I am guessing
that most of you are familiar with the term, “Pay it forward.” When someone does something nice for
you, instead of repaying them, they tell you to “pay it forward.” Then you do something nice for someone
else and tell them the same thing.
I want to take this concept and apply it in a different direction.
A couple years
ago my dad taught me to apply this concept to my future kids. My husband and I fell into the
“poor-starving-college-students” category and didn’t have the money to fix the alignment
on our car. My dad paid for it and
when I asked him what kind of payment plan he wanted to make he said, “I’m not
going to put you in the poor house just so you can fix your car. Pay it forward to your kids.” I soon realized that he didn’t just
mean that for situations like this.
He meant that every way that he and my mom had taken care of me, he
wanted me to give to my children.
Let me give you
some examples:
Extra Curricular Activities – As a kid I did dance, gymnastics,
played soccer and took piano lessons.
My parents paid for all of them.
Not only did they pay, but they let me chose what I wanted to do (which
is why I did so much, I wanted to try it all). As I got older and focused on dance, it got more
expensive. My parents still paid
for it, but only certain amounts: required team fees, competition fees, one
costume a year, and one private lesson a week. Anything extra – which was usually extra lessons – I paid
for. The older I got, the more I
paid for. But my parents still
helped me when I needed it. My mom
also attended every single competition and performance and filmed them, and my
dad came when his work schedule allowed.
My senior year in High School the job I worked at went out of business,
and I was jobless for four months.
My parents paid for more than usual during those four months.
Cars – My junior year in High School I signed up for early morning
seminary so that I could take more academic and dance classes. After a week of driving me to seminary
at 6:00 in the morning, my dad decided I needed my own car. So we went shopping and got me a 2001
Volks Wagon Passat. At first my
dad was planning on having me slowly pay him back, but he later changed his
mind and said that he hoped that I would do the same for my kids (if I am in a
financial situation to do so).
However I still had to pay for gas and any repairs and new tires. So I still learned responsibility by
making sure that I always had enough money for gas and emergencies.
College – Although I applied, I did not receive any
scholarships or federal financial aid for college. So my parents paid for tuition and I paid for my books. When I got married they stopped paying
for tuition, which was fine. At
that point I did qualify for financial aid. My parents also let me choose which college I went to. They didn’t try to convince me to move
out or stay at home. And when I
chose to stay at home they didn’t charge me rent.
Travel – When I was 11, I got invited to join a
two-week study abroad trip to Europe.
It was very expensive, and we couldn’t afford to send me that year. Upon learning that the invitation was
for more than that year, my parents made a deal with me that when I had saved
up half of the cost they would pay the other half and send me the year that I
had enough money. Three years
later I had saved enough babysitting money to pay half, and at 14 years old I
went to New Zealand and Australia (that was where the group was going that
year).
Choices - Besides monetary support, my parents
usually supported my choices. They
supported my choice to quit the French Horn so that I could focus on
dance. They supported my choice to
become a competitive dancer, not just a performer. They supported my choice to take AP and IB classes, and when
homework for those classes caused late nights, my mom stayed up with me and
wouldn’t go to bed until I did.
And they supported me when I chose to get married at 19 years old. Some of my choices they didn’t agree
with, but they still allowed me to make and helped me learn from the
consequences. For example, one
time I was dating a guy that they really didn’t approve of; so the rules about
when, where and how I could see him were stricter than with my other friends. Another time, I had several articles of
clothing that were not modest, but I chose to wear them anyway. My mom couldn’t make me change into
something else, but she did voice her wish that I would find a way to make them
modest or not wear them at all. So
her words would stay in my mind the rest of the day.
My husband and I
want to do something similar for our son and other kids that we may have. We want to find a balance between
supporting them and teaching them responsibility and independence. We haven’t decided on anything final
(granted our son is only 10 months old), but we are already thinking about
it. Whatever we end up doing for
our kids, we want to teach them to do at least the same, if not better for
their kids.
