Home With My Kids is My Promised Land

Before either Gerson or I graduated from BYU, and before we had kids, we didn’t know what the future held when it came to me working or staying home. We thought it would be ideal if I could stay home during our children’s younger years, but I was fully ready to work the minute I graduated. During Gerson’s last semester at BYU he found a paid internship, and when he graduated they offered him a full time position! Shortly after that it became apparent that we did not need me to work, but for the time being I would because we didn’t have kids yet.

When I got pregnant with Benjamin I struggled to work because I was so sick, and when school started again it made everything more difficult. So I quit my job at Dressed In White in order to focus on school and my pregnancy. I left without hard feelings, and knew if I needed to I could return there. Luckily that was not needed, and I graduated with my teaching degree and ready to be a SAHM.

We didn’t announce our decision for me to stay home, but if peopled asked we told them. Living in a predominately LDS area, we received an overwhelming amount of praise and support. I only received two negative comments, and even though it was only two negative out of dozens of positive, for some reason they have stuck with me.

The first instance happened while I was still in school. A classmate and I were discussing the future and when I told her my plans to stay home after graduation she asked, “Then why are you even finishing school?” I told her that I would eventually work when my kids were older, and it made a good plan B if something happened. She still gave me a skeptical look and the conversation died.

I think it is incredibly important that I have a college degree. Should something happen where Gerson alone cannot financially provide for our family, I can work. True, the starting salary for a first year teacher is not high, but it provides better opportunities than working hourly in retail or fast food. Also, when I teach my children the importance of an education, they have both their father’s and mother’s example to look to. And when my children are older, I will work. It’s better that I have my education now. Also, we have been commanded to learn as much as possible.

I can’t imagine a better education for me than what I got at BYU. As an LDS school my professors applied their content to the gospel. I really hope my children value education. Gerson and I like to tell them things like, “Being a nerd is good.”

My second experience happened shortly after graduation. I ran into an old classmate and I was pregnant with Luna. My classmate had a job in her area of study and was enjoying it. When I told her that I would be staying home now and planned to work later she smirked and said, “Well, good luck with that.”

I know that my chances of landing a full time teaching job after years of not teaching are slim. That is okay. I am willing to start out as a substitute or a teacher’s aid before I get my own classroom. My mom did something very similar when she went back to work. She started as the recess lady and a reading tutor, now she runs the Low Reinforcement Room (fancy word for detention and In School Suspension).

Why did these two experiences affect me so much? I’m not friends with either of those people; in fact, I can’t even remember one of their names. As mothers, we strive to make the best choices for our families. We easily frustrate ourselves with trying to be perfect; and so we focus on the very few negative responses instead of remembering the unlimited positive ones. We subconsciously become our biggest bully.

So why do I stay home with my kids?

I stay home with my kids because it is what is best for my family. My kids need me during the day, and I need them. Gerson needs me functioning at night (when I did my student teaching I pretty much did nothing other than lesson prep). I also need “me time”. I can’t have “me time” if I’m working all day and then cooking, cleaning and doing lesson preps all night. Without any guilt I admit that I love having quiet time all to myself when my kids take naps during the day and after bedtime at night.

I stay home with my kids because I am their teacher. Benjamin says more words and fuller sentences each week. I’m there to teach him those new words. I love witnessing his development. I teach him how to interact with Luna, and get rewarded when I witness him apply it. For example, one time Benjamin was playing with his toy train and Luna reached for it. I silently watched to see how Benjamin would respond, he tried to hand it to her and said, “Here go baby.” He looked confused when she didn’t take it from him so I told him that she wasn’t strong enough to hold it, but if he played with it close by her she could touch it. So he pushed his train back and forth from him to Luna so that they could both touch it. A few days later he put a toy car next to Luna and said, “Look Mama, baby play with car!”

I stay home with my kids because it’s my way of bonding with them. Luna is exclusively breastfed, and she is a total mama’s girl. It has been a meaningful experience for Benjamin too as he has learned how babies eat. Benjamin also spends every waking moment talking to me. He asks me to read to him. We sing and dance. And sometimes both kids are sitting on my lap. It’s not always easy. I have to discipline him several times a day. But every once in a while he shows that he is progressing in learning how to be obedient, or remembering what is a “no-no”. Watching Benjamin progress gives me hope that I’m doing a good job.

I stay at home with my kids because it’s what I want. I chose this. I want to be home with my kids. I love being home with my kids. It’s not always perfect, and I’m not always happy; but the majority of the time things are good. Every time I stop and think about it, I’m glad I made this choice.

I know I’m preaching to the choir here. There are hundreds of other blogs about how awesome it is to be a SAHM. I’m not saying anything new. But I needed to write this for myself, to remind myself that it’s okay that I chose to stay home. Because every once in a while I get down on myself for not working yet. I mistakenly think that I’m wasting my degree and money spent getting that degree by not working right now. But that is not true. I can use what I learned in school with my kids and possible future callings in Church. One day, I will use my degree in my own classroom; but for now, I’m going to enjoy being home with my kids.

I want to end with a thought that can apply to any situation, but that I personally applied to motherhood as that was on my mind when I read it:

“We should remember that to explore does not mean to inhabit, embrace or adopt. It simply means, ‘to examine something carefully, investigate, to travel to an unknown region.’ ‘To explore’ may mean we need to discover some new things to give ourselves a different perspective or examine new horizons. And it may also mean that when we explore new territory, we too may have to go through our own wilderness before we get to our Promised Land.” – Professor Brent A. Barstow, PhD (Caleb’s Creed, pg. 28-29)

I have explored motherhood as a college student, a “working mom” during student teaching, and now as a SAHM. In staying home with my kids I have found my Promised Land.