do something, but you can use the spirit to learn and figure it out, and when you do it the joy in their face is great.

Also in the second ward I was in, I had one the most steadfast visiting teachers I have had yet.  Her companion only came with her once, but she visited me 2-3 times a month, not just once a month.  I’m not saying that every visiting teacher needs to do that, but it was what I needed at the time.  I was pregnant and taking a break from work and school; and it felt like at some of my most lonely times that I would hear a knock on my door and there she would be!  Even though her companion never accompanied her on those visits, she did call me at least once a month to check up on me and both made me dinner shortly after my son was born.  They were really good examples to me of following the spirit to help me out and meet my needs.

The current ward I am in now I do not have a calling, and so I get to attend Relief Society.  My first companion and the sisters we visited all had callings in the Primary.  Having been in their shoes before, I wanted to make sure that they still felt like they were apart of Relief Society.  So, I always brought them a copy of the newsletter and anything else passed out in Relief Society.  I also always let them know when the Relief Society activities were coming up, and offered them rides to them if they wanted to come with me.  None of them ever took me up on that offer, but they did always give appreciation for the invites.

I am now on a new companion and a new set of sisters, and I hope that I can learn their wants and needs and fulfill them and become a friend to them.

I now want to summarize what I have learned into some basic pointers about visiting teaching:

·      Start with the Basics – set up appointments, go to them, share messages.  As you do these things start to get to know your companion and the sisters you visit.

·      Learn about and meet needs – As you get to know the sisters you visit use direct communication and promptings of the spirit to figure out and then meet their needs.  These needs can be common needs like the type of visits they want, or they can be temporary like bringing meals when babies are born.

·      Don’t forget about your companion! – Even though your companion is there to serve these sisters with you, you two can and should also serve each other.  My last companion had a calling in the Nursery while I didn’t have a calling, so I always brought her stuff from Relief Society so she could know what was going on and feel included.

·      Be a visiting teacher more than once a month – Along with monthly visits reach out to your sisters in other times and places.  Say hi at Church, sit next to them in Sunday School or Relief Society, call them, invite them to do something with you… the possibilities are endless!

·      Be a friend – all of the things listed above can help lead you to becoming their friend.

Here is a link to more information on visiting teaching on the Church’s website: https://www.lds.org/callings/relief-society/visiting-teaching-training/purpose-is-to-minister?lang=eng

Now it’s your turn!  What have you learned from being a visiting teacher or being visit taught?  What makes your visiting teachers good for you?  What makes you and your companion good for the sisters you visit?  Men, don’t feel left out!  A lot of this can apply to home teaching as well. J  You can answer these questions by commenting if you like; or if they are too personal at least write them down in your journal or type them on your computer so that you have them for your own reference.  Either way I invite you to answer these questions in some way.

One final thought: Last week’s General Women’s meeting was all about unity among women in the Church.  I believe that visiting teaching is one way to reach that unity.

General Women's Meeting - The First One!

On Saturday, March 29, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints held its first General Women’s Meeting that included girls and women ages 8 years old and older!  A few months ago, when they announced that this would be happening, I got super excited and had this awesome feeling inside my heart.  I had the same excitement walking into the meeting; and because it is the very first one, I want to share my thoughts on it.

Unfortunately I was a little late, so I missed the beginning of the introduction.  But the first thing that I heard was that the opening prayer was going to be given by a Young Woman who was a brand new Beehive!  Oh my goodness, that made my smile so big.  Then while introducing the choir, Sister Bonnie L. Oscarson (the Young Women General President, who was conducting the meeting) said that the choir consisted of girls and women ages 8-80 years old!  It was at this point that I realized the meeting was not simply adult participants with child attendees; both adults and children were attending and participating.

Sister Rosemary M. Wixom (Primary General President).  Sister Wixom spoke first, and the first thing she did was have all girls ages 8-11 in the Conference Center and watching in their Stake Centers (my mom and I were watching at her Stake Center) via broadcast to stand up.  She personally welcomed all of them to the meeting, and then invited them to sing the first verse of “Teach Me to Walk in the Light” with her.  Then she invited the rest of the women to sing the second verse.  I thought that this was a really great way to start off the meeting.  It welcomed the younger girls, and helped connect all of the women of all ages.

To me, Sister Wixom’s talk focused on keeping covenants, and here are some quotes that were important to me:

·      “We are covenant making women of all ages… keeping covenants empowers us.”

·      She talked about how our journey is personal, that understanding our covenants will change our lives, and that we should use our baptismal covenants and the sacrament to look to the temple.

·      “Once you get on the straight and narrow…press forward.”

We then watched a video of women and children from 8 different countries singing “I Am A Child Of God” in 9 different languages. Then the congregation sang the first verse together.  It was so beautiful!

Bonnie L. Oscarson (Young Women General President).  Sister Oscarson began by talking about how this meeting is going to be important in the history of the Church.  She said that this meeting is the “most faith filled…assemblies of women in the history of the church,” and then added that probably in the history of the world as well.  She said that we are sisters to each other, and that as sisters we have an “unbreakable bond” that allows us to “take care of “ and “comfort each other.”

To me, Sister Oscarson’s talk focused on the unity and bond that LDS women need to have with each other; and here are some quotes that were important to me:

·      “We just need to relax and rejoice in our differences.”

·      “We really and truly need each other.” – With this she talked about influencing the younger generations, and how the younger generations can also teach the older generations.

·      She gave examples of how Relief Society sisters can welcome the new 18 year old in: “a friend to sit next to, an arm around their shoulders, an opportunity to teach and serve.”

·      She quoted Sister Hinckley, “women need women.”

·      And that we should “work hand in hand with righteous brothers.”

We then watched a video that to me highlighted women and the temple.  What stuck out to me were women of all ages doing their daily things, signing their temple recommends in the Bishop’s office, and then going to the temple.  It was that emphasis on the temple that stuck with me.

Linda K. Burton (Relief Society General President).  Sister Burton reminded us that we are daughters of God.  She asked, “What can we do to live with Heavenly Father?”  And using the answers that Jesus gave to those who asked him, she told us: to keep the commandments – all of the them, to lay aside the things of the world, and to follow Christ.  Essentially we are to become perfect, which can be stressful.  She said that the Greek word found in the scriptures that has been translated as perfect, also means complete.  So doing these things makes us complete; but we also need help, and help comes from the atonement, the Holy Ghost and other brothers and sisters.

To me, Sister Burton’s talk focused on becoming a disciple of Christ, and here are some quotes that were important to me:

·      Quoting Mormon, “I am a disciple of Christ, and a [son/daughter] of God.”

·      “Help Wanted! Disciples of Christ.”

·      Our thoughts, words and actions should say, “Here am I, send me.”

·      “It does not matter if we are not perfect or complete.”

President Henry B. Eyring (First Counselor of the First Presidency).  Two or three sentences in President Eyring said, “This is a historic meeting.”  Yes it is!  It felt like such a blessing to be able to attend this.  I wrote down notes and my thoughts in my journal while listening to the speakers.  Years down the road, when this meeting is a normal part of Conference, I can look back and read what I wrote about the first one!  President Eyring talked about how his mother helped him prepare for his baptism.  And it made me think back to how my mom helped me to prepare for my baptism (for the full story you can read my first post titled “ChelseyOrtega: LDS, Woman, Dancer, Book Worm, Student Wife Mother”)

To me, President Eyring wrapped up what the first three speakers talked about, and he ended with discussing Eve and her important role in the Plan of Salvation.  Here are some quotes that were important to me:

·      “Each of you is a daughter in the covenant.”

·      “You have been blessed…to find the way… and to be surrounded by others who can help.”

·      “You are more alike as daughters of God, than you are different.”

·      “Sister missionaries have become ever more powerful proselytizers and nurturing leaders.”

·      He also talked a lot about Eve as someone who helped her family press forward and live faithfully.  He said that we can and should be like her and use her as an example.  I loved it.

This was such a special meeting to me.  I could feel the spirit when I walked into the chapel, and I can feel it again now as I am typing this.  This truly was a historic meeting.  I felt like the theme of the entire meeting was to bring us women together in unity; which is why all of us were brought into one meeting instead of our separate ones like in the past.  We were told that we are sisters; that we can teach one another and we can learn from one another.  I feel like the women of the Church are so strong and so loved.  I am looking forward to attending this meeting every six months, and I can’t wait to hear the other talks in General Conference next week.

Obviously there was a lot more said than what I put into this post.  What I highlighted was simply what stuck out to me upon hearing it and reflecting on it.  I can’t wait to read these talks in next month’s issue of the Ensign, and I am looking forward to learning more and gaining a new or different understanding when I read them.  

If you want to point out something from this meeting that was important to you, feel free to put your thoughts in the comments.  If you don’t want to share them, then at least write them in your journal so that you can always remember your feelings about this day.  If you didn’t attend, then I invite you to listen to or read the talks on lds.org or when the Ensign comes out next month.  I believe that those who spoke in this meeting were inspired by God to say the things that they said.  The spirit was with them and I could feel it with me.  Whether you listened to the talks, or read them, I hope you can feel the spirit too; and know that God loves you.

Mayonnaise on Tacos

During the third trimester of my pregnancy I had a hard time finding the energy to cook every night.  On nights like those I had family dinners in the freezer that I could throw in the oven.  But, like all pregnant women, I had my cravings every once in a while.  One night, I was too tired to cook and none of the easy prep meals sounded good.  I had been craving pork tacos from Café Rio for a while (during my pregnancy my cravings would stay until I ate whatever I was craving, so sometimes my craving for a particular food item would last for days if I couldn’t eat it right away).  So I called Gerson and asked him to bring me some pork tacos for dinner – he heartily agreed because he loves Café Rio!

When Gerson got home we sat down and dug into our dinner.  I grabbed what I thought was sour cream and spread it on my first taco.  I quickly finished it (sometimes when you are pregnant and hungry you aren’t exactly proper at the dinner table), and began spreading “sour cream” on my second taco.  Right as I was about to take a bite Gerson said, “I didn’t know you liked mayo on your tacos.”  I looked at the container in front of me and realized that it was not the Sour Cream container, but the Mayonnaise container.

Water works.

“ I don’t!  I thought it was sour cream!” I said sobbing.  I threw my uneaten taco down and just cried and cried.  Poor Gerson tried to make it better.  He asked me if I had put mayonnaise on the first taco and I said yes; then he asked me if I had liked it and I said yes.  “Well if it tastes good to you then you can eat this one.”  “No I can’t!  Because now I know that it’s mayo that’s on here!”  (Still sobbing.)  Gerson then offered to go get me something else; no that made me embarrassed.  Then he offered to give me the rest of his pork salad; no that also made me embarrassed.

An hour or two later I ate a bowl of cereal.

Sometime after Benjamin was born, Gerson and I were telling this story to my parents.  This time it was not upsetting; it was hilarious.  I was laughing so hard I couldn’t even finish telling the story.  It was one of those moments where it was a catastrophe when it happened, and extremely funny later on.

There isn’t a revelatory message to this story; just that sometimes we need to look back and laugh at ourselves.  Which is why I typed this up.  I was having a rough day and needed to feel better, and this story always makes me laugh.  So, when you are having a rough day, revisit something that makes you laugh, something that can take your mind off of what is troubling you.  Write it down or type it up, share it or keep it to your self, and reread it when you need to.

On a side note: I want to give a shout out to Gerson for being so sweet during my pregnancy tantrums!

Pay It Forward: To Your Kids

I am guessing that most of you are familiar with the term, “Pay it forward.”  When someone does something nice for you, instead of repaying them, they tell you to “pay it forward.”  Then you do something nice for someone else and tell them the same thing.  I want to take this concept and apply it in a different direction.

A couple years ago my dad taught me to apply this concept to my future kids.  My husband and I fell into the “poor-starving-college-students” category and didn’t have the money to fix the alignment on our car.  My dad paid for it and when I asked him what kind of payment plan he wanted to make he said, “I’m not going to put you in the poor house just so you can fix your car.  Pay it forward to your kids.”  I soon realized that he didn’t just mean that for situations like this.  He meant that every way that he and my mom had taken care of me, he wanted me to give to my children.

Let me give you some examples:

Extra Curricular Activities – As a kid I did dance, gymnastics, played soccer and took piano lessons.  My parents paid for all of them.  Not only did they pay, but they let me chose what I wanted to do (which is why I did so much, I wanted to try it all).   As I got older and focused on dance, it got more expensive.  My parents still paid for it, but only certain amounts: required team fees, competition fees, one costume a year, and one private lesson a week.  Anything extra – which was usually extra lessons – I paid for.  The older I got, the more I paid for.  But my parents still helped me when I needed it.  My mom also attended every single competition and performance and filmed them, and my dad came when his work schedule allowed.  My senior year in High School the job I worked at went out of business, and I was jobless for four months.  My parents paid for more than usual during those four months.

Cars – My junior year in High School I signed up for early morning seminary so that I could take more academic and dance classes.  After a week of driving me to seminary at 6:00 in the morning, my dad decided I needed my own car.  So we went shopping and got me a 2001 Volks Wagon Passat.  At first my dad was planning on having me slowly pay him back, but he later changed his mind and said that he hoped that I would do the same for my kids (if I am in a financial situation to do so).  However I still had to pay for gas and any repairs and new tires.  So I still learned responsibility by making sure that I always had enough money for gas and emergencies.

College – Although I applied, I did not receive any scholarships or federal financial aid for college.  So my parents paid for tuition and I paid for my books.  When I got married they stopped paying for tuition, which was fine.  At that point I did qualify for financial aid.  My parents also let me choose which college I went to.  They didn’t try to convince me to move out or stay at home.  And when I chose to stay at home they didn’t charge me rent.

Travel – When I was 11, I got invited to join a two-week study abroad trip to Europe.  It was very expensive, and we couldn’t afford to send me that year.  Upon learning that the invitation was for more than that year, my parents made a deal with me that when I had saved up half of the cost they would pay the other half and send me the year that I had enough money.  Three years later I had saved enough babysitting money to pay half, and at 14 years old I went to New Zealand and Australia (that was where the group was going that year).

Choices - Besides monetary support, my parents usually supported my choices.  They supported my choice to quit the French Horn so that I could focus on dance.  They supported my choice to become a competitive dancer, not just a performer.  They supported my choice to take AP and IB classes, and when homework for those classes caused late nights, my mom stayed up with me and wouldn’t go to bed until I did.  And they supported me when I chose to get married at 19 years old.  Some of my choices they didn’t agree with, but they still allowed me to make and helped me learn from the consequences.  For example, one time I was dating a guy that they really didn’t approve of; so the rules about when, where and how I could see him were stricter than with my other friends.  Another time, I had several articles of clothing that were not modest, but I chose to wear them anyway.  My mom couldn’t make me change into something else, but she did voice her wish that I would find a way to make them modest or not wear them at all.  So her words would stay in my mind the rest of the day.

My husband and I want to do something similar for our son and other kids that we may have.  We want to find a balance between supporting them and teaching them responsibility and independence.  We haven’t decided on anything final (granted our son is only 10 months old), but we are already thinking about it.  Whatever we end up doing for our kids, we want to teach them to do at least the same, if not better for their kids.

I would like to emphasize that this is not the only way to parent.  This is simply what worked for my family.  What did your parents do that you want to pay forward to your own kids?  If your kids are already grown up it’s not too late, just what you pay forward will apply to where they are in life.  You can also give to your grandchildren as well.  And if you don’t have kids, but have nieces and nephews you can pay forward things that are appropriate as their aunt or uncle.  Either way, write down what you want to pay forward and apply it when it is time.  Of course you can still "Pay it forward" when it comes to helping out neighbors, friends and strangers.  This is just one way that we can help out future generations.