About two years
ago I was visiting Gerson at work and struck up a conversation with one of his
coworkers. I didn’t know it at the
time, but I ended up saying something that offended her. A couple days later she told Gerson
what I had said. She admitted to
Gerson that she realized right after she was done talking to me that my
intensions were not to be mean, but she still wanted to inform him of what I
had said. When Gerson got home and
told me about the conversation I felt really embarrassed, and I usually turn my
embarrassment into anger. I was
angry with myself for hurting her feelings, and I was also angry with her for
telling Gerson even though she admitted she knew that I wasn’t trying to be
mean. I felt like she was
infringing on my marriage by trying to get Gerson to correct and fix me.
It took me a
long time to get over it. An
unfortunate trait of mine is that when something upsets me I hang on to it for
a long time. I don’t dwell on it
every day, but if I get reminded of it then I get upset all over again. However, I was about to make a choice
that would bring a positive change to how I handle my anger and my temper.
Soon after this
incident it was Christmas time, and my grandma paid for the next year’s Ensign
subscription for my and Gerson’s Christmas present. I decided to actually start reading more than the Visiting
Teaching Message. I wanted to make
sure that I finished one issue before the next month’s arrived. I really enjoy all of the articles and
stories! A few months into
consistently reading the Ensign I noticed that the little things that used to
get to me didn’t. For example when
another driver cuts me off I used to honk and yell and be angry. While it’s still annoying when
something like that happens – and a little scary if you have to slam on your
breaks – I have recently tried to stay calm, shrug it off and focus on driving
safely instead of yelling.
Shortly after I
found out that I was pregnant with Benjamin I started re-reading the Book of
Mormon. I tried to read one
chapter a night before bed. Of
course there were nights where I missed reading, but I didn’t give up like I
have in the past where weeks and months have passed before I read again. When I finished the Book of Mormon I
did something I haven’t done in the past either: I started reading the Doctrine and Covenants for the first
time. Yeah I had read passages at
church, but never on my own or all the way through. It’s still difficult to understand certain passages, but I
really enjoyed what I cold understand and definitely felt my faith increasing. I recently finished the D&C and
have started on the Pearl of Great Price for the first time.
Very recently in
Relief Society lesson I likened something I read in the D&C to the topic
for that Sunday. Right after I
finished speaking another sister corrected my interpretation of the verse. I was taken aback at first, but I
continued to focus on the lesson – and Benjamin who decided I could no longer
sit in my chair to keep him happy.
When I went home from church that day I did not complain to Gerson and
pout over the situation like I have done in the past. I have come to the conclusion that when in these kind of
situations both the listener and the speaker are in charge of
interpretation. It is very common
to say that we need to think before we speak – and that is true, don’t get me
wrong! But as a listener I also
need to step back and look at the situation before getting upset, it takes both
sides to evade offense. While
looking at my recent experience I realized that I had taken something out of
context in that verse and that sister helped me understand it better. Also, she didn’t start her correction
off with “I disagree” or “You’re wrong” or any other way to demean me. In realizing that, I was able to move
on from that small embarrassment.
I truly believe
that the consistent scripture and Ensign reading I have implemented into my
life has helped me develop more patience when it comes to my anger. The funny thing is I didn’t have those
intentions when I started reading, it is something that I just recently picked
up on. I know that in reading as
often as I can – I still miss some nights (gasp!) – the Spirit is with me and
helps me stay calm and forgiving in these situations. I don’t want you to think that I am magically perfect at not
getting offended or saying the right thing when speaking to others. But I am working on it. Sometimes it takes me a day or more to
take a step back and look at the situation from a different angle. I still get upset and lose my temper,
but I’m doing better at the amount of time it takes to calm down. I have also learned
something else with this experience: forgiving someone who will never apologize
because they don’t know that they hurt you (and in some cases don’t care) is
really hard, but when you do – oh the positive feeling is so worth it!
Of course there
are more ways than one to make positive changes in your life. I now invite you to think about a new
habit you have picked up or a change you have made either recently or years ago
that added positive experiences to your life. Write down what the change was and write down the
experiences you had because of it.
And/or if you want to make a change now write down what you want to do
and as you implement that in your life write down the positive experiences that
you have because of it. And
remember, Heavenly Father loves you and if you ask Him, He will help you with
anything you are going through.
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