Toddlers in Sacrament Meeting

I recently came across a blog post on lds.org letting all of the mothers know that they are not the only ones who have wild and loud children during Sacrament Meeting. As I smiled, laughed, and nodded in sympathy and understanding I realized that it had been about seven months since Benjamin had behaved in such a way during Sacrament Meeting. Either we had figured out how to control him, or he had simply passed that phase of his toddler years, or a little bit of both. Whatever it was, he now behaves during Sacrament Meeting – for the most part.

It took us about a year to figure out what worked for us and him. I think part of it might have been our fault. We are late to Church quite often and many times take the Sacrament out in the foyer, and sometimes we spend the entire meeting out there. So when Benjamin was first starting to crawl and eventually walk, we would hang out on the couches and let him move around.

When we actually made it into the chapel, we sat in the back rows of chairs, which were in the gym. Other parents allowed their children Benjamin’s age to crawl and walk around the back of the gym, so we started to let Benjamin do that too. Several months later Benjamin was walking and running, way too loudly. At this point I realized that we had made a mistake, and we needed to change. We needed to teach Benjamin to stay in the row we were sitting on. He could play on the floor by our feet or on a chair in between us, but he couldn’t run around the gym.

This, of course, did not sit well with Benjamin because he was used to running around the gym or the hallway. He screamed, cried, and hit; and it was super embarrassing. We tried taking him out into the hall, but not letting him get down and run around. He had to stay in our arms doing nothing. That made things worse. He got more aggressive with hitting and kicking; and his crying was so loud that you could hear him whether we were in the hall or in the chapel. After that proved fruitless, we tried taking him to an empty classroom that we could turn the speakers on and still listen to Sacrament Meeting. That didn’t work for us either. We also tried a quiet book, toys, story books, snacks, and a kids app on our phones to keep Benjamin entertained; they never lasted longer than five or ten minutes.

At this point I was pregnant with Luna, and was running out of physical stamina to deal with Benjamin’s Sunday tantrums. I was also tired of constantly leaving and reentering the chapel/gym. So I decided that Benjamin could play with our phones, his toys, books or eat snacks on the floor next to our feet, or on the chair in between us, but the minute he tried to runaway we stopped him and told him he had to stay by us. If he threw a tantrum then all books, toys, and snacks were put away and he had to sit on my lap with nothing to do. He screamed, and cried, arched his back, hit, and kicked. It took all of my strength to restrain him, but I was out of ideas. Sometimes he cried for only 30 seconds, and sometimes it was a few minutes.

I felt bad that I was causing and allowing such a commotion during Sacrament Meeting, but I only got the stink eye a couple times, and they were from childless newlyweds. Older couples always patted us on the back and gave us hugs and told us to hang on, that it would get better.

Three long months after this new technique, Benjamin was finally behaving in Sacrament Meeting. He stays entertained with his quiet book or our phones, and eats fruit snacks. We have taught him to stay on our laps until after the Sacrament is passed; no playing until after we have taken both the bread and water. Teaching him to wait for the Sacrament was surprisingly easier. We asked him if he wanted bread, and he would say “yeah” and he would watch the young men and wait eagerly for it to get to us. We do the same thing with the water.

He still gets restless, and still tries to runaway sometimes, but he rarely throws the kind of tantrums that he used to. What I took away from this experience is that every child is different, and so different things work for different families when it comes to Sacrament Meeting. Letting him walk around, going out in the hall, going to an empty room were things I had seen other parents do; and when they didn’t work for Benjamin I felt like such a failure. I know that letting him cry on my lap is not common, and is not liked or encouraged; but it’s what worked for my family. And those that might have been bothered by Benjamin’s tantrums, probably don’t even remember them now.

When other families in my ward are dealing with crying and tantrums, I don’t look; because I didn’t like it when people looked during Benjamin’s tantrums. I’m going to give them the time that they need to figure out what works best for their family dynamic. If they want to go out in the hall, great. If they want to stay in the chapel, great. They have the same right to be in Sacrament Meeting as I do. And when I feel so inspired, I’ll give them a hug and tell them that they are doing a good job. I’ll tell them to hang in there. And I’ll tell them I’m glad they are here.

And behold, ye shall meet together oft; and ye shall not forbid any man from coming unto you when ye shall meet together, but suffer them that they may come unto you and forbid them not;

But ye shall pray for them, and shall not cast them out; and if it so be that they come unto you oft ye shall pray for them unto the Father, in my name. (3 Nephi 18:22-23)