Relief Society Lesson: The Second Great Commandment Leads to Service

This month my Relief Society lesson was on "The Second Great Commandment" by President Russell M. Nelson. 

This talk is less of a traditional talk, and more of a summary and statistics report of the service the Church has provided worldwide - which is great information; but I struggled turning it into a lesson. I felt inspired to separate all of the examples into broader categories and ask my fellow sisters to share ideas and examples of service in those categories at a local level.

We started off by identifying the first and second great commandments: 1. Love God with all your heart. 2. Love your neighbor as yourself.

Of these two commandments, President Nelson said, "When we love God with all our hearts, He turns our hearts to the well-being of others in a beautiful virtuous cycle."

Service can sometimes be stressful for me, because I want to do it perfectly or make a big impact. And the examples given in this talk, while amazing acts of service, did just that. So, with the goal of putting everyone in the right frame of mind, I brought in Sister Bonnie L. Oscarson's talk "The Needs Before Us." She said:

"I think that sometimes it's easy to miss some of the greatest opportunities to serve others because we are distracted or because we are looking for ambitious ways to change the world and we don't see that some of the most significant needs we can meet are within our own families, among our friends, in our wards, and in our communities. We are touched when we see the suffering and great needs of those halfway around the world, but we may fail to see there is a person who needs our friendship sitting right next to us in class... 

...What good does it do to save the world if we neglect the needs of those closest to us and those whom we love the most? How much value is there in fixing the world if the people around us are falling apart and we don't notice? Heavenly Father may have placed those who need us closest to us, knowing that we are best suited to meet their needs."

At this point, one sister expressed that for moms of young kids, taking care of our families and raising our children is service. She also said that giving someone a genuine smile or sitting with them and talking with them at church is service.

I introduced the service categories we would be discussing: 1. Financial assistance, 2. Food, water, etc., 3. Spiritual/Emotional. In reference to all types of service, President Nelson said, "This assistance is offered to recipients regardless of their church affiliation, nationality, race, sexual orientation, gender, or political persuasion."

Financial Assistance

Deuteronomy 15:11 "For the poor shall never cease out of the land: therefore I command thee, saying, Thou shalt open thine hand wide unto they brother, to they poor, and to thy needy, in thy land."

Notice that the verb used is command. It is a commandment to care for the poor. President Nelson shared two examples in his talk: 1. The Church donated labor and modest financial assistance to the mosque in Christchurch, New Zealand that had been devastated by a shooting. 2. Back in the '80's fast offerings in Ethiopia totaled above what was needed, and the surplus sent elsewhere, leading to the creation of Latter-day Saint Charities.

When discussing financial assistance at a local level, I gave the example of a sister in the ward and I who babysit each other's kids for free. We don't keep a tally to make sure it's even, we just do it to help each other out. Another sister emphasized that we do help locally and globally with our fast offerings. That money starts local is then sent to the next need. We don't know exactly where our fast offerings go, but we know they are helping someone.

Food, Water, etc.

Matthew 25:35-36, 40

"For I was an hungered, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:

Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.

...Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."

When we serve others, we are serving Christ. One sister shared that a couple of years ago when there were fires in Spanish Fork Canyon, the houses closest to the mountain had to be evacuated. The Red Cross set up tents for people to stay in, but no one came because everyone was invited to stay in the house of someone else nearby. Another sister shared the idea of providing a spiritual or emotional shelter, where when people visit our homes they can feel the Spirit, and receive peace and comfort from the rest of the world.

The Church has donated wheelchairs, water, and emergency supplies. There are 124 Bishop Storehouses worldwide. Vision care and newborn care is available to those in need; and the helping hands program provides first responders to disaster relief. At a local level we talked about compassionate service, which covers so much.

Spiritual/Emotional

Mosiah 18:8-9

"...as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another's burdens, that they may be light.

Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life."

We spent this section going into depth on what it means to mourn and comfort. A couple of sisters shared  how it comforts them when people are able to know and understand how they are feeling. That led to a follow up question: How do we mourn with or comfort someone who is going through something we haven't? We talked about providing a listening ear free of judgment and advice. We talked about using the Spirit to guide us on how to serve someone.

At the end of his talk, President Nelson said:

"Giving help to others - making a conscientious effort to care about others as much as or more than we care about ourselves - is our joy. Especially, I might add, when it is not convenient and when it takes us out of our comfort zone. Living that second great commandment is the key to becoming a true disciple of Jesus Christ."  

This statement summarizes what I was trying to emphasize during this lesson: Our love of God and each other leads to service. We should allow ourselves to serve when it might appear inconvenient or be uncomfortable, because we will grow in that experience; and serving with the right heart will bring us joy.

My Forever Home is not Brand New

Last July we bought our first - and we are fairly certain our last - house. It has been an exciting, scary, emotional, and educational journey; that actually started two and a half years ago.

*Disclaimer: I am not an expert on finances, the housing market, or mortgages. This post is me sharing my journey, I am not giving advice.

Right before I got pregnant with Lily, we thought we would start figuring out if we could afford to buy a house at that time. My mom got me in touch with a realtor in her ward, and he set me up to receive notifications when a house that met our criteria came on the market. We quickly realized that what we wanted in a house was not in our current price range. We also got pregnant with Lily, and our rent increased by quite a large amount. So we decided to take a step back from looking at houses. (In hind sight, if a rent increase was that difficult for us, then we definitely could not have afforded a mortgage payment. But we were at the beginning of our housing education, so I'm not judging myself.)

Long before we started seriously looking at houses, my parents gave us advice that my grandparents gave them: when you buy a house, make sure that you can see yourself living in it for the rest of your life. Even if you think you are going to move, there is no guarantee that you will.

I know lots of people whose first houses were starter homes, and they have successfully sold them and purchased or built a bigger and better house. But I had this feeling that was not the right path for us. I felt very strongly that the advice my parents gave us was for us. Two years ago we could have purchased  a starter home, but we didn't feel like it was the right thing to do. We were inspired to be patient and keep working to be able to purchase the right house.

Back then, I thought the right house was going to be building a brand new house. My parents' first and only house - the house I grew up in - was built brand new. Gerson's parents' first and only house they built also. It was what we knew, and I could not imagine living in a house that someone else had lived in before me, the way we had been living in apartments.

Adding Lily to our family filled our apartment to bursting capacity. 5 people in a 2 bedroom 1 bathroom apartment was incredibly cramped. We desperately needed another bathroom, and Benjamin was getting too old to share a room with his sisters. We started looking at starter homes, which got us in touch with a different agent. During this time (2018) I also started working for VIPKID, and I took the Personal Finance class provided  by the Church. *Testimony tangent - we could not have prepared for and bought this house without learning and applying the information from that class. I went to the class, Gerson stayed home with the kids, and when I came home I taught him what I learned and we counseled together on how to apply it.*

We started to consider letting go of our desire to build a house and settle in a starter home because we were literally out of room and it was affecting my mental health. Also, two other issues with building we were realizing were that 1) We were dead set against HOA neighborhoods, and all of the new neighborhoods in Utah County are HOA, and 2) We didn't like the size or styles of the current new houses. They are too big and fancy - which is exactly why we can't afford them. We accepted that we would one day buy a lived-in house, but we still wanted it to be a decent house. In fact, when I brought this up in my personal finance class, the facilitator told me about a teaching from Gordon B. Hinkcley:

"When I was a young man, my father counseled me to build a modest home, sufficient for the needs of my family, and make it beautiful and attractive and pleasant and secure." 

I felt like what would really help us would be to actually start walking through houses that were in our price range that we liked, because pictures don't give you a true idea. Gerson didn't want to because he wasn't ready to buy, but I promised him that is was just research, I wasn't looking to buy. So, in March 2019 we started going to open houses. Through that, we learned what we liked and didn't like. We also realized that our eyes were still too big for our budget. Gerson thought that meant we needed to wait and save some more. I agreed for the time being, but hidden gems existed in our price range - I had come across them. So I was determined that our house would be one of those hidden gems.

During this time I started talking on the phone with a realtor that I had been emailing for almost a year. She recommended that we get pre-approved if we were ready to start walking through houses, and she set us up with the lender she worked with. Gerson was unsure about having a realtor, my parents had purchased their house from the builder, and I think Gerson's parents had as well; and he definitely was not ready to get pre-approved. So, we searched on YouTube "How to buy a house" and watched about ten videos and took notes. After watching those videos Gerson realized we needed a realtor to help us (us specifically, not everyone), and he agreed to get pre-approved. In addition to the financial advise, two other important takeaways we liked from the videos:

1. Ask yourself: If the price of this house goes down $25,000+ next year, will I regret buying it now? If the answer is yes, this isn't your house. If the answer is no, this is your house.
2. Ask yourself: If my offer is not accepted, will I regret not offering more? If the answer is no, this is not your house. If the answer is yes, offer more if you can. If you can't, then take a step back and save more before continuing house hunting. 

The reason why those two questions resonated with us, is because our house is not an investment in the form of making money because we are not going to turn around and sell it in a few years. This is the house that our children will grow up in and our grandchildren will visit us in.

In May, we agreed to meet our realtor in person and walk through some houses. We walked through five houses that day. Both Gerson and I fell in love with one of them, and we agreed to make an offer. We spent several hours on the phone with the lender that night, and it took us 2 hours to read the offer and sign it. We didn't really like the loan the lender was able to give us, but my dad said that we could spend the time waiting for the offer to be accepted and the first little bit after finding a better loan. The seller rejected our offer pretty quickly, which in hindsight was a huge blessing.We had spent ample time working on our budget and researching the housing market, but we had failed to research loans! So we spent June researching different banks and lending companies. We felt confident again after our loan research to jump back into looking at houses again in July.

On July 3, 2019 our landlord sent out a notice that rent was going up - not a big deal - and that one year contracts were now required. We had until July 15 to sign a contract or give a notice of "intent to vacate." When we first moved into that apartment six years previous, a one time one year contract was required, but after the first year, your contract transferred to month to month, and we simply needed to give a 30 day notice before moving. I called and let him know that we were looking for a house, and would move as soon as we purchased one, but I couldn't guarantee we would find a house by the 15th and asked if he could give us an extension on signing the year contract. He wouldn't, and said that if we did not plan on living there for another year we needed to move out by the end of July.

We already had three showings scheduled with our agent that same day, but going in with the stress that our landlord just put on us did not have us in the right frame of mind. This whole time we only wanted to consider houses in Orem or Provo - mainly because Benjamin had been accepted into the Spanish Immersion program at his school, and the possibility of transferring Spanish programs is very slim. However, our agent kept sneaking in one showing in Springville everytime we saw her. That day, two of the three showings were in Springville. Gerson liked both of those houses, and he wanted to put an offer on both of them. I agreed to one offer because it was a backup offer and so we didn't have a high chance of getting the house.

The whole drive home I just cried and cried, "I can't live in Springville!" That night I called my parents on the phone and asked, "Will the family dynamic change if we move to Springville?" My dad chuckled, and I started crying again. At that point, the tears were due to stress of being unable to sign a year contract and also having no idea where we were going to live after July. My parents and brother came over at 11:00 at night with cheesecake and we talked about Springville. My parents told us that when they were looking for houses my mom wanted only Orem or Pleasant Grove, and when my dad suggested Provo my mom exclaimed, "I am not living in Provo!" Guess where their house is?

We showed them the houses we walked through and my dad put the addresses in with theirs and showed me that the drive was only five more minutes than our current drive from our apartment to their house. My parents also said we could live with them until we found a house; they had even already mapped out where everything of ours would go in their house.

When they left at midnight, I got on our realtor's website and looked at the houses in Springville. I saw one that had just been put back on the market due to the first accepted offer falling through. Just looking the picture of the outside of the house, I knew. It was the exact same floor plan as the first house we had put an offer on with a better asking price, and a better location and a better neighborhood! I prayed before going to bed, and the next morning I still knew. We contacted our agent on the 4th of July and said that we needed to see that house ASAP. She set up a showing for the next day.

That night I felt inspiration on exactly how much to offer for the house. During our showing, another agent with their client also came through at the same time - this is actually not supposed to happen.  I knew this was our house so I loudly talked about who I was going to put in which room and how I was going to set up the kitchen, etc. They zoomed through the house and were gone in less than five minutes. Mission accomplished. We signed and sent the offer two hours after our showing, and the sellers accepted our offer SIX hours later! In fact, they even cancelled their open house that was scheduled for the next day.

We still had to choose a lender, and we narrowed it down to the lender our agent had put us in contact with and the bank we bank with. After telling the lender the loan our bank was able to give us, she changed the loan she could offer, and it ended up being the best loan, so we took it. I'm so glad that we did our research and talked to as many lenders and banks as possible. If we hadn't done our research and just accepted the first loan we were quoted, we would not be in a house right now.

Our house is not brand new. It was built in 1998, one year after both mine and Gerson's parents built their houses. The floor plan is perfect, the style is perfect, it is our house. There are some minor improvements that we made immediately: we changed out the carpet upstairs, we built new shelves for the bedroom closets, we replaced half of the sprinklers, and we replaced all of the drain stoppers in the sinks and bathtubs. We have a few more projects planned for this year, and with each completed project, the house becomes more and more ours.

As to the location, Springville is wonderful! With each month that passes, little blessings present themselves that show that Heavenly Father led us here. I am so grateful for this enormous blessing.

Relief Society Lesson: Overcoming the 3 Ds of the Adversary

On Sunday January 26th, 2020 my Relief Society discussed the general conference talk "Power to Overcome the Adversary" by Elder Peter M. Johnson of the Quorum of the Seventy.

Elder Johnson opened up his talk with sharing quotes that remind us of our identity as sons and daughters of God, and that endows us with divine power.

"All human beings - male and female - are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each as divine nature and destiny." - The Family: A Proclamation to the World

"We are "choice spirits who were reserved to come forth in the fulness of times to take part in laying the foundations of the great latter-day work." - D&C 138:53

"You were taught in the spirit world to prepare you for anything and everything you would encounter during this latter part of these latter days. That teaching endures with you!" - President Russell M. Nelson

Elder Johnson said that this knowledge of who we are would be tested by the adversary in three main ways:

Deception
Distraction
Discouragement

Because I knew that we would not have time to cover the whole talk, I skipped going into detail about the three Ds and went to the end of his talk when Elder Johnson identified the tools we already have to overcome the three Ds. I also felt like talking about these tools first was more important because they are tools we should already be working on, and not wait until Satan is tempting us.

The first tool is the first great commandment: to love God. We read two scripture verses:

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." - John 3:16

"And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings, y are only in the service of your God." - Mosiah 2:17

The sisters in my ward focused the discussion on viewing and loving others the way that God sees them. This will help us be more patient and understanding towards those who are different, and will ultimately lead us to actually loving them.

The second tool is to pray: "every day, every day, every day." 

One sister shared an experience where she woke up suddenly at five in the morning and felt very strongly to get on her knees and pray for her son. Later that day, she was talking to him on the phone and he said that at that same time he had been driving and felt himself falling asleep at the wheel, and then he felt awake.

Two other sisters shared how impressed they are with the kind of prayers their young children give. One said that her daughter without prompting will ask Heavenly Father to help her make good choices. Another shared that her daughter prays for her mom's health every time she prays, no matter what kind of prayer it is: bedtime, dinner, primary, etc.

I shared something a visiting teaching companion taught me several years ago: when you pray, pause throughout your prayer and listen to the Spirit, he might inspire you to say something more.

The third tool is to read The Book of Mormon: "every day, every day, every day."

Elder Johnson shared that when he reads The Book of Mormon, he has a question in his mind. I then asked the sisters in my ward to share their Book of Mormon study tips and habits.

A couple of sisters shared how they were already reading The Book of Mormon at the start of the new year, but they were inspired to start over and follow the Come, Follow Me schedule, because they believe it is important and helpful that the entire Church is essentially studying The Book of Mormon together.

Another sister - who is learning English - said that she gets double the study time because she reads one verse in Spanish and then the same verse in English; and it has really helped her study the gospel in her native language and in English as well. Things are worded differently in each language, and it has been a huge blessing for her to study both.

Another sister shared that she reads all of the additional scripture verses and talks that are suggested in the Come, Follow Me chapters for each section.

The fourth tool is to partake of the Sacrament: "every week, every week, every week."

I asked the sisters if they would be willing to share experiences where they can feel the affects and blessings of the Sacrament after they leave the church building and go about their week. Collectively we discussed that we really feel the difference when we don't partake of the Sacrament. Our week feels dark, we have less patience, inspiration and revelation is harder to come by. Many sisters testified of how important the Sacrament is. 

We ended with self-reflection questions on the 3Ds:

Deception

"We are created in God's own image, and He has a work for us to do. The adversary attempts to deceive by having us forget who we are, then it is difficult to recognize who we can become."

What identity deceptions has Satan thrown at you?

How can/have you overcome those deceptions?

Distraction

"The adversary also attempts to distract us away from Christ and His covenant path...In our day, there are many distractions, including Twitter, Facebook, virtual reality games, and much more. These technological advances are amazing, but if we are not careful, they can distract us from fulfilling our divine potential. Using them appropriately can bring forth the power of heaven and allow us to witness miracles as we seek to gather scattered Israel on both sides of the veil."

Choose a distraction:

How can the above distraction be used appropriately and with divine purpose?

Discouragement

"Lastly, the adversary desires for us to become discouraged. We may get discouraged when we compare ourselves to others or feel we are not living up to expectations, including our own...please do not let anyone steal your happiness. Do not compare yourself to others. Please remember the loving words of the Savior: 'Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.'"

Think of a time you were discouraged. How did you overcome it? If you are currently discouraged, is there anything from today that can help you?

Lilykins is 2!

Lily turned two years old a week ago. I can't believe it. She is no longer a baby (to which Gerson responds, "Yes she is!  She is THE baby."). From 1 to 2 Lily can walk steadily, she can run. She can climb up on the bed, couch, chairs, and into the car independently. She can say three and four word sentences. Some of her favorites are: "Goodnight Mommy, night Mommy!" "Daddy's/Papa's/Michael's here!" "Momm/Daddy/Papa, watch this!"

Lily loves to sing. She sings "Let it go" from Frozen, and "How far I'll go" from Moana. She loves Anna from Frozen, and whenever the kids are watching Frozen and something happens to Anna, Lily points to the TV and says, "Oh no! Anna! Oh no! Anna!" Lily can also sing "Happy Birthday." She will attempt to sing the words to any song, even if she's just making noises, but the melody is clear to those listening that she is singing.

She wants to do everything Benjamin and Luna are doing. In fact, during family pictures this year, she refused to sit on the rock where we were taking pictures. Once she saw Luna sitting there and posing, she rant to the rock and got on, and then tried to push Luna off! Those two have quite the aggressive relationship. They love each other, and fight a lot as well. Lily pulls Luna's hair when she is mad at her, so we are working on that. But Lily just adores Benjamin. She always wants to cuddle with him, and play wrestle. And Benjamin loves her back just as much.

After six months, Lily still isn't on board with going to nursery at Church. She gives goodbye hugs and kisses, but as soon as I put her down she starts crying and tries to run back to me. So then I have to push her back in the door and zoom away. She's always happy when I pick her up, so hopefully she doesn't cry too long after drop off. She is a huge mama's girl, and could happily spend the whole day cuddling with me if she could.

Since Lily is our last, evey developmental milestone she hits is so special. So far, everything has been exciting, not sad. I cannot imagine a better completion to our family.

Impressions and Inspiration from General Conference

October General Conference was very special for me; and not because of the changes and temples announced - which were very exciting - it was because I really heard the Spirit speak to me. Past blog posts on general conference have just been basic summaries, but that feels robotic now. I write my conference notes in my journal, and this set of notes had a lot more personal thoughts than writing down just what the speaker said - of course there are some exact quotes and paraphrases that made it in. Not everything will end up in this post, but there is some stuff that I would like to share.

Elder Holland's talk opened up conference perfectly. The call to make Christ the center of everything is something we all can work on. It also really spoke to me when he emphasized that the changes made in policy and program organization are revelation; not bowing down to social pressure. For several years I have wondered if/how the prophets today receive revelation the way the prophets from the scriptures and even Joseph Smith received revelation. I have always believed that the prophet was inspired, but I just didn't know if God spoke directly to him anymore. What helped answer that question was about a year ago when Sister Wendy Nelson shared her experiences with witnessing her husband, President Nelson, receive revelation. What has also helped is the language President Nelson uses when he shares important inspiration. He often says, "The Lord has pressed upon my mind..." I remember learning that after the Doctrine and Covenants was completed, many church members struggled with accepting new revelation from the prophets because there was no more "thus sayeth the Lord." So the saints were taught that revelation isn't required to be verbalized that way, nor does it need to be officially published in the scriptures. And even though we have that assurance, it still is nice to hear the prophet clarify that what he is saying does in fact come from Heavenly Father.

The simple act of watching conference is a trial for me and my family. I don't expect my kids to sit down and listen, but I do expect them to stay in the same room as the T.V. and color or play quietly. Which they can do off and on, but this particular weekend was very rough. By the end of the Saturday morning session I felt very much like a failure. After an emotional phone call with my mom, I realized there had been good moments, and my children did learn. I had asked Benjamin and Luna to give me a thumbs up whenever they heard the words: Jesus Christ, Heavenly Father, or God. They did a pretty good job, and Benjamin even pointed out when he heard the word "gospel", and he asked me what the Spirit is, and what the word "promptings" means.

During the Saturday afternoon session, President Russell M. Nelson reviewed the witness policy changes that had been announced during the leadership session. He said that these changes should "greatly enhance family participation in these ordinances." When I first read of the changes from the Church newsroom article, I felt that this was a good way for children and youth to gain a better understanding and stronger testimony of these ordinances at a younger age, and that it would be beneficial for the family to be apart of the ordinances together. It is very helpful and validating for me to hear something in conference that the Spirit was already leading me to anyway. It helps me know that I am listening to and following the Spirit correctly, and that is a very comforting revelation.

The women's session is always my favorite. I go with my mom and watch it at her stake center. At first, nothing in particular stuck out from Sister Lisa Harkness' talk, but as I contemplated  later, I really appreciated her words. She talked about what it means to take upon us the name of Jesus Christ after baptism and how important it is. This wasn't a fluffy talk that we usually get from the Primary general presidency. Her tone of voice and the words she used were very serious. She wasn't chastising or lecturing, but it was very evident how important this message was to her, and it became important to me as well, and I really appreciated that kind of message.

Henry B. Eyring spoke about motherhood; he does almost every women's session, and I think he is always very respectful and reverent when he talks to the women about motherhood. He quoted President Nelson, "My work and my glory is to help my loved ones reach that goal [of eternal life]." He said that a mother's mission is a partnership with God. As I listened to President Eyring speak that night, I received a personal impression that I would like to share. At the second coming, what we accomplished in our earthly career won't matter, but what we accomplished with our children - how we raised them, what we taught them - will, and that goes for both mothers and fathers. Parenthood is a partnership with God, and parenthood is one of the most important services we can give on earth.  My children were Heavenly Father's children before they came to me. He entrusted them to me to raise them in this mortal life. That is a really big responsibility, and it should not be taken lightly.

Dallin H. Oaks' talk left me with a much needed validation that the relationship I have with my brother Michael is correct. Earlier this year I shared a post about accepting Michael's sexuality and respecting his agency. Since then, I have had several moments (due to the opinions of others) where I wondered if I went too far. However, President Oaks' comments about how to apply the second great commandment (Love thy neighbor) to the LGBT community matched the personal revelation that I had received earlier this year:

• Treat members of the LGBT community with love
• Never persecute those who believe or act differently
• Be kind, be more civil
• Seek divine inspiration on what to support and what to oppose

On Sunday night, Gerson and I had a couple's council to discuss conference and plan any changes and goals we wanted to make in our family. This is the second post-conference council that we have had; and it was really beneficial. It is definitely something I want to keep doing. I'm excited for my family and individual goals. I look forward to reading the talks in the November Ensign and studying many of them in Relief Society. 

4 Going on 14

Luna recently turned 4 years old, and the lucky girl got a whole week of celebrating. On her actual birthday I took her to Daylight Donuts for breakfast as a surprise. She chose Golden Corral for dinner, and we were joined by my parents and brother. We ended the night at home with Luna opening her presents from us and her different sets of grandparents.

The Saturday of her birthday week we had a friend party for Luna. Our dear friends from our apartment came. It was really low key. The kids played, and the adults ate and visited. It was really fun. Then on Sunday, we had Luna's final birthday dinner at my parents' house (everyone in my family gets to choose Sunday dinner the Sunday after their birthday).

It does not feel like Luna is 4 years old. Not just because time flies and I emotionally can't handle her growing up, but because she is cognitively advanced. She was speaking in full sentences by the time she was 2. She could sing the alphabet by the time she was 3. Not only could she recognize letters, but write them as well, and she can write her name. She took a preschool admittance test back in June, and the teacher told me that she has never met a 3 year old who can confidently sing the alphabet by themselves on command to an adult. Luna knows her last name - another thing the teacher said was rare in 3 year old children. Luna knew all the shapes, colors, and numbers. Luna can count to 100 by herself. The teacher said at the end of the test, "She is definitely ready for school." But Luna was not accepted to the preschool because she scored too highly. They wanted to focus on preschool students who needed more help in order to prepare them for kindergarten. Luna doesn't need help preparing for kindergarten, she just needs to go to kindergarten.

Unfortunately, for Luna, regardless of how ready she is, she might not get to attend kindergarten for another two years because Luna will turn 5 years old 2 days after the deadline date for school. I had heard of parents getting their children into kindergarten via early admittance, so I emailed the principal of the school Benjamin was attending at the time, and asked if Luna could be admitted to their 4 year old preschool a year early since I planned on applying for early admittance to kindergarten. The principal said that Utah law did not allow early admittance, so there would be no early preschool nor early kindergarten for Luna. She said that I could apply for her to take a test the year she was scheduled to go to kindergarten to skip kindergarten and go to first grade. I didn't feel like that was the best option for Luna because she needs to be in a classroom now. So I went to the school district and asked if Luna could be given that test but for kindergarten. I told them all of Luna's cognitive abilities. They said the same thing as the principal, that Utah law won't allow it. They said that private schools are allowed to accept early admittance, and I could go that route and then transfer her back to public school for first grade - but she would still need to take a test to get into first grade a year early. I knew we couldn't afford private school, and I didn't feel like I could take Benjamin to one school and Luna to another. I then searched out this law that the principal and district administrator had mentioned. This is what I found:

Index	Utah Code
Title 53G	Public Education System -- Local Administration
Chapter 4	School Districts
Part 4	Local School Board Powers and Miscellaneous Duties
Section 402	Powers and duties generally. (Effective 1/24/2018)

“

“ (6) Except as provided in Section 53E-3-905, a board may enroll children in school who are at least five years of age before September 2 of the year in which admission is sought.”

I interpreted that wording to mean that the decision was actually in the hands of the district, unlike what the principal and district administrator had claimed. I decided to email my representative in the Utah State Legislature, Marsha Judkins. Not only is Marsha my representative, she also has over 20 years of experience in public education before she ran for the State House. She spoke with the State lawyers and told me that yes, my interpretation of the law was correct. She further explained that the reason why many districts choose not to is because they do not receive funding for a student until the correct year they should start school. So, most districts don't want to educate students that they aren't receiving funding for. I understand that, I don't like it, but I understand. Marsha said that she would look into the possibility of changing that policy. It's been several months and I haven't heard back from her. I was really excited at first, but now I'm not holding my breath anymore. I'm not mad at Marsha. She's a freshman representative, so she probably doesn't have a lot of power right now. Gerson said, "At least you can tell Luna that you went all the way to the government to get her in school early." And we joke that Luna will be valedictorian one day. (Coincidentally, that's exactly what Gerson did. His birthday was 3 days after the deadline, so he was the oldest in his class. And he was a good student and graduated valedictorian of his senior class in high school.)

We have since moved to a different school district. Now that I'm more knowledgeable than before - and due to a casual conversation with someone in this school district - I'm going to see what I can do here, and it might be possible now. I'm not getting my hopes up too high, but I have to at least try so that I know I did everything I could for Luna.

Luna has the cutest imagination. She loves playing dress-up; and rotates between playing doctor, school, and princesses. She wears either her princess dress-up or Doc McStuffins dress up all day long. Whenever we go out in public I make her change into regular clothing. She loves Elsa, Tiana, and Ariel. She also has 4 favorite hair styles: down, ponytail, an "Elsa braid", and an "Anna braid."

Luna is very artsy. She loves to color with crayons and markers; and her absolute favorite form of art is to paint. She tears out coloring book pages and paints the image. Then when it is dry, she cuts the image out and glues it to a blank piece of paper and hangs it on the fridge. She is so proud of the picture she colors in Primary every Sunday at church. She retains everything she learns at church, and tells me all about it on the way home.

I am so proud of her, and I am so grateful that Heavenly Father entrusted her to me. I love my little Luna girl.

Family History, A Conversation With Grandma

A few weeks ago, I visited my great-grandma Virginia Hegstrom - she is my children's great-great-grandma! A couple of years ago I shared her love story with my grandpa. Throughout the weekend I got  to ask her questions about her life. I got a small snippet of the wonderful life she lived when she was younger, and I hope to get more information on future visits. Our conversation wasn't a formal sit-down interview - my aunt tried that a while ago with an audio recorder, but it was too uncomfortable for my grandma. So throughout the weekend I would ask my grandma questions about her younger years that connected to whatever was going on around us.

Virginia was born in 1925 and has lived her whole life in the Nampa, Idaho area. In fact, the house that she was born in is still standing; but the house is no longer in the family, it was a rental. With the information that she was born in that house, I asked my grandma if she had her babies at home or in the hospital. Her response made me giggle, "Oh I'm not that ancient! I had them in the hospital."

The house that Virginia currently lives in was built on land that has been in her family for several generations. It is decorated so beautifully, and I told her that I have always loved her house. I learned than an interior decorator designed the inside for The Parade of Homes. Since Gerson and I just bought a house, and the purpose of our visit was to pick up some furniture that my grandma was giving us, we talked about my new house frequently. Gerson and I lived in three different apartments over nine years before we bought our house. I asked my grandma if she ever lived in any apartments in her early married years. She said no, that they lived in two houses in town before they built the house they have now - which used to be surrounded by farmland, but it is slowly being developed. There is now a neighborhood surrounding my grandma's land, and a hospital across the street.

When I was a kid, my grandparents adopted a stray cat that they named Jack. A few cats tend to find their way onto my grandma's farm, and she will feed them, and they call the farm home by returning. She has never let them into her house, but they can stay on the porch or in the shed. Jack was definitely the most friendly of the farm cats in my lifetime. He was always on the porch and let all of us pet and love him. The other cats trust Virginia only. I asked her if she has always had a pet. She told me no, that she's not a great animal lover, but they did have a family dog on their farm growing up. Even though she claims to not be an animal lover, I think my grandma at least enjoys the cats since she feeds them and allows them to be in the shed.

Virginia attended elementary school in a two-room school house. The first room was on the first floor, and the second room was on the second floor. Grades first through fourth were on the first floor/room and grades fifth through eighth were on the second floor/room. I asked my grandma if there were multiple teachers or just one per room. She said it was one teacher for each room/floor. I asked her if the teacher would apply the content to each level, and she said she couldn't remember those details. That was still definitely different from how school is now a days - even in rural areas.

Virginia went to Kuna High School for her secondary education years. She told me that she wanted to go to Nampa High School, but was in Kuna boundaries, and that made her angry. Kuna is where my Grandpa Elvin, her husband, grew up and lived at the time. When she told me that she had been upset to go to Kuna, I said, "Well, it looks like it all worked out since you met Grandpa, right?" She chuckled and said, "Yeah, it looks like it."

What got us talking about her high school was me asking my grandma if she drove, walked, or rode the bus to school. She said that she walked to elementary school, and took the bus to high school because it was so far away. Because women have been denied other rights and privileges in the past, I asked my grandma if there were any social problems with women driving cars when she was young, she said not at all. She learned to drive when she was very young so that she could help her dad on the farm. I asked her if teenagers had their own cars when she was in high school, like many do today. She laughed and said no, that there was only one family car in most families.

Virginia grew up in a very religious family. She told me that she was in a guitar club and part of the uniforms were slacks, which her dad would not allow her to wear. He did let her wear the slacks for performances, but that was it. Elvin grew up in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Virginia converted to the Church several years after she married Elvin. I ask my grandma if Idaho was like Utah with a lot of members of the Church. She said no, that she didn't know that much about the Church before she met my grandpa. It didn't bother her that he was a member, and based on her words, I don't think the difference of religion was a hindrance to their relationship and marriage. I asked my grandma if the missionaries came and visited her when she became interested in the Church. She said that my grandpa just taught her and would take her to Church. Their oldest living daughter (they had three babies that went to Heaven early), my grandma Linda, was around 7 or 8 years old when the family got sealed, and she remembers going into the temple.

Virginia has been known as an excellent cook by her children and grandchildren. I asked her how she learned to cook. She said that she just watched her mom cook and learned from that. I wanted to ask her for more detail, but we got interrupted, and didn't get back on that topic. My mom told me that Virginia's mom, grandma Vassar, made homemade egg noodles that were delicious. The next time that I get to talk to my grandma I definitely want to talk to her more about her cooking experiences.

I have always had a good relationship with my grandma. While we were visiting, she got to see that my children have a similar relationship with my mom. I asked her if she had a good relationship with her grandma. She said, "Oh yes, but she lived far away." It turned out that "far away" was only five miles. I thought that was such a great perspective to learn, because my parents live 9 miles away, and I consider that pretty close. Virginia spent every summer with her grandma, and my mom spent every summer with Virginia, and Benjamin, Luna, and Lily spend every weekend with my mom all year around!

In one of the bedrooms of Viginia's house are some really special 4 generation photographs. The first photo is of my great-great-great grandma Bertha Bodle, my great-great grandma Bessie Vassar, my great grandma Virginia Hegstrom, and my grandma Linda Peterson (who was a baby at the time). The next photo is of grandma Vasser, Grandma Hegstrom, Grandma Peterson, and my mom Debbie Larson (who was a baby at the time). The next photo is of grandma Hegstrom, grandma Peterson, my mom, and me (I'm a toddler). The final photo is the four of us twenty years later with Benjamin. I love this collection of photos. It's such a special tradition to do these four - and now five - generation photos. We also have some with Luna and Lily in them as well, they just aren't framed.

I'm so grateful that I was able to learn so much about my grandma and enjoy such a conversation with her.