Sunday, June 27, 2021

RS Lesson: Faith in Jesus Christ Can Move Mountains

 Today was my first Sunday teaching Relief Society in the Relief Society room surrounded by the other women in my ward in over a year, and it was wonderful! Today's lesson was taken from President Russell M. Nelson's Sunday morning talk, "Christ Is Risen; Faith in Him Will Move Mountains."

Before jumping into the content of the talk, I have one question: From a secular point of view, who or what has great power?

The women in my ward answered: political leaders, the wealthy, high profile advocates, celebrities.

President Nelson said, “Faith in Jesus Christ is the greatest power available to us in this life. All things are possible to them that believe.”

Do you believe that? Do you believe that the power of faith is more powerful than the secular list we just made?

One sister said that it depended on where she was in her personal faith. Sometimes she has enough faith to not led the problems of the world get to her, and other times the world pulls her down into depression.

Another sister brought up President Nelson's clarification of what faith to move mountains means: "Through your faith, Jesus Christ will increase your ability to move the mountains in your life, even though your personal challenges may loom as large as Mount Everest. Your mountains may be loneliness, doubt, illness, or other personal problems. Your mountains will vary, and yet the answer to each of your challenges is to increase your faith."

Piggy backing off of that, another sister explained that for her, visually, her mountains are a brick wall. Each brick is one struggle, and she can't break down the whole wall at once, she has to do it one brick at a time; which requires faith and patience.

President Nelson said, “Faith in Jesus Christ is the foundation of all belief and the conduit of divine power… Everything good in life - every potential blessing of eternal significance - begins with faith. Allowing God to prevail in our lives begins with faith that He is willing to guide us. True repentance begins with faith that Jesus Christ has the power to cleanse, heal, and strengthen us.”

Three of many scripture verses that back this statement up:

Moroni 10:7 And ye may know that the is, by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore I would exhort you that ye deny not the power of God; for he worketh by power, according to the faith of the children of men, the same today and tomorrow, and forever.


D&C 63:9-10 But, behold, faith cometh not by signs, but signs follow those that believe.


Yea, signs come by faith, not by the will of men, nor as they please, but by the will of God.

D&C 64:34 Behold, the Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind; and the willing and obedient shall eat the good of the land of Zion in these last days.

What do these verses teach us about faith? Faith precedes God's power, signs, blessings, miracles, etc. And we need to be willing to work towards it.

President Nelson acknowledged that exercising faith can be overwhelming. And he gives two suggestions to help us out:

1. Experiment with your faith. Figure out how it works in your life.

Alma 32:27  But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, eyes, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.

Matthew 17:20 And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.

While talking about the mustard seed symbolism, I was reminded of a personal experience from a week ago. I was working in my garden in the heat of the sun. Clouds covered the sun, a cool breeze blew, and some light rain fell. It was heaven to work in that environment. After I finished, as soon as I went inside, the clouds moved, and it was sunny again. I thought, "Wow! How lucky!" The Spirit in my head answered, "That wasn't luck. The Lord took care of you in your garden today, and he will take care of you as you look for a job. The Lord will provide."

I believe that Heavenly Father will lead me to the right job this summer. He did last summer, he'll do it again.

2. President Nelson reminds us that our faith does not have to be perfect to work. He uses words like: potential, growing, to describe faith. “The Lord does not require perfect faith for us to have access to His perfect power. But He does ask us to believe.”

President Nelson then challenged us to "start today to increase your faith" and gives us five steps to help us increase our faith:

1. Study: Christ’s mission and ministry, the doctrine of Christ, the Atonement of Jesus Christ, miracles. Where do we find information about those specific topics? The scriptures.

2. Choose to believe in Jesus Christ.” President Nelson said,  “Take your questions to the Lord and to other faithful sources. Study with the desire to believe rather than the hope that you can find a flaw in the fabric of a prophet’s life or a discrepancy in the scriptures… Allow the Lord to lead you…”

3. Act in faith.

What is an example of acting in faith?

One sister shared that she went through a time where she spent three years applying and interviewing before she got the job she has now. Three years. She said that it got to the point where she didn't even know why she was doing this anymore. But she felt to keep trying, and faith is what kept her going to continue to apply.

Another sister shared that she never considered serving a mission until she started going to the temple once a week with her friends. In the temple, she felt inspired to serve, and moved forward mission preparations, and is getting ready to turn her papers in!

4. Partake of sacred ordinances worthily.

It takes faith to participate in sacred ordinances, and continuing to participate increases our faith.

5. Ask your Heavenly Father for help.

What do the five underlined words have in common? They are verbs, actions words. Faith requires action. We can't just sit there and wait for it to happen.

I will end with my favorite quote from this talk:

“Do not minimize the faith you already have. It takes faith to join the Church and remain faithful. It takes faith to follow prophets rather than pundits and popular opinion. It takes faith to serve a mission during a pandemic. It takes faith to live a chaste life when the world shouts that God’s law of chastity is now outmoded. It takes faith to teach the gospel to children in a secular world. It takes faith to plead for the life of a loved one and even more faith to accept a disappointing answer.”

What is something you did this past week that took faith?

We didn't have time for anyone to answer that question today. So, if you are comfortable answering publicly, put it in the comments. If not, write it down in your journal. Or make this question a part of Family Home Evening this week and share it with your family.



Friday, April 23, 2021

Working Full Time Improved My Mental Health


 Stay-at-home-mom depression is a real thing. To my [Google search] knowledge, physicians don’t diagnose it under that terminology; but enough women struggle with it, that it is something. Gerson “diagnosed” me with it towards the end of the summer of 2016 when Luna was almost a year old, and I had been a SAHM for a little over a year as well. 

It was one in the morning, and while crying, I told Gerson that I wasn’t happy. He started crying too and asked, “Is our marriage in trouble?” 

I struggled to tell him I felt like the walls of our home were caving in on me. The tiniest problem with Benjamin or Luna could send me into a crying mess - and those breakdowns had no rhyme or reason. They just happened at the most random times. We went to sleep without a solution; only with the fervent promise that I absolutely was NOT considering a divorce.

The next day, I called my mom and told her about the previous night’s conversation. We used to go on a date once a month and had already gone on a date for that month. My mom told me to tell Gerson that she wanted to have the kids come over for dinner and sleep over. That way we could go to dinner and have the night to do whatever or talk about whatever we needed to. 

That night, Gerson said, “I think being a SAHM makes you depressed.”

I tried looking for part time teaching jobs. I found one opening to teach ESL in the evenings. I really wanted to apply, but Gerson didn’t like the idea of us basically handing off the kids in between jobs. That’s how I had done college courses for my final two years after Benjamin was born, and it wasn’t fun. We rarely got to eat dinner as a family. Part time teaching jobs during the day didn’t pay enough for daycare to be worth it. If we financially needed it, we would make that sacrifice; but we didn’t need me to work. I wanted to work.

Over the next few years, I tried other methods to find happiness. We increased date nights to once a week. We also added a reading night once a week; where I read out loud for about an hour. So far, we have read the Harry Potter series, Born a Crime by Trevor Noah, and are currently on the Twilight series. My kids sleepover at my parents’ once a week during the summer, and once a month during the school year. And once a year we go on a couple’s trip, while my parents take the kids. I also made some mom friends, and we would do girls’ night once a week. (Which no longer happens, because we all moved too far away from each other in the last 18 months.)

All of those things helped, but as they became part of my normal routine, they eventually weren’t enough. I still love doing all of those things, and giving them up would devastate me, but I needed more.

More came from VIPKID in March 2018. In the beginning, it was perfect. Teaching part time, early in the morning while the rest of my family slept. I didn’t have to get a babysitter or hand off the kids to Gerson while we switched working hours. It made me happy, and I felt fulfilled. 

Two years later, at the beginning of a worldwide pandemic, I was burned out with VIPKID. I’m sure it didn’t help that after teaching my students, I had to turn around and teach my children. But the real issue was that I wanted normal working hours, and I wanted to be in charge of my own lesson and unit plans. VIPKID lessons are already made by someone else, and the teachers have to follow them exactly. I also really missed history. I hadn’t taught history since my student teaching semester in 2015.

Throughout the four years between 2016 and 2020, I continued to have frequent mental breakdowns. Yes, parenting young kids is stressful. Yes, it’s okay to cry. But I always felt an overwhelming sense of guilt afterwards for acting like that in front of my children, and even more guilt that my children were the cause. 

As I took part in online forums and talked with other moms, I came across so many that felt the same. The advice? 

“It will pass. As they get older, it will get easier.”

“Enjoy every minute. You will actually miss this when they are grown.”

I must be a different breed of mom, because that did not help. Lily was still a baby and I was already counting down until she went to school so that I could start my career. Benjamin is old enough that I think I can look back at his baby days and decide if I miss it. I don’t. I enjoy the memories, but I don’t miss it. I don’t wish I could turn back the clock and have him be a baby again. I’ve always been that way. I like time moving forward. I don’t wish I could relive high school or college or the childfree years of my marriage. I enjoy the memories from those times, but I don’t miss them or wish I was still living them. 

In May 2020, Gerson was let go from his job. He was one of the 38 million Americans that would be unemployed by the end of June. I started applying to teaching jobs that day. We spent the summer of 2020 racing each other [for fun] to see who would get hired first. As I applied to teaching positions and prepared for interviews, I became excited. This wasn’t because tragedy had struck my family and I had to - though that was the motivating push. I wasn’t begrudgingly applying for jobs, just in case Gerson didn’t get a new job fast enough. I wanted this. And I decided quickly that regardless of what kind of job Gerson got, I was going to work too. I was done being a SAHM. I wanted to have a career.

At the end of July, I was hired to teach 10th grade U.S. History for a small online charter school. I spent the month of August creating unit and lesson plans, and began teaching at the end of the month. I loved it immediately. I feel happy and fulfilled. I enjoy providing for my family in this way while contributing to society as a teacher.

Around November, I realized that I had not had a mental breakdown or cried since getting hired. Yes, I had work stress, but I didn’t feel like the walls of my home were caving in on me. Issues like my children refusing to clean up, or emptying an entire box of cereal onto the floor (both have happened recently) no longer sent me into a crying episode. Yes, I still get frustrated, but it is no longer the type of hysteria that it used to be.

I truly believe that working full time is the primary factor in this emotional change.

So, if you are struggling with the stay-at-home-parent life, and the well intentioned “it will get easier” and “you’ll miss this one day” is not helping, ask yourself the following questions:

Do I have a career goal?

Do I wish I was in that career right now?

Is it possible for me to start right now?

Is the stigma of my kids going to a babysitter/daycare the only thing holding me back? 

Granted, my kids aren’t going to a babysitter/daycare. Gerson is currently doing school online as he goes through a career change. However, as soon as he also gets a job, our younger kids will go to a babysitter or daycare, and I do not feel guilty about that one bit. 

Working full time has given me the opportunity to appreciate family time differently. I don’t miss my kids while I’m working, but I enjoy them after work. Bedtime has been pushed back an hour so that we can spend time together. I have also moved my house cleaning from Saturdays to Fridays nights so that we can just enjoy each other on Saturdays. 

Even though it took a global pandemic to get me into my career, I’m glad that I’m here. I’m happy. I’m healthy. I’m me.  

 

Saturday, March 27, 2021

RS Lesson: Developing Christlike Attributes

 Today's Relief Society Lesson was inspired by Elder Scott D. Whiting's conference talk, "Becoming like Him." In his talk, Elder Scott recommends that each of us discover which Christlike attributes we are lacking or could improve on, and get to work attaining that attribute. 

According to Chapter 6 of Preach My Gospel, the following are examples Christlike attributes:

  • Faith
  • Hope
  • Charity and Love
  • Virtue
  • Knowledge
  • Patience
  • Humility
  • Diligence
  • Obedience

The sisters in my ward also added Compassion and Service to the list. (What else would you add?)

Also in Chapter 6, there is an Attribute Activity to help you figure out where you are with each attribute. I copied and pasted the activity into a Google Doc, to make printing it easier for anyone who is interested: 

Attribute Activity (Preach My Gospel) Printable 

I filled out the survey. In order to better discuss the next part of Elder Whiting's talk; I am going to be open and vulnerable, and tell you that the attribute I need to greatly improve on is Patience

According to Elder Whiting, the first step in improving patience, is to commit to it:

  1. I need to have a desire to be patient.   
  2. In order to develop patience, I need to understand what it is. The following scripture verses are attached with the Patience section in the Attribute Activity:
    1. 2 Nephi 10:17 Christ has promised that he will bless us
    2. Romans 8:25 Faith requires patience (connects two attributes!)
    3. Alma 17:11 Those who are patience in their suffering will serve as good examples to others
    4. Romans 15:1 Choose others over ourselves, and help them in their struggles
    5. Ether 12:27 The Lord gives us weaknesses so that we will turn to Him.
      1. "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."
      2. Thinking about the attribute you have chosen, how can you use the above verse to help you with that attribute? --> The sisters in my ward talked about the difficulty in asking for and accepting help. I'm definitely one of those people, but when I do let my guard down, and ask for help, I am always so grateful that I did. 
    6. Alma 34:40-41 Be patient in your afflictions, and be patience with those afflicting you. Losing patience can lead to sin. Patience allows hope (faith).
  3. Look for examples of patience in others. Elder Whiting said, "This will encourage us in our own quest, for if others can attain in some measure His attributes, so can we."
    1. How has watching someone else achieve your goal helped you? --> One sister shared that her roommate in college would go up to people she wanted to get to know and say, "Hi, I'm so-and-so, what's your name." She said that example helped her become more open and social when she wanted to get to know someone new.
  4. I need to be honest with myself about where I am in my patience levels in comparison to where I need to be. 
  5. I should ask Heavenly Father where I am at, and where I should focus.
Once I have committed to improving my patience, it is time to act! Elder Whiting said:

"These attributes won't come cheaply and suddenly, but through His grace they will come incrementally while endeavoring. Christlike attributes are gifts from a loving Heavenly Father to bless us and those around us. Accordingly, our efforts to obtain these attributes will require heartfelt pleas for His divine assistance. If we seek these gifts to better serve others, He will bless us in our efforts. Selfishly pursuing a gift from God will end in disappointment and frustration."

Two things stick out to me from that quote. First, we need to plead to Heavenly Father for help in this endeavor to improve my patience. That tells me that this isn't going to be an independent project. Second, Elder Whiting states that these attributes need to be used to help others. So, I ask myself, who do I want to serve with my patience? How do I want to serve with my patience? (Ask yourself the same questions in relation to the attribute you have chosen.)

The first answer that comes to my mind is my children. They will benefit the most from me having better patience. The employees of the businesses that I patron will benefit from me having patience. On a more spiritual viewpoint, those who are struggling will benefit from me having patience with them and where they are spiritually. 

The third thing to do, according to Elder Whiting, is record our experiences. I should write down what I learned from the scripture verses related to patience, the examples that I see in other people, answers to my prayers, and my own journey as I work on this attribute. 

In case we become frustrated with ourselves - and we will - Elder Whiting ends with the following reminder:

"The commandment to be like Him is not intended to make you feel guilty, unworthy, or unloved. Our entire mortal experience is about progression, trying, failing, and succeeding... You are good enough, you are loved, but that does not mean that you are yet complete. There is work to be done in this life and the next. Only with His divine help can we all progress toward becoming like Him."

I can speak from personal experience, that the feelings of guilt and worthlessness will not help in this endeavor. Those are not true forms of motivation. Like Elder Whiting said earlier, the desire to change for the purpose of blessing others is the best motivator. I have a lot of work cut out for me to improve my patience, but I have faith that I can do it. I challenge you to choose a Christlike attribute that you would like to improve, and follow Elder Whiting's steps to bring that attribute into your life.  

Saturday, February 27, 2021

RS Lesson: How Christ Heals

 In Sister Cristina B. Franco's women's session talk, "The Healing Power of Jesus Christ", she opens with a story about a piano she and her husband purchased, which broke upon its arrival. I recommend to watch the story in her words here. (0:34-3:39)

Upon finishing the story, Sister Franco continued,

"Sisters and brothers, aren't we all like this piano, a little broken, cracked, and damaged, feeling like we will never be the same again? However, as we come unto Jesus Christ by exercising faith in Him, repenting, and making and keeping covenants, our brokenness - whatever its cause - can be healed. This process, which invites the Savior's healing power into our lives, does not just restore us to what we were before but makes us better than we ever were. I know that through our Savior, Jesus Christ, we can all be mended, made whole, and fulfill our purpose, just like a beautiful-sounding, brand-new piano."

Let's review what the manager of the music store said, "The wood is broken, and once the wood is broken, it can never sound the same." The manager's implication is negative. However, when Sister Franco compares our moments of feeling broken to her piano story, she adds that using the Atonement will "make us better than we ever were." That is the difference between us and a piano. We aren't ruined when we break.


How does Christ heal us?

Matthew 11:28-29 "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls."

Yokes bind animals together, so by using this symbolism, Christ is inviting us to be bound to him.

D&C 6:36 "Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not." (When are we supposed to look to Christ? What is the opposite of doubt and fear?)*

Christ's use of the phrase "every thought" essentially means always. We need to turn to him always. What is the opposite of doubt and fear? Belief and faith. Have faith in Christ. 

Revelation 7:17 "For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of waters: and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes." (What does Christ feed us? How can His word heal us?)

We know from the gospels, that when Christ talks about bread (food) and water, He's talking about the word of God. And I think it's safe to say this is what is going on here as well. The Lamb feeding us and leading us to water, is giving us the word of God - reading our scriptures, listening to general conference, testimonies, etc. How can the word of God heal us? Priesthood blessings can heal us physically and spiritually. The knowledge of Christ's love can heal us spiritually. The knowledge of the plan of salvation can bring us hope, which can also heal spiritually. 

Luke 4:18 "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor;  he hath sent me to heal the broken hearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised." (How does Christ use others to help us heal? How can we be used to help others heal?)

In this verse, Christ states that Heavenly Father sent him to earth to do several things, healing being one of them. Yet, Christ is not here the way he was during his mortal ministry. Even though he can and still does heal us; one way he heals us is through other people. This can be a physical healing that a doctor performs, or it can be spiritual and mental healing that family, friends, neighbors, and ward members can perform. 


What do we do once we are healed?

Mosiah 24:14 "And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions." (What does Christ expect us to do when he eases our burdens?) 

When I read this verse the second half stuck out to me. Christ wants us to share our experiences and testify that He does heal, comfort, and liberate. 


Christ can heal us when we have faith, turn to him, and bind ourselves to him. Once we have turned t o him he will feed us with the word of God, heal our broken hearts, liberate us, and comfort us. And when we have experienced that healing and comfort, we need to share our experiences as a witness to others the Christ does heal because He loves us. 

*Note: I used this blog post as my lesson plan, so the questions in parenthesis are what I verbally asked during my lesson.

Sunday, January 24, 2021

RS Lesson: How to Love Your Enemy, According to President Oaks

 On Sunday, January 24, I taught Relief Society in my ward. The talk I chose was "Love Your Enemy" by President Dallin H. Oaks. I have loved this talk since listening to it the first time last October. I felt very strongly to choose this talk for my RS lesson, but because of the very obvious political undertones, I originally shied away from it because I didn't want my lesson to turn into a political soap box. I read a few other talks trying to find one to choose, but the spirit kept bringing me back to this one. As I reread it, I noticed two parallel messages: 1. the political one, and 2. a "how-to" for loving one's enemies. For my lesson, I focused on message number two. 

The first thing I did before diving into the content of President Oak's talk, was define the word, enemy. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary enemy is: "One that is antagonistic to another, especially one seeking to injure, overthrow, or confound an opponent; something harmful or deadly; a military adversary; a hostile unit or force." Also, in the footnote for Matthew 5:44, the word enemy sends us to the topical guide Opponent. And in the New Testament Student Manual, the expansion for that verse talks about forgiving those who have harmed or injured us. So, for the context of this lesson, the term enemy can by anyone that we feel either negative feelings towards or they have hurt us.

Christ's teachings that President Oak's derives his talk from is Matthew 5:43-44:

"Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love they neighbour, and hate thine enemy.

But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you."

The New Testament Student Manual explains the historical and cultural context behind "hate thine enemy:"

“The commandment ‘Love thy neighbor’ is found in Leviticus 19:18, but no scripture in the Old Testament commands us to hate thine enemy. It appears the Savior was referring to a saying common in His day. The discovery of the Dead Sea Scrolls in 1946 may reveal that some Jews at the time of Christ did in fact teach that they should love fellow members of their community but hate outsiders.” - Chapter 3

So, how do we place ourselves in the mindset to love, bless, do good to, and pray for those who we feel negative feelings towards?

According to President Oaks, the following actions will help.

Do not have the Spirit of Contention in your heart

3 Nephi 11:28-30 "...And there shall be no disputations among you, as there hitherto been; neither shall there be disputations among you concerning the points of my doctrine, as there have hitherto been.

For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.

Behold, this is not my doctrine, to stir up the hearts of men with anger, one against another; but this is my doctrine, that such things should be done away.”

I have always loved verse 28, it is marked in my personal scriptures. This time, reading these verses the phrase "the spirit of contention is not of me" stuck out. When we are defending our religious beliefs - a righteous endeavor - if we do so with aggressive words and tone, the message will be lost, the Holy Ghost will leave, and the Spirit of Contention will be present.

Ask the Lord for help

Matthew 7:7-8 "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.

For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth, and to him that knocketh it shall be opened."

Follow the law

President Oak's said, "How do we keep these divine commandments in a world where we are also subject to the laws of man?... we are to follow the laws of men… to live peacefully under civil authority, and we follow the laws of God toward our eternal destination… Though Jesus’s teachings were revolutionary, He did not teach revolution or law breaking."

We also have D&C 58:21-22 "Let no man break the laws of the land, for he that keepeth the laws of God hath no need to break the laws of the land.

Wherefore, be subject to the powers that be, until he reigns whose right it is to reign, and subdues all enemies under his feet."

And the 12th Article of Faith: "We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law."

Get to know them

President Oaks said, "In countless circumstances, strangers’ suspicion or even hostility give way to friendship or even love when personal contacts produce understanding and mutual respect...The Savior’s teaching to love our enemies is based on the reality that all mortals are beloved children of God.”

My senior year in high school, there was a girl in one of my classes who drove me crazy. I thought she was so annoying amongst other verbs. Over the course of the school year, I got to know her and we became good friends. I never told her that I started out the school year not liking her, but in my yearbook she wrote that she did not like me at the beginning of the school year and she was so glad that she gave me a chance and got to know me.

Understand what love is

President Oaks provided several quotes from other prophets and apostles defining love. In summary, you can't give love, if you don't know what it is.

I testify from personal experience that these actions work in creating love in your heart for those you currently do not love. If you have not read President Oaks' talk recently, I highly recommend that you sit down and do so.

Saturday, June 20, 2020

Sacrament Meeting Talk: How The Book of Mormon Has Blessed Me and My Family

Today I  gave a short talk in my ward's sacrament meeting. The topic I was given is: how The Book of Mormon has blessed me and my family during these trying times.

To be honest, when the first presidency announced the cancellation of Sunday worship services back in March, I cried. Sunday is one of the few times a week that I get face-to-face adult interaction. Before all of this, I used to read my scriptures while I ate my breakfast. After taking Benjamin to school, I would get the girls focused on their toys or a movie, and I would enjoy breakfast by myself with my scriptures. My copy of Come, Follow Me is full of notes until April. With everyone home, I'm lucky to zoom through a chapter, but there is not much time for self-reflection. 

Despite my struggles with personal study, our family study has increased and prospered. On Sundays, we have a family Church service in our home. We sing the hymns that Sister Struthers shares on the ward page, Gerson blesses the Sacrament and passes it, and I teach a full length primary lesson to our three children. I would like to highlight two sections of the Book of Mormon that talk about a parent's responsibility to their children.

Jacob 1:18-19 says,

"For I, Jacob, and my brother Joseph had been consecrated priests and teachers of this people, by the hand of Nephi.

And we did magnify our office unto the Lord, taking upon us the responsibility, answering the sins of the people upon our own heads if we did not teach them the word of God with all diligence; wherefore, by laboring with our might their blood might not come upon our garments; otherwise their blood would come upon our garments, and we would not be found spotless at the last day."

I am responsible for my children's actions if I don't teach them right from wrong. 

In the Come, Follow Me for Individuals and Families, Enos 1:1-3 is highlighted with the question about what those verses mean for parents and children. Enos said that he remembered the things that his dad taught him. In my copy, I wrote: "Teach truth, children will remember what we teach them."

Topics that our at-home Primary has covered so far:
  • Jesus Christ
  • Prophets are seers, they teach about Jesus, we should listen to and follow them
  • Put trust in God
    • Mosiah 7:33 "But if ye will turn to the Lord with full purpose of heart, and put your trust in him, and serve him with all diligence of mind, if ye do this, he will, according to his own will and pleasure, deliver you out of bondage." 
  • The 10 Commandments
  • Repentance and Forgiveness
  • Missionary work
    • Practiced saying, "The Book of Mormon teaches about Jesus Christ."
  • Service
  • Prayer
  • Testimony
  • Resurrection
To teach these topics to my children I have used the Book of Mormon Stories illustrated book, and I highlight 1-3 verses from The Book of Mormon. 

Focusing on Primary during our at-home worship services has helped me be directly involved in my children's religious education. Not that I wasn't before. We have always done FHE and family scripture study, but at the same time I have always relied on nursery and primary teachers to help with that. Now I'm doing it all. This has also helped all of us to share more personal stories to serve as examples for the topics we are teaching and discussing. And my children have been very comfortable sharing their thoughts and asking questions. I taught them how to share a testimony, and both Benjamin and Luna have shared their testimonies on Fast Sunday. My mom and my dad also join us. My dad is inactive, so this has been really special for us to have him there. 

I would like to end by sharing my favorite Book of Mormon verses about Jesus Christ.

Alma 7:11-12

"And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities."

Jesus Christ knows how to comfort us, because he knows how we feel. I have loved these two verses long before the current crisis hit our family, but I find that this time of emotional and financial struggle makes these verses even more relevant as Gerson and I have had to lean on each other and Jesus Christ. I'm grateful for the experience to study The Book of Mormon so closely as a family. I have really enjoyed teaching my children and watching them think it over and figure out the messages as we talk about it on their level. Focusing on them and teaching them has been the biggest blessing that has come out of all of this. 

Monday, June 15, 2020

Utah's History of Interracial Marriage

This year I learned that June 12th is Loving Day. Loving Day is the anniversary of the Supreme Court's decision in the Loving v. Virginia case to overturn marriage laws that prohibit interracial marriage. As someone who is in an interracial marriage, I felt intrigued to research Utah's marriage laws concerning race. 

Because Utah's early white history is intertwined with Church history, I had to grapple with some tough information about the opinions of early Church members, including prophets and apostles. My testimony of the gospel and belief in Jesus Christ has not been shaken, but I do acknowledge that what was said in the past was wrong. I also understand that those past opinions have influenced the culture of Utah and members of the Church in Utah today. Even though laws and policies have changed, some individual opinions and attitudes haven't, which has caused hurt and pain to many of Heavenly Father's children. To those who I have been hurt by past teachings and current attitudes, I am so sorry. 

The majority of this information I found by reading "The Prohibition of Interracial Marriage in Utah, 1888-1963" by Patrick Q. Mason (link at the bottom).

Pre-Utah Church teachings and events

According to journal entries, Joseph Smith taught that Blacks had souls and were "subjects of salvation." He talked about "equalization," but to him, it must have been a separate-but-equal idea because he also said that they should be confined to their own species. While mayor of Nauvoo, he fined two Black men who had attempted to marry White women. He fined one $25 and the other $5.

 In 1847, William McCary was a black man who was excommunicated for marrying a White woman, Lucy Stanton. The official report was that his excommunication was for polygamous marriages that were not approved by Church leaders. If these allegations of polygamy are true, it is also noted that all of his supposed wives were White, so it's not a hard stretch to consider the racial differences to be the main factor.

1852-1888 An Act in Relation to Service

Brigham Young continued the teachings against interracial marriages between Blacks and Whites. His words were quite bold in the fact that he declared those who did enter such unions deserved death, would loose access to the priesthood, and their children should not breed. Fair Mormon does point out, however, that Brigham Young never ordered the execution of any interracial couple, claiming that Brigham "had more bark than he did bite."

In 1852 the Utah Territory government passed the Act in Relation to Service, which prohibited sexual relations between Whites and Blacks. Such laws were largely accepted across the United States because several Supreme Court cases during that had clarified that both federal and local governments could constitutionally write and enforce laws concerning marriage. These laws were called anti-miscegenation laws, and were coupled with Jim Crow laws in the south and national anti-Chinese immigration laws.

Utah's law is viewed as peculiar to historians because most anti-miscegenation laws were in places where the Black population was at least 5%. Utah's Black population at the time was .3%. Historians believe that Utah participated in these laws because Utah newspapers shared stories of "scandalous" interracial marriages from other states. These stories, along with the attempts of racial equality during the Reconstruction era, led to the fear of "race mixing."

In 1884 a White soldier married a Black woman. The couple received public shaming via the newspapers and on the street.

In 1886 Thomas Colbourn, a Black man, was murdered, and a note was pinned on his body warning Black men to stay away from White women.

In 1887 A Black man and White woman were married in Salt Lake City. The ceremony was performed by a non-Mormon priest. The Salt Lake Tribune - anti-Mormon even then - blamed the Church for the marriage because the territory didn't have an anti-miscegenation law yet (the Act in Relation to Service was only about sex, not marriage).

1888-1963 An Act Regulating Marriage

Due to the above events and opinions, the territorial government passed An Act Regulating Marriage, which was signed into law March 8, 1888. This Act prohibited marriage between Blacks and Whites, Mongolians and Whites, polygamous marriages, incest, marriage "to an idiot", and underage marriages. During this time the federal government was breathing down Utah's neck about polygamy, and as an attempt to deflect, members of the Church tried to turn the spotlight on interracial marriage. However, at this point the federal government had already brought in non-members to Utah government seats, and polygamy was included in the Regulating Marriage Act. 

An important note to make here is that marriage to Native Americans was not included, though other states and territories surrounding Utah did include Native Americans in their prohibition laws. Historians believe this is because the culture of the Church believes that Native Americans are descendants of the Lamanites from the Book of Mormon. This belief created an encouragement to marry "Lamanites" in order to save them. By 1870 about three dozen white men had taken Native American Wives. However, white women were discouraged from marrying Native American men. Another possible reason that Historians have mentioned is that by the 1880s Native Americans had already been segregated from White Utah residents, so the risk of "race mixing" was low. 

In 1889 a family living in Logan was turned into the authorities for being mixed. The husband was Chinese and the wife was White. They had been married in Idaho before Utah's law was put into affect, but the authorities still took their children away.

In 1895 a White woman was denied a temple sealing to her White husband, because she had previously been married to a Black man and had two children from her previous marriage. 

On November 16, 1897 George Q. Cannon wrote in his journal  that he had learned from John Taylor, who had learned from Joseph Smith, that a White man who marries a Black woman would lose the priesthood, and they should die.

In 1898 an Ogden couple was caught in bed after midnight and arrested. William Howard was Black and Ella Howarth was White. Ella tried to claim that she had a Black ancestor, so their relationship was valid. After being put under pressure, Ella admitted that she was full White. She was sent home, and William was sentenced to 20 years in prison.

Also in 1898 Dora Harris and Quang Wah applied for a marriage license in Salt Lake City. They were denied because Quang was Chinese. Dora argued that she was part Black on her mother's side. The county clerk denied that claim, saying that her skin was so light that her White lineage dominated and he declared her White.

In 1907 B.H. Roberts wrote in defense of segregation because it would prevent the mixing of Whites and Blacks by marriage. During the priesthood ban, at least two White men were denied the priesthood because they married Black women - not to mention all Black men were denied the priesthood. The Young Women's journal advised young women of the Church to avoid marrying outside of their race or they will be committing "race disintegration" and "race suicide."

1939 Additions to the Marriage Regulation Act

In 1939 there was an attempt to segregate Black neighborhoods in Salt Lake City. The attempt failed because a group of Black women went to every meeting and made their voices heard.

Also in 1939, further prohibitions were made to the Marriage Regulation Act:
  • Those with syphilis, gonorrhea, and epilepsy 
  • Malay with White
  • half black, one-quarter black, and one-eighth black with White 
The decision to include those of Malaysia and Indonesia heritage came from a case in California where a Filipino-White couple argued for their right to marry because Filipinos are not of Mongolian descent. 

In 1946 J. Reuben Clark counseled the young women to marry within their race, because the opposite, according to him, is both biologically and spiritually wrong. Most Church leaders during this time preached against interracial marriage - with the focus being against marriages to Black people.

1963 Repealing the Marriage Regulation Act

Starting in 1948, individual states started to repeal their anti-miscegenation laws. Idaho did so in 1959, which inspired James Thomas (Black) and Kathleen McMurtrey (White) to travel to Idaho to get married. They had already been living together, and had a baby. Though due to extreme pressure from Kathleen's family, they had given the baby up to a children's agency. After their marriage they returned to Utah and asked for their baby back. Their marriage was denied, as was the request to return their baby. The official reason was that Thomas' divorce from his first wife had not been finalized, it was not finalized until 1960. However, it is without a doubt that Thomas' skin color played a bigger role in the denial. 

As Utah watched the rest of the country, they figured that it was only a matter of time before the Supreme Court made a national decision, and decided to repeal the Marriage Regulation Act on their own in 1963. One Republican representative vocally opposed; stating that the children and grandchildren of such unions will be denied eternity because they would inherit the "curse" from their black ancestors. 

The exact wording of the law:

Utah Code Title 30 Husband and Wife, Chapter 1 Marriage, Section 2.2 Validation of Interracial Marriage

"All interracial marriages, otherwise valid and legal, contracted prior to July 1, 1965, to which one of the parties of marriage was subject to disability  to marry on account of Subsection 30-1-2(5) or (6), as those subsections existed prior to May 14, 1963, are hereby valid and made lawful in all respects as though such marriages had been duly and legally contracted in the first instance."

Afterwards

Although the law had changed, racism among Church members did not. In 1966 a White woman was denied future access to the temple after she married a Black man, and was told that her endowments were now invalid. She appealed to higher leadership, and her living endowments were validated, but the ban from the temple remained. 

When the priesthood ban for Black men was lifted, the Church spokesman at the time clarified that interracial marriage was still discouraged. President Spencer W. Kimball also further explained that while interracial marriage was not a sin, it was still discouraged and considered selfish because of the hardships that both the couple and their future children would endure due to cultural differences.  

In 1995, a talk given by Russell M. Nelson had a footnote that stated that marriages will be most successful when both spouses are of the same religion, language, culture, and ethnic background.

In both 2003 and 2008, the Church was put in a position to clarify that it no longer has any restrictions on interracial marriage. And in 2013 the teacher's manual for the youth was updated, and the Spencer W. Kimball quote about marrying within one's race was removed. In fact, I searched the Church's website for Spencer W. Kimball's teachings on marriage, and I cannot find this quote. 

In both 2007 and 2017 the Deseret News published articles talking about the rise of interracial marriage across the nation (links at the bottom). These articles stated the following statistics:

  • 2000 poll shows that 62% of Whites support interracial marriage.
  • 2005 4% of the nations couples are interracial.
  • 2017 1 in 6 newlyweds are interracial, with support among Whites increasing.
Both articles also shared several individual stories about interracial couples in Utah.

Personal Thoughts

The above research shows that Utah's laws against interracial marriage was directed towards Blacks and Asians. Hispanics were never mentioned. Though one of the Deseret News articles stated that Hispanic-White marriages have only just begun to be recorded as interracial marriages in recent years, so that might be one reason why. A theory of mine is that in Church culture, Hispanics fall under the "Lamanite" umbrella like Native Americans; so members want to "bring them into the fold." It is also noteworthy that the census records for 1920 show 1.2% Hispanic for the entire U.S., no data for Hispanics for 1930, and 1.5% for 1940; so it is also likely that the number of Hispanics living in Utah at the time was not concerning when the Regulation Act was amended in 1939. However, regardless of the law, the culture of racism most definitely has seeped into how some White people in Utah view and treat Hispanics. 

I would also like to mention that this research showed me that the records focused on White marriages to persons of color. As a few of the stories mentioned, one person of color from one race marrying another person of color from a different race was acceptable. I do think it's important to point out that those marriages are still interracial marriages. Just because they both have darker skin, doesn't mean there aren't cultural, and sometimes linguistic differences. A White person does not have to be involved to make a marriage interracial. 

I do believe that Utah's history with racism has influenced the experiences I have had while dating men of color. I have not dated any Black men, and I know the current conversation is about racism against Blacks specifically; but I would like to share my experiences in order to compare with the experiences shared by White-Black couples in Utah. My point will be made clear soon. I promise I am not trying to change the spotlight.

One of my boyfriends from my teenage years was Polynesian. Some members of his family did not like him dating a White girl, and that led to a fast breakup. His family did not openly tell me that, he never told me that, one of his friends told me privately. Another boy, whom I did not date exclusively, we tried to start a relationship and it didn't work out, was Hispanic. One of his siblings told me that their dad did not know I was White. In both of those instances I felt very hurt and offended. I never met either of those parents, so no face-to-face interactions took place. Because of that, I'm not going to be so audacious as to claim any form of racism or prejudice on their part. I just would like to point out that that is only two instances for me of feeling that way. People of color get that multiplied by at least a thousand. They experience stuff like that all the time.

During this time I had a conversation with a co-worker, who was Native American, about interracial relationships. She expressed disapproval and said, "I'm sorry, but you white women steal our men!" This comment has stuck with me since, and I always feel validated when I see a woman of color with a white man because then things are balanced, and marrying Gerson was okay.

My next boyfriend was also Hispanic, and his stepdad and step-sisters were White. I had a really good relationship with his family, and spending time at his house was fun and comfortable. After him, I dated my one and only White boyfriend. When our relationship "became public," one person who was voicing their approval said, "And Chelsey, he's White!" I'm embarrassed to say that I laughed in response. At the time I thought that they were just teasing me because I did have a habit for dating "brown boys." However, when that same person voiced bold disapproval for me dating Gerson, that comment came back to haunt me.

During Christmas of that year, Gerson went home to spend the holiday with his family. He told his mom that he wanted to marry me and that he was going to propose in the near future. His mom told him, "I'm sad that I won't get to talk to my future daughter-in-law." Gerson responded, "I'm not going to marry a Latina just so that you can talk to her." I wasn't offended by that statement. Being able to converse with your family is a valid desire. So, I took that as my cue to learn Spanish, and I registered for a Spanish class the following semester. Gerson's mom has also practiced English, and we currently communicate in broken Spanish and broken English, and really love each other. 

When Gerson and I got engaged, several people thought I was pregnant. The questions and comments depleted my self-esteem because I thought that I was fat and that's where the comments were coming from. It was Gerson who set me straight, "You're not fat. No one can understand why a 19 year old White girl is marrying a 25 year old Hispanic man. Pregnancy is the only thing that makes sense to them."

Throughout our ten year marriage we have had mostly positive experiences. When we encounter something negative though, we have to go through the whole alphabet of "what ifs" and "maybes" before we admit and accept if something was racist. Gerson experiences more racism when he is out and about by himself than when he is with me. A small list off the top of my head:

  • While walking to our car at BYU, a White girl, who was walking ahead of Gerson kept looking back at him with a fearful expression, and eventually broke into a run. (I wasn't there.)
  • Car dealerships always try to overcharge him.
  • Employees at Panda Express and Cafe Rio almost always assume we are separate and look surprised when we are paying together.
  • One time at Dillard's in the shoe department, the Sales Associate, who was Hispanic, would sigh and roll her eyes every time I asked to try on a shoe (Gerson was with me); but had no problem being friendly and helpful to the other couple in the department who were both Hispanic. 
  • A police officer pulled Gerson over and accused him of having "stolen plates" on his car. Gerson told the officer that this was the only car he had ever owned and the plates were not stolen. The cop took Gerson's info and went back to his car, when he came back he claimed there must have been a glitch because now the info showed Gerson's plates matched his registration.
  • A sales associate at Verizon assumed that neither Gerson nor I could do math, and was very condescending the entire time we were renewing our contract. 
  • A stranger called the police on Gerson, claiming that Gerson was driving drunk. While waiting for the police to show up, the stranger tailed Gerson in their own vehicle, scaring Gerson. The police officer who responded was very nice and figured out immediately what was going on, and apologized to Gerson.
  • While parked on the side of a residential road, an old White man banged on Gerson's car window and yelled, "What are you doing in this neighborhood."
  • When playing Pokemon Go at the park, it is not uncommon for White moms to pull their children closer as Gerson walks by.
Why did I include negative experiences with other persons of color? One, because I would be sharing an incomplete story if I didn't. Two, the opposition to interracial relationships can be found on all sides. I would like to make it clear that I do not consider Gerson's conversation with his mom as part of this. I shared that to show the the cultural differences that people who oppose interracial marriages are so concerned about are not something to shy away from. We meet them head on and work together in patience, love, and acceptance.

When it comes to identifying my children, I am very adamant that they are White-Hispanics or White-Latinos. I want them to be proud of and be accepted by both races. We are able to claim this because their skin is a light tan. Biracial people who have darker skin tend to have a harder time claiming their White race. The comedian Trevor Noah said that the only people who are allowed to be White are the people who look White. Mixed people with darker skin have to label themselves as the colored part of their heritage. Trevor grew up in South Africa where there is White, Black, and Colored. In South Africa Trevor is Colored, here he is Black. Either way, he is not allowed to own his White heritage, which is really sad. We need to allow biracial people to label and identify themselves the way they choose to that isn't dependent on the hue of their skin. 

Over the past few weeks I have read several personal experiences from Black people, some who live in Utah. Compared to what they have experienced, Gerson's run-ins with racism are tame. But neither are okay. I encourage everyone to read up on the experiences of Black people, and ask yourself if you have done anything similar to the examples in their stories. Before I married Gerson, I made a lot of mistakes, and I still do. He has been patient with me, and I have learned a lot from him. Listen. Learn. Change. 

Sources:

https://www.jstor.org/stable/45063125?seq=24#metadata_info_tab_contents


https://www.deseret.com/2007/4/13/20012735/mixed-marriages-on-rise#susan-and-mitsuyuki-sakurai-an-immigrant-from-japan-have-been-married-30-years-it-has-been-40-years-since-the-u-s-supreme-court-struck-down-laws-against-interracial-marriages-utah-repealed-its-law-against-such-marriages-in-1963


https://www.deseret.com/2017/5/18/20612565/50-years-after-supreme-court-ruling-interracial-marriage-has-increased-but-varies-by-location#file-richard-p-loving-and-his-wife-mildred-pose-in-this-jan-26-1965-file-photograph-residents-of-caroline-county-virginia-the-lovings-married-in-washington-d-c-in-1958-upon-their-return-to-virginia-the-interracial-couple-was-convicted-under-the-states-law-that-banned-mixed-marriages-they-eventually-won-a-u-s-supreme-court-decision-in-june-1967-that-overturned-laws-prohibiting-interracial-unions-ap-photo


https://le.utah.gov/xcode/Title30/Chapter1/30-1-S2.2.html?v=C30-1-S2.2_1800010118000101


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interracial_marriage_and_The_Church_of_Jesus_Christ_of_Latter-day_Saints#19th_century_teachings_on_black-white_marriages


(I know that wikipedia is not the most credible source. However, the reason I linked it is so that the teachings from past Church leaders are in one comprehensive list. I double checked that each one I mentioned links to a more official and credible source.)