Lily's Winter ONEderland

At the end of last year, Lily turned one! Oh my goodness, I can't believe it. At this point she says Mama, Dada, Hi, and lots of gibberish - but it's not gibberish to her, you can tell by her tone of voice and facial expressions that she knows what she is saying. She can stand for several seconds without support, she walks sideways with support; but she cries when we try to help her walk forward, she would rather crawl. She has only 5 teeth, which is weird for me because both Benjamin and Luna had all of their teeth by the time they were one.

With Lily being born two days after Christmas, we thought convincing other people to spend the time and energy to celebrate her Birthday would be difficult. But our friends and family surprised us and either came to her party, or still made an effort to send Birthday greetings. We appreciate everyone who wished Lily a Happy Birthday in some way.

Gerson's sister graduated from Weber State University two weeks before Lily's birthday, and the rest of Gerson's family came that weekend, so we had Lily's party then! I thought it would be fun to do a winter theme, and while I was searching Pinterest for ideas I found the winter onederland spelling and thought that was super cute.

We started the party crafting tree ornaments. The options were: snowflakes, snowmen, and penguins. It was really fun, and Benjamin and Luna loved it!

We had a snowman piñata. Benjamin was the oldest kid there at the time, and he couldn't break it open on his own. So my brother hit it a few times to weaken it, and Benjamin ultimately broke the piñata open! The final activity was pin the nose on Frosty. Everyone did a good job.

We had soup, rolls, chips, and chocolate covered strawberries for dinner. Lily had a cake all to herself, and cupcakes decorated with snowmen and snowflakes were served to everyone else. Benjamin and Luna both got really messy diving into their cakes when they turned one. Lily was so cute and dainty; she would pinch tiny bird seed sized pieces of cake and frosting and eat them! She still did get a little messy though.

We had such a fun time with everyone that all of my pictures are from after the party ended - they way it should be!

I'm a Working-From-Home-Mom

Last year, I felt inspired to start looking for a part time job. Specifically a teaching job - or something similar connected to education, since that is what my degree is in. Part time teaching jobs exist, but they obviously aren't as common as full time. I also needed it to be at a time of day where I wouldn't need a babysitter. That gave me the option of teaching summer school or night classes, which greatly decreased my options further. I found a few, and I applied for them, but it didn't turn into anything for me. I paused my search as we prepared for Lily to join our family.

Shortly after Lily was born, a sister in my ward told me about her job: she taught from home, part time, and she set her own schedule! She taught English online to children in China. It took me a month to decide to apply. By then I thought I had missed my opportunity, but it turned out the company is always hiring. I reached out to the lady in my ward, and she sent me a link to apply.

The company is called VIPKID, and they hire English speakers to teach English online. We use a web cam, and a headset with a microphone. The company has their own video chat program. We can see and hear the student, they can see and hear us, and we both can see the lesson Power points that the teacher controls. One must have a Bachelor's degree, but it doesn't have to be a teaching degree. I filled out an application, had an interview, and what is called a Mock Class before I was officially set to start teaching (the mock class portion of the hiring process has changed slightly since I was hired back in March). Through the Mock Class, and a video recording of myself "teaching" I became certified for Pre-VIP Level 1 and Trials (Trials are potential students trying out the program before they buy classes.)

Because my students live in China, I teach during their awake times, which for living in MDT can range from 6:30pm- 7:00am. The lessons are 25 minutes long and begin on the hour and half hour. I chose to open up my schedule for 5:00-7:00 am (those two hours are the "hot" times because it is in the evening after school, after extra curricular activities, and after dinner). I don't get assigned students, the parents choose to schedule me. My first week teaching I got scheduled 3-4 of my 4 slots every day! I was so excited. They were all trials, and half of them ended up being "Student No Shows." After that, for the next several months, I only got 1-2 students a week, still all trials, half being No Shows. (Teachers still get paid for a No Show - half if it's a trial, full if it's a "Major Course" - since we are there in the classroom ready to go.)

I became very frustrated, and I felt like I was working for the teaching version of Jamberry or DoTerra, where it sounds great, but really only a few employees are successful. I felt like the person who referred me only did so for the monetary incentive on their end. In May and June, I got a couple of Major Course students who rescheduled me a few times, but I eventually never saw them again. I took every workshop that VIPKID offered. I changed my profile picture, changed my introductory video, changed the background of my classroom, and got certified to teach more levels; hoping that one or all of those changes would help get me more students. None of that seemed to make a difference.

VIPKID does 6 month contracts. My first 6 months were up at the end of September. At the beginning of August I was seriously considering not signing a second contract and looking into local after school tutoring jobs. Gerson suggested that I sign my second contract and we evaluate at the year mark. I'm so glad he had that impression and encouraged me, because towards the end of August I woke up to full bookings for the following week! And I haven't had a scarce schedule since.

During my "dark days" where I thought I had been duped, I heard other teachers claiming that after weeks of nothing, one day they woke up and had full bookings. I resentfully thought, "That's not possible for me. Are they hiding something they did to get bookings?" But it did happen to me, it just took  much longer than I thought it would take. I'm glad I hung on, and I'm glad Gerson encouraged me not to give up.

I love this job. I love my students. My sleeping schedule is taking a while to get used to because I have to go to bed early and wake up early. Gerson is home to take care of the kids if they wake up while I am teaching. I believe Heavenly Father was preparing me for this job a year before I learned about it when He inspired me to start looking. It was the perfect timing. It helps a little bit financially, and it helps me significantly emotionally and mentally.

 I call myself a "Working-From-Home-Mom" and I think that needs to be an initial: WFHM. 😉

Luna's My Little Pony Party

A couple of weeks ago, Luna turned 3 years old! She has developed so much. She can hold an actual conversation, she knows the alphabet, she can count to 20, she knows colors. She has such a cute imagination and she is quite the gymnast!

On Luna's actual birthday, we went out to dinner as a family and she opened her gifts from us that night.

We threw a friend party for Luna on the weekend that was My Little Pony themed. I made pony tails out of ribbon in the colors of the 6 main ponies for the kids to wear. Luna picked Pinky Pie and Benjamin picked Rainbow Dash.

The opening activity was a blank pony that the kids colored in.

Once all of the guests had arrived and colored their ponies, we moved on to Pin the Tail on Rainbow Dash. One kid got super close, and the rest landed somewhere in the middle.

After that, it was time for the piñata. A Pinky Pie piñata of course. We lined up the kids by age after Luna, and the 4th kid knocked the head off! So we had to tie it back together so everyone could have a turn.

We finished the party with presents and cake. Luna loves all of her presents and places all of them either right by her bed or on the headboard for nap time and bedtime.

It was so fun to see all the neighborhood kids playing together and having fun. It was nostalgic for me because it reminded me of the birthday parties in the apartment complex I lived in before my parents bought a house. Especially this photo.

I'm so grateful my kids have such good friends.

Opposites attract, and that's okay, right?

Almost every morning, I read a chapter in the scriptures and an article in The Ensign while I eat my breakfast. Recently, I read an article titled "Choosing Whom to Marry" by Scott R. Braithwaite, who is an Associate Professor of Psychology at BYU. Since I am already married, I didn't think the article would teach me much, but I still read it because I read each issue of The Ensign cover to cover.

Professor Braithwaite has studied divorce predictors. One such predictor stood out to me:

"Do birds of a feather flock together, or do opposites attract? That is, do people have healthier marriages if they are similar to one another or if they have differences that complement and balance out areas of weakness? Answers to questions about people are often complex, but in this case there is a clear answer: the more alike two people are, the more stable and satisfying their marriage. “Birds of a feather” for the win!"

I consider Gerson and I opposites that attracted each other. Gerson's strengths are math and science, while mine are history and English. I was a competitive ballroom dancer, and he was a video gamer when we met. I'm a bookworm, and Gerson hates reading. There are very few movies and TV Shows that we both like, and we do not like the same music at all. In fact, one of the biggest fights we had before we got married was about the musical groups Tool and The Backstreet Boys. On top of all of that, Gerson and I grew up in different cultures, and spoke different languages at home.

So when I read the above paragraph, I felt frustrated. No, I don't think Gerson and I will ever get divorced  - we are not even close to going down that road; but I felt like I had to defend my marriage to myself.

Professor Braithwaite goes on to explain that the reason why couples who are similar have easier marriages is because they are able to spend more time and energy on enriching their relationship rather than reconciling differences. At this point I wrote in the margins, "How opposite is opposite?" The next sentence in the article answered my question, "This principle is especially important when it comes to matters of faith."

Okay, so Gerson and I are actually fine! Both of us wanted a temple marriage. Both of us had similar goals and ideas about children and how to raise them. Both of us have the goal of reaching the Celestial Kingdom. Yes, we do have some minor differences in our way of living our religion, but we are committed to each other, and having the same big goals along with our commitment makes working through minor differences easier and worth it.

The rest of the article I felt validated my marriage to Gerson. Professor Braithwaite recommended that people stop looking for their soul mate, because soul mates don't exist. I do agree to a point. I have never believed that there is only one person for each of us. What if there was and the one person meant for you made choices that led them away from you? That wouldn't be fair to you.

However, I do believe that Gerson and I knew each other in the preexistance, and had a close relationship. I believe that our spirits recognized each other when we met, because the pull I felt towards Gerson was not immediately physical, but spiritual. I know that's not the same thing as a soul mate though.

Professor Braithwaite wrote that we choose our spouse. Gerson and I definitely chose each other. There were a few outside forces that did not want to support our relationship, but we were committed and didn't let those forces win. We still are committed.

Professor Braithwaite also suggests that instead of creating a list of the ideal partner, we develop the attributes ourselves that we would want our spouse to have. I never had a list, which I'm sure helped me fall in love with Gerson so quickly and easily. I have always loved him for who he is, not who I want him to be.

At the end of the article I wrote, "Gerson and I are similar in the important things, and opposite in the less important things." Have some of our opposites created roadblocks in our marriage? Absolutely. But we had already decided that we were committed to each other. We love each other way too much to let his video gaming or my desire to bring dance back into my life every once in a while (among our other opposites) break up our family. Two years ago our marriage was really tested, and we got through it and came out on top! We are stronger because of it.

I'm sure other people didn't overanalyze this article the way that I did. But I think that marriage advice is a lot like parenting advice: you accept the pieces that fit with your family, and shrug off the ones that don't. I sometimes feel the need to validate my marriage because I'm scared of others judging my marriage. That's simply an insecurity that I am dealing with. But I know that I don't need to feel that way, and I'm working on not being so self conscious about how other people view my family.

Gerson and I are two opposites who fell in love and got married. And despite our opposites, we are in a happy, loving, and stable marriage.

Potty Training 101 and 202

Both Benjamin and Luna are potty trained, and have been for a while. (Yay!) The overlap time of both Benjamin and Luna being in diapers was six months; Luna and Lily: 2 months. (We are making progress!) Benjamin was 3 years old when he was ready to potty train, Luna was 2.5. I'm not comparing in a negative way. Each child is different, and needs different things. I knew that Luna would potty train differently than Benjamin, but I was not prepared for - and very pleasantly surprised by - how vastly different the experience would be.

Benjamin was not interested in pull ups. I tried putting him in pull ups and taking him to the bathroom on a timer. He screamed and fought me, and refused to sit on the little toilet. A friend suggested that I skip pull ups during the day and go straight to underwear. It was dramatic at first. Benjamin cried every time he went in his underwear. That motivated him to hold it until he could get to a toilet, and he was willing to do the whole timer thing (20 mins., 30 mins., 1 hr., then no timer). We had a bag of dum-dum suckers under the sink, and Benjamin got one every time he went potty or poop in the toilet.

Benjamin caught on to going potty in the toilet within a few weeks, but it took much longer for him to go poop in the toilet. Once he consistently went potty without very many accidents, he stopped getting suckers for going potty, but continued getting suckers if he pooped in the toilet. His ability to tell me when he needed to go to the bathroom at home did not transfer to out in public, because he was so distracted. So he wore pull ups out in public vs. underwear at home for several months. He also slept in pull ups for a year before he was able to sleep in underwear.

The whole process was longer than I imagined, but that's not a bad thing. He eventually got there!

Luna was the complete opposite. She trained herself in 3 days! Like Benjamin, Luna was not interested in going potty in the toilet when she was wearing pull ups. Her first day in underwear, she went by herself  - without telling me until after - in the toilet by dinner time! The second day was like a restart; accidents in the morning, and perfection by dinner. By day 3, she had it down. She didn't need or want the timer. She did, however want the sucker every time she went potty. 😉

Benjamin got a sucker too every time Luna went potty, so he was always encouraging her to go potty. She got it down so quickly, though, that after a week I told them no more suckers, except for poop. It took her about a month to get comfortable going poop in the toilet. She also was sleeping in her underwear within the first month of potty training. She still had accidents every once in a while, but her accidents were so scarce, that I would say her actual potty training time was about a week. She went out  in public in underwear by the end of the first month as well. This girl was simply amazing!

I have zero expectations for Lily. We'll just see what her needs are when the time comes. I did not train Benjamin "wrong," nor did I train Luna "right." Every kid is different. It's trial and error. Figure out what their needs are, what matches their personality, and when you do, forget everything else.

Nonconsensual Immorality, What I Wish I Had Known

In a recent general conference, Elder Quentin L. Cook condemned rape, sexual assault, etc; and put it all under one term: nonconsensual immorality.  He said, "It is commendable that nonconsensual immorality has been exposed and denounced. Such nonconsensual immorality is against the laws of God and society."  Elder Devin G. Durrant shared something his dad said, "You have strong hands, son. I hope your hands always have the strength to never touch a young lady inappropriately."

Hearing those two men condemn sexual assault made me think about my own experiences. Especially what I know now that I didn't know then, that would have helped during the emotional and psychological aftermath.

I have been sexually assaulted three times in my life, one of those times does not apply to the focus of this post, so I won't be talking about it. The other two happened when I was 14 years old and again at 17 years old. I'm not going to go into a lot of detail nor am I going to name the young men, because that is not what I want to focus on. I want to talk about the lack of knowledge, support, and help surrounding the assault.

I have healed from the assaults, and I have forgiven the - at the time - young men who harmed me. Although I have forgiven, I will not forget these experiences, because looking at them with more knowledgeable eyes has influenced how and what I teach my children.

When I was 14, I went on a summer study abroad trip to Australia and New Zealand. While on that trip a boy a year older than me touched me inappropriately. I told one of the girls in my group; her response: "That's not a big deal. I've let guys touch me like that before." I didn't tell anyone else after that. I had bad dreams related to the incident for about a year afterwards.

What I knew at the time:

• The way he touched me was against the law of chastity.
• He wasn't LDS, so he didn't know anything about the law of chastity.

What I did not know at the time:

• Because I did not consent, the way he touched me is considered sexual assault and is against the law.
• Just because some people are OK with that kind of physical touch, does not mean society should expect all people to be - You see, the way that girl responded made me feel like I was overreacting. I thought that my discomfort in being touched like that was because of my religious upbringing, so I didn't tell any of the adult leaders because I was only one of two LDS people on the trip.

When I was 17, a guy that I let kiss me touched me inappropriately. I told him no, he didn't listen. I tried to physically push him away, he still didn't listen. I went to my bishop to confess and repent (I incorrectly thought that because I had consented to the kiss, I was responsible for everything that happened after). My bishop recognized what had happened, and instead of banning me from taking the sacrament and taking away my temple recommend  (two things I thought would happen), he invited and encouraged me to go on my ward's youth temple trip the following week, and he recommended that I not spend time with that particular boy again - something I was more than happy to agree to do. I struggled with anxiety and depression for the next several months.

What I knew at the time:

• The way that boy touched me was against the law of chastity.
• He was LDS, but thought that sex was the only sin that broke the law of chastity, so he did not think that he did anything wrong.

What I did not know at the time:

• Because I did not consent, the way he touched me is considered sexual assault and is against the law.
• Consenting to the kiss did not make me responsible for him not respecting when I did not consent other stuff.
• I did not sin.

The reason I am talking about this now is because I believe that when I was a teenager, the youth were not taught enough about sexual assault and how it affects them as innocent children of God. Growing up, the law of chastity was taught in a very one sided way: it's all up to me to make sure that I don't do those things, and that I don't let anyone do those things to me. I was not taught that I was not responsible for boys/men's thoughts, words, and actions. I was not taught that if someone touched me without my consent, it is against the law. Now, I still love and respect my youth leaders, I do not think they sent me those confusing messages on purpose. I think they were just following what was in the lesson manuals, and examples from their own pasts.

I also want to take this moment to explain that my parents tried very hard to teach me self worth. I do not think that they failed me. When I was 13 years old and started attending co-ed events, my Dad told me that if a boy ever made me uncomfortable with his attention, to call him and he would come get me no matter where I was and no matter what time it was. Of course, neither of us anticipated that the time I would need him was when I was halfway around the world.

In the Church published lesson manual Gospel Principles, the chapter on Chastity (Ch. 39) teaches parents how to teach their children about their bodies, the law of chastity, and procreation:

"Parents can begin teaching children to have proper attitudes toward their bodies when children are very young. Talking to children frankly but reverently and using the correct names for the parts and functions of their bodies will help them grow up without unnecessary embarrassment about  their bodies.

Children are naturally curious. They want to know how their bodies work. They want to know where babies come from. If parents answer all such questions immediately and clearly so children can understand, children will continue to take their questions to their parents. However, if parents answer questions so that children feel embarrassed, rejected, or dissatisfied, they will probably go to someone else with their questions and perhaps get incorrect ideas and improper attitudes.

It is not wise or necessary, however, to tell children everything at once. Parents need only give them the information they have asked for and can understand. While answering these questions, parents can teach children the importance of respecting their bodies and the bodies of others. Parents should teach children to dress modestly. They should correct the false ideas and vulgar language that children learn from others.

By the time children reach maturity, parents should have frankly discussed procreation with them. Children should understand that these powers are good and were given to us by the Lord. He expects us to use them within the bounds He has given us."

I have tried very hard to follow this counsel as I have potty trained my kids, as I have bathed them, and as they have asked questions. I do think that when it comes to how much a parent teaches their child at a given age is up to the discretion of the parent. We know what our individual children can understand and handle, and so I don't think there is a set-in-stone rule on what to teach our children at what age. There are just general guidelines to give parents an idea. Without going into too much detail, Benjamin and Luna know the proper names for their own and the opposite genders body parts. They have been taught the basics of breastfeeding. They know what pads, panty liners, and tampons are (the joys of living in a 1 bathroom apartment). They have a very surface level understanding of how Lily was born, and they know that they grew inside my body before they were born.

We have a rule in my family: You cannot make someone do something they don't want to do. It's kind of wordy, but it's the words my kids currently understand. It applies to everything: physical touch, toys, make believe, eating. It applies to everyone: Benjamin, Luna, Mom, Dad, Lily, Grandma, Grandpa, Uncle Michael, friends, etc. My kids are being taught to respect the word No. They are also being taught that the word "stop," angry screaming, and crying are other ways to communicate "No." This is how I am teaching the basics of consent to my children.

Here are two frequent examples:

Benjamin wants Luna to play in their room, Luna wants to play in the living room. Benjamin grabs Luna's hand and tries to pull her into their room. Luna screams. I intervene and tell Benjamin that he cannot make Luna do something that she does not want to do. I ask Luna where she wants to play, she answers the living room. I tell Benjamin that Luna is going to play in the living room, he can play in their bedroom. When they both want to play in the same room, they can play together again. Depending on the day, sometimes B&L play on their own in separate rooms, sometimes Benjamin stays in the living room, and sometimes Luna eventually joins him in their room. But the main point is neither one of them can make the other play where they don't want to.

Luna wants to kiss everyone before her nap. Benjamin went through a time where he did not want to kiss her goodnight. Luna would scream and try to make him. I would tell her, "You cannot make Benjamin do something he does not want to do." She would ask him for a hug, and he would agree to hug her goodnight.

In all incidents like the two examples above, my children are taught that they cannot force someone to do something they don't want to do; and at the same time they are being taught that they cannot be forced to do something they don't want to do. They are allowed to say no, and defend themselves.

I am not perfect. There have been times where I don't like how I responded to something my kids did or said. But, just like we teach kids it's ok for them to make mistakes, it's also ok for parents to make mistakes; as long as we correct them. I do believe that I am on the right path with my kids in teaching them about their bodies. I hope that we continue with a good relationship so that they continue to ask me questions and believe the answers I give them.

Back to the incident in which I went to my bishop, I told one person before I went.  I didn't go into detail, I just said that I had to talk to the bishop. They asked why, but I wouldn't tell them. They told me that they were disappointed in me. That made me cry. I'm not mad at that person. I love them, and I know they love me. I believe they were trying to teach me the seriousness of what they thought had happened; but I was refusing to talk. If I had told them, who knows where the conversation would have gone. I have learned from that, and if/when it's my own kids I want to handle the situation differently. If they don't want to tell me, I am going to respect that, but I will not tell them that I am disappointed in them. I will try to use the Spirit to say something like, "I will not make you tell me, but I want you to know that you can tell me and I will listen without judgment.  I will love you and comfort you. I hope that you have a good talk with the bishop and that you can feel the Spirit and Heavenly Father's love. I encourage you to listen for inspiration on what to do to move forward."

Based on conversations with other parents who have children my age, I have faith and hope that this upcoming generation of youth will have a better understanding of chastity, repentance, forgiveness, and consent; and how those principles work together. I have faith and hope that we can raise some pretty amazing stripling warriors for the last days.

April 2018 General Conference Highlights

As always, I was very much ready for General Conference.

Saturday Morning Session

First of all, we got to participate in a solemn assembly to sustain our new prophet. I was 17 when President Monson was sustained as the new prophet, but I don't remember sustaining him so I must have been working that day. So this was my first sustaining of a new prophet that I will remember. It was really special.

The majority of  the morning talks were essentially testimonies of modern day prophets - which is important - coupled with an other topic.

I really liked what Elder Brian K. Taylor said about us being children of God. In quoting an other GA he said, "Fix that truth in your mind and hold to it." I also liked when he said, "Knowing that I am a child of God is the most powerful knowledge I possess."

Elder Neil L. Andersen spoke last, and I felt like his talk was a perfect continuance from has talk in October. Elder Andersen testified that the prophet's voice brings safety during turbulent times. He encouraged us to put exclamation points after statements by the prophet instead of question marks. And, "The prophet does not stand between you and the Savior. Rather, he stands next to you pointing you towards the Savior."

Saturday Afternoon Session

Sister Bonnie L. Oscarson gave once again one of my favorite talks. She talked about how the Young Women of the Church can and should be included in the work of the Church. It was so powerful. She said, "Each member should know how much he or she is needed."

One of my pre-conference prayers was asking for inspiration on how to improve my mothering abilities. Brother Devin G. Durrant's talk was a good start. He talked about the ways in which parents teach their children: FHE, family prayer, on-call teaching opportunity, family scripture study, and example.

I felt a little frustrated by the end of his talk because I'm already doing all of those things. After a minute or so of feeling upset the inspiration came to me that just because I'm already doing those things doesn't mean I don't need reminders. I needed this reminder so that I wouldn't give up, that I should continue and improve and change as my children grow and their needs change.

Sunday Morning Session

I had no idea that a Latina was in the RS Presidency, so when Sister Reyna Aburto began speaking my heart soared. I also loved the topic of her talk. Her talk was about what it means to be "with one accord," or unity. She defined one accord as in agreement, in unity, and all together. She said that the blessings of unity are more inspiration from the Holy Ghost, growth as individuals and as a Church, and miracles increasing.

President Russell M. Nelson closed the morning session. I really can't adequately summarize his talk. But I can say that while he was speaking I felt the Spirit so strong. The Holy Ghost testified to me that  President Nelson is indeed the Lord's chosen prophet at this time.

Sunday Afternoon Session

We got to listen to our two new Apostles, Elder Gong and Elder Soares bare their testimonies. Then we got the exciting announcement that the Home and Visiting Teaching programs will be replaced with Ministering! I haven't read the email yet that goes into detail, but  it's sitting in my inbox!

Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf asked, "What is the most important day in history?" He answered that it is the day that Jesus Christ knelt in the Garden of Gethsemane and fulfilled the Atonement. I wrote in my journal that after that day, I think the next most important days in history are: The birth of Christ, The First Vision, and the restoration of Christ's Church in modern days.

Elder Quentin L. Cook condemned rape, sexual harassment, and other forms of sexual violence under the term "non-consensual immorality."  Another GA did so  also during one of the Saturday sessions, but I didn't write down what he said, so I can't remember who said it, but it was something like, "My father said to me, 'Son, you have big strong hands, I hope you never use them to touch a young woman inappropriately."

President Nelson closed the afternoon session as well. He encouraged us to incorporate the messages heard in conference into our FHE lessons - this is something I plan to do right away.  He then announced 7 new temples! I think the most exciting one for me to hear was that a temple will be built in Russia!

It was a great weekend of exciting changes, a strong spirit, and wonderful time with family.