The Holy Ghost in Parenting

This past General Conference (April 2016) was the first conference where I posed personal questions to Heavenly Father through prayer as part of my conference preparation. For years I have heard about people doing that, but I couldn’t ever come up with any questions; so I would just ask that I would hear the messages that Heavenly Father wanted to send me. This year, however, I received a prompting that I needed specific questions answered. As conference drew nearer I still had no idea what those questions where, so I prayed for guidance on what questions I needed to ask. Afterwards a few came to mind! Questions I had been thinking about for a while, but had not spent very much time on – I guess the busyness of life got in the way?

One of my questions was: How can I be a better mother? Specifically, how can I be more patient with Benjamin? How can I be kind in moments where he needs to be disciplined? Sister Mary R. Durham’s talk “AChild’s Guiding Gift” answered those questions.

Sister Durham added five more questions:

1. How do we…kick off some of the weight of the world we carry, so we can keep our children’s heads and our own worried minds above the water?
2. How can we, as Paul counseled, “lay aside every weight”?  
3. How can we prepare our children for the day when they can no longer cling to us and our testimonies – when they are the ones swimming?  
4. How do we as parents increase the spiritual capacity of our little ones?  
5.  How do we teach them to kick off worldly influences and trust the Spirit when we are not with them and they are alone in the deep waters of their lives?

The answer to both sets of questions: the Holy Ghost. Sister Durham then gave 3 points on how to bring the Spirit into our children’s lives:

1. We can bring to our children’s attention when they are hearing and feeling the spirit.
2. We can prepare our homes and our children to feel the still, small voice. 
3. We can help our children to understand how the Spirit speaks to them.

I’m not sure if right now I can actually teach Benjamin how to know when he feels the Holy Ghost, because I myself am unsure if he’s feeling something, or just being a three year old. However, I can prepare my home to feel the Holy Ghost by me using the Holy Ghost in my parenting decisions. That was the answer I was looking for, I need to consistently use the Holy Ghost in my relationship with Benjamin.

As I have worked on this, two things have become important: 1) Acknowledging when I receive a prompting, and 2) Pausing and asking for help when I need it. As I have opened my heart more widely to receive the promptings of the Holy Ghost during parenting moments I have noticed a very interesting change in me. At the beginning most of my promptings came after something had gone awry; and so I was then prompted to do things like take a break, apologize to Benjamin, and try again. As I became more receptive to these promptings, I started receiving them earlier (or noticing them earlier), which allowed me to make any necessary changes before Benjamin or I lose control.

Bringing the Holy Ghost into my parenting has been extremely helpful as I figure out how to respond and communicate with Benjamin and his ever-changing, ever-developing personality and social skills. I’m not perfect. There are still moments where I have to apologize to Benjamin, or he ends up in time out and has to say “sorwy” to me or Luna. But there is now a lot more positive than negative in our home. I know as I continue to use the Holy Ghost during parenting moments, not only will I become a better mom, but I will also be able to teach my children how to feel those promptings as they get older.