Impressions and Inspiration from General Conference

October General Conference was very special for me; and not because of the changes and temples announced - which were very exciting - it was because I really heard the Spirit speak to me. Past blog posts on general conference have just been basic summaries, but that feels robotic now. I write my conference notes in my journal, and this set of notes had a lot more personal thoughts than writing down just what the speaker said - of course there are some exact quotes and paraphrases that made it in. Not everything will end up in this post, but there is some stuff that I would like to share.

Elder Holland's talk opened up conference perfectly. The call to make Christ the center of everything is something we all can work on. It also really spoke to me when he emphasized that the changes made in policy and program organization are revelation; not bowing down to social pressure. For several years I have wondered if/how the prophets today receive revelation the way the prophets from the scriptures and even Joseph Smith received revelation. I have always believed that the prophet was inspired, but I just didn't know if God spoke directly to him anymore. What helped answer that question was about a year ago when Sister Wendy Nelson shared her experiences with witnessing her husband, President Nelson, receive revelation. What has also helped is the language President Nelson uses when he shares important inspiration. He often says, "The Lord has pressed upon my mind..." I remember learning that after the Doctrine and Covenants was completed, many church members struggled with accepting new revelation from the prophets because there was no more "thus sayeth the Lord." So the saints were taught that revelation isn't required to be verbalized that way, nor does it need to be officially published in the scriptures. And even though we have that assurance, it still is nice to hear the prophet clarify that what he is saying does in fact come from Heavenly Father.

The simple act of watching conference is a trial for me and my family. I don't expect my kids to sit down and listen, but I do expect them to stay in the same room as the T.V. and color or play quietly. Which they can do off and on, but this particular weekend was very rough. By the end of the Saturday morning session I felt very much like a failure. After an emotional phone call with my mom, I realized there had been good moments, and my children did learn. I had asked Benjamin and Luna to give me a thumbs up whenever they heard the words: Jesus Christ, Heavenly Father, or God. They did a pretty good job, and Benjamin even pointed out when he heard the word "gospel", and he asked me what the Spirit is, and what the word "promptings" means.

During the Saturday afternoon session, President Russell M. Nelson reviewed the witness policy changes that had been announced during the leadership session. He said that these changes should "greatly enhance family participation in these ordinances." When I first read of the changes from the Church newsroom article, I felt that this was a good way for children and youth to gain a better understanding and stronger testimony of these ordinances at a younger age, and that it would be beneficial for the family to be apart of the ordinances together. It is very helpful and validating for me to hear something in conference that the Spirit was already leading me to anyway. It helps me know that I am listening to and following the Spirit correctly, and that is a very comforting revelation.

The women's session is always my favorite. I go with my mom and watch it at her stake center. At first, nothing in particular stuck out from Sister Lisa Harkness' talk, but as I contemplated  later, I really appreciated her words. She talked about what it means to take upon us the name of Jesus Christ after baptism and how important it is. This wasn't a fluffy talk that we usually get from the Primary general presidency. Her tone of voice and the words she used were very serious. She wasn't chastising or lecturing, but it was very evident how important this message was to her, and it became important to me as well, and I really appreciated that kind of message.

Henry B. Eyring spoke about motherhood; he does almost every women's session, and I think he is always very respectful and reverent when he talks to the women about motherhood. He quoted President Nelson, "My work and my glory is to help my loved ones reach that goal [of eternal life]." He said that a mother's mission is a partnership with God. As I listened to President Eyring speak that night, I received a personal impression that I would like to share. At the second coming, what we accomplished in our earthly career won't matter, but what we accomplished with our children - how we raised them, what we taught them - will, and that goes for both mothers and fathers. Parenthood is a partnership with God, and parenthood is one of the most important services we can give on earth.  My children were Heavenly Father's children before they came to me. He entrusted them to me to raise them in this mortal life. That is a really big responsibility, and it should not be taken lightly.

Dallin H. Oaks' talk left me with a much needed validation that the relationship I have with my brother Michael is correct. Earlier this year I shared a post about accepting Michael's sexuality and respecting his agency. Since then, I have had several moments (due to the opinions of others) where I wondered if I went too far. However, President Oaks' comments about how to apply the second great commandment (Love thy neighbor) to the LGBT community matched the personal revelation that I had received earlier this year:

• Treat members of the LGBT community with love
• Never persecute those who believe or act differently
• Be kind, be more civil
• Seek divine inspiration on what to support and what to oppose

On Sunday night, Gerson and I had a couple's council to discuss conference and plan any changes and goals we wanted to make in our family. This is the second post-conference council that we have had; and it was really beneficial. It is definitely something I want to keep doing. I'm excited for my family and individual goals. I look forward to reading the talks in the November Ensign and studying many of them in Relief Society. 

4 Going on 14

Luna recently turned 4 years old, and the lucky girl got a whole week of celebrating. On her actual birthday I took her to Daylight Donuts for breakfast as a surprise. She chose Golden Corral for dinner, and we were joined by my parents and brother. We ended the night at home with Luna opening her presents from us and her different sets of grandparents.

The Saturday of her birthday week we had a friend party for Luna. Our dear friends from our apartment came. It was really low key. The kids played, and the adults ate and visited. It was really fun. Then on Sunday, we had Luna's final birthday dinner at my parents' house (everyone in my family gets to choose Sunday dinner the Sunday after their birthday).

It does not feel like Luna is 4 years old. Not just because time flies and I emotionally can't handle her growing up, but because she is cognitively advanced. She was speaking in full sentences by the time she was 2. She could sing the alphabet by the time she was 3. Not only could she recognize letters, but write them as well, and she can write her name. She took a preschool admittance test back in June, and the teacher told me that she has never met a 3 year old who can confidently sing the alphabet by themselves on command to an adult. Luna knows her last name - another thing the teacher said was rare in 3 year old children. Luna knew all the shapes, colors, and numbers. Luna can count to 100 by herself. The teacher said at the end of the test, "She is definitely ready for school." But Luna was not accepted to the preschool because she scored too highly. They wanted to focus on preschool students who needed more help in order to prepare them for kindergarten. Luna doesn't need help preparing for kindergarten, she just needs to go to kindergarten.

Unfortunately, for Luna, regardless of how ready she is, she might not get to attend kindergarten for another two years because Luna will turn 5 years old 2 days after the deadline date for school. I had heard of parents getting their children into kindergarten via early admittance, so I emailed the principal of the school Benjamin was attending at the time, and asked if Luna could be admitted to their 4 year old preschool a year early since I planned on applying for early admittance to kindergarten. The principal said that Utah law did not allow early admittance, so there would be no early preschool nor early kindergarten for Luna. She said that I could apply for her to take a test the year she was scheduled to go to kindergarten to skip kindergarten and go to first grade. I didn't feel like that was the best option for Luna because she needs to be in a classroom now. So I went to the school district and asked if Luna could be given that test but for kindergarten. I told them all of Luna's cognitive abilities. They said the same thing as the principal, that Utah law won't allow it. They said that private schools are allowed to accept early admittance, and I could go that route and then transfer her back to public school for first grade - but she would still need to take a test to get into first grade a year early. I knew we couldn't afford private school, and I didn't feel like I could take Benjamin to one school and Luna to another. I then searched out this law that the principal and district administrator had mentioned. This is what I found:

Index	Utah Code
Title 53G	Public Education System -- Local Administration
Chapter 4	School Districts
Part 4	Local School Board Powers and Miscellaneous Duties
Section 402	Powers and duties generally. (Effective 1/24/2018)

“

“ (6) Except as provided in Section 53E-3-905, a board may enroll children in school who are at least five years of age before September 2 of the year in which admission is sought.”

I interpreted that wording to mean that the decision was actually in the hands of the district, unlike what the principal and district administrator had claimed. I decided to email my representative in the Utah State Legislature, Marsha Judkins. Not only is Marsha my representative, she also has over 20 years of experience in public education before she ran for the State House. She spoke with the State lawyers and told me that yes, my interpretation of the law was correct. She further explained that the reason why many districts choose not to is because they do not receive funding for a student until the correct year they should start school. So, most districts don't want to educate students that they aren't receiving funding for. I understand that, I don't like it, but I understand. Marsha said that she would look into the possibility of changing that policy. It's been several months and I haven't heard back from her. I was really excited at first, but now I'm not holding my breath anymore. I'm not mad at Marsha. She's a freshman representative, so she probably doesn't have a lot of power right now. Gerson said, "At least you can tell Luna that you went all the way to the government to get her in school early." And we joke that Luna will be valedictorian one day. (Coincidentally, that's exactly what Gerson did. His birthday was 3 days after the deadline, so he was the oldest in his class. And he was a good student and graduated valedictorian of his senior class in high school.)

We have since moved to a different school district. Now that I'm more knowledgeable than before - and due to a casual conversation with someone in this school district - I'm going to see what I can do here, and it might be possible now. I'm not getting my hopes up too high, but I have to at least try so that I know I did everything I could for Luna.

Luna has the cutest imagination. She loves playing dress-up; and rotates between playing doctor, school, and princesses. She wears either her princess dress-up or Doc McStuffins dress up all day long. Whenever we go out in public I make her change into regular clothing. She loves Elsa, Tiana, and Ariel. She also has 4 favorite hair styles: down, ponytail, an "Elsa braid", and an "Anna braid."

Luna is very artsy. She loves to color with crayons and markers; and her absolute favorite form of art is to paint. She tears out coloring book pages and paints the image. Then when it is dry, she cuts the image out and glues it to a blank piece of paper and hangs it on the fridge. She is so proud of the picture she colors in Primary every Sunday at church. She retains everything she learns at church, and tells me all about it on the way home.

I am so proud of her, and I am so grateful that Heavenly Father entrusted her to me. I love my little Luna girl.

Family History, A Conversation With Grandma

A few weeks ago, I visited my great-grandma Virginia Hegstrom - she is my children's great-great-grandma! A couple of years ago I shared her love story with my grandpa. Throughout the weekend I got  to ask her questions about her life. I got a small snippet of the wonderful life she lived when she was younger, and I hope to get more information on future visits. Our conversation wasn't a formal sit-down interview - my aunt tried that a while ago with an audio recorder, but it was too uncomfortable for my grandma. So throughout the weekend I would ask my grandma questions about her younger years that connected to whatever was going on around us.

Virginia was born in 1925 and has lived her whole life in the Nampa, Idaho area. In fact, the house that she was born in is still standing; but the house is no longer in the family, it was a rental. With the information that she was born in that house, I asked my grandma if she had her babies at home or in the hospital. Her response made me giggle, "Oh I'm not that ancient! I had them in the hospital."

The house that Virginia currently lives in was built on land that has been in her family for several generations. It is decorated so beautifully, and I told her that I have always loved her house. I learned than an interior decorator designed the inside for The Parade of Homes. Since Gerson and I just bought a house, and the purpose of our visit was to pick up some furniture that my grandma was giving us, we talked about my new house frequently. Gerson and I lived in three different apartments over nine years before we bought our house. I asked my grandma if she ever lived in any apartments in her early married years. She said no, that they lived in two houses in town before they built the house they have now - which used to be surrounded by farmland, but it is slowly being developed. There is now a neighborhood surrounding my grandma's land, and a hospital across the street.

When I was a kid, my grandparents adopted a stray cat that they named Jack. A few cats tend to find their way onto my grandma's farm, and she will feed them, and they call the farm home by returning. She has never let them into her house, but they can stay on the porch or in the shed. Jack was definitely the most friendly of the farm cats in my lifetime. He was always on the porch and let all of us pet and love him. The other cats trust Virginia only. I asked her if she has always had a pet. She told me no, that she's not a great animal lover, but they did have a family dog on their farm growing up. Even though she claims to not be an animal lover, I think my grandma at least enjoys the cats since she feeds them and allows them to be in the shed.

Virginia attended elementary school in a two-room school house. The first room was on the first floor, and the second room was on the second floor. Grades first through fourth were on the first floor/room and grades fifth through eighth were on the second floor/room. I asked my grandma if there were multiple teachers or just one per room. She said it was one teacher for each room/floor. I asked her if the teacher would apply the content to each level, and she said she couldn't remember those details. That was still definitely different from how school is now a days - even in rural areas.

Virginia went to Kuna High School for her secondary education years. She told me that she wanted to go to Nampa High School, but was in Kuna boundaries, and that made her angry. Kuna is where my Grandpa Elvin, her husband, grew up and lived at the time. When she told me that she had been upset to go to Kuna, I said, "Well, it looks like it all worked out since you met Grandpa, right?" She chuckled and said, "Yeah, it looks like it."

What got us talking about her high school was me asking my grandma if she drove, walked, or rode the bus to school. She said that she walked to elementary school, and took the bus to high school because it was so far away. Because women have been denied other rights and privileges in the past, I asked my grandma if there were any social problems with women driving cars when she was young, she said not at all. She learned to drive when she was very young so that she could help her dad on the farm. I asked her if teenagers had their own cars when she was in high school, like many do today. She laughed and said no, that there was only one family car in most families.

Virginia grew up in a very religious family. She told me that she was in a guitar club and part of the uniforms were slacks, which her dad would not allow her to wear. He did let her wear the slacks for performances, but that was it. Elvin grew up in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Virginia converted to the Church several years after she married Elvin. I ask my grandma if Idaho was like Utah with a lot of members of the Church. She said no, that she didn't know that much about the Church before she met my grandpa. It didn't bother her that he was a member, and based on her words, I don't think the difference of religion was a hindrance to their relationship and marriage. I asked my grandma if the missionaries came and visited her when she became interested in the Church. She said that my grandpa just taught her and would take her to Church. Their oldest living daughter (they had three babies that went to Heaven early), my grandma Linda, was around 7 or 8 years old when the family got sealed, and she remembers going into the temple.

Virginia has been known as an excellent cook by her children and grandchildren. I asked her how she learned to cook. She said that she just watched her mom cook and learned from that. I wanted to ask her for more detail, but we got interrupted, and didn't get back on that topic. My mom told me that Virginia's mom, grandma Vassar, made homemade egg noodles that were delicious. The next time that I get to talk to my grandma I definitely want to talk to her more about her cooking experiences.

I have always had a good relationship with my grandma. While we were visiting, she got to see that my children have a similar relationship with my mom. I asked her if she had a good relationship with her grandma. She said, "Oh yes, but she lived far away." It turned out that "far away" was only five miles. I thought that was such a great perspective to learn, because my parents live 9 miles away, and I consider that pretty close. Virginia spent every summer with her grandma, and my mom spent every summer with Virginia, and Benjamin, Luna, and Lily spend every weekend with my mom all year around!

In one of the bedrooms of Viginia's house are some really special 4 generation photographs. The first photo is of my great-great-great grandma Bertha Bodle, my great-great grandma Bessie Vassar, my great grandma Virginia Hegstrom, and my grandma Linda Peterson (who was a baby at the time). The next photo is of grandma Vasser, Grandma Hegstrom, Grandma Peterson, and my mom Debbie Larson (who was a baby at the time). The next photo is of grandma Hegstrom, grandma Peterson, my mom, and me (I'm a toddler). The final photo is the four of us twenty years later with Benjamin. I love this collection of photos. It's such a special tradition to do these four - and now five - generation photos. We also have some with Luna and Lily in them as well, they just aren't framed.

I'm so grateful that I was able to learn so much about my grandma and enjoy such a conversation with her.

Lessons from Junie B. Jones

Benjamin finished kindergarten earlier this year, and throughout the school year we read the Junie B. Jones series. I loved the series when I was young. My favorite is Junie B. Jones is a Party Animal. I grew up going to and hosting sleepovers, but I never had one quite like that! Benjamin and Luna have thoroughly enjoyed the series - so far we have only read the Kindergarten ones. We'll read the first grade ones this up coming school year. It has been really interesting hearing Benjamin's reactions to the situations that Junie B. finds herself in. He points out when any of the characters are making bad choices or being mean, and I have helped him identify when they are being nice.

As an adult and a mom reading the series this time, I noticed some parenting/teaching lessons that I missed as a kid. There are a few times where Junie B. does in fact make a choice that warrants the discipline that she receives - like when she cuts her stuffed animals and her own hair, or when she colors on her graduation gown. Barbara Park helps the reader know when Junie B. knows that she is making a wrong choice by having Junie B. use language (Junie B. is the narrator) like "sneaky" and "quietly" to describe her actions. 

However, most of the time, Junie B. is just reacting to the circumstances around her. She still needs guidance and correction, but I don't think she needs to be yelled at by her teacher or parents as often as she does. In fact, reading the series has made me check how often I yell at my kids - I'm not perfect at it, but I'm working on it. Which, I think, might have been Barbara Park's intentions. I really love how Junie B's grandpa Frank Miller and the school principal treat her. They are both so patient with her, and they aren't as put off by her little quirks the way other adults in her life are. They are great examples on how to interact with children.

Like any series,  the side characters - Junie B's classmates - really bring the stories to life and teach great lessons about kindness and friendship.

Grace is, in my opinion, the kindest kindergartner in Room 9. She's honest and tells it like it is, but she rarely gets angry nor misbehaves. I think her character is a great role model.

Lucille is a product of her grandmother's spoiling. Honestly, she is not kind, but at that age it isn't her fault because her grandmother raised her that way. Junie B. and Grace are friends with Lucille regardless of her less than gracious language towards them. They will defend themselves when they need to, but I like how they constantly turn the other cheek and continue to play with Lucille. At the same time, however, Benjamin has had friends that, like Lucille, are

not consistently nice to him or others. It got to the point where I told Benjamin that he had two choices: walk away from that kid and no longer play with them, or shrug it off.  With the exception of a few incidents that absolutely needed to be addressed, Benjamin - bless his heart - chose to shrug off the mean things that kid would do and continue playing with them. I was honestly hoping that Benjamin would choose to walk away from that friendship, but the important thing is he made the decision that he wanted to make. I didn't make him stay friends with that kid.

"cry baby William" as Junie B. calls him, is the Neville Longbottom of Junie B. Jones. He is scared of everything, and cries easily. This time reading the series, I saw Benjamin in William. Benjamin has anxiety, and my heart was softened towards William as I saw the similarities between my own son and this character. Then, in one of the last books of the kindergarten series, Junie B. Jones is Captain Field Day, William gains his entire class's love and respect when he is able to do pull ups on the monkey bars when no one else is able to for the field day activities. He is a perfect example to not judge on the outside, and to give everyone a chance. I love William.

"meanie Jim" sent me two strong messages in two different books. In Junie B. Jones and Meanie Jim's Birthday, Jim invites every kid in his class to his birthday party except Junie B. He gets in trouble with his mom and the principal, and is forced to give Junie B. an invitation. On the day of the

party, Junie B. is on her way to his party when she changes her mind and she goes to her grandparents' house instead and spends the day there. Even though she wanted an invitation, she didn't actually want to go to his party because he is mean to her. The weeks leading up to Benjamin's birthday I felt stress if I should invite the whole class. There seems to be a collective attitude online that you either invite the whole class or don't invite anyone. I knew I couldn't spend the money it would take to host his entire class, and we didn't have room in the small apartment we lived in at the time. I decided to ask Benjamin who he wanted to invite, and wrote down the names that he said. He chose to invite six boys from his class. I asked his teacher what her rules were on birthday invitations, and she said that it was best to come the last five minutes of class. She said some kids would get their feelings hurt, but it was okay. I'm glad she had that attitude because I agree, we aren't going to get invited to everything, and it's important to learn that early. Now, in Junie B.'s situation, it is wrong to invite all but one, but it's completely okay to invite a few and not the rest. Three kids in Benjamin's class did express disappointment in not getting invited. I remained silent and let Benjamin handle it, and he kindly said, "Maybe next time."

In Junie B. Jones and the Mushy Gushy Valentine, Junie B. receives a Valentine gift from a secret

admirer. It turns out that the valentine is from meanie Jim! Junie B. is understandably surprised, he has been mean to her the whole school year. She asks him why he is so mean to her if he likes her. Jim tells her that she makes school interesting, and it wouldn't be interesting anymore if everyone knew, so he asks her to keep it a secret and act like nothing has changed. She agrees. This plot fits right into "boys will be boys" and "he's mean to you because he likes you." Which, of course is a big no-no in today's society. Something interesting that Barbara Park does is she neither condones nor condemns Jim's actions with her words in that book or future books, but her silence in future books sends a clear message. In all of the books after  the Mushy Gushy Valentine, Junie B. never mentions Jim's feelings for her. He's still meanie Jim, and she continues to defend herself. As the narrator, Junie B. never reminds the reader that her fighting with Jim is just for pretend so the class doesn't know he likes her. I think that tells us what Barbara Park thinks of that kind of behavior, and what she wants Junie B. to think of it too: that it's not okay, and therefor not worth giving attention to.

I highly recommend reading the Junie  B. Jones series to your children. Today was Benjamin's first day of first grade, and I can't wait to start reading the Junie B. Jones first grader series!

My Mighty Change of Heart: My Journey to Accepting My Brother's Sexuality

Most of you know that I am an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Many of you also know that my brother, Michael, is gay. Unfortunately, some of my responses have not been best, but my heart has recently changed; and I say better late than never.

Michael came out to me privately on December 30, 2013, and he came out publicly on January 2, 2014. I struggled for the first few years. I never stopped loving Michael, I never looked down on him, and I never viewed him as lesser. But I did feel sad for him, and I felt sad watching him go on a rollercoaster trying to figure out where he fit in in the world and in the Church. I struggled and felt conflicted with what and how I wanted to teach my children about Michael's sexuality while remaining steadfast in the gospel. And I struggled with how to navigate my testimony of the doctrine on the family, and how to best support Michael. Do I allow my children to meet his partner(s)? If Michael gets married, do I attend his wedding?

I also felt hurt and angry that my parents had known for years and I had been kept out of that knowledge until 3 days before Michael told everyone else. Michael and I are the only children our parents have, and I am the older sibling. If I had been the younger sibling I could understand not telling me. If we had more siblings I could also understand not telling me. But I was literally the only person in my house who did not know. I did know something was going on. I knew private conversations were happening. And it hurt that it was kept from me. In the past six months Michael and I have been able to heal from those years of secrecy, and we are fine now.

In the beginning, I encouraged Michael to find a woman who he could be best friends with and marry as a best friend. I encouraged this because I thought that was what he wanted, and early on that is what Michael communicated to me that he thought he wanted that. When he changed his mind, it took me longer to get on board. I just wanted Michael to find a way to be happy living the gospel the way I was living it. I wasn't trying to be harmful, everything came from a place of love.

I started to see some cracks in my thoughts - and people who share the same thoughts - when one of Michael's singles ward bishops tried to put Michael through a disciplinary council, and possible excommunication. I'm not going to go into a lot of detail because it's not my story to tell. Michael's stake president put a stop to it and said no, that Michael did not need to be put before a disciplinary council. It broke my heart to hear that someone viewed my little brother like that.

I also started to question if I was going about this correctly when I heard some people say, "I don't go to family events if my gay cousin is there with their partner because I don't want my children to see that." My passive, non contentious side said nothing, but on the inside I was screaming, "When it's your sibling or your child it is so different! If I did that, I would never see my brother."

I also can't support attitudes that believe we need to be constantly preaching against LGBT lifestyles. Believe me, they know the Church's teachings. They don't need weekly reminders. I'm not going to lecture Michael every time he goes on a date. We all need to get to the point where we step back and respect individual agency. If the family is the most important aspect of the gospel, then contention due to the exercise of agency is not going to help with a loving family atmosphere.

My dad has been inactive for 14 years. A few years ago I told my mom how angry I was at dad. My mom told me that if I'm angry instead of loving, how will my dad ever view the Church positively? Michael is the same. How is he supposed to feel loved by members of the Church, if all we do is lecture him on his lifestyle?

In addition to all of this, I'm not going to criticize the leaders of the Church. I'm not going to demand changes to doctrine. I still have a testimony of the Church of Jesus Christ and his gospel. There are some things I don't understand. I still have struggles with certain topics and information. But I have faith that answers will come. I have faith that everything will eventually work out. And I have faith that following the prophets, even amongst human mistakes, will bring blessings.

In the past year I have received several personal revelations on how to improve my relationship with Michael. I have told Michael that he is welcome to talk to me about men that he is seeing. I have told him that we will welcome anyone he might want to bring to family dinner. So far we haven't met anyone yet, but the openness is there.

Recently, Heavenly Father has prepared me ahead of time for certain announcements and statements made by Church leaders. Thoughts and inspiration will come to me and then not too long after, something will be said that matches my personal revelation. This recently happened with the updated baptism and apostasy policies.

A few weeks ago while questioning - for the umpteenth time - if it would be okay to attend Michael's possible future wedding, I received the inspiration to view gay marriage the way I view a member to a non-member marriage. My sister-in-law married a man who is not a member of the Church, and we love and accept him. I can view Michael's potential spouses the same.

Then, the first Presidency announced:

"At the direction of the First Presidency, President Oaks shared that effective immediately, children of parents who identify themselves as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender may be baptized without First Presidency approval if the custodial parents give permission for the baptism and understand both the doctrine that a baptized child will be taught and the covenants he or she will be expected to make.

A nonmember parent or parents (including LGBT parents) can request that their baby be blessed by a worthy Melchizedek Priesthood holder. These parents need to understand that congregation members will contact them periodically, and that when the child who has been blessed reaches 8 years of age, a Church member will contact them and propose that the child be baptized.

Previously, our Handbook characterized same-gender marriage by a member as apostasy. While we still consider such a marriage to be a serious transgression, it will not be treated as apostasy for purposes of Church discipline. Instead, the immoral conduct in heterosexual or homosexual relationships will be treated in the same way.

The very positive policies announced this morning should help affected families. In addition, our members’ efforts to show more understanding, compassion and love should increase respect and understanding among all people of goodwill. We want to reduce the hate and contention so common today. We are optimistic that a majority of people — whatever their beliefs and orientations — long for better understanding and less contentious communications. That is surely our desire, and we seek the help of our members and others to attain it."

I believe that my personal inspiration matches what was announced at the leadership conference. I'm not trying to say that I receive revelation for the Church. But I very strongly believe that God does speak to me, and the changes I have made to help my brother feel more loved and welcome were inspired by God.

A few years ago Elder Uchtdorf said,

"That Day of Judgment will be a day of mercy and love—a day when broken hearts are healed, when tears of grief are replaced with tears of gratitude, when all will be made right.

Yes, there will be deep sorrow because of sin. Yes, there will be regrets and even anguish because of our mistakes, our foolishness, and our stubbornness that caused us to miss opportunities for a much greater future.

But I have confidence that we will not only be satisfied with the judgment of God; we will also be astonished and overwhelmed by His infinite grace, mercy, generosity, and love for us, His children. If our desires and works are good, if we have faith in a living God, then we can look forward to what Moroni called “the pleasing bar of the great Jehovah, the Eternal Judge.”

This quote has helped give me peace for my family being less than perfect in our religious circumstances. It allows me to step back and breathe. It has helped me respect the agency of others, while still living my beliefs. My family is sealed together, and everything will work out for us. I don't know exactly how things will work out, I simply have faith that they will.

I know now that I can share my testimony while giving Michael room to breathe and figure things out for himself. I need to respect his agency. But I also don't regret many of the things I have said and thought because I can't change the past and it was part of my learning and growing. Some things I have apologized to Michael for, and that's between us, and our relationship is strong and loving.

I'm sure some of you are feeling appalled at some of the things you have read in this post. Why couldn't I have just supported him right away? Because I am human, and therefore am imperfect. I have imperfect human emotions and feelings, and I am allowed the time to navigate them and figure it out for myself.  I think it's extremely hypocritical to try to encourage change and when someone does to fire back with "You should have never thought that in the first place! Too little, too late!" It's more important that I got here eventually, than getting her perfectly. And I would appreciate my past not being held against me.

On the reverse side, I am not breaking temple covenants, ignoring the doctrine, nor encouraging sin. I am loving my brother the way that I have been inspired to love him. I still believe the Church is true. I believe the leaders are chosen by God. And I believe in personal revelation.

Because I believe in personal revelation, I don't think that what I have shared is a one-size-fits-all solution to this complex topic. Other families may receive different answers, and that's fine. I just wanted to publicly share my love and support for my brother Michael.

My Village is not Dead

"It takes a village."
"The village is dead."

 Have you ever heard or read either of those phrases before? Parents of today feel an enormous pressure to do it alone, and to do it perfectly. The mom at the grocery store with a screaming baby or toddler is judged instead of helped. It is very difficult for a family to survive on one income, and at the same time the price of daycare often makes a second working parent not worth it. And in some families, extended family members prefer their relationships with nieces, nephews, and grandchildren to be only during the holidays, and sometimes less than that or non-existent!

It took me six years of being a mom to realize this, but I am happy to say that my village is not dead. I have a village made up of family members and neighbors who are a part of my children's lives, and I love those people so much, and am so grateful to them!

My parents and brother are a part of my village. They live seven minutes away, and all of us utilize that. We have dinner at their house every Sunday. Everyone pitches in with feeding, diaper changes, playing, reading, and baths. Back in 2016 I was in a rough spot emotionally, and my mom suggested that Gerson and I up our monthly dates to weekly dates. She said to pick a night, Friday or Saturday, she would watch Benjamin and Luna (now Lily also), and the night we didn't choose would be date night for her and my dad. She offered that, I didn't ask; but I do think that young parents shouldn't feel guilty for asking family to watch their children so they can have a date night. My parents invite B&L to sleepover about once a month as well (Lily will join when she is old enough). While this does provide much needed alone time with Gerson, it also strengthens my children's relationship with their grandma and papa - that relationship is really important! They have also bought needed items for B,L,&L when finances have been tight for us. My brother reads to them, he plays with them, he also babysits every once in a while. They love Uncle Michael, he is the favorite uncle.

My in-laws are a part of my village. Gerson's family lives in California, so they can't help in the way that my parents do; but they still love their grandchildren and provide love and support where they can. Whenever we see them, they always give us clothing for the kids, and that is extremely helpful. They provide encouragement and support in how Gerson and I are choosing to raise our children. Gerson's sisters always let B&L sit on their laps, hold their hands, and cuddle with them. And we maintain communication through phone calls and Skype. B,L,&L love their Abuelito, Abuelita, and tías.

My extended family is a part of my village. My grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins have all taken an interest in B,L,&L. They give them love and attention at family gatherings. They help feed them, play with them, comfort them. My parents recently took B&L to visit my dad's mom for a few days, and my cousin and uncle went to the grocery store to buy B&L's favorite cereal for their breakfast while they were there. The love that my family has for my children just warms my heart.

My neighbors are a part of my village. I have two wonderful neighbors that have become honorary tías to my children. We bonded while watching The Bachelor together, and our children are the same age, so the friendships on all levels worked. They are safe adults in my children's lives. B&L play in their homes, I can call on them to babysit - and have also taken care of their kids. I can tell them about my struggles without feeling shame or embarrassment, and receive support and advice. I can also comfortably ask for an ingredient I am out of while making dinner, and they do the same with me. We rarely replace what we borrowed, because we are family. (Off the top of my head I can only think of two times where I requested a replacement because I was using that ingredient the next day and couldn't get to the store when they could.) On top of all of that, we simply are best friends, and we love each other! I love the community we have created, and am sad that location-wise, the closeness is temporary since we are in apartments, and we all will one day move away. 😭 But I plan on staying connected, and

hopefully our children will remain friends as well!

I don't think that the village is truly dead, but I do think it takes love and effort to make it successful! It took me 6 years to realize that I had a village - and to accept that it's okay to need help. Children need more than just their parents. Children need other adults in their life who are safe, loving, and supportive. I am so grateful that my children have that.

Princess Mononoke and the Right to Live

*Disclaimer: Everything I say about this movie is from a Western-Christian point of view. I am in no way trying to speak for the original intent of the writers and producers.

Once a week my brother and I try to get together and watch a movie. We take turns picking and introducing each other to our favorites. My brother is a huge fan of Studio Ghibly (we grew up loving Kiki's Delivery Service), and he has picked his top favorites to show me. So far we have watched (in this order):

Castle in the Sky (Loved!)
Spirited Away (Terrified me, never again.)
Howl's Moving Castle (It was enjoyable, but I had some problems with it.)
Princess Mononoke (LOVED!)

The basic story line of Princess Mononoke is that humans are destroying the forests for industrialism, and the spirit animals (called gods) are at war with the humans to protect the forests. The main character, Ashitaka, comes from a distant village and is unaware of the conflict until he accidentally finds himself in the middle of it. Lady Eboshi is the leader of Irontown where they dig up iron for profit and cut down the forest for building. San, a human who was raised by the the wolf god, helps the wolf clan fight the humans and protect the forest. Ashitaka, as a stranger and outsider, is not emotionally attached to only one side, and wants everyone to coexist peacefully.

In this movie, hate has the power to become a literal demon within those who allow hate to grow in their hearts (mixed with some other stuff, but I'm not going to give the whole movie away). Hate encourages both humans and animals to kill. Ashitaka tries to convince both humans and animals to let go of their hate, stop killing, and live. The Great Spirit, also called the Night Walker, represents a Creator being, and is in charge of both life and death. He is supposed to be the only being in charge of creating life and taking it away.

Due to my Latter-day Saint background, I couldn't help but notice a similarity between Heavenly Father and the Great Spirit, and Hate and Satan. The Great Spirit is all seeing and all knowing, and is the only spirit/god to see Ashitaka for who he really is (the other gods fear and hate him simply for being human).The Great Spirit has a few moments of saving characters who have not reached their time, and allowing others to die when it is their time. Hate encourages killing of the "other," greed, and anger. Ashitaka seems to be the only character who truly understands that the Great Spirit is supposed to be the only being in charge of life and death, and it's that message that got me thinking about hate, life, and death in the real world.

Heavenly Father is the creator of life, and it is supposed to only His power to take earthly life away. But as Satan encourages hate among mankind, we end up killing each other and sometimes ourselves - this killing can be literal or emotional, fast or slow. Here are some common ways in which mankind kills:

• Murder
• Abortion
• Neglect
• War (Of course, there are times where war is necessary)
• Suicide (I understand suicide is very complex, and I know I am not an expert. I am not judging anyone who has taken their life or attempted to take their life, and I know that God knows what is in their hearts.)
• Over eating/under eating
• Over exercise/under exercise
• Seeking perfection
• Harmful words against others or oneself
• Working too much/not working enough
• Judging others or oneself

I'm sure more can be added to the list.

We need to let go of our hate for others or ourselves and live. Heavenly Father blessed us with life, we can thank Him by living our best life. No, we won't be completely free from trials, pain, and temptations, but we can use His help to overcome them or live through them, and find joy. No, I'm not perfect, and I'm not trying to look down on anyone. This movie simply touched me very deeply and I wanted to share my feelings about it. My hope and goal is to start ask myself when I am making a decision, "Does this decision allow myself and others it affects to live?"

If you have seen the movie, I would love to hear your thoughts about it. If you haven't seen the movie, watch it! It is so good!

 

Lily's Winter ONEderland

At the end of last year, Lily turned one! Oh my goodness, I can't believe it. At this point she says Mama, Dada, Hi, and lots of gibberish - but it's not gibberish to her, you can tell by her tone of voice and facial expressions that she knows what she is saying. She can stand for several seconds without support, she walks sideways with support; but she cries when we try to help her walk forward, she would rather crawl. She has only 5 teeth, which is weird for me because both Benjamin and Luna had all of their teeth by the time they were one.

With Lily being born two days after Christmas, we thought convincing other people to spend the time and energy to celebrate her Birthday would be difficult. But our friends and family surprised us and either came to her party, or still made an effort to send Birthday greetings. We appreciate everyone who wished Lily a Happy Birthday in some way.

Gerson's sister graduated from Weber State University two weeks before Lily's birthday, and the rest of Gerson's family came that weekend, so we had Lily's party then! I thought it would be fun to do a winter theme, and while I was searching Pinterest for ideas I found the winter onederland spelling and thought that was super cute.

We started the party crafting tree ornaments. The options were: snowflakes, snowmen, and penguins. It was really fun, and Benjamin and Luna loved it!

We had a snowman piñata. Benjamin was the oldest kid there at the time, and he couldn't break it open on his own. So my brother hit it a few times to weaken it, and Benjamin ultimately broke the piñata open! The final activity was pin the nose on Frosty. Everyone did a good job.

We had soup, rolls, chips, and chocolate covered strawberries for dinner. Lily had a cake all to herself, and cupcakes decorated with snowmen and snowflakes were served to everyone else. Benjamin and Luna both got really messy diving into their cakes when they turned one. Lily was so cute and dainty; she would pinch tiny bird seed sized pieces of cake and frosting and eat them! She still did get a little messy though.

We had such a fun time with everyone that all of my pictures are from after the party ended - they way it should be!