When motherhood
is defended, a common phrase I see is: “Motherhood is the toughest job in the
world” and is usually followed by, “it is a thankless job.” While there are
moments of raising children that are extremely tough, and there are moments
where we as moms can feel unappreciated, I feel like choosing that to describe
motherhood makes it sound like we are complaining. How can we properly defend
motherhood if we complain about it?
Motherhood is
not the toughest job in the world because it’s not a job; it’s a way of life.
When a woman becomes a mother, she isn’t a mother for only 8 hours a day, five
days a week. She is a mother 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Mothers do not
get to retire after so many years; they are moms forever. Moms take care of their kids for at least twenty years;
and when their kids move out there will still be plenty of times where those
grown children will still need their mom.
That is wonderful! We will forever be apart of our children’s lives!
Are there moments
where motherhood is tough? Absolutely. My first night home with my son I ended
up calling my mom at 5 in the morning for help, because neither my son nor I
had slept and he was not nursing well. That was tough. A couple of days after
that, the two of us (my son and I) had figured it out and it was no longer
tough. I feel like the good moments of motherhood far outweigh the tough
moments. And when talking about the tough moments it is important to add how we
overcame those tough moments or lived through them.
My only sibling,
a brother, is three years younger than me. Being practically a baby myself, I
couldn’t help take care of or raise him. Because of that I didn’t feel
comfortable in my capability in how to talk to kids, play with kids or take care
of kids. When I was pregnant with my son this fear got worse. I had no idea how
to take care of him once he was out of my body. My husband, on the other hand,
was 10 years old when one of his sisters was born and 18 when another was born;
being around kids was second nature to him. He reassured me that I would be
fine, but I still worried.
When my son was
born my worst fears were confirmed – or so it seemed. When we got home from the
hospital I was too tired to do anything. My mom came home with us to help and
she sent me to bed so that I could get some sleep. I burst into tears and said
that if I went to sleep my son would think his grandma was his mom instead of
me. (Of course now I realize that I was being silly, but I was sleep deprived
and a first time mommy.) My mom reassured me that that would not happen, and I
feel asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
Later that
night, after my mom had left, we got ready for bed and I was expecting to sleep
in three-hour intervals. My son had other plans. I was having a hard time
nursing him, so I don’t think he was getting a full tummy every time he ate. He
wanted to eat every hour instead of every three; and on top of that he wanted
to sleep in my arms, not in his bed. Every time I laid him down in his bed
asleep it would be maybe thirty minutes before he was crying again. I was still
healing from giving birth, so pulling myself out of bed was exhausting,
painful, and hard. At five in the morning I caught myself falling asleep in the
rocking chair while holding him! My husband had been helping hold our son
throughout the night, but only I could feed him; and we were both dangerously
exhausted at this point. So I swallowed my new mommy pride and called my own
mom for help. My mom came over, got our permission to give our son a bottle,
and sent my husband and I to bed.
It was really
hard and embarrassing to admit to my mom that I needed help and didn’t know
what I was doing. It also seemed to confirm what I had thought all along:
motherhood was hard, and I wasn’t good at it. For the next two weeks I slept
when my son slept, and didn’t do much else but feed and take care of him. When
my son was about three weeks old I started keeping up the rest of my home
again: cleaning, cooking, etc. I felt each new week of motherhood get easier
and more natural. Does that mean the tough moments disappeared? No. But it got
easier to make it through them and figure out how to fix them.
That’s what
makes the tough parts so valuable to get through: once we figure it out we feel
like supermom and our kids love us! It feels so awesome to finally figure out
what will make your baby stop crying, or how much food will keep them asleep in
longer intervals. And that’s where this misconception of motherhood “being a
thankless job” comes in. Yeah, most kids don’t say “thank you” and sometimes
fathers and husbands don’t either. But I believe that they show their
appreciation in other ways than saying those two words.
My son might not
be able to say “thank you” when I come into his room to get him in the morning;
but his big smile, giggle and reaching his arms out to me says it all. He might
not be able to say “thank you” when I give him food, but when he says, “mmmmm!”
with his toothy smile says it all. Bringing books to me to read to him says it
all. Splashing in the bathtub and laughing says it all. And giving me goodnight
kisses says it all.
One time I was
so sick that I could not get out of bed unless it was to go throw up. My
husband stayed home from work that day so that he could take care of our son
while I rested. He literally did everything I usually do that day. When I was
feeling better the next day my husband said, “Wow. I can’t believe how much you
do in one day to take care of our family.” My husband taking care of our son
for an entire day by himself and then saying those words was better than a
“thank you.” Of course saying “thank you” is still nice, but there are other
ways of showing appreciation that should not be over looked. This is just one
example, and my husband is constantly showing his appreciation for me and for
what I do for our family.
Even though I
don’t think that motherhood is “the toughest job in the world,” I still go to
bed physically tired at night. I am constantly picking up toys, doing the
laundry, cooking, and washing dishes. But it’s not too hard, its just part of
my life and I’m willing to do it. I like having a clean home and a happy baby,
so I do what I need to do to make that happen. The thing about motherhood is
that it’s trial and error. We keep trying new things to see what works. When it
doesn’t work we feel like things are going tough and it’s frustrating, but when
we try something that does work then we sing “Hallelujah!” and things get
better.
Motherhood may
not be “the toughest job in the world,” but it is the most rewarding. Every
triumph feels like I’ve conquered the world. Every new development makes me
feel so proud. Every smile, giggle, hug and kiss makes me feel so loved. And to
me, that makes all of the tough and thankless moments worth it.
So what about
you? Mothers, fathers and other caregivers; what tough moments in child rearing
have you gone through? How did you overcome them and make them a positive
experience? What is rewarding about child rearing for you?
