Making Visiting Teaching More Personal

I am 23 years old as I type this, so I have had visiting teachers and have been a visiting teacher for only five years – and it still feels pretty new to me.  But I believe that I have learned a lot over the past five years, and I feel like I am a better visiting teacher than I was when I was at 18.  I want to share my experiences of being a visiting teacher and being visit taught, because I now have a testimony of visiting teaching, and hopefully something I say can help someone who is struggling with visiting teaching – not just struggling to go, but maybe needs some ideas on how to reach out to the sisters your visit or your companion.

When I was 18, my first companion was my mom’s age and made the appointments and gave the messages.  I was extremely grateful for this at the time because I had no idea what I was doing, and I didn’t even go with her half the time.  I was uncomfortable and didn’t like going.  Looking back my companion was so sweet to put up with me!  When I graduated from high school I switched over to a single’s ward I went visiting teaching twice during the year that I was there.

With getting married I went back into a family ward (not the same one), and something just clicked: I was determined to be a consistent visiting teacher.  I think what caused it was in my single’s ward my home teachers visited me every month, and that eventually encouraged me to be better.  So as soon as I knew my assignment I called my companion and set up a system to get us to visit teach every month.  Our visits were usually quick; we chatted for a bit and then shared a brief message.  It was very robotic and all about getting 100% each month.  I know that is what visiting teaching is NOT, but I think that is how it starts; because before you can gain a testimony of visiting teaching and become more personable, you need to just simply go and include the basics: set up appointments, go, give a message.  Then as time passes you will get to know your sisters and hopefully grow to love them, and THEN your messages and types of visits can and will turn more personal.

For me it took two years to learn that.  Shortly after my husband and I moved into our first family ward, we got called into the Nursery.  Because of that, my only connection to Relief Society was through my visiting teachers and my companion (the sisters I visit taught also had primary callings).  I grew to love and appreciate my visiting teachers coming over to visit me, and I loved going visiting teaching!  I loved talking to the sisters assigned to me, and I feel like I learned more from them than they did from me.

Of course, not everything was perfect, but we are meant to learn from these experiences.  One month I made the appointments and let my companion know when they were.  One of them was scheduled on a Thursday night, my companion asked me to pick her up from the Church for that appointment.  When I picked her up I realized that I had picked her up from our ward’s Relief Society activity – and it was still going on!  I felt really bad.  Being in the Nursery had kept me out of the loop when it came to the Relief Society calendar, and neither of my visiting teachers nor my companion had filled me in on the goings on of Relief Society.  Even though at the time I wasn’t interested in going to the activities, I would never intentionally take others away from them.

When my husband and I moved into our second ward, the Relief Society president invited me over to her house so that she could get to know me.  When the conversation turned to visiting teaching she told me that she wanted the women in this ward to visit their sisters the way they wanted to be visited.  She gave the example of a lady in the ward who liked her visiting teachers to visit her while they went on a walk instead of sitting on the couches in her living room.  Hearing that reminded me of the kind of visiting teacher my mom is.  She has visited a sister for years who is not active, and does not want my mom to come in and give her a message.  Instead my mom brings by treats with a card.  It has gotten to the point where if this lady is home she will talk to my mom out on her porch.  Since this conversation that I had with my past Relief Society President I have tried to be that kind of visiting teacher; where I focus on what my sisters want and need.  Sometimes they don’t ask you directly to do something, but you can use the spirit to learn and figure it out, and when you do it the joy in their face is great.

Also in the second ward I was in, I had one the most steadfast visiting teachers I have had yet.  Her companion only came with her once, but she visited me 2-3 times a month, not just once a month.  I’m not saying that every visiting teacher needs to do that, but it was what I needed at the time.  I was pregnant and taking a break from work and school; and it felt like at some of my most lonely times that I would hear a knock on my door and there she would be!  Even though her companion never accompanied her on those visits, she did call me at least once a month to check up on me and both made me dinner shortly after my son was born.  They were really good examples to me of following the spirit to help me out and meet my needs.

The current ward I am in now I do not have a calling, and so I get to attend Relief Society.  My first companion and the sisters we visited all had callings in the Primary.  Having been in their shoes before, I wanted to make sure that they still felt like they were apart of Relief Society.  So, I always brought them a copy of the newsletter and anything else passed out in Relief Society.  I also always let them know when the Relief Society activities were coming up, and offered them rides to them if they wanted to come with me.  None of them ever took me up on that offer, but they did always give appreciation for the invites.

I am now on a new companion and a new set of sisters, and I hope that I can learn their wants and needs and fulfill them and become a friend to them.

I now want to summarize what I have learned into some basic pointers about visiting teaching:

·      Start with the Basics – set up appointments, go to them, share messages.  As you do these things start to get to know your companion and the sisters you visit.

·      Learn about and meet needs – As you get to know the sisters you visit use direct communication and promptings of the spirit to figure out and then meet their needs.  These needs can be common needs like the type of visits they want, or they can be temporary like bringing meals when babies are born.

·      Don’t forget about your companion! – Even though your companion is there to serve these sisters with you, you two can and should also serve each other.  My last companion had a calling in the Nursery while I didn’t have a calling, so I always brought her stuff from Relief Society so she could know what was going on and feel included.

·      Be a visiting teacher more than once a month – Along with monthly visits reach out to your sisters in other times and places.  Say hi at Church, sit next to them in Sunday School or Relief Society, call them, invite them to do something with you… the possibilities are endless!

·      Be a friend – all of the things listed above can help lead you to becoming their friend.

Here is a link to more information on visiting teaching on the Church’s website: https://www.lds.org/callings/relief-society/visiting-teaching-training/purpose-is-to-minister?lang=eng

Now it’s your turn!  What have you learned from being a visiting teacher or being visit taught?  What makes your visiting teachers good for you?  What makes you and your companion good for the sisters you visit?  Men, don’t feel left out!  A lot of this can apply to home teaching as well. J  You can answer these questions by commenting if you like; or if they are too personal at least write them down in your journal or type them on your computer so that you have them for your own reference.  Either way I invite you to answer these questions in some way.

One final thought: Last week’s General Women’s meeting was all about unity among women in the Church.  I believe that visiting teaching is one way to reach that unity.