"It takes a village."
"The village is dead."
Have you ever heard or read either of those phrases before? Parents of today feel an enormous pressure to do it alone, and to do it perfectly. The mom at the grocery store with a screaming baby or toddler is judged instead of helped. It is very difficult for a family to survive on one income, and at the same time the price of daycare often makes a second working parent not worth it. And in some families, extended family members prefer their relationships with nieces, nephews, and grandchildren to be only during the holidays, and sometimes less than that or non-existent!
It took me six years of being a mom to realize this, but I am happy to say that my village is not dead. I have a village made up of family members and neighbors who are a part of my children's lives, and I love those people so much, and am so grateful to them!
My parents and brother are a part of my village. They live seven minutes away, and all of us utilize that. We have dinner at their house every Sunday. Everyone pitches in with feeding, diaper changes, playing, reading, and baths. Back in 2016 I was in a rough spot emotionally, and my mom suggested that Gerson and I up our monthly dates to weekly dates. She said to pick a night, Friday or Saturday, she would watch Benjamin and Luna (now Lily also), and the night we didn't choose would be date night for her and my dad. She offered that, I didn't ask; but I do think that young parents shouldn't feel guilty for asking family to watch their children so they can have a date night. My parents invite B&L to sleepover about once a month as well (Lily will join when she is old enough). While this does provide much needed alone time with Gerson, it also strengthens my children's relationship with their grandma and papa - that relationship is really important! They have also bought needed items for B,L,&L when finances have been tight for us. My brother reads to them, he plays with them, he also babysits every once in a while. They love Uncle Michael, he is the favorite uncle.
My in-laws are a part of my village. Gerson's family lives in California, so they can't help in the way that my parents do; but they still love their grandchildren and provide love and support where they can. Whenever we see them, they always give us clothing for the kids, and that is extremely helpful. They provide encouragement and support in how Gerson and I are choosing to raise our children. Gerson's sisters always let B&L sit on their laps, hold their hands, and cuddle with them. And we maintain communication through phone calls and Skype. B,L,&L love their Abuelito, Abuelita, and tías.
My extended family is a part of my village. My grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins have all taken an interest in B,L,&L. They give them love and attention at family gatherings. They help feed them, play with them, comfort them. My parents recently took B&L to visit my dad's mom for a few days, and my cousin and uncle went to the grocery store to buy B&L's favorite cereal for their breakfast while they were there. The love that my family has for my children just warms my heart.
My neighbors are a part of my village. I have two wonderful neighbors that have become honorary tías to my children. We bonded while watching The Bachelor together, and our children are the same age, so the friendships on all levels worked. They are safe adults in my children's lives. B&L play in their homes, I can call on them to babysit - and have also taken care of their kids. I can tell them about my struggles without feeling shame or embarrassment, and receive support and advice. I can also comfortably ask for an ingredient I am out of while making dinner, and they do the same with me. We rarely replace what we borrowed, because we are family. (Off the top of my head I can only think of two times where I requested a replacement because I was using that ingredient the next day and couldn't get to the store when they could.) On top of all of that, we simply are best friends, and we love each other! I love the community we have created, and am sad that location-wise, the closeness is temporary since we are in apartments, and we all will one day move away. 😭 But I plan on staying connected, and
hopefully our children will remain friends as well!
I don't think that the village is truly dead, but I do think it takes love and effort to make it successful! It took me 6 years to realize that I had a village - and to accept that it's okay to need help. Children need more than just their parents. Children need other adults in their life who are safe, loving, and supportive. I am so grateful that my children have that.
