Sacrifices for My Family

Family Search's question for July 22 was: What decisions have you made that have had a long-lasting positive effect on your life?

The decisions I have made that have greatly and positively effected me started out as seemingly giant sacrifices: leaving ballroom, staying in school after having kids, becoming a Stay-At-Home-Mom.

Ballroom was the joy of my life for about 10 years. My freshman year at BYU I was on the 10:00 team in their ballroom program. (Team levels from top to bottom: Tour, Back-up Tour, 1:00, 9:00/10:00) My coach was extremely honest, and at one point said that those who marry someone who isn't a dancer have a lower chance of making Tour Team. (Of course there are people who make Tour Team while being married to a "non-dancer." I guess it just depends on how much the coaches love you.) I can't remember if I heard that before or after Gerson and I got engaged, but I was not going to sacrifice marrying Gerson for a possible dance future.

I didn't make the 1:00 team and I didn't make the next level of Latin technique class. Obviously part of it absolutely could have been my own talent compared to others; but looking back on how my high school coach had to convince them to give me a chance in the first place, I don't think I was someone they really wanted. I met with one of the directors and just got a lot of ho-humming, no real answers.

I got moved up to the 1:00 team two days after the next semester started. I enjoyed myself, but getting adjusted to married life and starting my major classes, I realized that ballroom could no longer take a prominent role in my life. I left the BYU ballroom program, and joined a less time consuming adult team at Center Stage. My old private coach, Chris Williams, was the director of that team. I danced on that team for nine months, and then school got more time consuming, Gerson was starting anew job, and we were getting ready to start our family; so I said goodbye to ballroom for good.

I really miss dancing, but I do go to BYU's National Dancesport each March to watch the team events. My mom comes with me, and so do my kids. We really enjoy it.

I still had a couple years of school left after Benjamin was born. I talked about it in my last post, so I won't spend too much time here. For the most part staying in school was easy, but there were a few moments where it was really hard and I was tempted to drop out. Either way you look at it, I sacrificed to be a mom to Benjamin and to continue my education. I put took longer to graduate so that Benjamin could spend as little time with a babysitter as possible, and I spent money on daycare and placed my son in someone else's hands. I don't regret finishing school, and I would do it the same way if given the chance to do it again.

Choosing to be a SAHM after graduating college was a no brainer at the time, but when Luna was about 9 months old I started to feel depressed and claustrophobic. I had frequent bouts of anger, lashing out, crying, and sadness. Part of my frustrations is that we still live in a two bedroom apartment, are bursting at the seams, and don't appear to be anywhere near getting a house.

After some lengthy and emotional conversations with Gerson, we determined that the source of my problems was depression due to being a SAHM. We discussed the possibilities of a part-time job, me going out, more frequent dates, etc. Since then, things have improved a little. Gerson and I increased our dates from once a month to once a week. I also have ladies night once a week with two of my neighbor girl friends. I still get stressed and sad about our living situation. If I worked we could get a house, and pay off student loans, and car loans much sooner. But every time I look for job openings, I get a bad feeling before I can apply. I know that being home with my kids is where I need to be. We have found ways to be happy and productive. The kids and I exercise in the morning, I am Benjamin's pre-school teacher, and we play outside after Luna's nap. Things aren't perfect, but they are much better than last year.

Giving up dance, having a child before graduating college, and choosing to stay home with my kids were all choices I never imagined making. But I know that this was the path I was meant to take. I know that I have made the right choices, even if they were hard and emotional at times. I'm grateful to have the faith that I do. And I know that I can use these experiences to help my kids with their own decisions.