Making Visiting Teaching More Personal

I am 23 years old as I type this, so I have had visiting teachers and have been a visiting teacher for only five years – and it still feels pretty new to me.  But I believe that I have learned a lot over the past five years, and I feel like I am a better visiting teacher than I was when I was at 18.  I want to share my experiences of being a visiting teacher and being visit taught, because I now have a testimony of visiting teaching, and hopefully something I say can help someone who is struggling with visiting teaching – not just struggling to go, but maybe needs some ideas on how to reach out to the sisters your visit or your companion.

When I was 18, my first companion was my mom’s age and made the appointments and gave the messages.  I was extremely grateful for this at the time because I had no idea what I was doing, and I didn’t even go with her half the time.  I was uncomfortable and didn’t like going.  Looking back my companion was so sweet to put up with me!  When I graduated from high school I switched over to a single’s ward I went visiting teaching twice during the year that I was there.

With getting married I went back into a family ward (not the same one), and something just clicked: I was determined to be a consistent visiting teacher.  I think what caused it was in my single’s ward my home teachers visited me every month, and that eventually encouraged me to be better.  So as soon as I knew my assignment I called my companion and set up a system to get us to visit teach every month.  Our visits were usually quick; we chatted for a bit and then shared a brief message.  It was very robotic and all about getting 100% each month.  I know that is what visiting teaching is NOT, but I think that is how it starts; because before you can gain a testimony of visiting teaching and become more personable, you need to just simply go and include the basics: set up appointments, go, give a message.  Then as time passes you will get to know your sisters and hopefully grow to love them, and THEN your messages and types of visits can and will turn more personal.

For me it took two years to learn that.  Shortly after my husband and I moved into our first family ward, we got called into the Nursery.  Because of that, my only connection to Relief Society was through my visiting teachers and my companion (the sisters I visit taught also had primary callings).  I grew to love and appreciate my visiting teachers coming over to visit me, and I loved going visiting teaching!  I loved talking to the sisters assigned to me, and I feel like I learned more from them than they did from me.

Of course, not everything was perfect, but we are meant to learn from these experiences.  One month I made the appointments and let my companion know when they were.  One of them was scheduled on a Thursday night, my companion asked me to pick her up from the Church for that appointment.  When I picked her up I realized that I had picked her up from our ward’s Relief Society activity – and it was still going on!  I felt really bad.  Being in the Nursery had kept me out of the loop when it came to the Relief Society calendar, and neither of my visiting teachers nor my companion had filled me in on the goings on of Relief Society.  Even though at the time I wasn’t interested in going to the activities, I would never intentionally take others away from them.

When my husband and I moved into our second ward, the Relief Society president invited me over to her house so that she could get to know me.  When the conversation turned to visiting teaching she told me that she wanted the women in this ward to visit their sisters the way they wanted to be visited.  She gave the example of a lady in the ward who liked her visiting teachers to visit her while they went on a walk instead of sitting on the couches in her living room.  Hearing that reminded me of the kind of visiting teacher my mom is.  She has visited a sister for years who is not active, and does not want my mom to come in and give her a message.  Instead my mom brings by treats with a card.  It has gotten to the point where if this lady is home she will talk to my mom out on her porch.  Since this conversation that I had with my past Relief Society President I have tried to be that kind of visiting teacher; where I focus on what my sisters want and need.  Sometimes they don’t ask you directly to do something, but you can use the spirit to learn and figure it out, and when you do it the joy in their face is great.

Also in the second ward I was in, I had one the most steadfast visiting teachers I have had yet.  Her companion only came with her once, but she visited me 2-3 times a month, not just once a month.  I’m not saying that every visiting teacher needs to do that, but it was what I needed at the time.  I was pregnant and taking a break from work and school; and it felt like at some of my most lonely times that I would hear a knock on my door and there she would be!  Even though her companion never accompanied her on those visits, she did call me at least once a month to check up on me and both made me dinner shortly after my son was born.  They were really good examples to me of following the spirit to help me out and meet my needs.

The current ward I am in now I do not have a calling, and so I get to attend Relief Society.  My first companion and the sisters we visited all had callings in the Primary.  Having been in their shoes before, I wanted to make sure that they still felt like they were apart of Relief Society.  So, I always brought them a copy of the newsletter and anything else passed out in Relief Society.  I also always let them know when the Relief Society activities were coming up, and offered them rides to them if they wanted to come with me.  None of them ever took me up on that offer, but they did always give appreciation for the invites.

I am now on a new companion and a new set of sisters, and I hope that I can learn their wants and needs and fulfill them and become a friend to them.

I now want to summarize what I have learned into some basic pointers about visiting teaching:

·      Start with the Basics – set up appointments, go to them, share messages.  As you do these things start to get to know your companion and the sisters you visit.

·      Learn about and meet needs – As you get to know the sisters you visit use direct communication and promptings of the spirit to figure out and then meet their needs.  These needs can be common needs like the type of visits they want, or they can be temporary like bringing meals when babies are born.

·      Don’t forget about your companion! – Even though your companion is there to serve these sisters with you, you two can and should also serve each other.  My last companion had a calling in the Nursery while I didn’t have a calling, so I always brought her stuff from Relief Society so she could know what was going on and feel included.

·      Be a visiting teacher more than once a month – Along with monthly visits reach out to your sisters in other times and places.  Say hi at Church, sit next to them in Sunday School or Relief Society, call them, invite them to do something with you… the possibilities are endless!

·      Be a friend – all of the things listed above can help lead you to becoming their friend.

Here is a link to more information on visiting teaching on the Church’s website: https://www.lds.org/callings/relief-society/visiting-teaching-training/purpose-is-to-minister?lang=eng

Now it’s your turn!  What have you learned from being a visiting teacher or being visit taught?  What makes your visiting teachers good for you?  What makes you and your companion good for the sisters you visit?  Men, don’t feel left out!  A lot of this can apply to home teaching as well. J  You can answer these questions by commenting if you like; or if they are too personal at least write them down in your journal or type them on your computer so that you have them for your own reference.  Either way I invite you to answer these questions in some way.

One final thought: Last week’s General Women’s meeting was all about unity among women in the Church.  I believe that visiting teaching is one way to reach that unity.

General Women's Meeting - The First One!

On Saturday, March 29, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints held its first General Women’s Meeting that included girls and women ages 8 years old and older!  A few months ago, when they announced that this would be happening, I got super excited and had this awesome feeling inside my heart.  I had the same excitement walking into the meeting; and because it is the very first one, I want to share my thoughts on it.

Unfortunately I was a little late, so I missed the beginning of the introduction.  But the first thing that I heard was that the opening prayer was going to be given by a Young Woman who was a brand new Beehive!  Oh my goodness, that made my smile so big.  Then while introducing the choir, Sister Bonnie L. Oscarson (the Young Women General President, who was conducting the meeting) said that the choir consisted of girls and women ages 8-80 years old!  It was at this point that I realized the meeting was not simply adult participants with child attendees; both adults and children were attending and participating.

Sister Rosemary M. Wixom (Primary General President).  Sister Wixom spoke first, and the first thing she did was have all girls ages 8-11 in the Conference Center and watching in their Stake Centers (my mom and I were watching at her Stake Center) via broadcast to stand up.  She personally welcomed all of them to the meeting, and then invited them to sing the first verse of “Teach Me to Walk in the Light” with her.  Then she invited the rest of the women to sing the second verse.  I thought that this was a really great way to start off the meeting.  It welcomed the younger girls, and helped connect all of the women of all ages.

To me, Sister Wixom’s talk focused on keeping covenants, and here are some quotes that were important to me:

·      “We are covenant making women of all ages… keeping covenants empowers us.”

·      She talked about how our journey is personal, that understanding our covenants will change our lives, and that we should use our baptismal covenants and the sacrament to look to the temple.

·      “Once you get on the straight and narrow…press forward.”

We then watched a video of women and children from 8 different countries singing “I Am A Child Of God” in 9 different languages. Then the congregation sang the first verse together.  It was so beautiful!

Bonnie L. Oscarson (Young Women General President).  Sister Oscarson began by talking about how this meeting is going to be important in the history of the Church.  She said that this meeting is the “most faith filled…assemblies of women in the history of the church,” and then added that probably in the history of the world as well.  She said that we are sisters to each other, and that as sisters we have an “unbreakable bond” that allows us to “take care of “ and “comfort each other.”

To me, Sister Oscarson’s talk focused on the unity and bond that LDS women need to have with each other; and here are some quotes that were important to me:

·      “We just need to relax and rejoice in our differences.”

·      “We really and truly need each other.” – With this she talked about influencing the younger generations, and how the younger generations can also teach the older generations.

·      She gave examples of how Relief Society sisters can welcome the new 18 year old in: “a friend to sit next to, an arm around their shoulders, an opportunity to teach and serve.”

·      She quoted Sister Hinckley, “women need women.”

·      And that we should “work hand in hand with righteous brothers.”

We then watched a video that to me highlighted women and the temple.  What stuck out to me were women of all ages doing their daily things, signing their temple recommends in the Bishop’s office, and then going to the temple.  It was that emphasis on the temple that stuck with me.

Linda K. Burton (Relief Society General President).  Sister Burton reminded us that we are daughters of God.  She asked, “What can we do to live with Heavenly Father?”  And using the answers that Jesus gave to those who asked him, she told us: to keep the commandments – all of the them, to lay aside the things of the world, and to follow Christ.  Essentially we are to become perfect, which can be stressful.  She said that the Greek word found in the scriptures that has been translated as perfect, also means complete.  So doing these things makes us complete; but we also need help, and help comes from the atonement, the Holy Ghost and other brothers and sisters.

To me, Sister Burton’s talk focused on becoming a disciple of Christ, and here are some quotes that were important to me:

·      Quoting Mormon, “I am a disciple of Christ, and a [son/daughter] of God.”

·      “Help Wanted! Disciples of Christ.”

·      Our thoughts, words and actions should say, “Here am I, send me.”

·      “It does not matter if we are not perfect or complete.”

President Henry B. Eyring (First Counselor of the First Presidency).  Two or three sentences in President Eyring said, “This is a historic meeting.”  Yes it is!  It felt like such a blessing to be able to attend this.  I wrote down notes and my thoughts in my journal while listening to the speakers.  Years down the road, when this meeting is a normal part of Conference, I can look back and read what I wrote about the first one!  President Eyring talked about how his mother helped him prepare for his baptism.  And it made me think back to how my mom helped me to prepare for my baptism (for the full story you can read my first post titled “ChelseyOrtega: LDS, Woman, Dancer, Book Worm, Student Wife Mother”)

To me, President Eyring wrapped up what the first three speakers talked about, and he ended with discussing Eve and her important role in the Plan of Salvation.  Here are some quotes that were important to me:

·      “Each of you is a daughter in the covenant.”

·      “You have been blessed…to find the way… and to be surrounded by others who can help.”

·      “You are more alike as daughters of God, than you are different.”

·      “Sister missionaries have become ever more powerful proselytizers and nurturing leaders.”

·      He also talked a lot about Eve as someone who helped her family press forward and live faithfully.  He said that we can and should be like her and use her as an example.  I loved it.

This was such a special meeting to me.  I could feel the spirit when I walked into the chapel, and I can feel it again now as I am typing this.  This truly was a historic meeting.  I felt like the theme of the entire meeting was to bring us women together in unity; which is why all of us were brought into one meeting instead of our separate ones like in the past.  We were told that we are sisters; that we can teach one another and we can learn from one another.  I feel like the women of the Church are so strong and so loved.  I am looking forward to attending this meeting every six months, and I can’t wait to hear the other talks in General Conference next week.

Obviously there was a lot more said than what I put into this post.  What I highlighted was simply what stuck out to me upon hearing it and reflecting on it.  I can’t wait to read these talks in next month’s issue of the Ensign, and I am looking forward to learning more and gaining a new or different understanding when I read them.  

If you want to point out something from this meeting that was important to you, feel free to put your thoughts in the comments.  If you don’t want to share them, then at least write them in your journal so that you can always remember your feelings about this day.  If you didn’t attend, then I invite you to listen to or read the talks on lds.org or when the Ensign comes out next month.  I believe that those who spoke in this meeting were inspired by God to say the things that they said.  The spirit was with them and I could feel it with me.  Whether you listened to the talks, or read them, I hope you can feel the spirit too; and know that God loves you.

Mayonnaise on Tacos

During the third trimester of my pregnancy I had a hard time finding the energy to cook every night.  On nights like those I had family dinners in the freezer that I could throw in the oven.  But, like all pregnant women, I had my cravings every once in a while.  One night, I was too tired to cook and none of the easy prep meals sounded good.  I had been craving pork tacos from Café Rio for a while (during my pregnancy my cravings would stay until I ate whatever I was craving, so sometimes my craving for a particular food item would last for days if I couldn’t eat it right away).  So I called Gerson and asked him to bring me some pork tacos for dinner – he heartily agreed because he loves Café Rio!

When Gerson got home we sat down and dug into our dinner.  I grabbed what I thought was sour cream and spread it on my first taco.  I quickly finished it (sometimes when you are pregnant and hungry you aren’t exactly proper at the dinner table), and began spreading “sour cream” on my second taco.  Right as I was about to take a bite Gerson said, “I didn’t know you liked mayo on your tacos.”  I looked at the container in front of me and realized that it was not the Sour Cream container, but the Mayonnaise container.

Water works.

“ I don’t!  I thought it was sour cream!” I said sobbing.  I threw my uneaten taco down and just cried and cried.  Poor Gerson tried to make it better.  He asked me if I had put mayonnaise on the first taco and I said yes; then he asked me if I had liked it and I said yes.  “Well if it tastes good to you then you can eat this one.”  “No I can’t!  Because now I know that it’s mayo that’s on here!”  (Still sobbing.)  Gerson then offered to go get me something else; no that made me embarrassed.  Then he offered to give me the rest of his pork salad; no that also made me embarrassed.

An hour or two later I ate a bowl of cereal.

Sometime after Benjamin was born, Gerson and I were telling this story to my parents.  This time it was not upsetting; it was hilarious.  I was laughing so hard I couldn’t even finish telling the story.  It was one of those moments where it was a catastrophe when it happened, and extremely funny later on.

There isn’t a revelatory message to this story; just that sometimes we need to look back and laugh at ourselves.  Which is why I typed this up.  I was having a rough day and needed to feel better, and this story always makes me laugh.  So, when you are having a rough day, revisit something that makes you laugh, something that can take your mind off of what is troubling you.  Write it down or type it up, share it or keep it to your self, and reread it when you need to.

On a side note: I want to give a shout out to Gerson for being so sweet during my pregnancy tantrums!

Pay It Forward: To Your Kids

I am guessing that most of you are familiar with the term, “Pay it forward.”  When someone does something nice for you, instead of repaying them, they tell you to “pay it forward.”  Then you do something nice for someone else and tell them the same thing.  I want to take this concept and apply it in a different direction.

A couple years ago my dad taught me to apply this concept to my future kids.  My husband and I fell into the “poor-starving-college-students” category and didn’t have the money to fix the alignment on our car.  My dad paid for it and when I asked him what kind of payment plan he wanted to make he said, “I’m not going to put you in the poor house just so you can fix your car.  Pay it forward to your kids.”  I soon realized that he didn’t just mean that for situations like this.  He meant that every way that he and my mom had taken care of me, he wanted me to give to my children.

Let me give you some examples:

Extra Curricular Activities – As a kid I did dance, gymnastics, played soccer and took piano lessons.  My parents paid for all of them.  Not only did they pay, but they let me chose what I wanted to do (which is why I did so much, I wanted to try it all).   As I got older and focused on dance, it got more expensive.  My parents still paid for it, but only certain amounts: required team fees, competition fees, one costume a year, and one private lesson a week.  Anything extra – which was usually extra lessons – I paid for.  The older I got, the more I paid for.  But my parents still helped me when I needed it.  My mom also attended every single competition and performance and filmed them, and my dad came when his work schedule allowed.  My senior year in High School the job I worked at went out of business, and I was jobless for four months.  My parents paid for more than usual during those four months.

Cars – My junior year in High School I signed up for early morning seminary so that I could take more academic and dance classes.  After a week of driving me to seminary at 6:00 in the morning, my dad decided I needed my own car.  So we went shopping and got me a 2001 Volks Wagon Passat.  At first my dad was planning on having me slowly pay him back, but he later changed his mind and said that he hoped that I would do the same for my kids (if I am in a financial situation to do so).  However I still had to pay for gas and any repairs and new tires.  So I still learned responsibility by making sure that I always had enough money for gas and emergencies.

College – Although I applied, I did not receive any scholarships or federal financial aid for college.  So my parents paid for tuition and I paid for my books.  When I got married they stopped paying for tuition, which was fine.  At that point I did qualify for financial aid.  My parents also let me choose which college I went to.  They didn’t try to convince me to move out or stay at home.  And when I chose to stay at home they didn’t charge me rent.

Travel – When I was 11, I got invited to join a two-week study abroad trip to Europe.  It was very expensive, and we couldn’t afford to send me that year.  Upon learning that the invitation was for more than that year, my parents made a deal with me that when I had saved up half of the cost they would pay the other half and send me the year that I had enough money.  Three years later I had saved enough babysitting money to pay half, and at 14 years old I went to New Zealand and Australia (that was where the group was going that year).

Choices - Besides monetary support, my parents usually supported my choices.  They supported my choice to quit the French Horn so that I could focus on dance.  They supported my choice to become a competitive dancer, not just a performer.  They supported my choice to take AP and IB classes, and when homework for those classes caused late nights, my mom stayed up with me and wouldn’t go to bed until I did.  And they supported me when I chose to get married at 19 years old.  Some of my choices they didn’t agree with, but they still allowed me to make and helped me learn from the consequences.  For example, one time I was dating a guy that they really didn’t approve of; so the rules about when, where and how I could see him were stricter than with my other friends.  Another time, I had several articles of clothing that were not modest, but I chose to wear them anyway.  My mom couldn’t make me change into something else, but she did voice her wish that I would find a way to make them modest or not wear them at all.  So her words would stay in my mind the rest of the day.

My husband and I want to do something similar for our son and other kids that we may have.  We want to find a balance between supporting them and teaching them responsibility and independence.  We haven’t decided on anything final (granted our son is only 10 months old), but we are already thinking about it.  Whatever we end up doing for our kids, we want to teach them to do at least the same, if not better for their kids.

I would like to emphasize that this is not the only way to parent.  This is simply what worked for my family.  What did your parents do that you want to pay forward to your own kids?  If your kids are already grown up it’s not too late, just what you pay forward will apply to where they are in life.  You can also give to your grandchildren as well.  And if you don’t have kids, but have nieces and nephews you can pay forward things that are appropriate as their aunt or uncle.  Either way, write down what you want to pay forward and apply it when it is time.  Of course you can still "Pay it forward" when it comes to helping out neighbors, friends and strangers.  This is just one way that we can help out future generations.

"Who am I to Judge Another When I Walk Imperfectly?"

A short while ago I was at the grocery store with my son.  It had been a big shopping trip, the cart was pretty full, and I had two items left on my list.  About halfway through the trip Benjamin started getting fussy, but I was able to calm him with his pacifier and toys.  Two items left to go, and his pacifier and toys were no longer keeping him happy.  I picked him up out of the cart and as I did so I said, “Good gracious, child.”  It turns out Benjamin and I were not alone in the aisle.  A complete stranger gave me a look and said, “He just wants to be held.”  I was really tempted to respond with, “Do you want to push my cart and I’ll hold my baby while I tell you what to put in the cart?”  Instead I said, “Apparently,” and hurried out of the aisle.

I was super embarrassed.  Of course I could have handled Benjamin’s crying better.  Parenting in public is hard because it feels like you are constantly being scrutinized by everyone else. As I drove away from the store, a lot of angry thoughts entered my mind.  Some included: “She is obviously not a mother or she would not have said those things to me!” and “When she has kids she is going to have a rude awakening, pushing a FULL cart with one hand while holding a baby in another is not easy!”

Later when I had calmed down, I realized that I had been doing exactly what I was upset with her for doing: judging.  Not only that, but I was her not long ago.  When I would see a mom struggling with her child(ren) in public I would say to whoever was with me: “When I’m a mom I’m going to do that differently,” or “I will never ignore my kids like that in public,” or “I will never yell at my kids like that in public.”  Well, now I’m that mom.  Granted Benjamin is only nine months old, so I’m not doing any hard core disciplining.  But I am doing things I never imagined I would do.  Like letting him cry himself to sleep.  I’m starting to learn not to judge other moms, because their kids are different from Benjamin, and what works for him might not work for them.  And in learning this, I have also learned about judging in general.

Hmmm… I don’t want to say learned.  Because it’s not like being non-judgmental is new to me at 23 years old.  Let me change that to re-learned or was reminded about being judgmental.

Leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have said some pretty great things about what can cause judgment to occur:

"We may often find ourselves making quick judgments about people, which can change or redefine our relationships with them. Often incorrect judgments are made because of limited information or because we do not see beyond that which is immediately in front of us." – Gregory A. Schwitzer in Developing Good Judgment and Not Judging Others.

"When a starter in a race says “get set,” the runners are in a state of readiness for the “go.” They expect to start running. Similarly, we sometimes have a set or expectancy about what a person is going to be like. Our set influences how we perceive him." – Kenneth L. Higbee in Judge Not.

Then there are also some great statements on why it is important to not judge:

“This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon. When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following: Stop it!

We must recognize that we are all imperfect—that we are beggars before God. Haven’t we all, at one time or another, meekly approached the mercy seat and pleaded for grace? Haven’t we wished with all the energy of our souls for mercy—to be forgiven for the mistakes we have made and the sins we have committed? Because we all depend on the mercy of God, how can we deny to others any measure of the grace we so desperately desire for ourselves? My beloved brothers and sisters, should we not forgive as we wish to be forgiven?” – President Dieter F. Uchtdorf in The Merciful Obtain Mercy.

"Even if our perceptions were accurate and we could perceive intent as well as behavior, we would still not be qualified to judge. The Lord indicated the reason for this in his Sermon on the Mount when he told us to not be too concerned about the mote in our brother’s eye until we get the beam out of our own eye. (Matt. 7:3–5.)… The judgment of the Lord is fair and just, because he can accurately perceive intents ( 1 Kgs. 8:39; 1 Sam. 16:7 ), and he takes these into account in judging us.” – Kenneth L. Higbee in Judge Not.

Even though we are discouraged from negative judgment, we are encouraged to exercise righteous judgment to help us make good decisions.  John 7:24 says, “Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.”  So how do we exercise righteous judgement?  Gregory A. Schwitzer, in the April 2010 General Conference, gave four pointers on how to do so:

1. "First, put your own personal standards in alignment with the gospel of Jesus Christ.”

2.  "Second, listen to the messages of the living prophet."

3.  "Third, cultivate with the Holy Spirit a relationship of listening."

4.  "Fourth, keep the commandments."

So we have been given some causes of judgment, why we shouldn’t judge, and how to exercise righteous judgment.  But what happens when a judgmental thought enters our minds?  Does that make us bad people?  I do not think so.  I believe that it is what we do with that thought that matters.  If we dwell on that though and tell others about it, then I believe that is judgmental.  But if we find ways to get rid of that thought, then we are heading in the right direction.  For me one way of doing this is to remind myself that I don’t know all of the details about why someone does a certain thing, says a certain thing or looks a certain way.  Therefore judging them is inappropriate.

I want you to know that I am in no way perfect at this.  I still have moments where I get a little far down the judgment road before I stop myself.  But acknowledging that I need to change is already a step in the right direction.  It is one way to follow Christ.  I believe that when we do not judge others we are happier people and allow the Holy Spirit to be with us.

Do you have an experience where you learned about judging others?  Write about it in your journal, and write down what you learned.  I invite you to write down ways to help you to not judge negatively, but to only judge righteously.  Righteous judgment is one of my New Year’s Resolutions.  I invite you to make it one of yours as well.

Christmas Traditions

Family Search's question for December 2nd was: What were some of your favorite holiday traditions in childhood?

I wrote this post back in 2013, but it answers the above question so perfectly, that I decided to add this introduction rather than write a new post. In the four years since I wrote this some of my wants for my own family have changed, but I'm keeping the original post the way it is as those were my thoughts in 2013.

In light of the upcoming holidays, I thought I would share my favorite family Christmas traditions. 

First Christmas Teddy Bear – I was only 2 months old at my first Christmas, but that didn’t stop my parents from giving me a gift.  They gave me a teddy bear that had a scarf and winter hat on.  The hat had “1990” sewn on it: the year I was born and my first Christmas.  My brother got one his first Christmas in 1993.  We obviously don’t remember opening our teddy bears, but we still have them!  This year will be Benjamin’s first Christmas; and I bought him a Teddy Bear wearing a red puffy vest with “2013” sewn on one of the paws. 

Christmas Pajamas – When my brother and I were younger we got to open one present on Christmas Eve; and that present was always pajamas.  We then would wear those pajamas to bed, and all day Christmas day.  This tradition only lasted a few years, but I really enjoyed it while it lasted.  It’s something I want to do with my kids. 

Count Down Calendar – This is also known as an Advent Calendar (I think).  Before I was born my mom sewed a giant candle onto a long piece of fabric, on the candle there are 24 plastic rings next to the numbers 1-24.  Before December 1^st my mom wraps candy in wrapping paper.  She wraps 24 sets of enough candy for each family member and ties them to the plastic rings.  We follow the days of December and unwrap one present a day, counting down until Christmas.  Because there is only one present a day, my brother and I took turns.  Every year we switched who unwrapped the odd days and who unwrapped the even days (because who ever got the even days got to unwrap on Christmas Eve).  Now my mom has added a piece of candy for Gerson (this year Benjamin is too young to eat candy), and my mom and I plan on making one for my home; until then Gerson and I get our candy in a bag.

Christmas Tree – Every year my family decorates our Christmas tree together.  The decorations on our tree are a mix of homemade ornaments and gifts from other people.  I used to think our tree looked cluttered because it had so many ornaments and they didn’t even match (I had always wanted to have a tree that had the same color ornaments or a theme like Disney).  But this year, while decorating the tree with my mom, I found myself enjoying the memories that the mismatching ornaments gave me.  I started calling it a “Memory Tree.”  I’m looking forward to when Benjamin and his future siblings are old enough to make Christmas ornaments and decorate the tree with me. 

Santa – My brother and I grew up believing in Santa.  Well, my brother grew up believing in Santa; I grew up creating stories about Santa.  When I was 5 years old I asked my mom if Santa was real and she told me something to the effect of: “Yes, but he is no longer alive.  His name was St. Nicholas.  He was very kind and gave people gifts at Christmas time.  Parents continue his tradition to honor his kindness.”  I know that there are more details, but I was 5 so my mom had to explain it in a way I could understand.  I’m sure that she also included that giving gifts also represent the Wise Men giving the baby Jesus gifts.  I’m glad that she told me the truth, because Christmas became fun for me in a different way.  My brother still believed, and I got to help him believe.  So every year I told him these elaborate stories about catching a glimpse of Santa, hearing his sled and reindeer on the roof, and showing him that the cookies were all gone.  It was really fun for both of us.  My brother was about 8 or 9 when he wrote Santa a letter asking if he was real and to circle “yes” or “no.”  Santa wrote, “talk to your dad.”  My dad told him the truth, and he took it really well.  We still do Santa gifts even though everyone in our family knows the truth.  It’s fun for us to say, “Thanks Santa!” and hug our parents.  And now that Benjamin is born we will all be “believing” in Santa again.  However, when any of my kids ask, my husband and I will tell them the truth just like my mom told me.  But we will still make it fun! 

Another thing my family does for Santa gifts is that the gifts from Santa are never the big expensive what-we-really-wanted gift.  Those were always from my parents.  Every year Santa gives us: a stocking full of peanuts, pistachio nuts, candy, fruit, and a toothbrush.  We also unwrap a Calendar for the next year, and something small (a toy when we were young, and a book when we got older).  Every once in a wile Santa would give us something expensive, but that was always a family gift.  Like one year Santa gave our family a DVD player (that was the year my brother found out about who Santa really was).  It was actually really fun to know what Santa was going to get us each year because then we would imagine what kind of Calendar we would be getting, what color of toothbrush, and what would be that small gift.

Sleeping by the Christmas tree – Once school got out for the Christmas holiday, my brother and I were allowed to sleep out by the Christmas tree.  The only night that we weren’t allowed to was on Christmas Eve.  We would spend the nights not sleeping.  Instead, we would play pretend with the ornaments, and make up stories about the ornaments, sing songs and tell Christmas stories!  We would laugh and be loud, and our parents would have to constantly remind us to fall asleep.  Eventually we would fall asleep.  It was so much fun!  If my kids ask me to do the same, I am totally letting them. 

Presents – Presents are obviously not unique to my family; but I included them because my view on presents has changed.  As a child I naturally was excited to open my own presents.  As I grew older I was excited to watch my family members open the presents that I had given them.  I have found that I have so much fun planning, shopping for and wrapping presents for my family members.  And I love watching their faces when they open it up.  This year will be Benjamin’s first Christmas and Gerson and I had so much fun picking out his gifts.  We can’t wait to help him open them! 

The Nativity – I saved the best for last.  My mom has three Nativity sets that are set up around the house at Christmas time.  When I was living at home I always called dibs on being the one to set up all three Nativity sets.  They have always been my favorite Christmas decorations.  This is what Christmas is all about: celebrating the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ, and not only celebrating his birth but following his example of charity.  Every year at my extended family’s Christmas party the cousins perform the Nativity.  The roles of Mary, Joseph, the three Wise Men, 2-3 shepherds are filled and then the rest are sheep and angels.  (And yes, my family is big enough to fill all of the those roles and then some.)  I have played Mary once, a sheep once, and an angel the rest of time.  In our little apartment I have two Nativity decorations.  I plan on getting more over the years because I want my Christmas decorations to be Nativity themed. 

Have a Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and Happy Holidays!

I'll Be Happy When... I'll Be Happy NOW

I love to dream and have goals.  I like to follow my dreams and find ways to accomplish my goals.  But I have recently learned that I should not wait until I accomplish my goals to be happy.  Of course there is nothing wrong with being happy when I do accomplish my goals, but I do need to allow other things to make me happy in between my goals.  Because if I don’t I will never be happy.  Because what happens when I meet a goal?  I set another goal, and another, and another.  And I’m focusing so much on what that future goal will bring to my life that I forget to look at what my life has right now.

At the moment I am currently working on two big goals: losing weight and graduating from college (of course I have other goals as well, but these two are the ones that work for my message).

The first week after I had Benjamin I lost 20 pounds, and the second week another 10.  After that, I was lucky if I lost one pound a week.  Once I had healed and gotten used to this new mommy-son schedule I started fitting exercising in as often as possible.  Like most exercise experiences I started losing weight right away, and then I hit a major plateau.  I went almost six weeks without losing a single pound.  I didn’t give up on exercising, but it was extremely frustrating. 

I eventually started losing weight again, but not as fast as I wanted.  Then I read an article online about how celebrities who lose baby-weight fast put pressure on the rest of us.  A weight loss specialist interviewed for the article made a statement that helped change my outlook: they said that “it takes nine months to change your body” (meaning pregnancy) “and it should take at least nine months to change it back.”  The article also reminded readers that celebrities have more money (and in some instances) more time to put into a fast weight loss program.  (I tried to find the article again so that I could post a link, but I couldn’t.)  It was August or September when I read this article, and Benjamin will not be 9 months old until December.  I started feeling a little bit better.  Then, in October I tried on my pants from before I got pregnant, and I was able to comfortably wear one of them!  A week later I was able to put away all of my maternity tops and bring back many of my tops from before my pregnancy.  I was making progress!  But I still have ten pounds before I’m at my pre-pregnancy weight.  And I really want to lose it before Christmas.

Another goal I am working on is graduating from college.  I took a break the semester that my due date fell into.  A lot of friends from high school graduated that semester and many more are about to graduate.  Me, I will not be graduating until April 2015.  I could graduate earlier if I was attending school full time, but I’m not.  It has been a little disheartening watching people graduate who are my age or younger while I still have a year and a half left of school.  But I have a graduation plan set in motion with my academic advisor, so I should be happy.

About a week ago I was cleaning up from dinner and listening to my husband play with my son, and I started thinking about my current situation.  I realized that I am generally in a happy place in my life.  I started smiling and couldn’t stop.  I decided that I am going to be happy.  Why shouldn’t I be?  I’m happily married, I have a beautiful son, I’m going to school – and doing well in school – I feel fit and healthy, and I love my family.  While I still want to accomplish my goals, I am not going to wait until I reach those goals to be happy.  I will be happy along the way as well.

As I went through this experience I remembered President Dieter F. Uchtdorf’s October 2012 General Conference talk titled Of Regrets and Resolutions.  One section of his talk is titled “I Wish I had Let Myself be Happier.”  There are of course several great quotes that you can take out of this talk, but here are two of my favorite (I also invite you to read the entire talk):

“So often we get caught up in the illusion that there is something just beyond our reach that would bring us happiness: a better family situation, a better financial situation, or the end of a challenging trial.  The older we get, the more we look back and realize that external circumstances don’t really matter or determine our happiness.  We do matter. We determine our happiness.  You and I are ultimately in charge of our own happiness.”

And:

“Sometimes in life we become so focused on the finish line that we fail to find joy in the journey. I don’t go cycling with my wife because I’m excited about finishing. I go because the experience of being with her is sweet and enjoyable.  Doesn’t it seem foolish to spoil sweet and joyful experiences because we are constantly anticipating the moment when they will end?”

I now invite you to think about what in your current stage in life makes you happy.  Write it down and save it somewhere.  I previously listed some things in my life that make me happy, but those don’t have to be the same things that make you happy in your life.  Write down everything that makes you happy, and when you need to, read it over, and find new tings to add to it.  And remember the words of President Uchtdorf: “We do matter.”