It's Okay If All You Can Offer Is A Prayer

In the past few weeks there have been several responses to the tragedies across the world. One of the more popular responses is to pray for those affected by violence and hate. And as people have shared their prayers on social media they have either been condemned and told that praying is not enough, or they have been mocked and told praying doesn’t make them a hero. Either way, the advocacy for prayer is being diminished in a time when it is needed the most. I want you to know that it is okay if all you can personally offer during these tragedies is a prayer for peace, comfort, and love.

Maybe some of the anger at the prayer posts is because they are misconstrued as something to say in order to look compassionate. I want you to know that when I say “my prayers go out to…” I truly am praying for them. I am not saying that in order to get likes or follow the current social media trend. I am truly getting down on my knees and asking Heavenly Father to send love and comfort to the family members of the victims in Paris, San Bernardino, and other parts of the world. I am truly asking Heavenly Father to heal those who were injured. I am truly asking Heavenly Father to wrap His arms around those who are struggling and help them. Even when I don't announce it online, I am still praying. That is what I can do right now, and I will not be shamed and bullied into thinking that my prayers are worthless. After all, are we not commanded to “mourn with those that mourn”?

Mosiah 18:8 …and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light;

9 Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort…

We are to bear one another’s burdens, mourn with each other, and comfort others. We can hold someone while they cry over their struggles. We can write someone a letter or send them a card. We can offer our talents and services. The possibilities are endless! But sometimes we can’t physically help someone, and so we pray for them. Prayer is extremely powerful, and is no less helpful or important than other ways of help and comfort. We have also been promised that we will never have to grieve alone:

John 14:18 I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.

I can testify from personal experience that these kinds of prayers can be felt and they are helpful. These moments are exactly what the Atonement is for. In moments of heartbreak, I have felt comfort and guidance come un-expectantly; I have also overcome struggles easier than I anticipated. When I have relayed these experiences to my mom she has responded, “I’m so glad! I was praying for you.” If I can feel the prayers from one person, then imagine how these families can feel when millions of people send prayers their way? Will they stop grieving? No. Will they stop crying? No. But Heavenly Father is crying and grieving with them. He will comfort them, mourn with them, and strengthen them. Our prayers can help with that; I know with all my heart that they can. And I would much rather send prayers of love and comfort to those affected by these tragedies than use their grief as a means to further political arguments.

A Roaring Lion VS. The Still Small Voice

It’s so easy to get caught up emotionally in the events that are going on in our religion, in our country, and in our world. The most common emotion is anger. And while there are times where anger is justifiable and needed, most of the time it is brought on by Satan and it impedes any type of resolution or peace.

In the most recent General Priesthood session of conference, the Lord’s Prophet Thomas S. Monson said:

 “We are surrounded by persuasive voices, beguiling voices, belittling voices, sophisticated voices, and confusing voices. I might add that these are loud voices. I admonish you to turn the volume down and to be influenced instead by that still, small voice which will guide you to safety.”

Also in the most recent General Conference Elder Vern P. Stanhill said:

“When we consider thoughtfully, why would we listen to the faceless, cynical voices of those in the great and spacious buildings of our time and ignore the pleas of those who genuinely love us? These ever-present naysayers prefer to tear down rather than uplift. Their mocking words can burrow into our lives, often through split-second burst of electronic distortions carefully and deliberately composed to destroy our faith. Is it wise to place our eternal well-being in the hands of strangers? Is it wise to claim enlightenment from those who have no light to give or who may have private agendas hidden from us? These anonymous individuals, if presented to us honestly, would never be given a moment of our time, but because they exploit social media, hidden from scrutiny, they receive undeserved credibility.”

In 1 Peter 5:8 Satan is described as a “roaring lion.” The Holy Ghost has always had the sign of the dove (Luke 3:22, D&C 93:15, 2 Nephi 31:8). Who is going to be heard first: a roaring lion or a soft spoken dove? Experience has taught me that the angry yelling from Satan comes first, and then when I am ready to open my heart and allow it, the quiet calming of the Holy Spirit comes next. It is this distinction between the two voices that has helped me determine what is of God and what is of the devil.

Satan wants you to be angry. He wants you to be so beyond control in your emotions of hurt, anger, and betrayal that you cannot possibly hear the gentle pleadings of love from the Holy Spirit; and in being unable to hear the Spirit, you listen to Satan instead. If he can’t get to you directly, he will use other people who are already angry. He will use their anger and hatred to rile you up. They will say things that will make you so angry that you lose the Spirit as you snap back at them. When that happens, I have learned to take a step back, regain control of myself, pray for help and guidance, and bring the Spirit back with me as I reenter the conversation (although sometimes I have been prompted to not return to the conversation).

The Holy Ghost is the exact opposite. He wants you to be calm, loving, and at peace. His guidance often takes longer to recognize because what he is teaching you are things that must be learned and mastered over time, while Satan’s anger and temptations are merely quick impulses. But I promise that you can learn them and you can master them. It will take time, but by focusing on one step at a time you can notice progress. For example, I easily get angry; but I am getting really good at not reacting to my anger. I am learning to control how I respond to what or who has made me angry. I wait until I am in complete control of my emotions, and I have the Spirit to guide me, and then I say what I am thinking and how I am feeling.

Satan’s voice may be louder, but the Holy Ghost’s voice is stronger, as long as you allow it to be. How do you make the Spirit’s voice stronger? Faith. Faith is not something that happens magically, we have to choose it. (See Elder Neil L. Andersen’s “Faith Is Not by Chance, but byChoice”) When we do choose to have faith, the outcome is so wonderful:

“Whenever we willingly act with faith in Jesus Christ and take another step, especially an uncomfortable step requiring change or repentance, we are blessed with strength.”- Elder Randall K. Bennett (Your NextStep)

Strength! Faith gives us strength. It gives us strength to overcome Satan and his temptations. And we will need that strength when our faith is tested by those loud and angry voices.

“…we might feel embarrassed, uncomfortable, or confused spiritually when we encounter a challenge to our faith. Generally, the intensity and duration of these feelings will depend upon our reaction to them. If we do nothing, doubt, pride, and eventually apostasy may drive us from the light.” - Elder Vern P. Stanfill

It is so important to not let that embarrassment, discomfort, and confusion weaken our faith. Just recently I was given some information about Brigham Young that was meant to do just that. I felt confused and frustrated that I didn’t have a response, I could not think of a way to defend him. In the end faith was the answer. It took all night to feel better; but after a long discussion with my husband and earnest prayer to my Heavenly Father, I felt comforted and at peace as I chose faith, and my personal faith was strengthened as a result.

I learned from that experience that it is ok to not have an answer ready for everything. And if you do have an answer, it’s ok to not share it. As President Dieter F. Uchtdorf said:

 “…we believe in God because of things we know in our heart and mind, not because of things we do not know. Our spiritual experiences are sometimes too sacred to explain in worldly terms, but that doesn’t mean they are not real.”

I love that last part. Just because something is too sacred to discuss, does not make it any less important than the things that are being discussed. You know what you experienced, you know how it made you feel, and you know it was true. Leaving a conversation does not mean that you are weak or the loser of the argument or beaten down. Being simple and soft spoken does not mean you don’t know what you are talking about. Using faith as your answer does not mean you are brainwashed. It’s ok to talk like the Holy Ghost because that means you are letting Him guide you; and that is way more important than being heard through loud and angry voices.

Overcoming Judgment From Others

About a year and a half ago I wrote a post about judging others. But what about when you are on the other side of judging? When you are the one being judged? It doesn’t feel good, and I have learned that how I respond to that judgment is connected to my confidence and happiness in myself and how I treat the person who judged me. I have also learned that many times I only feel that I’m being judged; when in reality I’m not being judged at all.

When I respond negatively I end up being super angry for a while and it affects me getting anything done. If I know the person I don’t talk to them for a long time and have a hard time being nice if I have to see them before I’m over it. If I don’t know them, I make terrible assumptions about them, which is me judging them; the exact thing I’m upset at them for doing! When I respond positively I am able to shrug it off and move on with my day. I still often times need a break from that person, but I get over the issue much faster.

Of course this is easier said than done, and I’m still working on it; but I have made good progress recently and now have a lot more self-confidence. There are three main types of judgement that I have come across and have learned to deal with: 1. Verbal comments and questions 2. Facial expressions 3. Comments on social media.

Verbal Comments and Questions

These generally take place with people I know and am conversing with, but can occasionally happen with strangers when I am out and about. I have been the recipient of a judgmental comment only once (that I can remember). I talked about it in my last post about judging. My son was crying at the grocery store and as I picked him up to quiet him I said, “Good gracious child.” A woman who heard me looked at me and said, “He just wants to be held.” I was super embarrassed and super angry. In fact, that incident happened over a year ago and it still irks me when I think about it.

I think that verbal comments are the hardest to get over because they are so matter-of-fact and obvious. What usually helps me is reminding myself that I alone know the extent of the situation I am being judged for. In this example: the amount of time my son spends crying is a lot less than the amount of time he spends smiling, laughing and playing. I also tell myself that it is ok for me to get frustrated, and just because someone else witnessed that frustration does not make me a bad mom. Also, talking with someone who can make me feel better like my husband or mom helps as well.

Questions are rarely meant to be judgmental, but it’s very easy to take them that way. And the difficult thing about questions is that what will offend one person, will not offend another. It depends on their personality and what situation they are currently in. For example, my husband is a very private person while I am more open. Sometimes he’ll hear me ask friends or family a question that he thinks is too personal or someone will ask us a questions that he thinks is too personal. And it’s ok for him to feel that way. It’s also ok for me to be more open.

Our current situations can also determine how we feel about specific questions. I have never had a problem with people asking me questions about my labor to give birth to my son. I love telling his birth story and don’t feel judged by any of the elements of that story. On the other hand, I hated it when people saw me feeding him a bottle and asked, “Do you also breastfeed?” I always told them yes, even though it wasn’t true, but I was so embarrassed that I was unable to nurse my son and I didn’t want people to think I was a failure (I of course know now that I am not a failure). Since then I have come across several articles like “Top 10 things never to say to: gays/someone who has depression/returned missionaries/single people/new moms…” (you get the picture). The one thing all of those lists have in common is “Don’t ask questions” or “Don’t ask the wrong questions.”

So am I supposed to expect people to never ask questions? Of course not! That’s how they get to know me. Or maybe they want to understand my situation so that they can know how to support and uplift me. Of course it is ok to hope that people think before they speak. And knowing how I feel about certain questions, I should try think about how a question will sound before I ask it.

I truly believe that in most cases when people ask questions they are simply curious without the intent to judge. And I think that is ok. So when someone asks me a question that makes me raise my eyebrow, I remind myself that they are just curious, nothing more. And if you don’t want to answer it, you can tell them that is personal or you don’t want to talk about it. I’m pretty sure most people will understand. And I try my best to not let the question continue to bother me when the conversation is over.

Facial Expressions

This also occurs in a social setting, and you do or say something and notice one or more people giving you that look. That judgmental look that makes you feel all hot and embarrassed, and your cheeks turn red, and you stumble on what to do or say next. For me those looks happen when my son is acting out at Church, the store, a restaurant, etc. I usually get super stressed, which rubs off on my son and makes the situation worse. How can I calm him if I myself am not calm? But I had no idea how to combat the stress. So I usually abandoned whatever event I was at, or finished it with a blazing red face.

One day after a particularly difficult Sacrament Meeting, an older gentleman came up to chat with us. During the conversation he said smiling at Benjamin, “There is no judgment here. We have all been in your shoes. We completely understand.” His comment encouraged me and made me determined to not care about the looks from others. In fact, I see judgmental looks less and less since this kind man’s comment. And it makes me wonder if I imagined most of them in the first place. It was all in my head. Every once in a while I will get a real judgmental look from someone, but it makes me say in my head, “Bring it on. Watch me be a good mother.” I can confidently say that I am 100% over judgmental looks. They honestly do not bother me anymore. They are that person’s issue, not mine.

Comments on Social Media

These tend to bother me the most. Which is quite ridiculous because they are almost always from strangers and rarely directed right at me. The thing about the internet is that it has given so many people the ability to be bold and blunt, and they type things to complete strangers – and sometimes even people they know – that they would never say to someone’s face.

The difficult thing with online comments is that we really cannot tell what kind of tone the commentator is using. Yes we try to get our tone across by using exclamation points, capitalizing words, emoticons, and acronyms like lol and smh. But misconceptions can still happen. I once got into an argument on a comment thread and I ended up accusing a complete stranger of accusing me of breaking my temple covenants. Luckily we were both willing to calm down and talk it out, and now we are fine. I follow her writing (she is a blogger as well), and I have come to understand her writing style and have never become offended by anything she has said since.

Still, there are comments that are not misconceived, but truly are judgmental. One time a complete stranger called me a “delusional religionist.” I told him that he was entitled to his opinion, but it didn’t change anything for me and left the conversation. The thing that gets me through those kind of comments is knowing that those people only know me by the 3 or 4 sentences I have written on that comment thread, so their judgment of me is completely invalid. I try very hard to not allow it to affect me. And in many cases like these I use to Spirit to Guide me on what is best: to reply or to leave the conversation. I am usually prompted to leave the conversation.

The hardest for me when it comes to social media is when a friend posts a status or shares an article where the negative aspect matches a characteristic, habit, or belief of mine. It makes me feel like they would think I was a bad person if they knew that aspect about my life. It makes me want to comment and defend myself! But I never do because I don’t want to cause an argument.

One time I shared an article that ended up making someone feel like I was judging them. They commented disagreeing with the article and defending themselves. I tried to make them feel better while still holding to the article because I still agreed with it. The conversation was a failure and I stopped commenting. I was really perplexed how they could take it so personally. I hadn’t tagged them in my post. I hadn’t posted it to their wall. I had simply shared an article, saying that I liked it. And yet, I feel the same when someone posts an article that offends me.

Having now experienced being the offender, I realized that when my friends post something I don’t like, they are not out to get me. They aren’t thinking, “I hope Chelsey reads this, the sinner!” I still struggle with this one, but I’m starting to remind myself that they are not directing those thoughts at me, nor are they judging me. And in many cases I can understand and respect their point of view while still holding true to mine. This is another time where I try to use the Holy Ghost to guide me. If the title of the article, or what my friend said about the article makes me feel uneasy, I don’t read it. I then get to escape whatever negative feelings would have come from reading that article.

Feeling Judged, but not Actually Being Judged

The biggest thing I have come to realize while overcoming judgment: I feel judged way more often than I am actually judged. I’m going to go back to the breastfeeding example. I spent the first 9 months of my son’s life thinking that my friends and family were judging me for not being able to breastfeed. When I learned that my mother-in-law hadn’t breastfed any of her children I felt a lot better. I looked back and realized that no one had said a single judgmental thing. I was judging myself and assumed that others were doing the same. And so now when I am feeling judged I take a step back and reassess the situation. Am I truly being judged or is it in my head? If I am being judged (which is rare), how should I react in order to make the situation better and not worse? I have come to the conclusion that if someone doesn’t actually say something to me, then they are not judging me. And if they are judging me on the inside, it’s their problem not mine. Their thoughts cannot hurt me. I’m still working on all of this, but it has helped me become a lot more confident in who I am.

In the end there is only one judge who truly matters: Jesus Christ. As my relationship with Him deepens, I have an easier time determining when I am making a good choice or a poor choice. Sometimes I make a poor choice before I figure out it was a poor choice, but that is where the Atonement comes in and I can repent and move forward. I know that Jesus Christ loves me and that the little details of how I take care of my son do not matter as long as I am teaching my son to be a disciple of Christ and follow Him.

I have a Testimony of Joseph Smith: Part 2

On Sunday April 19, the lesson in my ward’s Relief Society was titled “Joseph Smith, an Instrument in the Hands of the Lord.” (Chapter 7 from Teachings of Presidents of the Church Ezra Taft Benson). The lesson influenced me to share my testimony of Joseph Smith. Last week I shared my testimony using Neil L. Andersen’s talk from October 2014 General Conference “Joseph Smith”, and this week I’m going to share my testimony using the Relief Society lesson about Joseph Smith.

The sister in my ward giving this lesson started it off with sharing a story from the chapter about Ezra Taft Benson’s mission. President Benson served his mission in England. Anti-Mormon literature about Joseph Smith had been spread throughout all of England, and missionary work was suffering because of it. A small group of members asked President Benson and his companion to speak in one of their meetings. President Benson gave a very powerful testimony about Joseph Smith and the Restoration. After the meeting many people went up to President Benson and told him that what he said was exactly what they needed to hear.

At this point the teacher asked us what thoughts or questions made the First Vision seem unbelievable to some people. One woman said that on her mission – to a small island off the coast of Africa – a man she was teaching couldn’t see how something that happened all the way in the United States affected him on a tiny island. Another sister said that the most common concern was the belief that God no longer talks to his children anymore, that was something from antiquity, but not modern days.

Those are valid concerns, and important to overcome individually. The first, how does the First Vision apply to me? Well, the First Vision set Joseph Smith on the path to restore Jesus Christ’s true Church to the earth. The Restoration brought about so many needed blessings, the most important being the priesthood keys and covenants that will help us return to Heavenly Father. And the best thing about the Restoration is that it is open to everyone. No matter where you live, what gender you are, when you were born, who your family is, the Gospel is open to you. Anyone who chooses to, can accept the restored Gospel and be baptized, make temple covenants, receive the blessings of the priesthood and be sealed to their families.

The second concern, does God really speak to us in these modern days? The answer is, yes! And it started with the First Vision. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ literally appeared to Joseph Smith. He saw them with his own eyes, and heard their voices as they spoke to him. This is one way that God speaks to his children. He can also speak to each of us through impressions and feelings from the Holy Ghost, literally hearing the voice of the Holy Ghost, and sending us messages in dreams. Whatever the method, Heavenly Father does speak to us. He spoke to Joseph Smith, and through bringing revelation back to the earth, Joseph Smith was able to restore Christ’s Church.

We next talked about how the restoration affects us today.  There is a long list of answers to that question. There is the obvious: we have the priesthood to bless us, seal us, we can make baptismal and temple covenants, and we have the full truth. After we went over those general – but very important – answers, I thought about how much clarity the restoration can give us. In American History, the time that Joseph Smith was a young boy is called The Great Awakening (it’s technically the Second Great Awakening as the first one was in Europe, it just depends what textbook you are reading). The Great Awakening was a time when people were reinterpreting the Bible and creating new churches. So of course there was a lot of confusion as people tried to figure out what was right and true. This confusion is what led Joseph Smith to pray to Heavenly Father to find the truth. We know that the restoration resulted in that prayer and the prayers and visions that followed. But the confusion has not ended in this modern world, in fact, I believe it has only gotten worse. And Christ’s gospel being back on the earth can bring so much clarity to our lives and give us the right direction to follow.

We also read from Joseph Smith History, verse 25:

I had seen a vision; I knew it, and I knew that God knew it, and I could not deny it, neither dared I do it; at least I knew that by so doing I would offend God, and come under condemnation.

Joseph Smith uses the word “knew” four times in that verse. He knew that he had seen a vision. And I believe him. The Spirit has testified to me – and he can testify to you too – that Joseph Smith told the truth. He saw Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. They spoke to him, they instructed him on the truth of the Gospel, and they continued to speak to him and send messengers to guide him in the restoration. I know that Joseph Smith was God’s chosen prophet, he restored Christ’s Church to the earth. I am so grateful that he was willing to go through all of the persecution that he did to help the Church grow and prepare it for the future generations of today.

Now, I know that was only a small part of the chapter. That was what stood out to me in my RS lesson. What did your RS teachers focus on in their lessons? What stood out to you?

I Have a Testimony of Joseph Smith: Part 1

On Sunday April 19, the Relief Society lesson in many wards was titled “Joseph Smith, an Instrument in the Hands of the Lord.” (Chapter 7 from Teachings of Presidents of the Church Ezra Taft Benson) It was an incredibly spiritual lesson for me, and influenced me to share my testimony of Joseph Smith – I also have been wanting to do this since Elder Neil L. Andersen’s October 2014 General Conference talk “Joseph Smith.” So, this post- done in two parts - will be how both Elder Andersen’s talk and this Relief Society lesson strengthened my testimony of Joseph Smith. Part 1 will be about Elder Andersen’s talk, and Part 2 will be about the Relief Society lesson.

I want to preface Part 1 by saying that Elder Andersen’s messages always speak directly to me. I first noticed him during October 2011 conference when he gave his talk “Children”, and ever since then his talks have always touched my heart. So, fast forward three years later, and I have pen and paper ready to take notes on what he is going to tell me.

During his talk I wrote down in my journal “How to handle false stories about Joseph Smith – how to determine the truth from the lies.” This was very important in my personal life. Elder Andersen talked about how we can help ourselves and others when questioning Joseph Smith as a true Prophet. And one of the most important things he said was, “you won’t be of much help to others if your own testimony isn’t securely in place.” That really got me thinking about my own testimony of Joseph Smith. I had always had one, I never doubted he was a true prophet who restored Christ’s Church to the earth, but I only shared it with people who also had a testimony because I didn’t think I was strong enough to stand up to the adversary that is against Joseph Smith. Elder Andersen’s talk started to give me the strength that I need.

Elder Andersen began his talk by reminding us that Joseph Smith’s name has been and will continue to be spoken of in both positive and negative ways. He asked, “Why does the Lord allow the evil speaking to chase after the good?” And immediately answered, “One reason is that opposition against the things of God sends seekers of truth to their knees for answers.” I have heard so many converts’ stories talk about how they were searching for an answer to something when they found the Church. And it rings true for anyone, the times I pray most fervently are the times something is troubling me.

“Joseph Smith is the prophet of the Restoration. His spiritual work began with the appearance of the Father and the Son, followed by numerous heavenly visitations. He was the instrument in God’s hands in bringing forth sacred scripture, lost doctrine, and the restoration of the priesthood. The importance of Joseph’s work requires more than intellectual consideration; it requires that we, like Joseph, ‘ask of God.’ Spiritual questions deserve spiritual answers.” (emphasis added)

That statement by Elder Andersen is so powerful, and I am working towards having the courage to saying something similar. I want to point out the two underlined portions. The first, “Joseph Smith is the prophet of the Restoration.” He didn’t say “I believe Joseph Smith is…” He stated as fact, because it is. Joseph Smith is the prophet of the Restoration. Because of Joseph Smith, we have Christ’s true Church on the earth today. One of my goals with strengthening my testimony is to replace “I believe” with “I know.” The second underlined portion, we need to “ask of God.” After all of the research and study, the next step is to kneel down and pray. Moroni challenges us to do the same thing with the Book of Mormon, and now Elder Andersen has challenged us to do that with Joseph Smith. And really, the two are interconnected. Whenever I have prayed about that, I usually feel silly asking a question I already know the answer to: I know the Book of Mormon is true, and I know Joseph Smith is a true prophet. So, I am changing my question to what I need next: how can I teach that and share it with others?

Elder Andersen next talks about those who are criticizing Joseph Smith and how Latter Day Saints should respond. He said, “Let us offer kindness to those who criticize Joseph Smith, knowing in our own hearts that he was a prophet of God and taking comfort that all this was long ago foretold by Moroni.”

I’ll be honest here, offering kindness is the last thing on my mind when I come across a negative conversation about Joseph Smith. It usually makes my blood boil, and I don’t say anything because I’m so angry that I don’t have the Spirit with me and I don’t think I would say the right thing. And when I do calm myself enough to invite the Spirit in, I am usually prompted to not say anything because those in the conversation are not in a place to listen. And so I take Elder Andersen’s advice and feel comfort that I know in my heart, even if I don’t it say out loud at that time.

Elder Andersen then talked about what he calls “sincere inquirers”, or people who are not asking questions to attack, but because they honestly want to understand. I can’t remember if I have ever come across a sincere inquirer, but the advice Elder Andersen offered helped me tremendously with my own testimony – or how to share it.

One thing we can do is “share the words” of those who knew Joseph Smith personally. Elder Andersen gave an example by John Taylor (one of the men who was with Joseph when he was killed): “I testify before God, angels, and men, that [Joseph] was a good, honorable and virtuous man - …[and] that his private and public character was unimpeachable – and that he lived and died as a man of God.” This obviously requires research, but I know that as we search these accounts out to help others, our own testimonies will be strengthened as well.

When coming across information Elder Andersen differentiates between the secular and spiritual: “You may understandably question what you hear on the news, but you need never doubt the testimony of God’s prophets.” A couple months before the October 2014 General Conference, I had an experience that prompted me to start to learn more about Joseph Smith and early Church history. As I searched out materials to begin with, I felt uncomfortable with the ones I had found. I thought that maybe I shouldn’t be researching this at all, and so I prayed and asked Heavenly Father if I was doing the right thing, and if I was where should I begin. I got the impression to start with the material found on lds.org and published by the Church – which should have been the obvious choice all along.

Elder Andersen also reminded me that while some information about Joseph may be true, it is presented out of context. As a History major I see this quite often in any discussion about any past event or person. There are some things that once put back into the correct historical context make sense, and are easily acceptable; others can still be confusing. When that happens, I go by faith. I know that can feel like an overused answer, “Just have faith!” But it is so true, which is why we hear it so often. Faith has helped me and strengthened me when intellectual and material answers have let me down.

Elder Andersen ends this section of his talk by saying that “Each believer needs a spiritual confirmation of the divine mission and character of Joseph Smith. This is true for every generation. Spiritual questions deserve spiritual answers from God.” A couple paragraphs later he tells us how we can receive these confirmations: prayer, reading the first vision (and he challenges us to read Joseph’s testimony out loud so we can hear it in our voice), reading the Book of Mormon (he challenges us to find verses that we know to be true and share them with others), and/or bearing your own testimony. It will come to each person differently.

I haven’t had one big confirmation and that was it, but rather several little ones that have added to my growing testimony; and Elder Andersen’s talk was the cherry on top for me. His talk encouraged me to put myself out there and state that I know Joseph Smith was a prophet. I know he saw Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I know he restored the gospel to this earth. And just as I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet, I know that Thomas S. Monson is a prophet now. I know it because I have felt the Holy Ghost testify it to me, and the witness of the Holy Ghost is a true witness.

Three and a Half Months as a Working Mom

When my first child was born, I was still in college; which meant I had to put off being a SAHM until after I graduated. I didn't want to overload myself with either homework or learning how to be a mom, so I cut back on my school work by only taking 6 credits a semester. Even though this pushed back graduation, it allowed me to do well in my classes while still taking care of my son. Also, I only had class 2 or 3 times a week and my son was never at the babysitter's longer than 4 hours.

My last semester of college was student teaching. This meant that I would be gone from 7:30am-3:30pm Monday-Friday for three and a half months. I was going to briefly experience what it is like to be a working mom. Luckily I had found a babysitter that my son LOVED, so I wasn't worried about him. What I was not prepared for was how this would take its toll on me and the state of my home.

For the first couple of weeks things were fine. I was tired due to lack of sleep, but I was still cooking and cleaning and keeping up with everything - mainly because I was still team teaching with my mentor teacher and using his materials. Once I was given more responsibility and control of the classroom, I began to struggle at home. Also at this point I had hit the nausea state of my second pregnancy. I spent my evenings lesson planning and then going straight to bed because I was so tried and sick. This caused my domestic responsibilities to fall behind.

I slowly stopped cooking, cleaning, and taking care of my son. My husband did a great job of taking care of our son. He bathed him, fed him, cleaned up after him, and played with him. But my husband also had to work and didn't have endless time to step up were I had stepped down. On the weekends he helped pick stuff up, but during the week, our home was a disaster area. Halfway through the second month of student teaching I was doing the bare minimum at home: dishes and laundry.

At the beginning of the third month of student teaching, my mom came to the rescue. For two weeks, my mom brought dinner over for my family. I can never thank her enough for helping me out during such a stressful time. I was able to get my home back in order during spring break and ended student teaching with both my school life and home life doing well. I am so looking forward to graduation and spending the summer preparing for my second child!

This was quite an experience for me. There were many times where I felt like a terrible mom because I neglected my son and my home while finishing school. Both my husband and my mom constantly reminded me that I was doing fine, I was pregnant and in school, no one was judging me. Throughout this time, I kept thinking to myself, "I don't know how working moms do it." What working moms do is really quite amazing. They work all day, and then come home to take care of their family. And they do this year after year - I only did it for three and a half months and failed miserably.

Now this was only my experience. I don't think that working moms have messy homes or neglect their kids. I fully believe that they have a system down that works for their family. And I'm sure that if I wanted to work after graduation or if I needed to, I would figure it out as well. But for the short amount of time that I walked in a working mom's shoes, my eyes were opened. And I want to say something to working moms: I applaud you. I commend you. I respect you. I know that you work so hard and that you love your families so much. I know that there are stressful moments, but you are still amazing. You are good mothers. Don't let anyone tell you different.